Work Text:
They don't make any sense.
Not to anyone but themselves, that is. Nikki doesn't think anyone could ever understand the life that Tommy had breathed into what Nikki previously considered his living corpse. There was no life in him before Tommy came waltzing into that diner, smile blinding every person he passed. He looked like an angel, something otherworldly that Nikki didn't even deserve to look at, not really. Not when the dark aura around him seemed to seep into other people and infect them with his overwhelming loneliness.
Fake smiles, fake friendships, fake happiness. Nothing was real before Tommy.
Nikki tried, oh god did he try. He tried to find happiness in his music, find an outlet other than the chain smoking and whiskey chugging.
It was all fine, but something was always missing.
His friendship with the drummer had grown so quickly. Tommy bouncing on top of him, shaking him awake at 5 am because he had thought of a new beat for a song that would be so cool, drumming out the rhythm with his palms on their wooden floor to show Nikki, because Nikki was too tired to get up and go to the other room where Tommy's drum set sat. He was just so happy, so excitable all the time. Nikki could never picture himself with someone like that, but fuck, Tommy just made him see life in a new way.
He noticed those who knew him giving him confused looks whenever he snuck his arm around Tommy's shoulders, it was almost like they could see his demeanor change in Tommy's presence.
The warmth seeped into Nikki's arm and comforted him, and there was nothing like the beaming smile that Tommy would send up at him, every ounce of joy reflected in his eyes as he would press a kiss to Nikki's cheek.
This friendship was everything to Nikki, but he wanted more.
Something that he didn't think that Tommy could ever want. He was too dark for Tommy's light.
The frustration grew inside of Nikki, consuming him with rage, because Jesus fucking Christ no one should have hair that touchable, lips that kissable when you can't even fucking do anything about it. His nerves made his fingers twitch in effort to keep from touching Tommy 100% of the time and it was starting to wear the bassist down.
Unfortunately for Vince, he was the innocent victim of Nikki's anger. Some unfortunate words were tossed around, as well as some breakable household objects, and Nikki was storming out the door, trying his best to pretend not to hear Tommy's cries of protest in the background.
If he listened to Tommy's heartbroken voice, he'd turn around, and he couldnt fucking do that right now.
Nikki knew he was brooding, Vince was just the poor bastard that happened to be in Nikki's path when he finally exploded.
He was fucking in love, something he swore he'd never be, and it was with his male bandmate. That was a fucked up situation, so Nikki felt he deserved to let out some of that pain.
Sorry Vince, glad you at least know how to duck in time. That lamp probably would have knocked you out, and that would just give Nikki one more reason to feel guilty as hell.
Nikki wasn't sure how long he had walked, but it was almost morning now and he had to go home eventually. Sleeping in the streets wasn't an option tonight, and Vince was most likely asleep so he could avoid that shitshow of an apology he needed to make.
Rounding the corner headed towards his bed and the room he shared with his drummer, he stopped in his tracks when he noticed a familiar mop of wavy brown hair curled up by the steps leading up to their apartment.
Tommy's eyes were fixed on the concrete below him, a cigarette dangling from his long fingers that the drummer seemed to have no interest in at the moment.
Nikki approached him with a frown, the drummer looked sad, and Nikki couldn't have that, so he plopped next to Tommy, shoulders barely brushing together as the drummer looked up at him with a hurt, but relieved expression on his face.
Tommy was taking a pull off of his cigarette then, scooting a little closer as he held the cigarette to Nikki's lips, who gratefully took a puff.
"Didn't know if you were coming home."
Nikki felt like an ass, he never meant to upset the drummer, his favorite kid in this world. He slung his arm over Tommy's shoulders- he knew Tommy loved that- and pressed his forehead against the younger man's temple in a moment of weakness.
"I'll always come home."
It was true. Home was where Tommy was, and if the drummer wanted him there, Nikki would always be there.
"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."
Nikki didn't know how to reply to that. Tommy's voice sounded honest, but also scared. Like he was hiding something, just like Nikki was. But that thought seemed impossible, too good to be true. People like Tommy didn't fall for people like Nikki.
Nikki willed his mouth to open, to respond to Tommy in some way, but he just couldn't. The muscles in his mouth couldn't form words in that moment, because Tommy was talking again, and he wasn't prepared for any of this.
"I'm pretty sure you're the most important person in my life Nikki, please don't walk out on me like that, not ever again. Take me with you next time."
There were tears in Tommy's eyes and fuck, were those tears in Nikki's too? Nikki didn't know but wow, this kid could get him emotional like no one else. Then Nikki was pressing his forehead harder into Tommy's temple before whispering back:
"I'll take you wherever you want to go, T."
That was a promise Nikki could hold, if the drummer wanted to be by his side, Nikki would never leave.
"Fuck Nikki, I just wanna be with you.. I was so scared you werent gonna come back. I just…"
Tommy's voice was starting to crack, and Nikki's heart was breaking.
“I know I sound so fucking pathetic but… I feel fucking lost without you, incomplete.. please, please hold my hand, and make me whole.”
Fucking Tommy and his fucking words. Nikki could never put his feelings into words the way Tommy could, and no one else could cause his eyes to sting this fucking bad, but he can take the hand Tommy had held out for him, bring it to his lips for a gentle kiss on the knuckles, before gripping the drummer's shirt with his free hand for a much less gentle kiss on the lips.
The fingers laced between Tommy's remained there as the pair pressed into one another, hungry lips moving against lips as they poured every ounce of repressed longing into this one moment of bliss.
And just like that, Nikki suddenly felt a lot less incomplete himself.