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He’s doing it again, and Apollo thinks he’s getting a headache. A migraine, more like. He looks up from counter he’s got his head rested on and watches the clock, counting down to the very second they can leave.
He knows he shouldn’t be so insecure, that it’s a childish trait to have. Apollo hates himself for it, but it’s not like this is something he can change. It’s just the way he feels, has always felt. God knows how hard he’s worked to change other innate traits of his, and god willing he’ll just learn to live with this little flaw too.
Finally the moves just that little bit and the clock now reads midnight. He slips from the uncomfortable bar stool, his ass and legs tingling from lack of circulation over the past hour or so he’d been studiously ignoring everyone. He doesn’t care how weird he looks now, or how grumpy. He just wants to grab his partner and get the hell out of this place.
"Hey Phoenix, are you ready to go?"
Phoenix turns around, his full charm still blazing. Apollo knows he doesn’t really want to leave, because Phoenix doesn’t really get to see people all that often anymore. Apollo feels a stab in his chest and hears a voice telling him that he’s being selfish, but he tries to ignore them. This is the agreement they have.
"Yeah, I guess," he says. He puts an arm around Apollo’s shoulders and drags the younger man through the house, making his goodbyes to what seems like literally everybody there. And there are a lot of people in attendance. Apollo sighs and rubs his eyes as someone attempts to start a new conversation with his only-too-willing boyfriend. He shrugs out from under Phoenix’s arm.
"I’m going home," he informs Phoenix flatly. "I’ve got a migraine." Phoenix opens his mouth, maybe to ask him to wait, but Apollo cuts him off. "Don’t worry about walking me home, I’ll be fine." He knows it sounds rude and in his peripherals he can see one of Phoenix’s eighty million friends raising an eyebrow at him. Like he’s thinking, wow, you’re boyfriend’s a jerk.
Apollo has to admit: at the moment, he really doesn’t care. His head is pounding in time to the stomps of his feet and he doesn’t hear Phoenix making excuses and bowing out of the party. He’s down the steps and about a yard away when Phoenix catches up to him. He doesn’t push his boyfriend off this time when the older man throws an arm around him, but he’s not exactly pleased either. In fact, he doesn’t quite know what to think. It’s great to feel like he’s being chased, because it means that maybe Phoenix truly does care for him. But it’s also a pain in the ass, because his guts are tensing and curling up and his heart is accelerating like it always does when he knows a confrontation is inevitable.
"What’s up with you tonight? You’ve been acting strange."
"Nothing," Apollo brushes off. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s looking at the sidewalk ahead of him, trying to count the steps to get from Klavier’s place to the Agency. The night’s a bit chilly with the wind, but he’s managed to stave off the shivering. The last thing he wants is a throng of guilt by having the man of his dreams shear off his coat for Apollo’s benefit.
Phoenix’s arm loosens, his hand dragging slowly over so his thumb can caress the nape of Apollo’s neck. “Did I do something?”
Apollo doesn’t answer, and Phoenix doesn’t move his hands as they walk in silence up to the flat. Nick is obviously trying to be nonchalant, offering to make them coffee before they go to bed. Apollo’s barely even listening, trying his damnedest to swallow his emotions so that he can go to bed without having those dreams where his dream self and real self both kick Phoenix.
He’s trying, but he’s failing, and Phoenix isn’t fooled. “Just tell me what’s wrong, Apollo. What did I do?”
That question, sounding so innocent coming from his mouth, is what does it. “What did you do? Phoenix -” Apollo runs a hand over his head, messing up the slicked-back hair. “It’s the same thing you do every time we’re at a party. Or in court, or just going to the grocery store - get your hands out of your damn pockets, would you?” Phoenix at least has the manners to look embarrassed. “You don’t need the damn Magatama, I’m telling you the truth, dammit.”
His hands on his hips, Apollo looks like how Trucy does when she gets annoyed. But he’s a fully grown adult that lacks her little girl charm, and there’s something actually a little bit unnerving about the look coming from his intense eyes. “I’m sorry,” Nick apologizes, not really knowing for what.
Apollo sighs, covering his face. “Look, it’s stupid, okay? Childish. I’ll get over it. I just - I think I need to be alone tonight.”
He misses Nick’s look of horror. “There’s - no need for that, really. Just tell me what’s wrong - and don’t say nothing,” Apollo’s mouth closes. “You wouldn’t be upset if it wasn’t something to get upset over.”
Apollo licks his lips, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth and chewing as he tries to find the right words. “It’s your flirting,” he admits.
Phoenix is taken aback. “My - flirting?”
"I mean -" Apollo can feel tears pushing at his eyes, although he’s so determined to keep them back. "God dammit, Nick! You flirt with everybody! You’re just as bad as Klavier! And to make matters worse, you do it right in front of me, all the time. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Or how it makes me look?" He takes a breath, rubbing his face. Phoenix isn’t saying anything, just staring. So he continues. "It makes me look like an idiot. Like I’m being used, but I’m too stupid to do see it or have too little self respect to do something about it. It’s humiliating."
Nick’s voice is small when he asks, “What do you want me to do?”
It’s a fair and realistic question. Apollo knows he can’t expect Phoenix to be someone that he’s not, that he can’t expect or demand Phoenix to change his personality because Apollo’s insecure. “I don’t know,” he admits. “Maybe we need to take a break.”
This time he sees Phoenix’s horrified expression. It catches him off guard. “You mean - break up?”
Apollo shrugs. He’s a little too tired for this conversation, but it needs to be had. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this. I can’t ask you to change, but I know how I am and how I feel - and how I feel is that.. That I should be enough for you.”
He can almost hear his partner swallow. “You are.”
Apollo shakes his head. “Then why do you flirt with everyone you come into contact with?”
"It’s just how I am, I’m that way with everyone -"
"So I’m not special."
"What? No - Apollo -" Phoenix tugs at the beanie on his head. "Quit putting words in my mouth."
"Then tell me what it is, exactly, I’m supposed to be getting out of this conversation." Apollo’s managed to conduct himself pretty well, but he’s ready to leave. He’s exhausted and broken, but he can’t fall apart here. And when Phoenix doesn’t answer, he takes that as his cue. "I’ll see you later, Mr. Wright," he says.
This time, Phoenix doesn’t chase him out the door.
Phoenix Wright has had his fair share of messy breakups. It comes with the territory - not of a defense attorney, necessarily, but with the territory of life. As far as breakups go, nothing quite tops finding out that your girlfriend has been using you and would probably have killed you if she hadn’t been convicted of murder when she was. After all, she did murder her ex and tried to pin it on you…
But in a way, this break up with Apollo was worse. He was meant to be a mentor to Apollo, maybe a father figure since he was Trucy’s, but he totally fucked up the latter and he wasn’t so good at the former. He wasn’t expecting to develop these kinds of feelings for the kid, what with Apollo being quite a bit younger than himself. He started off just teasing the kid for fun, until it became clear that the feelings were mutual. That was supposed to be the end of the story.
Nope. It’s just one more thing he managed to screw up. He hasn’t even gone to bed yet, pretty much just waiting for Trucy to show up so he can tell her what happened and she can tell him that there are other fish in the sea. They could figure something out, as far as working life was considered.
Trucy finally came in during the wee hours of the morning. She looked exhausted, but took one look at her daddy and prepared herself for a long night of discussion. Phoenix told her every detail that he could remember, and waited for her response.
She frowned, lines etched into her face. She smelled the coffee in her hands, clearly unimpressed with the batch (Apollo was a much better brewer). “Daddy, you’re an idiot,” she said. And then she took a big gulp of the swill, setting the mug down on the coffee table in between them.
Phoenix couldn’t quite believe what she’d just said. “Excuse me?” he asked.
Trucy sighed, easing the boots from her feet. “You love Apollo, right?”
"Well," he squirmed uncomfortably.
"You do," she assured him. "I’ve seen how you are together. It’s disgusting, but charming in its own way. You’re good for each other."
"Okay," Phoenix said, not sure where she was trying to go with this. "So?"
"So you need to stop being such a damn slut." Phoenix snorted. "There’s no need for you to flirt with other people, so don’t. There’s a difference between being friendly and being -" she waved her hand. "Whatever if is you’ve been."
"I’m not a slut," Phoenix said. "And isn’t that term a little antiquated? I thought you were all into women’s rights and all that jazz."
"I am, but I’m grumpy and you’re an idiot," Trucy responded.
"So what do I do?"
Trucy sighed, melting into the couch, her head thrown back and eyes closed. “You run over to his place, declare your undying love for the parrot, make wild, passionate love, and then you never ever flirt with anyone else ever again. Not even for a court case.”
"Well I don’t think I have to worry about that." If it were possible for someone to glare with their eyes closed - well, it must have been possible. It’s what Trucy was doing. "So when do I execute this brilliant plan?"
"Right this second," Trucy mumbled.
"Right - now?"
"Oh please, Daddy, we both know Polly isn’t sleeping. If nothing else maybe you can make out a little -"
Phoenix frowned, standing up. “Should I be concerned about the way you talk about my relationships?”
"Get a fucking room and maybe I won’t know all this shit."
"Watch your mouth," Phoenix warned gently.
"Get out," Trucy retorted.
Phoenix was feeling like an idiot. Possibly because he was one. He’d rung the bell to Apollo’s apartment, but no one had answered. Apollo usually stayed with him and Trucy now, and Phoenix was desperately hoping against everything in the world - nay, the universe - that he’d gotten the number right. Because what exactly would he say if one of the nosy neighbors opened this door?
He didn’t have much longer to wait. His hand was hovering over the button when he heard a shuffling from inside, followed by a yawn and the clanking of a lock. The door swung open and Apollo, disheveled and hair messier than usual, stood half behind the door.
"Nick?" Was he supposed to kiss him? Hug him? Apologize immediately?
"Do you think I could come inside? It’s a bit cold out right now." Wow. That did not even sound like his own words.
Apollo gave him an odd look, but stood back so the older man could enter. Phoenix nodded and stepped in, not turning back to face his - lover? - until he heard the door lock again.
Apollo was not in the mood for jokes or frivolities of any sort. After turning around to meet his boss’s eyes, he got down to business. “What are you doing here, Nick?”
"To apologize. For flirting with everyone. You’re right, I - there’s no reason for me to be doing that. We’re exclusive, and that’s such a, a, a slutty move."
"Slutty?"
"Trucy’s words, not mine." Apollo snorted, rolling his eyes and walking out into the living room. "But I do mean it. I don’t know why I kept flirting with those people when I didn’t mean it. I don’t want them, Apollo, I want you. I -" Phoenix took a big breath and huffed. Of course. Apollo was back to staring at him. Because this was the least convenient time for Nick. "I love you."
Apollo was clearly startled, blinking rapidly. “Wh-what?”
"I love you," Phoenix repeated. "And I guess I didn’t ever really expect this to last, let alone for you to even like me back like you did. And I just got into the habit of flirting with everyone, because it’s fun and people rarely stay and I’ve had to move on so much. And things just got different with you and - I love you."
Apollo was doing something more than blushing. His cheeks weren’t just pink, but a violent red. Like he’d been punched. “I didn’t ever think I’d hear you say that.” His arms were crossed again, eyes averted.
And Phoenix was feeling like an idiot. This was moving way too fast, Apollo didn’t feel the same way, now he’d lost the kid forever -
"I l-love you, too," he said softly. "I didn’t - didn’t know, at first, if that’s what I felt. But I think it must be, because I kind of want to kill you half the time." Phoenix let out a short laugh, but had to wonder if this was a serious threat. "I don’t get this way normally, with crushes or relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever really felt this. Which is why I wanted the break, Nick. I can’t -" He was looking ready to cry. Phoenix wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around the younger man, but he didn’t know if this was still too soon after their fight (could they even call it that?) to do such a thing. "I can’t expect you to change for me, and so you’re better off with somebody else, someone who can get that kind of thing."
"Get that kind of? - Oh! I’m not - no, Apollo, I’m not polyamorous. I mean, I can be," he shrugged. "But it’s not like - You do realize that’s not how bisexuality and polyamory work, right? I don’t just like, sleep around."
"No! I get that!" Apollo said, although his entire face now matched his vest.
"Look, if you wouldn’t be comfortable with that kind of relationship, then that’s fine. To be honest, I haven’t felt this way about even one person until you. The likelihood of me finding someone else who can put up with my bullshit and who likes and who I like - that’s pretty much slim to none."
"So then why were you -" Apollo bit his lip. "I guess it doesn’t matter."
"No, no," Phoenix said softly. He sat down on one of Apollo’s narrow couches. "You deserve to know." He sighed. "It’s because… I think it’s because I’m so insecure."
"You think?"
"Do we ever really know the real reason why we do things? I’m much older than you, Apollo, and I’m not much to look at or up to anymore. You’ve got a little harem of your own, and I was just… looking for an ego filler, I guess." Apollo nodded, eyes lightly closed. Phoenix rose, walking to Apollo. Gingerly he put his hands on the sides of the lawyer’s face, cupping his head and leaning him closer. He kissed him softly, once.
"Are we okay?" he asked.
Apollo wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck. “Yeah,” he said. “We’re okay.”