Archive of Our Own

Rey grit her teeth and pressed her palms to her head, groaning her discomfort. The pressure inside her mind had been relentless all morning and it was giving her a headache. She’d tried reinforcing her barriers against Kylo Ren’s mental invasion and it had worked well enough at keeping him out, but the pressure never relented. His persistence was becoming quite annoying.

“Are you okay?”

Rey looked up at Rose and offered a weak smile. There was a lot not to be okay about, but Rose didn’t know about most of it and she certainly wasn’t interested in burdening her with it.

“Just a headache,” she tossed off, picking up her spoon and attempting to reconvene her meal.

Rose nodded in empathy. “I understand. We’re all still in mourning.”

Rey mirrored her gesture, accepting Rose’s understanding of her malady’s cause. Rose was right, of course. Although it had been days now since Leia’s passing, the weight of her loss was still heavy in the camp. But she couldn’t know that Rey’s concern was far more over the son than the mother, and that the insistent pressure was not the same as the spike of emotion she’d felt from him at the general’s death. This was more calculated, sustained, not just a reaction…and that was what worried her.

“I’ll be alright,” Rey said flippantly, wondering if she was really convincing anyone. “I probably just need more sleep.”

But before she could manage to retrieve another spoonful of broth from her bowl, a wholly different sense invaded upon her consciousness with alarming intensity and the spoon splashed down into her soup. Lurching to her feet, Rey peered toward the doorway, attempting to focus her sense in the Force to determine what was going on. It was elusive, though, and she could only perceive that it was coming from several individuals, Poe among them.

“Something’s wrong,” she muttered by way of explanation.

“Where?” Rose asked, coming to stand by her side.

“Command.”

Without another word, Rey hurried off, racing from the mess hall and toward the command center. Halfway there, she nearly ran into Finn, having overlooked his approach due to her focus on Poe. His face grim, he silently took Rey’s hand and led her sprinting through the corridors. The command module had just come into view when a fresh spike of pressure inside her mind had her doubling over with a cry.

“Come on!” Finn urged her impatiently.

Rey gasped her friend’s name as she knelt in the dust on the floor, her head spinning with the pressure as she reeled from its effect. She attempted to explain her predicament but only managed to rasp out, “It’s him…”

“I know,” Finn answered, his tone urgent. “You have to see. Come on!”

Finn’s awareness sent fresh tendrils of fear into Rey’s psyche, his reaction in stark contrast to his usual mystification when it came to anything dealing with the Force and especially Kylo Ren. That he evidently already knew more than she did was deeply alarming. Laden by rising dread and the keening pain in her head, Rey struggled to her feet, clutching at his arm for support as he half carried her the rest of the way to their destination. Finally, with her vision blurring and ears ringing from the incessant pressure that afflicted only her, Finn brought her to a stop and pointed at a holo.

Blinking her vision into focus, Rey saw Kylo Ren in full battle armor, his face obscured by that helmet she hated so much, the one that made him less than human. But what really caught her attention was the spitting red blade of his lightsaber, poised to strike over the prone form of an alien being Rey didn’t recognize. He was dressed in the simple fabrics of a peasant, though, and Rey instantly knew what was happening. In horror, she saw the blade begin its descent and she scrambled desperately inside her mind, flinging open the barrier she had vowed never to open.

“No!”

The blade stopped, frozen barely more than a hand width above the peasant’s neck. With cold efficiency that she both saw in the holo and felt in her mind, Kylo Ren sheathed the blade and hooked it at his side.

“You’d end an innocent life just to root me out?!” she cried, only then realizing she was speaking aloud when she didn’t need to.

You leave me no choice. Violence is the only incentive to which you respond.

Rey cursed viciously, stumbling her way into a chair as she buried her head in her hands. The pressure inside her head was gone entirely, but the headache was only starting.

What do you want? she demanded, willfully ignoring the press of people staring intently at her back while she engaged in her silent exchange across the stars.

I want you.

You can’t have me!

A gasp rose behind Rey and her head snapped upward in time to see that damnable blade reigniting in the holo and taking up its original position high above the unfortunate peasant’s prostrate form, who this time she saw shudder in fear.

Stop!

The figure in the holo did exactly as she commanded, but the blade remained high at his side as he turned his focus directly forward. Even through the holo technology and the barrier of his full-face helmet, Rey could feel the intensity of his gaze boring directly into her soul.

You care, which gives me the advantage. You can hide, but the only way you can save innocent lives is to surrender to me. The longer you resist me, the more of them die.

Rey stared in dismay into his indecipherable image. Vaguely, she sensed how confusing this must be for everyone else watching throughout the galaxy, his on-again, off-again execution interspersed with sustained moments of standing rigidly still for seemingly no purpose as he debated silently with her through their joined minds. But, more than that, she was aware of the cold efficiency she sensed from him, utterly devoid of the conflict and confusion she’d sensed there before. He was entirely of one mind and it frightened her.

You would really do it, wouldn’t you?

Yes. And I will ensure you feel every death yourself.

Rey gasped with the weight of vitriol coming from his consciousness at that vicious sentiment. Tears burned deep in her eyes as she realized where this would end.

What do you want from me?

I want you to die.

The weight of his dark hatred choked the air in her throat and she struggled to breathe.

You will meet me, he continued, you will fight me, and you will die.

Transfixed by the image still before her, Rey noticed the slight heaving of his shoulders as he stared into the holovid. She felt his hatred for her clearly and knew what she would do.

Or you will, she responded defiantly, to which the figure in the holo merely shrugged.

Either way, this will end.

Rey nodded her agreement, the weight of her sorrow dropping her head low between her shoulders.

You have one solar day, he commanded, either sensing her acceptance or not caring if she refused. Then my executions commence.

No one will die on my account, she insisted firmly. Where do I meet you?

Rather than answer in words, Rey felt a press of knowledge coming over her, an image of a decrepit stretch of technology extending over a violent ocean, and she knew precisely where to go. One solar day was tight, but she could make it. She had to…

Without another word, Kylo Ren withdrew from her mind, the suddenness of his departure leaving her reeling and gasping for air. The headache she had temporarily forgotten came raging back then, as did her awareness of those pressed in behind her, many of whom exclaimed when the holo abruptly ended. A gaggle of voices rose behind her, but Rey couldn’t be bothered to make sense of their words. Instead, she merely lowered her face to her hands, folding her body over her knees as she struggled to contain her emotion and tears. She felt someone kneeling at her side and, since she had closed off her awareness of the Force as soon as Kylo Ren had left her consciousness, she could only guess it was Finn. But when she finally dared to lift her face enough to look, she found Poe there at her side, his gaze intent with both concern and rage.

“What did you agree to?”

She sighed, her breath trembling as it shuddered its way through her form. She understood his worry, that she had agreed to an unconditional surrender of the entire resistance. She was so wrung through with sorrow and exhaustion, however, that she couldn’t manage to raise the indignation his assumption deserved.

“Just me. All he wants is me.”

Poe’s mouth twisted in a sneer, and Rey couldn’t really fault him for not believing that. In truth, Rey didn’t believe it either, but it was all he’d insisted upon, no matter what other objectives he might hold beyond eliminating her.

“He wants your power,” Finn interjected suddenly from her other side, his bitterness palpable even without the Force. “He wants to turn you. It’s what he’s always wanted.”

Rey shook her head. “No, Finn. He wants me dead.”

Finn blinked, his countenance slack as he struggled to comprehend this shift from what she’d told him in the past. With a soft sigh, Rey reached up and plucked at Finn’s sleeve, bidding him to kneel at her side in a mirror position to Poe so she could speak with him more directly. When he did, she looked at him sadly.

“There’s nothing left in him but rage,” she confessed heavily. “Whatever conflict or compassion was left to him died with Leia. I’m the last link to his humanity and he wants it gone. He wants to confront me because he knows as well as I do that only one of us will walk away. No matter who that is, he will be able to rest. And so will I,” she concluded with a deep, weary sigh.

Glancing between them, Rey saw pity and even acceptance in Poe’s gaze, but Finn was still angry and defiant.

“You would die for him?” he raged softly.

“No, Finn. I would die for you. And for Poe. And for every other innocent in this galaxy who doesn’t deserve to be a casualty of his hatred for me.”

His dark eyes softened, but Rey still perceived the injustice of it all in his gaze. She couldn’t deny it, either. It was unfair, but she also couldn’t deny the appeal. Living with whatever Snoke had done to connect them was untenable, and she could see the allure in ending it one way or another. Clearly he found their psychic link every bit as tiring as she did.

“Your death won’t end his reign of terror,” Poe reminded her softly.

Rey nodded. “I know. So we’ll have to hope I’ve learned enough to defeat him.”

It was a slim hope, she knew, and she couldn’t fault either of her friends for their expressions that seemed to agree with her assessment. But it was all that was left. Kylo Ren was entirely right that he had the upper hand and he had played it flawlessly.

Aware of the inexorable passing of time, Rey pressed her body up from the chair. Looking first to Poe then Finn, she suddenly realized it was beyond her strength to bid them farewell. Gazing upon them with profound grief, though, they seemed to understand, and she merely turned and walked away silently, aware but otherwise ignoring the parting of the crowd as they let her through.

Making her way through the compound and toward the hangar, she briefly considered stopping by to collect some belongings for her trip but then realized the futility of the effort. She had her lightsaber clipped at her hip and therefore had everything she needed already. And, as much as she might like to imagine she could win this battle, she knew the odds were slim. Packing therefore felt like an exercise in futility. Kylo Ren would murder her. Within a standard solar day, she would be dead. It therefore really didn’t matter if she had a change of clothes with her.

*        *        *

Rey jumped bodily and spun in her seat, her eyes narrowing in fury as she perceived the source of the voice that had intruded upon her sanctuary of silence.

“Now?” she cried in dismay. “Never once have you appeared to me. But now, after everything, on my way to die, now you come to me?”

Master Luke, limned in blue haze, bowed his spirit head wearily. Rather than allow him an opportunity to respond, she lashed out at him with all the futile anger her circumstances had accumulated within her.

“I’m off to confront the abomination you created, one you could have stopped! If only you’d listened instead of reacting, you could have saved Ben Solo before he was lost. But instead you ran off to hide, to hide your shame for what you’d done, leaving the galaxy to deal with the consequences of your actions. And now, you appear to me? Just in time to see the full extent of your failure? Is that it? To watch me die? You were never of any help to me in life, Master Luke, and I doubt you can be now. Just go away.”

Drained, Rey turned her back on him and slouched heavily in her seat, fielding more recriminations against him inside her mind and quickly deducing he wasn’t worth any more effort on her part. Despite her evident dismissal, though, she sensed that he yet remained, and she sighed wearily.

“I deserve all that—”

“Yes, you do!” Rey spat out viciously, interrupting him in her bitterness.

She heard him sigh carefully before he tried again. “Yes, I do,” he agreed gently, without animosity, “and more than you know.”

She tried to maintain her dismissal of him, but the weight of his words pressed upon her and she found she could not ignore the profundity they implied. When the words more than you know had rolled around in her mind without any conceivable explanation long enough, she turned toward him suspiciously.

“What do you mean?”

“Lack of judgment and a moment of weakness in attempting to murder my nephew are not the extent of my mistakes, Rey. I am far more complicit in Kylo Ren’s rise than you know. But my failures didn’t affect only him. I've failed you, too.”

Rey turned to him more fully and gazed upon him intently. Instinct told her he was talking about the childhood she couldn’t remember, her life — however brief it may have been — before Jakku. And instinct also told her she might not want to know. Luke waited patiently, only maintaining his gaze of sorrow and compassion as she worked through her options, moving and reacting only when she shook her head.

“I don’t want to know.”

“Rey, you must—”

“I’m about to die, Luke!” she cried, emotion bursting forth again as he forced her to defend her right to ignorance. “There’s no point to it anymore and I don’t want to know.”

“You cannot confront Kylo Ren without knowing the truth.”

“Why not?” she raged. “If you didn’t see fit to tell me the truth in life, why bother now?”

“Because I didn’t know.”

His words startled her, such a possibility never having occurred to her. The more she thought about his response, though, the more confused she became. Only then realizing she had risen to her feet in her defiant fury, she subsided, returning to the her seat and regarding him steadily.

“In death,” Luke began calmly though with clear reluctance, “there are no secrets. My own actions, all that had been unknown to me in life was revealed, including the true depth of my failures. I failed Ben Solo, yes, but I also failed you. I was so ashamed of my actions I not only hid them from the galaxy, but also from myself. It wasn’t until I became one with the Force that the truth was revealed to me.”

But Rey shook her head through most of what he said. “You know you failed me as well as I know it.”

“No, Rey. I failed you as a child, when I blocked your memories and left you with Unkar Plutt on Jakku.”

Rey felt all the air leave her body. Dazed and weakened, she staggered to her feet, stumbling aimlessly about the confined space of the shuttle, her actions reflecting the inability of her mind to know what to do with this information.

“No…” she stammered. “My parents…”

“They were long dead, Rey. You were always an orphan, brought to my care due to your Force sensitivity. Your compulsion to wait for their return on Jakku was my attempt to keep you there.”

And, with that, her rage sprang forward. “You? You condemned me to that life and intended for me to stay there forever?”

“I did.”

She sputtered, both mind and voice challenged in their functioning under the impress of what this man whom she had trusted — even revered — was exposing.

“Why?” she finally managed.

“To protect the galaxy.”

Rey’s outrage solidified, her fists tightening and her brow creasing as her gaze bore into the Jedi spirit with fiery precision. “You left a little girl alone on a desert planet, with no memories and an obsessive need to stay there waiting for something that would never happen...to protect the galaxy?! Did you block my access to the Force, too?”

He nodded. “I did. The Force has it’s own will, though, and it found a way through.”

“You should have stuck to blocking memories, I suppose,” she snapped sarcastically.

“Yes, my efforts were much more effective on that front. I blocked my own memories, too,” he explained before she could respond. “All my memories of you as a child. Your name was Kira.”

The abrupt admission flooded through Rey’s consciousness and her wrath immediately evaporated. Kira. It was an entirely unfamiliar name, her consciousness bearing absolutely no connection to the random collection of letters and sounds, sustained evidence of just how successful Luke’s manipulations on that score truly had been. Retreating once more to her seat, she finally met his steady gaze.

“Why? How could erasing the existence of a six-year-old girl protect the galaxy?”

“Because of your bond with Ben Solo.”

For reasons she couldn’t quite fathom, Rey felt her heart break. Her breathing suddenly shallow, she struggled with the lies and deceptions that clouded both herself and Kylo Ren, desperately trying to make sense it all and find the truth.

“Snoke—”

“Had nothing to do with it,” Luke interjected swiftly. “He sensed it and claimed responsibility for it as a means of manipulating both of you. But the bond was not his doing nor did he understand the full extent of it.”

“Then who…?”

“The Force.”

Rey shook her head as the words seeped into her consciousness. “That’s impossible. The Force is just…the Force. It wouldn’t want something like that!”

“The Force is nature, Rey, it doesn’t want anything, but it does what it must to achieve balance because all nature strives for balance. The galaxy had never seen a Force user as powerful as Ben Solo, but when Snoke’s interference tipped him toward Darkness, the Force’s delicate balance was disturbed. It created you to balance Ben, a powerful Force user as strongly inclined to the Light as he to the Dark, and the bond united you two. From the very moment of your birth, you were connected to him, meant to balance him. And it would have worked.”

“Then why didn’t it?" she railed in dismay. "Why is he like this now?”

“Because I interfered.”

“Like Snoke?” Rey stammered, latching onto Luke’s use of the same word for both their actions.

“Do not misunderstand me, Rey. Snoke’s interference was evil in its intent, meant to push Ben to a place of emotional instability from which he could control and direct him toward the Darkness. My intention was only ever for your good and his, but it was still interference. I could perceive neither Snoke’s manipulations nor the Force’s effort to balance the effect of his actions. All I saw was an unprecedented bond between a deeply unstable young man and an innocent little girl. For years, I only observed, watching both you and Ben closely, and I did see some changes in Ben’s behavior, a softening of his harder edges as he grew closer to you and cared for you. But I also sensed unimaginable power. As your Force sensitivity grew, it outpaced your ability to control it and accidents followed you everywhere. In an effort to understand what was happening, I invaded your memories and saw what you had already been through.”

Rey waited with bated breath, but when Luke continued to hesitate, she prodded him impatiently. “Don’t stop now…”

“You killed your parents, Rey. More precisely, Ben did, through you. He didn’t know what he was doing, it was an instinctual reaction to the sudden onslaught of your bond. At the moment of your birth, the bond flared to life without warning. To you, a newborn infant, it was all you had known and therefore nothing alarming. But to Ben, it was entirely out of the norm. He reacted, pushed against it, tried to sever it. His panicked reaction flowed through you and, even only a moment after birth, you instinctively protected yourself. You deflected his power away from you and it entered the life forms nearest you: your parents. Having no Force sensitivity of their own, no way to protect themselves, they died instantly.”

Rey slouched back in the pilot’s seat, overcome by what she had learned. Somehow, though, it was a comfort knowing the truth of their death and that the lies that had come to her from Snoke via Kylo Ren were just that: lies intended to manipulate her, to make her believe she was entirely unwanted. All her instincts led her to trust in both Luke’s story and Snoke’s deception, as well as her sense of Kylo Ren’s innocence in this particular deceit. He’d believed what he was told and conveyed the information accordingly. She also accepted the accidental nature of her parents’ death, acknowledging that both she and Ben had reacted on the basest instincts of survival, neither intending the unfortunate result. But also could she sense the danger in the bond that surely Luke must have perceived so long ago.

“So,” she ventured tightly after a lengthy silence, “after you saw that, that’s when…?”

But Luke shook his head. “No, that’s not when I blocked your memories and left you on Jakku. I went to Ben in his sleep, suspecting from what I’d seen through you that he likely wouldn’t even recall the event consciously. But I found it in his subconscious, the first moment in which he’d become aware of the bond. That’s how I know he panicked, but he calmed quickly. The onset was overwhelming for him, but then it was soothing. He perceived you in his consciousness as a spark of light, a source of comfort especially when he was feeling angry or afraid. And that was when I recognized the benefit of the bond and realized it was control that you needed. So I accelerated your training, focusing both our efforts on your mental acuity with the Force. And it worked. You have always had a good heart, Rey, and been attentive to the needs and well-being of those around you. Your natural affinity for peace and goodness led you to direct the excess power you couldn’t use in safe directions, breaking trees or stones instead of fellow students. All was well.”

“But…Snoke…”

Luke nodded somberly. “Yes. Snoke. Out of respect for his privacy, I did not linger in Ben’s consciousness on that occasion, and I had focused my efforts on finding the single moment I sought. For those reasons, I missed Snoke’s destructive presence in his mind. Considering how long it had been there by then and how consuming it had become, it’s really quite remarkable that I didn’t perceive it regardless. All I can think is that I must have attributed any Darkness to his own affinity for that side of the Force. And, as I had already begun to gain a clearer understanding of your bond with him and its effects, I was inclined not to worry about it, to trust in the Force to achieve his balance through you. But, as it turned out, my intrusion did not go unnoticed by Snoke. After my departure, he followed my path in Ben’s consciousness and he found the bond. He never saw the events on your end of it, but, like I did, he sensed the Force’s effort to balance his Darkness. Over time, he also sensed the bond’s potential and he became obsessed with capturing it for himself.”

Rey swallowed anxiously. “What potential?”

Clearly bracing himself, Luke prefaced his words with a fortifying breath. “Your bond is unlike anything ever recorded in the history of the galaxy. It has the power to unite two souls as one. It hasn’t done so because, for various reasons, either you or Kylo Ren or both of you fight it. But, if you were ever truly united — psychically, emotionally, and…physically — the two of you together would be unstoppable, almost the Force made flesh, able to achieve unimaginable feats of power.”

Rey stared in wide-eyed astonishment, her throat dry. “Like what?”

“Like the destruction of a planet.”

An image filled Rey’s mind. Though imagined second-hand through an accounting Leia had given her long ago, she saw the explosion of Alderaan, the general’s home planet that Darth Vader and the first Death Star had destroyed. To imagine that she could do that, she and Kylo Ren together… It was a terrifying thought.

“Why? Why would the Force permit such power to exist?”

“Balance,” Luke answered gently. “It’s all about balance. If you and Ben were united in all possible ways, you would have perfect balance. Any inclination he had toward malice would be balanced by your benevolence, and vice versa. If, for example, the intent of planetary destruction were for political gain as it had been with the Galactic Empire, your Light would counteract his Dark and it would not come to pass. If, however, a terrible plague had engulfed the planet, destroying all sentient life there, and subsequently threatened all life everywhere in the galaxy should it escape that planet’s confines, any Dark intent he might have to let it wreak havoc would be countered by your dedication to life and the planet would be destroyed for the sake of the Light. In extreme circumstances, even unimaginable destructive power can be used for good.”

“But that wasn’t Snoke’s goal.”

“No. Snoke was evil through-and-through, wholly Dark. He was what Kylo Ren strives to become by eliminating you.”

Rey swallowed with difficulty, uncomfortably reminded of the confrontation toward which she even now sped. But before she could suggest an alternative, Luke waylaid her thoughts.

“Killing yourself would not solve the problem, Rey. Yes, it would eliminate the possibility of you uniting with Kylo Ren and your conjoined power being used for Dark intent as Snoke sought, but your Light still shines inside Kylo Ren. After the death of his mother, it is the last vestige of his humanity, as you have already surmised. Besides, the bond obeys your command. That is why you’re able to block it as you see fit. The unity it seeks cannot be achieved without both your consent and his. That is why Snoke sought you, to control you and turn you to the Dark side. If he could manipulate you as successfully as he had Kylo Ren, making you both merely puppets of his will, then the unity could have served his wholly Dark purposes, but only then. And, in order to achieve that goal, he had to find you first. He knew of the bond, could sense it inside his apprentice’s mind, but he could not identify you on the other end of it. That is why he pursued you so relentlessly when your Force sensitivity began to break through the barrier I had built for it. He sensed the reestablishment of the bond inside Kylo Ren’s mind, of your Light in his otherwise Dark consciousness, and he recognized his renewed chance for utter domination.”

“Renewed chance,” Rey interjected, instantly picking up on the significance of that detail. “But this was after Jakku. Does that mean…?”

“Yes, Rey. His first chance at reaching you and manipulating you is what led directly to me leaving you on Jakku. And now, you have sufficient information to understand your own memories. Rey…it is time to remember Kira. Are you ready?”

Rey swallowed nervously, her throat dry and her heart thudding ponderously. Was she ready? No, she suspected she was not. But she also knew she must. Gritting her teeth, she nodded firmly despite the fear gripping her heart.

*        *        *

“Kira Rey!”

The bouncy, happy child of six years spun on her heel, laughing in delight at the call that summoned her through the forest. She’d been playing with the leaves, making them dance and collide in the air, but they dropped quickly as her short attention span was drawn elsewhere.

“Kira!” the distant voice called again. “Where did you go?”

“I’m here!” she called, ducking and laughing as she threaded her way through the underbrush, her feet barely skimming the forest floor in her speed.

She knew she wasn’t actually flying, but it felt like it and she loved that sensation. But she also realized belatedly that her fleet footedness had carried her much further away than she’d realized.

“Come on!” the older boy with black hair groaned in annoyance as he turned round and round, searching for her.

“I’m here!” she cried as she approached him from behind. “I’m here, I’m here!”

Laughing happily, she leaped into his arms as he turned to find her racing toward him. Although he gave her a stern look, Kira didn’t care, knowing he wasn’t really angry with her. He just liked to look that way. With another laugh, she kissed him on the cheek.

“Don’t be cross, Bennie! The leaves were so pretty!”

“We’re late for our meal,” he told her grumpily, although he didn’t put her down. “Do you know what Master Luke would do to me if I lost you?”

“It’s okay,” she told him, still smiling broadly. “You would find me again. You’ll always find me, Bennie!”

“Stop calling me that,” he grumbled.

“Why? You like it.”

He blinked at her, and she didn’t understand why that should be such a surprise to him. But she also knew it was true. His heart did this funny little fluttery thing every time she called him Bennie. And she liked making his heart do that. It was fun. She didn’t want to stop.

“I don’t want anyone else calling me that,” he explained after a long pause, his expression still dark and annoyed.

“But no one else is here, Bennie.”

“Kira, stop it.”

She frowned, not understanding why he would say things that she knew he didn’t feel. It made her sad. And it only got worse when he put her down without another word. She bowed her head dejectedly and she knew Ben could sense her disappointment, so he reached down and took her hand in his. She walked with him in silence as they headed back toward the academy, her thoughts skimming over Ben’s mood as she struggled to understand what was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked when she couldn’t contain herself any longer. “Why are you so angry?”

He sighed and looked up toward the sky, but his fingers also tightened on hers.

“Is it because of that voice you always hear?”

He stumbled to a halt and looked down at her, the intensity in his eyes scaring her. “What voice?”

“The scary, hissy one. You hear it all the time…”

“How do you know about that?” he asked her sharply, crouching down to meet her on her level.

“I can hear it.”

He searched her face, his piercing gaze almost frightening her before he finally asked, “Are you in my head, Kira?”

She nodded, shrinking back from him when a flash of anger crossed his eyes.

“You can’t do that,” he told her firmly.

“I can’t do that with anyone else,” she clarified, misunderstanding his meaning, “but with you it’s easy.”

“You need to stop, Kira. You hear me? This is important.”

“I don’t want to stop,” she whined, tears stinging at her eyes as her lip quivered. “I like knowing what you feel.”

She gasped as something intense rushed through him and she couldn’t help but feel it too, even though she was already trying not to since he’d asked. It was a familiar feeling, one she sensed in him often. She’d frequently thought about mentioning to him, but had never found the right time. Now, she thought, perhaps, this was the right time.

“I can help you when you feel like that,” she confessed in a small voice.

“Feel like what?”

“Angry. Scared.”

Although her admission flared those emotions anew, it also roused his curiosity. “How can you help?”

Kira closed her eyes and placed her hand on Ben’s cheek. She’d never done this before and she didn’t know exactly how it could help him, but she didn’t question her conviction that it would. Touching him like this, she could feel his dark, tumultuous emotions even more strongly, but they didn’t scare her. She imagined reaching for the tangled mass in his mind, threading through it with her small fingers, carefully and delicately prying the knot apart, and she felt his turmoil easing. She smiled as her levity and joy infected him, more pleased than she could express that she’d been right, that this had worked. Opening her eyes, Kira found Ben staring at her with an expression of astonishment on his face.

“How did you do that?” he asked in amazement.

Kira giggled. “Do you feel better?”

He nodded. “How did you know you could do that?”

“I just knew,” she shrugged.

“Do you do that for anyone else?”

“No. Only you. Is that okay?” she asked suddenly, wondering if she’d done something wrong.

He nodded again, still staring at her with eyes wide in wonder. Kira giggled, happy Ben felt better and looking forward to the next time she could help him. And because he was so close and he was still staring at her with that goofy look on his face, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek again. Laughing again at his reaction, she took his hand in hers and tugged at it.

“Come on, Ben,” she coaxed, careful not to call him Bennie. “I’m hungry!”

They walked the rest of the way together hand in hand, Kira jumping and skipping and hopping all the way.  Ben was silent, but she knew he was thinking about what she’d told him. She worried maybe it was a bad thing that she could feel what he felt, but it was so easy and she liked the way it made her feel so close to him. It was something she had only become aware of in the last few days, but it was already so strong and getting stronger.

She looked up at him as the academy’s grounds came into view. He was still so quiet and she was trying not to peek into his mind, even though she really wanted to and it was actually harder not to. Sensing her attention on him, he looked down and gave her a warm smile. Kira grinned happily in response and squeezed his hand in both of her own. But then he looked up as a shout drew his attention and he quickly pulled his hand from her grasp.

“Hey! Bennie!”

Kira felt Ben’s spike of irritation at the name, even though she’d been actively trying to stay out of his mind. Turning angrily, she saw Cerisse running toward them. She didn’t like that pretty purple-skinned girl with her gray hair. She was much closer to Ben’s age than Kira, and she saw the way she was always trying to talk to him, touch him, give him attention he really didn’t want. As if that weren’t enough, Kira had also noticed how she was mean to everyone unless Ben was around. As much as Cerisse tried to hide it from him, Kira knew she just wasn’t a nice girl.

“You can’t call him that!” Kira shouted angrily at her as she approached. “He doesn’t like that!”

“Kira!” Ben admonished her and she looked up at him in surprise.

“What?” she protested hotly. “You don’t!”

Ben sighed heavily. “Go get your meal, Kira.”

“Yes,” Cerisse agreed with a cruel look on her face. “Go play with the little ones.”

Kira glared in irritation at Cerisse, but when Ben didn’t come to her defense, her mood shifted quickly. She looked up at Ben, her feeling of hurt at his silence only getting worse when he finally did speak.

“Go on.”

Angered to such an extent that she didn’t know how to deal with it, Kira turned and kicked her tiny foot at Cerisse’s boot.

“You’re not a nice person and I don’t like you!” she shouted at the purple girl before running away.

Throughout the meal and the rest of the evening, Kira watched Cerisse and Ben from afar. She kept laughing at everything he said and finding excuses to touch his arm or his shoulder or his hair, and Kira didn’t like it at all. At one point, wanting to know what could possibly be so funny, she dipped into Ben’s mind as Cerisse erupted into laughter. She still couldn’t understand what had her laughing, but she could tell that Ben was annoyed. Satisfied with that, she withdrew and contented herself with knowing Ben wanted Cerisse to leave him alone, even if he didn’t say so. As a result, even though Cerisse had completely monopolized Ben’s time for the rest of the evening, Kira was still able to head toward her dormitory in her usual joyful mood. But that quickly changed when, drifting off to sleep, Kira soon became aware of a low, hissing voice in her mind.

Kira… Kira Rey.

Kira sat upright in her bed, her eyes wide and her heart beating hard in fright. She knew that voice, and it terrified her. It was the same one that talked to Ben, the one that told him horrible things that scared and angered him. Even though she could tell the voice wanted her to think it was friendly, she knew it was evil, having heard too much of what it was always saying to Ben. What’s more, she knew it shouldn’t be in her head.

Blocking the voice from her mind and not allowing it to say anything more, Kira jumped from her bed and ran, not even bothering to put shoes on her feet. Ben needed to know the voice was talking to her. She knew this instinctively and didn’t question her conviction. Ben would protect her. She wasn’t supposed to go in anyone’s dormitory but her own after the sleep bell, but Kira didn’t care. In her frantic fear, she needed Ben and nothing would stop her getting to him.

“Whoa!” a voice called out in surprise as Kira careened through the open courtyard, heedless of the noise she made or any obstacles in her path.

Before she knew what was happening, she was pulled off her feet and into the air. Kicking and screaming, desperate to get to Ben, Kira started pushing out against the Force that she’d only started to become aware of, but a soothing blanket descended over her and she calmed immediately. Opening her eyes, she found herself in Master Luke’s arms, and she burst into tears, hugging and clinging to the kindly man who was her teacher.

“The voice!” she cried out past her tears. “The voice talked to me!”

“What voice, Kira?”

“The scary one! It talks to Bennie and tries to get him to do awful things and now it’s talking to me and I don’t want it to!”

“Kira, slow down!”

“No!” she shrieked uncontrollably, fighting his hold again. “I can’t! I need to tell Bennie! He’ll be able to stop it! He can—!”

“Calm…”

Kira felt Master Luke’s hand lay tenderly across her forehead, and she fell limp in his arms. She saw Ben, scared and alone, standing in front of a huge, black door. The voice was hissing at him, telling him lies about nobody loving him and daring him to open the door. She wanted to scream out to him, to tell him not to listen to the scary voice, but no sound emerged, not even when she cried and wailed as he pulled the door…

Kira opened her eyes, gasping and afraid. Only slowly realizing she was back in her dormitory bed, she also became aware of screams and chaos all around her. Everyone was running and shouting everywhere, and she could see fire blazing all around. Staggering to her feet, she swayed, feeling dizzy and disoriented and not at all certain what was going on. Even though she knew he didn’t want her to, she reached out for Ben’s mind and gasped in fright at the magnitude of rage she found there.

“Bennie,” she whimpered, frightened and confused.

Kira!

She heard his voice in her head and she fell to the floor, weeping.

Where are you? he shouted, a painful amount of panic having suddenly replaced his anger.

“I’m scared!” she screamed into her hands, feeling the heat of fire drawing closer.

Where?!

Unable to articulate any other words through her extreme fear, Kira pushed a mental image of her dormitory through her mind and into Ben’s.

I’m coming!

She huddled there, screaming into the space beneath her bed as frightening sounds of panic and fire roared above her. She heard something crashing down nearby and she screamed and screamed and screamed until at last she felt Ben’s hands on her back. Twisting toward him, she climbed nimbly into his arms, tucking her face down into his neck as he ran, carrying her to safety. She cried, clinging to him as her whole body trembled uncontrollably.

After what seemed an eternity, Kira felt Ben kneeling down into the leaves of the forest, but she wouldn’t let go when he tried to extricate her.

“Kira, let me look at you.”

“What’s happening, Bennie?” she wailed, still clinging to his neck.

“I’ve screwed up, Kira. Oh, gods, I’ve so screwed up.”

Hearing the extreme heartbreak in his voice, Kira jerked back to look at him. His eyes were wild with panic and fear, and she immediately reached for his cheek to comfort him. But he intercepted her hand and shook his head.

“You can’t fix this for me, Kira. I have to do it.”

“No, Bennie!” she cried, sensing immediately he meant to run back toward the fire and chaos.

“Stay here,” he told her firmly. “I’ll come back for you.”

“No! Don’t leave me!”

“I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise.”

Ben leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead and she could feel his desperate need to fix whatever he’d done wrong, but she didn’t understand. All she knew was that she wanted — needed him here with her. But the moment his lips left her skin, he was running away from her, toward the shouting and the fire. Kira fell to weeping in the dark, peering after him, trying to track where he was and what he was doing. But the overwhelming fear, combined with the lingering dizziness she’d felt since waking to chaos and smoke was more than her little body could handle and she soon passed out.

When she woke again, it was considerably quieter, which was somehow more frightening. A massive fire still raged in the distance, but there was no more screaming, no more chaos. With rising horror, Kira realized that was because everyone was dead. Reaching out desperately, she couldn’t find Ben. Stumbling through the forest toward the crumbling remains of the academy buildings, Kira continued searching, casting her mind out in every direction, tears streaking her plump little face. As she continued to fail in finding Ben, her voice rose higher and higher, screaming out her anguish, until at last it caught the attention of another survivor.

“Kira!”

She turned, her voice silenced and her heart beating frantically with the hope that it was Ben who called to her. But it wasn’t. It was Master Luke.

“Where’s Bennie?” she wailed at the Jedi master.

She retreated from him in rising panic as he shook his head sadly at her.

“Ben’s gone,” he murmured sadly.

“He’s dead?”

“No. Just gone. We’ll never see him again.”

Kira collapsed into renewed weeping and didn’t object when Master Luke gathered her into his arms. She was only vaguely aware as he carried her through the forest, eventually arriving at a small shuttlecraft. His astromech droid that Kira had always enjoyed talking to was there, warbling impatiently for him to board and be on their way, but she was too heartsick and weary to play with him right now. She was grateful when Master Luke laid her down in a warm bed and covered her with a blanket and, not for the first time tonight, she cried herself to sleep.

Waking yet again, Kira found herself in the little bunk on the shuttle, Master Luke at the helm. He turned as she woke, and he immediately left the pilot’s seat to come talk to her. He looked so sad. She’d never seen anyone look so sad.

“I need you to listen to me, Kira, can you do that?”

She nodded, her eyes wide.

“Much of this won’t make any sense to you now, but it will some day.”

“Okay. Where’s Ben?” she asked in a tiny voice, that being all she truly cared about.

“You won’t see him again, Kira.”

“Never?”

“No, not ever. He believes you’re dead,” he explained, at which she had to bite her tongue hard to keep from wailing. “I made him believe that so he won’t come looking for you. It is absolutely imperative that he never find you, Kira. Do you understand? The consequences would be dire. I have to leave you somewhere he won’t find you, and then I have to make myself forget about you, too.”

Kira felt a spike of panic and she shook her head desperately, her eyes wide and filled with dread.

“I failed you, Kira,” Master Luke continued, his own eyes filling with tears. “And I failed Ben. All I’ve ever done is fail… I won’t ever see you again and you probably won’t ever remember me. But if you do… Kira… I’m so sorry.”

And, to her horror, Master Luke grasped her hand and fell to weeping. Confused and sad and frightened, Kira watched as he reached up and placed his hands on either side of her head. Her mouth dropped open in a silent scream as she felt an invasion in her mind. Everything she had experienced in life, everyone she had ever known, was all locked away. She could feel it all being sucked down into a tiny, opaque box that she would never even notice after this moment. And, there, next to it, was another that contained her access to the Force, locked away where she couldn’t reach it, wouldn’t even know she had it. In that moment, Master Luke took away everything she was, erasing her from her own mind. And when she found herself on the surface of a planet covered in sand, gripped firmly at the arm by a bulbous creature she instinctively didn’t like, she screamed at the departing shuttlecraft without knowing why.

“Come back!”

*        *        *

Rey choked on a gasping sob. She fell back from the weight of her memories, tumbling inelegantly from her seat in the process. She knelt upon the floor, heaving in air as she simultaneously attempted to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged.

In what she knew must have been only an instant, she had experienced that day as she had lived it, all the sights, sounds, smells, and emotions fresh and life-like in her mind. Even now, she could taste the smoke of Luke’s burning academy and feel the heartbreak of losing Ben. Overcome entirely, she wept fiercely for what had been lost that night, for both the evil manipulations and the well-intentioned efforts that had interfered in the Force’s carefully planned balance. She wept for Ben, for what he must have gone through in the wake of that night, the weight of his guilt over her presumed death in addition to the pressure of Snoke’s machinations. Though she couldn’t know for certain, logic dictated that he must have blocked his own memories of that night, or perhaps just his knowledge of Kira and the bond they shared. Otherwise, he would have known precisely who she was the moment he encountered her in the forest on Takodana all those years ago.

Her mind reeled at how different everything would have been if only little Kira had reached Ben that night. Would he have understood the danger the voice in his head posed? Could she have helped him eradicate it? Could they, together, have banished Snoke from ever having that kind of control over him again? The possibilities and chances that had been robbed from them both were overwhelming and she wept for what might have been.

“Why couldn’t you have let us be?” she wailed in her despondency, already knowing the answer but feeling helpless to keep the accusation in check.

“I didn’t understand,” Luke admitted softly. “Since learning the extent of my failures and interference, I’ve asked myself as many futile questions as you do now. I can only plead ignorance and beg you to recognize I was doing what I felt was right for both you and Ben, as well as all life in the galaxy.”

“This is too much,” Rey moaned miserably even before her breath was stolen from her as she came to a horrid realization. “How am I supposed to kill him now? I love him! I have my entire life, even when I didn’t know what that meant. But if I don’t, he’ll kill me and…” She spat out a curse and looked up at Luke. “What am I supposed to do?!”

“There is still hope for him, Rey. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope. It’s that hope he’s trying desperately to kill, so he can remove the conflict and be what he thinks he is. You’re the last impediment to that, which is why you needed to know the full truth before confronting him.”

“You’re still interfering!” she cried in sudden understanding. “You’ve given me all this truth so I can go save him! But I tried that once and I failed. He’s too far gone and I can’t reach him.”

“That may be true,” he responded calmly. “But by giving you all your truth, I am eliminating the possibility of my interference. Now, that choice is yours and you must wield the power your knowledge gives you to the best of your ability. My only wish for you is that you might prove more successful in that endeavor than I did.”

Shaking her head desperately, she moaned, “I don’t want this responsibility!”

“You cannot change that fact Rey. I once took pity upon a small girl and removed her right to handle the complications and intricacies of her own life. More thoroughly than I did by wielding a lightsaber over my sleeping nephew, I created Kylo Ren by that act of pity. It was Kira’s loss, the devastation of believing his actions had killed her, that led most directly to the destruction of Ben Solo. Like you, I cannot say what would have happened had I not interfered. Perhaps nothing would have changed. But it is not my place to make such choices any longer. It is yours, Rey. Only yours.”

Rey stared, numb, frightened and grief-stricken. She couldn’t think what to say or do. And, when the hyperdrive alarm alerted her that she had nearly reached her destination, panic swelled inside her.

“I can leave you only with two thoughts, Rey,” Luke interjected gently, pulling her attention away from the sensation of the shuttle dropping automatically out of hyperspace. “I have faith in you, in the goodness of your heart to do what is right, whatever that may be.”

She shook her head slightly, finding his faith to be of little comfort. Desperately hoping his second parting thought might prove more enlightening, she watched him intently as he smiled sadly.

“May the Force be with you now, when you need it most.”

*        *        *

Rey disembarked the shuttle in a daze. The numbness that had gripped her since Luke’s devastating pronouncement that she held the fate of the galaxy entirely in her hands remained with her. The swirling thoughts had vacated her mind, becoming too overwhelming to process and as a result leaving a vacuum governed by instinct alone. As her feet found their way from the soggy grass to the first plates of durasteel embedded in the planet’s surface, she realized that, by embracing and relying upon instinct, she was in fact embracing Luke’s wish for the Force to be with her.

The Force. It had created her to balance Ben Solo, to counter his Dark tendencies with her Light ones. As a small child, she had known that, felt it with the abiding confidence exclusive to children. That purpose permeated her being now as much as it did then. Whether or not there was enough in her to counter Kylo Ren, though, was another matter entirely, the great and overwhelming unknown. But, by giving herself over to instinct, she accepted her reliance upon the Force, asked it to be with her, to guide her and help her find the proper path. She was filled with trepidation, however, at where that might leave her at the end of this murky, overcast day.

The thunderous pounding of the waves far below the half-buried Star Destroyer drew Rey’s attention as she approached the place she had seen in Kylo Ren’s psychic directions. She knew she was within his deadline of one solar day, but he was nowhere to be seen. As she had repeatedly since landing on this planet, she opened her consciousness to him, inviting his presence within her mind along the bond she now knew so much about. Still, though, he was absent, a sign that he was barring their connection from his side of the bond. But then, as she gazed numbly toward the raging water and pondered her next move, a distinctive sound pierced the ongoing sound of the rushing waves below.

Rey turned, instinct igniting her lightsaber as her eyes found the source of the muffled sound, the spitting lightsaber glaring angrily in his hand as he strode firmly toward her. His face obscured by that despised helmet, she wondered if he was using the mask as a means of distancing himself from her. What did he know about their bond, about their history? Did he know she was Kira? Did he even remember Kira? But even as questions flooded the vacuum of her mind, he strode forward powerfully, his body language showing his clear intent to follow through on his threats to kill her. In response, Rey braced herself, her blue blade twirling around her body in a limbering gesture of preparation that she suddenly realized she had acquired from him, evidence of the instinctual link forged by their bond. But any further conscious thought was thrust from her mind upon the arrival of his vicious strike.

She had never fought him like this before. The ferocity of his attack confirmed that, of all the times they had met in combat previously, he had never truly been intent upon destroying her. Now, though, things were different. His rage, determination, and strength were palpable even as he continued to deny their bond, and she knew beyond any doubt that he was intent on nothing less than her utter destruction.
She also knew that she could not last long against him like this. Even ignoring his greater control of the Force, his sheer physical power was simply beyond her capacity to withstand. At this rate, her muscles trembling, bones creaking, and breath panting, her best estimate was that she could expect the unstable plasma of his blade to pierce her chest within the next two minutes. But that was before she felt his Force essence grip her ankles.

Panicked, Rey countered his attack but not before the contradictory Forces resulted in the loss of her footing. She went down, slipping on the drenched durasteel plates and landing hard, alarmingly close to the drop off with only violently churning sea below. Pushing instinctively against the edge, the Force propelled her up and over her enemy, allowing her to land firmly on her feet some distance back, the drop off now at his back. Already rushing her in a fresh attack, Rey lifted her hand, summoning the Force in what she expected to be an attempt to shove him toward the precipice she had just narrowly escaped. At the last instant, though, her focus shifted almost without her conscious consent and, rather than pushing him bodily toward the ocean, her Force essence merely ripped the helmet from his head.
As startled as she, the unexpected move derailed him and he stumbled to a halt. Momentarily disoriented, he turned his face toward the stinging mist rising from the churning ocean where his helmet had been flung, but then he rounded on her.

“That changes nothing!” he bellowed.

“Maybe not for you,” she countered.

He was gaunt, sickly, wild desperation shining in his dark, bloodshot eyes. Without the barrier of the mask, his suffering was clear, and she felt her heart rend for him, recognizing his overwhelming need for relief. Seeing what his inner conflict was doing to him, all her fight left her and she knew she could neither defeat nor kill him. So she sheathed her weapon, barely hearing the distinctive sound over the pounding of the waves.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, his anger palpable.

“I won’t fight you,” she said wearily between panting breaths. “I can’t.”

He nodded, his response demonstrating the extent to which he misunderstood her meaning. “You should have been more diligent in your training!”

With the dark light of victory in his eyes, he lifted his spitting saber and came at her, ready to deliver his killing strike. And, once again, Rey gave herself over to an instinct that surprised her: she dropped to her knees and bowed her face, demonstrating her acceptance of his decree for her death.

But it didn’t come.

Blinded to his thoughts and emotions due to his refusal of their bond, Rey had to look up in order to find him standing above her, fuming in rage and her submission.

“Get up!” he railed. “Fight me!”

Rather than rise to his challenge, though, she merely shook her head. With a cry of fury, he swept his left hand outward and she felt his Force essence strike her. She fell to her right, her cheekbone impacting upon a ridge in the uneven surface of the durasteel and she felt blood flowing. Still, though, she merely righted herself despite the spinning in her head and gazed up at him sadly.

“I will not fight you.”

He shouted his fury once again, the red of his blade zinging around her in an impressive display of his skill, but she recognized suddenly that was all it was: a display.

“I’ll kill you!”

Rey nodded solemnly, grimly. “If you must.”

He froze at her words, clearly taken aback by her acquiescence. Soon enough, though, he regained his composure and shouted his defiance.

“No!” he cried, the thunder of his fury trembling through her consciousness as his barrier against their bond wavered.

With a suddenness that startled Rey and stole her breath, he knelt at her side, his dark and furious countenance drawn close to her.

“Fight me, Jedi, or I will destroy them all. Starting with Finn. Then Dameron. I will break their bodies piece by piece, and I will make certain they know to attribute their suffering to you.”

So many rebukes came to her mind, from frustration that he should choose to commit the error of assuming her status as a Jedi to fear for her friends’ safety. But, above all those concerns, she realized, was her worry for him, over his state of mind and the turmoil she saw hidden behind the frantic rage in his eyes. Relying yet again on an instinct that allowed her to focus on the most important of these factors, she found her hand lifting gently, unthreateningly until her fingertips rested upon his cheek, her gaze delving deep into his.

“Is that what you need to find peace?”

He stared for a moment and Rey held her breath. She saw something break deep within the cavernous depth of his gaze, a crack against the armor shielding his heart, perhaps, and Rey felt a surge of hope. As quickly as it had appeared, though, the fissure sealed and he shoved her hand viciously away from his face, his jaw tight and his eyes flashing with hatred as he surged away from her.

Allowing herself only a moment to breathe in relief at having survived that tense moment, Rey rose to her feet and turned on him, shouting out at his departing form.

“Kylo Ren!”

Carried on the wind with greater strength than she’d anticipated, her voice reached him effortlessly and he halted abruptly. She watched intently as he paused a moment before turning to face her.

“You summoned me here to sever the bond we share. If that is what you truly need, do it. Murder me. Otherwise, you’ll never be rid of me.”

He didn’t respond, only stared in fixed rage upon her as the stinging mist and sounds of the ocean zinged around them both. Attempting to better gauge his reaction to her words, she stepped forward. When she stood close enough to touch him, she searched his gaze sorrowfully, attempting to reach beyond the defiant shield that covered whatever lay beneath. And, there, in the depth of what he tried to keep hidden, she saw the truth.

“You know that, don’t you?”

Her softly murmured words shook him visibly and he stumbled back from her, his composure shattered. She saw the fear in his gaze then, the doubt that the course to which he’d set his feet would truly lead him to the relief he sought. She saw longing, desperation, exhaustion…the cumulative weight of which was dragging him down. And there, amid the mixture of emotions that threatened to swamp him, she found what she was searching for.

“Ben…”

Rey recognized her mistake instantly when his gaze shuttered abruptly against her, rage shielding his tender core once again, and she knew she’d lost him. Rather than admit defeat, though, her hands lurched out to him, drawing his face close.

“Ben,” she implored desperately, “remember me. I know the truth now. I’m Kira. I didn’t die in the fire. Have you forgotten me?”

Heeding yet another instinct, Rey closed her eyes and concentrated on a mental image of Ben and Kira together, walking hand-in-hand, comfortable and happy in each others’ presence. She pressed against the closed bond, pushing him to admit her, to see what she was trying to show him. She didn’t know if such a thing was possible but, if they could destroy worlds together, surely they could do this. Then, by a barely perceptible measure, the seal cracked. Rather than press the image into his consciousness, she merely let it seep through. And when she was confident he’d seen it, she opened her eyes.

Confusion clouded his gaze. She knew he recognized his own teenage self, but it was apparent both in his face and his mind that he didn’t know who the girl was or what she meant to him.

“That’s us,” she told him gently, “Kira and Ben. Can you remember?”

She felt his resistance and recognized it as the same block she’d had to overcome to retrieve her own memories. And, suddenly, she knew what she was doing: guiding Ben to his memories, pushing through the barrier of denial for him.

“That is us,” she insisted against the psychic block. “So much has been taken from us, Ben. Don’t let your own memories be lost, too.”

But, just as she felt the first crumbling of his resistance, he pulled back from her, severing the connection her hands on his face had afforded, and he shook his head violently.

“Ben, please.”

He shoved at her with a roar of rage and she found herself pinned down on her back, the weight of his Force essence pressing her there, making it hard to breathe.

“That’s not who I am!” he raged, fury and desperation mingling to terrifying effect.

Rey tried to cry out, but the weight increased, crushing her chest and leaving so little space for life-giving oxygen within her body. Her throat burned and her vision faltered, blackening at the edges first then spreading inward. She reached for him, unsure in her encroaching unconsciousness if she was successful, but she reached for her memories, both new and old. Of Kira wanting to help him fight the scary voice. Of Rey sitting in a hut, cold and shivering, wanting him not to feel alone. And of herself now, wanting to give him whatever he needed from her, no matter the cost. Dimly, somewhere in the distant recesses of her fading consciousness, she heard a shout, a desperate cry of rage, then the weight on her chest disappeared.

Consumed by the effort to breathe, Rey rolled onto her side, sucking in air through the constriction in her throat and chest. Wheezing sounds flooded her hearing as panic at the inability to draw full breath clouded her mind. Slowly, the constriction eased and she could draw sufficient breath to cough, then the coughing wracked her body for a time.

When at last she could breathe freely once more, Rey knew Ben was gone, fled from the scene of his failed confrontation. Reaching inward, she found the barrier once again firmly shut against their bond, and there was nothing there to indicate what he may or may not have gleaned from the psychic level of their battle today. But, as she gained her feet, she recognized it was more than she’d had any right to expect. She was alive. And, to an extent she could not yet ascertain, she thought she may have reached him. Hope flared anew within her heart and she recognized just how long she had been living without it.

*        *        *

Exhausted and disheartened despite still being alive, Rey reached her shuttle with a heavy dose of reluctance to return home. Everything was different now for her. She didn’t know how she could return to a war where she was expected to destroy Kylo Ren, and it suddenly occurred to her that she could just…not. She’d left amid high hopes that she could somehow prevail and yet, if Finn and Poe and the rest of them were being honest with themselves, they would have known — as she had — that she would not be returning. She could simply disappear, be done with the whole thing, find a quiet existence somewhere far from the political concerns of the galaxy.

And she suddenly realized she understood Master Luke far better now, too.

With a beleaguered sigh, Rey plunked herself down on the open ramp to her shuttle, rubbing at her sore throat and trying to decide what she should do. But her mind was undisciplined and it kept returning over and over to the confrontation she had just endured. Closing her eyes as if that could change anything, she wondered just how close she had come to death, how close Ben — her Ben — had come to killing her. She tried to rationalize that it was Kylo and not Ben who wished her harm, but the distinction didn’t seem as clear as it once had. There was a little of each of them in the other, and neither was complete without the other. Saving Ben did not mean destroying Kylo. She understood that now. Like Master Luke had said, it was all about balance.

Rey had just fallen to contemplating the measure of her own Darkness — a fact she no longer even wished to deny — when she felt him. Standing abruptly, weariness and despondency forgotten, she spun round and round, trying to better perceive him. Wallowing in self-loathing, his turmoil was plain though she couldn’t quite discern whether she was sensing him through their bond or through the Force. Deciding the negative bent and inward direction of his thoughts suggested he wouldn’t be consciously allowing her to intrude upon his psyche, she realized he must be close by.

She had landed her shuttle right at the seam between the grassy plain and a thin forest. Turning toward the slim, erect trees she decided her sense of him was coming from there. The trees were sparse enough that Rey didn’t think they offered much in the way of concealment, but there was a rocky outcropping not far ahead where the land sloped upward. Without further hesitation, she hurried forward, wending her way swiftly through the easy terrain, her sense of him growing stronger with every step.

She found him easily, huddled beneath a small stone overhang and her heart broke for him. He was muttering to himself and, though she couldn’t quite catch his meaning, she heard no repeatedly. Clearly, his plan had backfired and their encounter had only served to augment his turmoil, rather than resolve it. As she watched him, huddled, miserable, and tormented, she hesitated to reveal herself, knowing she was intruding, but then he shouted suddenly and violently struck the rock with his fist. Cringing when she saw the smear of blood left behind, she clambered forward without hesitation, knowing she couldn’t leave him like this.

“Ben,” she murmured gently, angling for subtlety though there was none to be had.

His head jerked up and she saw his eyes, red and wild with misery.

“No, no, no, no! Get away!”

She caught the intent of his Force push and was able to deflect it before it trapped her in its crushing grip again. She almost missed the second one, though, and it knocked her backward before she quite managed to counteract it. Having landed in a pile of leaves, she was grateful his rocky shelter was to his back rather than hers.

“Get away, Rey!” he hissed again, though this time she caught the desperate warning in his tone. “I can’t control it!”

“I won’t leave you like this,” she insisted, scrambling forward again in a half crouch to reach him.

“She was dead!” he moaned in agony, hands gripping his scalp as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “I saw her. I burned her. You can’t be her!”

“I am, Ben. I—”

“I am not Ben!” he spat, familiar rage supplanting his keening cry with enough swiftness and ferocity that Rey began to perceive the problem.

“Alright, Kylo,” she answered smoothly. “Let me help you.”

“There is no help,” he moaned, back to his self-loathing, his wrath gone as quickly as it had come. “Only Kira ever… Rey…”

Seeing his confusion, Rey took advantage of his momentary distraction and quickly closed the distance between them. He cried out when he realize what she’d done and tried to push her away, but she made it in under his defenses and wrapped herself around him as well as she could.

“I’m here, Kylo,” she told him, clinging to him as she pressed herself to his back.

He fought her at first, but when he finally managed to pry her off, rather than shoving her away, he pulled her closer, cradling her tight in his arms and holding her as desperately as he’d tried to extricate her only a moment earlier. She felt the terrible heaving and wracking of his chest as he sobbed out his confusion and dismay, yet he nevertheless held her tight, his cheek pressing firmly against the top of her head.

“Rey…” he moaned inconsolably. “Rey, I can’t… I don’t know…”

Snaking her way around to reach him better, she maneuvered herself until she straddled him, forcing the tight ball of his body loose enough to admit her. His arms held her close as she settled her cheek against the flesh of his neck, feeling his throat and jaw working to contain the boundless emotions that assailed him.

“Kylo,” she whispered, her mouth close to his ear. “Let me help you.”

“No hope,” he stammered, his words almost gibberish. “Lost.”

“No, that’s not true. Let me try. Please,” she added emphatically when he hesitated just long enough.

In the wake of a suspended moment, he broke down, weeping, nodding, and whispering brokenly, “Help me, Rey…”

Pulling back just enough to bring her hands between them, she met his gaze as she placed her hands on either side of his face and settled their foreheads together. She felt his refusal to admit her to the turmoil of his mind, but she pushed insistently at the bond.

“Let me in, Kylo.”

His voice came out in a broken moan, “Afraid.”

“Me, too,” she admitted softly. “Let me in.”

And the floodgates opened.

His consciousness was a mess, a tangled mass of memories and emotions that made no sense at first. As she’d known she would, she found herself foremost among them, along with Leia. To her surprise, Han was there as well, the moment in which he’d murdered his father replaying over and over, affording his consciousness no respite from this most grievous of errors. But Luke, too, and Snoke, and countless other faces she didn’t know, every one of them badgering him and accusing him and convincing him there was no hope for him, no way anyone could ever love him, that rule by fear was the only way forward for him.

One by one, she silenced the self-recriminations, not dismissing them or passing them off as inconsequential, but promising them their due turn, just not now. Slowly, his mind calmed and his body followed suit, his breathing more even and his trembling subsiding. She was aware of his arms holding her tight, of the solid breadth of his body against hers, and she knew she was exactly where she should be, here, in his embrace and in his mind, offering him the strength he needed to deal with his demons.

“How can you do that?” he breathed softly after a long time.

“It’s why I’m here.”

She felt the tremor of emotion ripple through him and she knew he didn’t quite understand what she meant, but he accepted it nonetheless.

“You still have to deal with them,” she warned him gently, “just not all at once.”

“What do I have to do?”

Rey hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

She felt trepidation tremble deep inside him and she brushed her lips against his jaw in a comforting gesture.

“Shall we find out together?”

Fear and relief mingled at her suggestion, and she knew he truly didn’t want to confront anything at all. At the same time, he knew that hiding from his Darkness had never worked either and he had to try something different. And, if that was the case, he wanted nothing more than to have her there with him when he did.

“Choose one,” she whispered, having caught the sense of his acceptance without even requiring the words to be spoken.

Almost immediately, Rey felt more than saw the image of Leia drifting forward. His ignorance over the cause and means of her death had him imagining her covered in blood, writhing in pain and agony.

“That’s not how it was at all,” she told him, bringing forward her own memories of Leia’s last moments.

No blood, no pain and agony. But there was sickness, frailty, and painful introspection.

I gave up on him… Don’t make my mistake…

“She spoke of your grandfather,” Rey clarified Leia's remembered words, “regretted never forgiving him.”

“And…me?” he asked, his voice and consciousness thick with trepidation.

“She loved you,” Rey responded firmly. “Always loved you, blamed herself as much as anyone for what happened to you.”

“It’s not what happened to me,” he snapped firmly. “It’s what I did.”

The image of Han’s death assailed her suddenly and Rey gasped, jerking back in reaction, straining their mental connection as a result. But she came right back, sensing his surprise at her persistence despite knowing he had deliberately tried to shock her, to push her away, to prove to himself and her that she couldn’t possibly resolve this for him.

“No one denies that, Kylo,” she agreed. “But, as tragic as was what you did, what matters more is why you did it. And why he allowed it.”

“Allowed it?” he repeated in heated confusion.

“Do you really think he confronted you in the middle of Starkiller Base and expected to walk out alive?”

He trembled and jerked back from her, but Rey held him tight, refusing him the excuse to retreat from her, to bury himself in self-loathing instead of coming to terms with his father’s choices.

“Then why did he?” he wailed suddenly. “I’d known he was there, I was willing to ignore him and walk away. Why didn’t he let me?”

“Because he loved you.”

“Why is that always your answer?” he snapped suddenly in irritation.

“Because it is always the answer!” Rey threw right back at him. “It’s what you’ve always been missing, what you thought you never had but did all along.”

“What do you know of it?” he growled dismissively.

“What do I know? I know it better than anyone!”

“What can you know? You’re just—”

“I may be a desert rat from Jakku, Ben Solo, but I also happen to love you!”

He froze, Rey’s impassioned breath the only sound between them.

“And don’t tell me I’m mistaken because Ben Solo doesn’t exist, because I love Kylo Ren, too!”

“No,” he insisted, his voice trembling. “That’s not possible.”

“You only think that because you have no love for yourself. Well, I’m not you, Ben Solo or Kylo Ren or whatever you want to call yourself. And I can make up my own mind. I love you! And I have for awhile, only I was too scared to admit it. But I’m through with denying what’s between us. I’m through with seeing only reasons why it can’t work and not finding ways that it can. I’m through with watching you destroy yourself and trying to comfort myself with the idea that I’ve done everything I could, because I haven’t. I haven’t told you how I feel. I haven’t told you that you fill my heart and break it all at the same time. I haven’t told you that I die inside every time I shut you out. I haven’t told you I knew from the moment I first saw you that I would never escape you. And I haven’t told you that now I never want to.”

Rey sobbed, startling herself into silence as the tears that had begun continued to fall. She kept her eyes tightly closed, too afraid to see his reaction to what she’d said. But her mind was still joined with his and he saw him pull forward the image she’d given him of Kira and Ben.

“No!” she cried, sensing the bent of his thoughts. “No, I didn’t have to remember Kira to know I love you. But remembering her showed me you’re worth the risk, that what we have between us is too big and too important to deny just because you’re being a supreme ass! You are worthy of love, Kylo Ren! You are worthy of my love because I say so! And I love you because of who you are, not because of what you do. Although that does make it really difficult sometimes. And I think—”

But, suddenly, Rey couldn’t think anymore because he was kissing her. Opening herself to him instantly, she returned his kiss with a vigor that surprised her. She clung to him, pulling him against her and pressing herself against him as she lost herself in his surge of emotion. She had become so wrapped up in venting her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the effect she was having on him. Wonder, relief, and intense love enveloped her now, and it didn’t matter in the least that she couldn’t tell where she ended and he began, because they were equals, together, united. And she knew there was so much more to figure out, to solve, but right now it didn’t matter in the least. For now, it was only Rey and Kylo, Ben and Kira, two souls who were meant for each other and who had finally, over years and odds stacked against them, figured that out.

“Rey, I’m sorry!” he managed between kisses and sobs. “I’m so sorry!”

“Shhh,” she murmured gently as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, fresh sobs wracking through his powerful frame. “It’s okay,” she soothed.

“It’s not! I wanted to kill you and I tried, but I kept thinking of my father, how I was so wrong thinking killing him would ease my doubts and allow me to become wholly Dark, that it only made it all worse. And I kept thinking how much what I did torments me and how much worse it would be if I did that to you, and I just couldn’t do it, Rey!”

She held him close, not sure how to respond. She was grateful, of course, that he hadn’t been able to go through with his plan, but she also knew…

“It would have worked this time.”

Rey wasn’t sure why she’d spoken the words aloud, or even if she’d intended to. But, now that they were out, she realized she was glad of it. Kylo lifted his head and peered at her closely, his confusion evident.

“There’s a spark of light in your consciousness, Kylo Ren. You look to it for comfort sometimes when you’re feeling especially vulnerable.”

He frowned. “How could you know—?”

“It’s me. That light is me, but I’m the last. If you’d killed me, there would have been nothing to keep you from complete Darkness.”

He stared, his gaze dark and intent. Rey swallowed anxiously, fully aware she had just handed him the key he needed to achieve his ultimate goal. Only one inconsequential life, and he could have all he’d ever striven for. So she waited, holding her breath to find out if she was still going to die today after all.

“Why would you tell me that?” he asked at long last, his tone both wondering and accusatory.

She shrugged, the answer quite simple. “Because I love you. If I can give you what you want, then that’s what I want too.”

“Even if it means your death? What about the galaxy? What about all the havoc I would wreak with no spark of light to deter me?”

Rey sighed, her eyes filling with tears as she spoke the harsh truth that had been so difficult for her to reach.

“I don’t love the galaxy,” she admitted brokenly. “I love you.”

Kylo exhaled in astonishment. Shaking his head slightly, he reached forward to brush Rey’s cheek. Immediately, she closed her eyes and leaned her face into his hand, seeking the warmth of his touch.

“How can you love me so much?” he murmured.

“Our bond,” she answered tenderly, despite that she knew he hadn’t actually expected a response. “We are two sides of the same person, Kylo Ren. Without one another, we are both incomplete. I think you knew that before me. I think you knew it when you killed Snoke to save me.”

Rey caught his subtle nod, but she pressed ahead.

“I’d forgotten, but I remember now what it was like to be without you, to be missing part of who I am. I love you so much, Kylo Ren, because I love who we are together. And I’d rather die than live without you again.”

He pulled her tighter into his arms then and responded fervently, “I’d rather die than hurt you, Rey.”

She smiled through her tears, losing herself in his gaze once again. “I’m pretty happy to hear you say that, Kylo.”

He smiled too, then kissed her thoroughly. Cradling her head against his chest, he held her close for a long while, even rocking her gently. Idly, images flitted between them, memories and moments, together and apart. Every now and then, one would catch one or the other’s attention and they would share a chuckle or a sigh or some expression of fresh understanding between them. But it wasn’t until Rey remembered leaping as a little girl into teenaged Ben’s arms, laughing and kissing his cheek — much to young Ben’s consternation — that either of them broke the silence.

“I don’t remember Kira,” Kylo admitted softly. “There are flashes here and there, ideas, but nothing so clear as that. Why was I so stern with you?”

Rey chuckled a little and shrugged. “You were moody.”

He snuggled her closer into himself as he muttered, “That sounds like me.”

“It didn’t bother me,” she assured him. “I knew it was mostly for show.”

He pondered for a moment. “Maybe for you, it was only show.”

“That’s what I meant. That was all that mattered to me. I didn’t care how moody you were with anyone else. In fact, I preferred it.

Because…” she interjected swiftly before he could voice the curiosity she’d already sensed in his consciousness, “the more moody you were with everyone else, the less they wanted to be around you, and the more I had you all to myself.”

He laughed and held her closer yet. Rey smiled and angled her face upward, breathing in his scent and reveling in the sound she’d caused, wondering when the last time anyone had heard it was.

“Laughter?” he asked, clearly picking up on her thoughts and settling in to ponder the matter even before she nodded. “I honestly don’t know. For all I know, you were the last one to hear it. Maybe you’re the only one who ever has,” he added somberly. “I honestly don’t know.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Rey gently pushed herself back from her comfortable position against his chest in order to peer closely into his face.

“Do you want to remember Kira?” she asked cautiously. “I think I know how to help you do that.”

He gazed down at her with a curious sadness in his eyes, but he nodded.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “It’s not all happy. In fact, some of it is…”

“The fire, I know. Kira is tied up somehow with the fire at the academy.”

She nodded and she saw his hesitation, so she reached forward, stroking his face. “The ending is hard, and knowing where it led us both even harder. But there’s also so much happiness, Kylo. Smiles and laughter…so much of what I hope we can find again. I would very much like to have those memories with you.”

Catching her hand at his cheek, he brought it forward to kiss her fingers. “I want that too, Rey.”

Smiling, Rey settled herself in front of Kylo and selected a memory to share through their bond. Moody Ben was sitting in a field of tiny white flowers, a datapad in his lap, while little Kira flitted all around him, arranging pale flowers in his dark hair to form a wreath. And, for the second time, the miraculous sound of Kylo Ren’s laughter reached Rey’s ears.

“Did we do this a lot?” he asked, ignoring the nagging instinct somewhere deep inside his consciousness that insisted this had never happened.

“Often enough,” Rey answered happily. “The flowers were never as plentiful as this time, though. It seemed like an ocean of them that day. Before you insisted on reading, I had been running through them, imagining I was lost at sea and forcing you to come save me. You would scoop me up from the flowers and carry me on your back to safety while I giggled all the way!”

“Was I still moody?”

“Always, but I think you secretly loved it.”

“I did love it!” he exclaimed suddenly in enthusiasm. “I loved the feel of your little fingers in my hair, but mostly I loved making you happy!”
But before Rey could exult in the confirmation that Kylo had indeed managed to retrieve his memories, his sense of wonder and astonishment abandoned him and she knew before the image passed along their bond that he was remembering leaving her in the forest, issuing a promise to return that he never kept.

“I would have,” he assured her somberly. “I tried to. I’d gone to stop the others, to make them see how wrong it all was. But when they refused to stop and I tried to leave to get back to you, they knocked me out and took me with them. When I woke up, I was on a Star Destroyer and they showed me a holo they’d received of a horribly burned little girl. Your light was gone in my consciousness, so I became convinced that was you, that I’d killed you. I couldn’t deal with it. The regret consumed me and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, I couldn’t move past what I’d done. I woke up screaming every night from nightmares until I couldn’t take it anymore and I begged Snoke to block you entirely from my memory.”

With a sudden ferocity that startled her, Kylo dragged her against his chest again, holding her close and burying his face I her neck and hair. His body shuddered as he breathed deeply, his mind focused on convincing himself it was all in the past.

“Losing you destroyed me, Kira,” he rasped, his voice muffled. “Why did I think it would be any different now? How can you possibly forgive me?”

“Because I understand.”

She felt his denial along the bond and she tugged herself out of his embrace enough to capture his gaze with her own.

“I know what it’s like to feel so desperate for relief, Ben, to need something positive, something to cling to. When it feels like nothing is good, it’s easy to believe everything has to be eliminated.”

Awe and wonder flooded deep in Kylo’s gaze, and he smoothed back Rey’s hair from her face as he shook his head in amazement.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured, as though to himself. “I don’t understand how you can know everything about me and not hate me.”

Rey smiled softly and leaned forward impulsively to kiss his cheek. “It’s because I know everything about you that I don’t hate you.”

He looked at her with wholly unconvinced eyes, but she knew it was only because he was afraid to believe this could last. But Rey knew her heart, she had made peace with who she was and what she wanted, and she had every confidence in her ability to love this man in front of her for the rest of her life. She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. Another on his nose. Still another on his forehead. Slowly, infinitesimally, she felt him relax into the hard rock behind him. He sighed with a distinct note of contentment as his hands lifted to hold her near.

“I love you, Kylo Ren,” she whispered between the kisses she continued to set all over his face.

She felt the furrowing of his brow at her words and she tenderly kissed the tension away.

“I don’t need you to believe me,” she murmured. “All I ask is a little faith in me. A little trust. You’ll see the rest in time, when I’m still here with you, by your side, through everything.”

He moaned softly beneath her ministrations.

“I want to believe that, Rey.”

“I know you do. And it’s my job now to help you reach that. You just have to let me try. Can you let me try, Kylo?”

“Yes, Rey,” he breathed, his eyes closed and nearly in a trance. “I love you.”

His words shook her and she leaned back from him, fingers pressed to her mouth and tears filling her eyes. She hadn’t realized until she heard him say the words how very much she had longed to hear them. She knew how difficult they were for him and knew that it was for more important for him to hear frequently and insistently how she felt about him, but now she realized she needed it too. But now that she had it, she was so afraid of losing it.

Kylo opened his eyes, alerted by her abrupt stillness and the change in her psyche that something had changed. When he looked upon her with a tear escaping her eye, he pushed himself up from his semi-reclined position. As she fell back from him to give him space to move, he looped his arms around her back and held her close.

“I love you, Rey, my desert rat from Jakku.”

He smiled as his words elicited an emotional sob from her, complete with a joyfully tearful smile. With a smile of his own, he closed his eyes and shook his head in wonder.

“My desert rat from Jakki who loves me.”

Sniffling, Rey leaned forward and kissed his face several times. “I do, Kylo. I do. I love you.”

“Rey…? Will you call me Ben?” He shook his head again, as if the request surprised him. “I always hated Ben Solo. I never wanted to be him. Kylo Ren was my escape from him. But with you… For the first time in my life, I want to be Ben Solo. I think I can be with you.”

Tears falling freely now, Rey nodded. “Yes, Ben. Yes, you can.”

“And… I can’t go back to the First Order.”

Rey nodded again with a stifled sob and a barely discernible, “Okay.”

“But I can’t go to the resistance either.”

Swiping impatiently at her tears, she shook her head in firm agreement. His gaze drove deep into hers and she saw the uncertainty there, the worry that what they had found together would yet prove impossible.

“What do we do, then?” he asked, trepidation thick in his voice.

“Oh, Ben,” she responded, lacing her fingers into his hair and drawing him close. “Whatever we want.”

And she kissed him, reveling in the sensation of their love and their bond and the endless possibilities for their future. She couldn’t recall ever having felt so happy and free, and it was all because, together, they were bound.