Chapter Text
Tifa felt inadequate.
Every time she would look at their direction and saw his genuine smile and hear his sincere laughter at her quirks. She felt inadequate when every battle was fought, he goes to check on her first. With his concerned stare and soft are you okays. She felt inadequate every time he touches her with his gloved hands (never mind the fact that it was just innocent bumps or whatever).
Tifa knew it was silly to feel like this. It felt immature. It felt wrong. Especially when both people didn't do anything intentional to hurt her. But she felt so inadequate about herself. Her own skin. Her own identity. Just her whole being. Sure, she knew she wasn't bad looking per se or she had this dreary personality, yet if you put her next to those twinkling green eyes, soft feminine features and her bright character, she would look dull. Dull with her dark wine red eyes, strong athletic assets and her demure character.
She felt inadequate most especially now when she watched from the other side of the campfire, their hushed conversation and smiles, all the while leaning close to each other. Tifa took her gaze away from the two as she stood up and walked towards the tent and entered it without looking back.
It was really funny to think about when the moment she joined their little group, all the attention was directed to her. By the person she wanted to be noticed. All that attention he was giving her the first few weeks was practically gone. Albeit, she knew he hadn't stopped worrying about her too from time to time. He cared for her. Yes, he did. She could feel it. But it wasn't as strong as his care for her.
Was I easy to replace? Was I even replaced in the first place?
She supposed it wasn't shocking because she, too, was drawn to her. She has this aura, this glow, that makes you lighter. It was an amazing feeling to bask in her light. Just like the sunshine on the early mornings when the rays wouldn't hurt your skin and when the darkness of the night disappeared to give you hope for the day. Like a breath of fresh air as well. Aerith was so lovely. No one could hate her. And she was one of those people who could not hate her even if she tried.
Sometimes she feels that she is fighting a losing battle. That she lost without putting up something and at the end, there is only a mixture of grief and anger.
Tifa didn't hate Aerith. She was just so envious of her ability to bring a smile to anyone's faces. Envious of her soft feminine beauty. Of having the presence just like the sun.
Of having the ability to make Cloud smile and laugh and just..feel lighter. Positive emotions.
A trait she so desperately wanted and tried so hard to do the moment she found him at that train station looking the worst she had ever seen him. It didn't really help that Tifa has realized her newfound deeper feelings for him.
The circumstances just hurt.
Maybe it was her fault because she was so cautious and held herself back in fear of breaking him. Or maybe it was not her role to make him happy.
Maybe that role was meant for Aerith.
And even if she tried and tried to be that person, it can never be. She wouldn't be enough.
Her hero was meant to protect and cherish the princess. Sadly, she was no princess and the title was given to somebody else.
Pain was something Tifa was accustomed to, however, emotional pain was worse to handle. She laid down on the sleeping bag and curled her body as if it would make her small. She felt small. If that was really the case, if he would be happy, she would back down. Nothing was more important to her than Cloud's happiness and if he found that in Aerith, who was she to ruin that? She was already letting them have their space when they're together. Amidst the ache in her heart, she was also glad that he was experiencing these. Gaia knows he needed a break from all the things that they were going through right now. Tifa wouldn't want to rob that from him.
She loves him and his happiness will always come first more than anything. Aerith will probably complement him too.
Tifa felt inadequate.
But if it's the price to pay for wanting the best for him, then she'd willingly embrace this. No matter how long it would take for the pain to subside. She would take this.
So please let him be happy.
Closing her eyes, she let the tears fall. She wants to give herself this moment to let it all out and by tomorrow she'll move forward. It was the least she could do for the people she holds dear.
The claws of sleep followed soon after.