Chapter Text
“I cannot believe you flashed your breasts to that thief. I can't believe it worked.”
Leliana pursed her lips in a failed attempt to hide a smile. “It was just a little peek. I had to distract him somehow.”
“Yes, and somebody might have taken the opportunity provided to dispatch said cutpurse,” Morrigan put in dryly. “If he hadn't been too busy admiring the view himself.”
Zevran was unperturbed by the accusation. “I felt it would be rude not to look. They are quite nice, after all. Anyhow, you were there in a pinch.”
“Hmph.” Morrigan reached across the table and stole the last of the rolls from the communal bowl, eyeing the mage beside her curiously. “What sort of face is that? Are you disappointed you didn't take a look yourself? Or are you going to go into another tiresome tirade on how I should not have killed the man? Let me remind you that he had every intention of slitting somebody's throat. The city guard would have hanged him anyway. I simply saved them the trouble.”
Surana slumped in her seat, waving a hand helplessly. “It's not that. It's just... I don't know how you guys do it. You make it seem so easy.”
“Speak for yourself,” Zevran patted his chest with an expression of mock regret. “I myself am not so well-endowed as you three ravishing ladies.”
Morrigan flicked him a barely tolerant look. “You cannot mean fighting. Your spells are very powerful. For a Circle Mage.”
“Gee, thanks,” Surana forced herself to sit up straight. “I mean how... how casual you three are with, well...” Her eyes skimmed the crowded tavern nervously, as if she feared being overheard by strangers above the din. “Do you know what would happen if I tried to flash someone to distract them? They'd cover me back up. Or laugh. Or politely point out that my clasp had come undone.”
“You're a little on the small size, but they are still quite lovely,” Zevran assured her.
She glared at him coldly. “Keep it up. I'll turn your ears into carrots.”
Leliana leaned across the table to put a hand over Surana's, struggling to hide a smile behind a look of concern. “Dear, that's not true. You are very pretty. Besides, it would be charming if someone were a gentleman in such circumstances, yes?”
Surana shook her head stubbornly. “That's not the point. The point is I have zero luck with using seduction for anything. It doesn't matter if I'm trying to bribe, distract, or even honestly attract someone. It never works, or it goes painfully wrong. I tried to bat my lashes at a Templar once in the Circle and forgot to watch what spell I was practicing. I singed off so much hair...”
“Well... you can't let a little thing like that--”
“I tried to walk in a provocative manner to catch another mage's eye once, and he tried to take me to the infirmary because he thought I had a bad limp.”
Zevran snatched up his tankard and took a deep gulp to disguise his laughter. Morrigan was not so polite.
Surana's face turned grim. “I had a plan for tricking a Templar into letting me out of the Circle by trying to get him to notice my arse. I bent over to pick up a quill; almost wagged the thing in his face. He walked by without noticing and accidentally bumped me and I fell down a flight of stairs. Don't make me continue. I have so many stories.” She let her head drop abruptly onto the tabletop with a bump. “I have as much sex appeal as a grapefruit,” came her muffled groan.
“Um. There, there...” Leliana patted her head awkwardly, glancing at her two companions. Her face was constricting with warring emotions of amusement and pity. “It doesn't come naturally to a lot of people. It's something you learn.”
“Yes! Exactly!” Surana lifted her head so quickly she almost whacked her face into Leliana's palm. “You can teach me. You're the ones always flirting to gain advantage.”
“I beg your pardon,” Morrigan started, a hint of offense creeping into her tone.
“You're the one who said that men are always willing to believe you want them.” She looked around at them, expression pitiful. “If anyone can teach me not to make a fool of myself when trying to attract someone, it's you three. Right?”
Zevran had finally managed to get control of himself. “And why would you crave such a skill, dear Warden? Any reason in particular?”
“It just seems like a useful skill, is all. A way to solve problems without needing to resort to violence all of the time. And...” Her eyes flickered, just for the barest moment, towards the bard across the table, before dropping hastily. “Look, can you teach me or not?”
Morrigan gave a little huff of impatience, but Zevran's generous mouth curled into a knowing little smile. “Very well, then.” He drained his tankard and slammed it down decisively. “So! We will give you some tips, yes? First: a little goes a long way, and that goes double for touching.”
Surana blinked, nonplussed. “That seems a little... forward.”
But Leliana was nodding in agreement. “Not at all. Zevran is right. Brief but meaningful contact can speak volumes. It lets someone know-- or think –that you are willing to do quite a bit of touching, if you catch my meaning.”
“Are you suggesting I go up to someone and grab their arse?”
Zevran laughed. “Now that I would pay to see.”
“Nothing so forward,” Leliana said hastily. She reached out, placing her hand softly atop Surana's once more, a lingering touch that lasted a heartbeat longer than a casual friendly gesture. “Like so. As you speak, hold their eyes with your own, and touch their hand or their arm. Brush your shoulder against theirs, or 'accidentally' let your knee touch their own.” Under the table, her foot just barely touched Surana's, and stayed there. “It is a gentle but unmistakable body language. You see?”
Surana flushed, but nodded dutifully.
“There's no need for something that subtle,” Morrigan scoffed, leaning back in her chair. “Observe.” She turned her head towards a young Templar seated a few tables away and stared hard at the back of his head. After several moments, feeling the intense gaze, he glanced around and met her eyes. Morrigan stared boldly back, eyes lidded, and after a brief hesitation allowed her lips to twist in a slow but sensuous smile, never averting her eyes from his own.
The man flushed red and looked away hastily, lips moving in what was no doubt a quiet plea for fortitude from Andraste.
Morrigan chuckled throatily and looked away from him dismissively. “You see? A look can do as much as any touch.”
“Nicely done,” Zevran approved.
Leliana pursed her lips. “Yes. But I am not sure Surana could pull it off.”
“Why not?” Surana demanded, vaguely offended.
“Hmm, perhaps not,” Zevran agreed reluctantly, looking from one mage to the other. “You look too petite and innocent, my dear. It is your youthful face and your adorable little nose. The bold seductress look would not suit you.”
Surana scowled at him. “Don't talk about me like I'm twelve.”
“It is alluring in its own way, to be sure,” Zevran said. “But very different from Morrigan's own... charms.”
Morrigan arched a brow at him at the delicate way he said “charms”, but let it slide. “And I meant what I said before. Men are quite willing to believe that you find them attractive. Bat your lashes and be attentive to whatever inane dribble is coming out of their mouths, and the ego boost will do the rest.”
“I myself have found that flattery and outright propositioning are most effective,” Zevran declared.
“Yes, it worked so well when we first met,” Surana drawled. “Coming onto Leliana and myself five minutes after trying to kill me almost got you a bolt of lightning to the face, if you recall.”
Zevran coughed in feigned embarrassment. “My timing may have been slightly off, considering the circumstances. But you would be surprised how often a compliment or a not-so-subtle hint of how talented my hands are has gotten a complete stranger to take off their clothes.”
“I, for one, would not be surprised,” Morrigan sniffed.
Zevran bowed his head graciously. “Thank you.”
“Twas not a compliment.”
“It also helps,” Leliana said over them, “if you get a general idea of your target. A loud, drunken man boasting in a tavern, for example.” She nodded towards such a man loudly ordering another round from the stone-faced bartender. “Subtlety will not work on him; he can barely feel his extremities, much less someone else's soft touch. You would have to be more direct. Or play the besotted simpleton.” She frowned at Surana slightly. “This is only if you wish to trick him, mind you. You should not act foolish, something you are not, for someone you genuinely like.”
“Playing the part of the giggling maiden has worked before,” Morrigan was forced to agree. She took on a foppish look and pitched her voice an octave higher. “What big arms you have! How tall you are! I'll bet you could lift this barstool with me on it, and little old me can barely lift a tray of tea!” She grimaced, waving her hand dismissively. “It is to be used only on idiots or drunkards. The indignity is not worth it otherwise.”
“Breasts are also quite the attention-getter,” Zevran said, looking pointedly at Leliana's chest as if hoping for a demonstration. “As you saw earlier.”
Leliana rolled her eyes, but could not quite bite back a small smile. “Yes, this is true. It is pretty effective on all men. If you are wearing something low-cut...” She folded her arms on the table and leaned over so that her arms pushed her breasts up. “Show them off, thus.” Her leather armor covered her all the way to her neck, but the effect was, Surana privately noted, still quite appealing. “You can also brush his arm with them when you lean in to speak to him. Even a drunken man will notice this.”
“Okay, but...” Surana looked around at them all, seeming unable to look directly at Leliana. “Most of these tips seem to be geared towards men.”
“Oh, it is a lady you wish to entice, is it?” Zevran teased, though there was something about his smile that hinted his surprise was false.
Surana felt her eartips grow warm. “It's not-- I just meant-- Well, what if I need to distract a female thief or... or something?”
“Alas, women are not so easily fooled,” Zevran sighed dramatically. “Also, they have breasts, so I imagine seeing another woman's is not quite as invigorating as it is for men.”
Leliana made a disbelieving noise in her throat before turning back to Surana. “Women who are attracted to other women will catch subtleties that men sometimes miss,” she said. “Determining if they are interested is a bit trickier. If a man is not interested in women, he will ignore your breasts as if they aren't even there, even should you flaunt them.” She paused. “Or he is a gentleman.”
“A rare and elusive creature,” Morrigan muttered into her tankard.
“How can you tell with, er, women?” Surana asked, trying to sound casual.
“Well...” Leliana thought for a moment. “Watch their eyes. See if they linger, and where. Watch if their mouths get soft, or if they smile a lot. See if they are using some of the same things we have mentioned, such as touch.” She stopped, looking away abruptly. “It is hard to tell, sometimes,” she said, voice businesslike. “In the end, honesty works best, I think.”
“Yes, some women can be rather dense,” Zevran chuckled, still grinning at Surana. Leliana glared at him, giving the tiniest shake of her head.
“You don't need a lecture, you need practice,” Morrigan proclaimed, jerking her chin towards a man seated alone. “Go. Ask him if you may join him. Play with him for a bit.”
Surana balked. “What? Now? But--”
“Yes, yes, practice is the only way you can truly learn,” Zevran said, reaching across the table to give her a little push. “Go on, he looks young and impressionable. We will coach you from here if necessary.”