Chapter Text
There were so many things that Sammy had done wrong. At this point in his life, he was trying not to dwell on it all, but sometimes it was so hard. Even as he laughed and smiled with Ben and Emily and worked on his relationship with Lily, there was always that one thing, that oppressive weight crushing his soul.
Jack.
His biggest mistake had always been Jack. Not falling in love with him; no, that was undoubtedly the best thing he’d ever done. It was everything else that he’d done wrong. Sammy loved Jack, had loved him from the moment he’d first met him, but they’d been too afraid to show that love to the world. No. They hadn’t been to afraid to, Sammy had.
He’d hide his smiles in public. He’d barely touch Jack if anyone was around. He tried not to sing Jack’s praises too high, lest someone realize how madly in love with him he was. Even when they were in the privacy of their own home, Sammy couldn’t find the words. Heaven forbid, he tell Jack how much he loved him out loud; someone, anyone could be listening. He tried so hard to show Jack how much he meant to him, how Jack was the center of his world, but he knew it wasn’t enough.
Then, he was gone.
That’s what hurt him to think about the most. Did Jack even know how much he loved him? If only he’d said it more. If only Sammy shouted from the rooftops his undying devotion. If only, while Jack spiraled over a tiny, creepy-ass town and pushed Sammy further and further away, he had made it known that no matter what, he loved him.
If only. If only. If only.
Sammy promised himself that if he ever got Jack back – when he got him back – Jack would never, ever doubt Sammy’s love for him.