Chapter Text
After holding it in for over a year, Wooseok finally decided to confront his boyfriend about it. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle being the only one hurt out of the relationship anymore. He's fed up at how he's being treated and ignored, so he decided to break up with him, his one-year boyfriend, Jinhyuk.
"Let's--"
"Wooseok-ah" Jinhyuk cuts him off, Wooseok pursed his lips while staring at the man sitting in front of him. He knows.. he thought. He waited, and waited for Jinhyuk to continue, he doesn't care anymore who would be the first one to bring it up. He just want an out.
"I can't do this anymore--" Jinyuk continued. Wooseok almost sigh in relief, thinking about how he wasn't the only one thinking about a breakup.
"I know--" Wooseok tries to ease to what's coming.
"I'm thinking of quitting school." Jinhyuk stared down on his lap. Being speechless was an understatement to describe Wooseok. He was shocked, he felt like throwing up. He didn't know what to say or what to do.
"I'm tired.. i feel depressed. I feel like studying isn't for me." Jihyuk continues, and Wooseok's heart fell at each line.
"Jinhyuk..." He called, worries in his voice. "I'll be here for you. Whatever decision you choose to make, I'll root for you, but quitting school? Quitting music? I dont think that's right. I know you, this too, will pass." Wooseok counters. He just hope he doesn't sound shaky, because he can actually felt his lips tremble..
"I want to die, Wooseok." Jinhyuk says, the words came out like it was something so natural to say, and Wooseok really feels like throwing up the cake they just had.
"L-let's go see a doctor, Jinhyuk-ah." He almost stutters, he didn't want to be the one that breaks down there. Jinhyuk responded with a smile, that seem to weak for someone so bright and cheerful like Jinhyuk.
"Please don't leave me Seokie..." Jinhyuk finally says under his breath. And Wooseok had wished he didn't had heard that.
Because how could he? he wanted an out from the relationship but he couldn't possibly leave the person he once loved, destroying himself in front of him. So he stayed.
Atleast until he recovers, until he didn't have those thoughts anymore.
He stayed.
But weeks turned to months,
and then it became a year.
Another year.
I can't do this anymore, Wooseok thought to himself, a year after that day. He was a wreck. He felt guilty, the thought of him wanting to leave had become a daily debate in his mind. And Jinhyuk.
But Jinhyuk...
Jinhyuk always skip his sessions and treatments with his doctor. He says they don't help him at all and that they're just doing it for his money. Wooseok had to dragged him to the hospital and even waited for his session to end. And it become alot harder when he almost didn't pass his second year, because he had skipped some of his classes to help Jinhyuk.
It was bad, the situation he was in. And Jinhyuk's roommate, Seungwoo, felt bad for him after seeing him coming to their dorm the check on Jinhyuk everyday. Seungwoo helps with what he can, but Wooseok couldn't possibly asked him for more. But the talk he had with Seungwoo just now is making him feel all sorts of feelings. Most of them are anxiousness.
"You are ruining your life for him Wooseok." Seungwoo said, as soon as they sat down at one of the table at a cafe they decided to meet.
"Hyung, I'm not--"
"Listen, hear me out first." Seungwoo cuts him off, "I know, you loved him, i know you did. I used to see that. But that was a year ago. This, this whole thing you have with him now, is not love. You don't owe him anything to be helping him like this. To even disregard your studies for him. Sure, okay, he's mentally unstable. He needs help. God, he needs all the help the world could offer. But this is not healthy. He doesn't want to help himself Wooseok. At this point, this is not your responsibility anymore. Call his family. You can't keep it a secret from them anymore, because at the end of the day, you are just a stranger Wooseok. The hospital won't even notify you first if anything ever happens to him." Seungwoo stopped as he sipped on his drink, it's his signal for Wooseok to reply him now.
"But Hyung, he clearly tells me that he didn't want his family to know. He didn't want them to worry. He doesn't want to break their hearts." Wooseok says, staring back at Seungwoo.
"So, he decided to break your heart instead? He decided that you, a person he says he loved too, to take the responsibility of worrying for him? That's idiotic Wooseok. That's a concrete plan for you to ruin your own life." Seungwoo retorts. And Wooseok's heart stings. It felt like he was punched straight on his face by reality. Though deep down, he knows, he knows how an absolute idiot he was for staying, for obeying all of Jinhyuk's requests, and he knows,
That this wasn't love, or even guilt and pity anymore. This is just him, surrendering to life's way of destruction.
So here he was, left alone at the table because Seungwoo had a class to go to. He stared down at his own cup of coffee that he hasn't even once touched. Wooseok doesn't intend to drink it, as It's probably cold now anyway. When he thought he had spent long enough time thinking about Seungwoo's words, he shoved all of his things inside his bag. He even thought of buying some cake to bring it to Jinhyuk, because he remembered how the latter used to love the cake that was sold there. Just when he was about to get up, a person suddenly sits in front of him.
"Hi-- uh, okay I'm not a creep. My friend over there--" the person points at a corner with his lips, and Wooseok almost chuckled at how the person looked cute with his mouth protruding like that. "...just dared me to say hi to you. It's just a game, so help me out here okay? Just three minutes. So, Hi, I'm Cho Seungyoun. And you are?" The person continues asking.
"I'm late for class. I have to go" Wooseok lies, he really just didn't want to be involved in whatever games the person and his friend was playing.
"Okay, well hello 'late for class'. I'm Seungyoun, aaaaaand I'm studying at S University, Music Major, 23 years old." Seungyoun smiled, and it made Wooseok chuckled. Wooseok swears if only he didn't see that smile, he wouldn't stay. It was too fluttering for his heart for him to get up from his seat.
"You finally laughed--" Seungyoun grins but it turned sour when he saw the tears that left Wooseok's eyes and seeing how red they were. "Are you oka--- shit you're crying. I'm so sorry oh my god, Fuck. Was the joke that bad? Did I made you cry--" Seungyoun panicked.
"Ah-" Wooseok says, wiping the tears on his cheeks that was flowing non stop. He didn't realize that he was tearing up too. He also doesn't remember the last time he shed tears this much, or the last time he laughed at something either. And now he's doing both, at the same time, in front of a stranger who is now frantically panicking.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's not you. God, this is so embarassing" he tried to laugh, but his tears still wouldn't stop. "I'm just really having a hard time right now. I'm so sorry you had to see me ugly crying right here." Wooseok continues, cupping his cheeks. "Fuck, please just go. It's okay. I think your three minutes is up too. " But he was menting at the back of his head please don't go, or I'll look pathetic
And when looks up, Seungyoun was still there sitting in front of him. He stayed, almost as if he could read Wooseok's mind. So he looks down again, ashamed that he wasn't supposed to feel glad that the person didn't leave.
When Wooseok had finally calmed down, and he feels like he could talk again without breaking into a fit of cries, he looks up to finally read the person's reaction. He thought the person would look uncomfortable, but the only thing that was on the person's face was genuine worry.
"I'm sorry." Wooseok says. He doesn't know what else to say.
"Don't be. I get it. I know I'm just a mere stranger. And I shouldn't say this--"
"Just say it." Wooseok demands almost sounded cold.
"It's as if you've been holding that one in for a long time."
And Wooseok felt numb all suddenly, if what Seungwoo had just said to him before this was a punch at his face, then this one was a straight jab, to his heart. Multiple times.
And they just stayed quiet there for awhile. Only clinks of glasses and flowing of water can be heard from the kitchen in the cafe.