Work Text:
This is not a parable
This is a terrible
This is a terrible thing
Yes I will rhyme that after
After all I've done today
I have earned my wings
It Happened Today- R.E.M.
“Tyler, what you're doing is so brave. We'll be right here waiting for you.
You're not alone in this.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Jess pretended to talk to Charlie and Justin, but her eyes kept wandering to the desk where Tyler was talking to the officer on duty. Trying to sound like he wasn’t about to shake apart into a thousand pieces.
“Excuse me…Um… I would like to file a report.” She doesn’t hear his exact words after that because his voice dips into broken whisper. The Cop’s face falls into a flat, blank expression.
“Come this way Please.” He follows her down the hallway. Wringing his hands.
She remembered giving her own statement in that office, flanked by both her parents. That wall of support either side of her, absorbing her fear and shame...Not enough though. She still felt fear and shame, even now. She probably always would. Thats what Bryce gave me. She thought. A whole lifetime of it.
Tyler hadn’t wanted his parents there. She knew why, Even after standing up in from of the whole school and telling them the truth ,he still couldn’t countenance the idea of his mother and father’s pain at the admission. He didn’t want to see grief or pain or disgust on their faces because of him.
But it would have to happen. He wasn't 18 yet, legally they had to know.
The three of them sat in silence. Justin was jogging his foot up and down as he sat on the uncomfortable metal chair. He was a million miles away, probably wondering what would've happened if he’d told an adult when he was 5 years old. How different his life might have been.
How didn’t I know? She wondered yet again. How the hell didn’t I see a reflection of my own pain in you Justin... Or...Maybe I did? She was suddenly haunted and disgusted by how presumptuously rough she’d been with him over the last few months when it came to their sex life. He’d seemed so into it. But she'd never really thought to read his body language closely, to ask, properly. What if something she’d done had triggered him and she hadn’t even known? Are we going to have to talk about this?
Charlie was looking at her. He said nothing, he was there for Tyler. He’d turned out to be a pretty good guy, in the end.
It felt like hours before Tyler appeared again. Exhausted, with red rimmed eyes, It’s harder to say it than to think about saying it. Deputy Estrada was at his side. The man’s hand hovering above his shoulder in an attempt at a comforting gesture. Jess put her arms out toward Tyler and he fell into them. She squeezed him, as Justin and Charlie placed gentle hands on his head and shoulder. He didn’t flinch this time.
“Well done Man.” Justin Whispered.
Estrada spoke in a calm, quiet voice. “You were very brave today young man.” He said, as though he were talking to a much younger kid. “ Now remember what I told you and I’ll see you again tomorrow ok?" He touched Tyler’s shoulder lightly. Tyler nodded, swallowing thickly.
The Deputy turned to Jess and the others. “You all take care of him ok?”
“Yes sir.”
****************
Justin had wanted to drive Tyler home, She’d told him to get back to To the Jensens, Clay would need him.She sent Charlie home too, she needed to be alone with Tyler for a little while.
She silenced the radio as she drove, the sun was setting. Tyler rested his head against the passenger door.
“That was a lot harder than I thought it would be.” He murmured.
“ I know.”
“ The amount of detail they wanted…” He broke off.
“ I know.” She whispered. “ Should I have gone in with you?”
“ N… No. No… You’ve already done so much for me.”
She felt a lump in her throat. As though basic human kindness was a big deal. But it was... It was for him.
“I… You know I have to tell my parents right? Estrada was going to call them but… I got upset and he said he’d give me a chance to tell them myself before tomorrow morning.”
Jess glanced at him briefly, he looked beyond drained, eyes downcast, his body limp. She’d reached the Down’s driveway. She pulled in by the curb.
“ So you have to tell them now, basically. Like, as soon as you get in?”
“P…Pretty much. They have to sign all my legal paperwork tomorrow and… Well the school will probably call them about assembly before long too… I… I don’t want them hearing it from anyone else.”
She squeezed his hand, he didn’t draw back. “Do you want me to come inside with you Tyler? I know how fucking hard this is.”
He said nothing for a long, breathless moment. Then nodded his head. “I… I can’t do this Jess… I can’t tell them! Oh god!” He started hyperventilating. “I… How the hell am I going to tell them?” It was as though all his courage had been drained out of him and he was that frightened, traumatised kid again.
“You don’t have to tell them every detail ok? It will all be in the police report…”
He began to wheeze slightly as his breath became more staccato and panicked.
“Tyler.”Jess remained calm. “Breathe, Ok? Just Breathe… In… And out… Thats right.” She said as he mimicked her measured breathing. “I’ll be there with you the whole time. I promise. I’ll even tell them for you if you want.”
He was shaking his head. “I… I have to…I can’t…”
She smiled sadly. “Its best we do it now, quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.”
********************
They walked into the warmly lit house feeling like refugees from a horror movie. Mr and Mrs Down were in the kitchen making dinner. His mom looked up when she heard the door.
“Hi Honey! You’ve been out later than I thought!” She smiled, then noticed Jess. “Oh! Jessica! What a nice surprise.”
Jess felt as though she was watching herself from above. Like she was the subject of a particularly awful documentary. She knew that life was about to wipe the smiles off their faces for a very long time. She barely knew these people and she felt terrible. She squeezed Tyler’s hand, he loved them, he hated to cause them pain, she knew. God! Did she ever.
Mr Down’s eyes wandered to their joined hands. He frowned and turned from the worktop.
“Whats up?” he asked.
“Honey?” Mrs Down said, turning off the burners. “ What’s wrong?”
Jess glanced over at Tyler. His eyes were swimming with tears. His arm was trembling. There was no way he could do this. Not alone.
Like ripping off a bandaid.
“Mr and Mrs Down.” Jess said clearly and as calmly as she could. “You both need to sit at the table.”
“What’s going on? What happened?” His mother’s voice was suddenly shrill with worry.
Jess led Tyler over to the table and pulled out a chair for each of them. As soon as he’d sat down he reached for her hand again. She took it in hers and put her other arm around his shoulders. He did flinch away, for the first time with her, but she didn’t let go and he relaxed against her slightly.
“Please sit down. Tyler needs to talk to you both.”
They glanced at each other, radiating fear. What now? What’s our son done now?
But to their credit, they did sit opposite Jess and Tyler at the table without any further questions. She realised that neither she nor Tyler knew what their reaction would be. Would Tyler be able to handle an angry outburst? Or tears? Or Silence?
Would they blame him?
She imagined everything that must have been going through Tyler’s mind. Remembered all her own terror before she confessed to her dad. She saw Tyler’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he tried and failed to speak, she rubbed his shoulder. Love…That was all she’d gotten from her parents... Love and grief. Love was all she could see in their worried faces. She took a deep breath.
“You might have noticed a change in Tyler, over the last few months.” She said softly. “He’s been more withdrawn, depressed. You’ve noticed right?”
“We… We have… But you’ve all been so good to him this year…” His mother began, staring at Tyler.
Jessica shook her head. She chose her words carefully, knowing Tyler couldn’t right now.
“You… You need to know that something… Traumatic… Happened to him… Last year, and he’s been carrying it all alone until very recently.”
Tyler’s mom reached out to him and touched his paper white face. He looked terrified.
“ Sweetheart?”
“Remember everything you’ve done today.” Jess whispered in his ear.
His face crumpled and he started sobbing. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. She watched his father’s shaky hands reach up and cradle his son’s head. Searching for a way to stop his pain. Tyler began to whisper though his tears.
“ Last year… After I got back from the Diversion Programme… I was… Ah! ”… He gagged suddenly as though the word was stuck in his throat. He hasn’t said the word before, she realised.
“…I was raped…”
Her heart clenched and numbness crept all over her body.
“...By three boys from school…”
He couldn’t talk after that, because both his parents burst into tears, and embraced him like he was 4 years old and had just fallen down a flight of stairs. He finally released her hand as his father pulled Tyler off his chair and into his lap. Not caring that his 17 year old son was too big for that now… And his mother wrapped her arms around both of them. As though they were one body.
Jess stood in the kitchen crying and shaking as she watched their family fall apart together.
The truth will set you free. She thought. They’ll rebuild…Never be the same.
This was too personal, too close to home, too private for her to be there. She walked slowly outside and sat on the front stoop. She sat there and couldn’t move, she certainly couldn’t get in the car and drive, because her fingers were too shaky to get the key out of her pocket. She didn’t know how long she sat there, but she was cold, and numb, and half asleep when she heard the door open.
She felt a large palm on the top of her head. She looked up to see Tyler’s dad, his face still puffy from crying. He sat down on the stoop, took off his jacket and put it over her shoulders.
“Do you want to stay over sweetheart? Tyler’s upstairs with his mom but you’re welcome to use the spare room.”
She shook her head. “I need to get home… I just…Need to know he’ll be ok. That you’ll all be ok.”
He sighed deeply. “I don’t know about that. I don’t reckon I’ll ever be quite ok again… But we’ll look after him, don’t worry.”
“ If you need to know anything else… He filed a police report today.”
“ I know, he told us.”
“ What else did he tell you?”
“ Enough… Enough for us to piece together what happened… God help us it took us long enough to realise... ”
Everything that happened? She wondered... The ‘False Alarm’ at Spring Fling too?
If he knew he didn’t hint at it.
“ I’m going to call your daddy to come pick you up ok? You shouldn’t drive right now.”
She couldn’t argue. She was feeling… She didn’t know how she was feeling right now... She must have looked pretty shaken up. So she just nodded as she handed him her phone... She closed her eyes...She vaguely heard the one sided conversation.
“Something happened…Our boy…Shaken up… Emotional…Shock...Good Friend…Daughter…Proud…”
Then silence while they waited. After a while he spoke to her.
“Thank you so much Jessica. For being a friend to our son… He talked a lot about you and your group these last few months…I...” His voice cracked... ”I can’t believe I never put two and two together.”
“ You couldn’t have known, I didn’t even know myself.” She whispered. “Should have figured it out sooner.”
“I’m so sorry too… For what was done to you… That you’ve been though it and used your understanding to help Tyler… Well… You’re a very brave girl.”
He waited with her, silently. Until her father’s car pulled up beside her own. She listened as the two men talked in whispers. Not wanting the neighbours to hear. She closed her eyes as the familiar smell of Dads leather Jacket enveloped her, and strong arms lifted her up.
The End.