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~*~*~
Kit is sitting on the floor, his brown eyes wide open. He is staring into nowhere, an unfocused look in his eyes. His mouth is slightly open and he’s breathing steadily. Kit’s hands are closed in fists, squeezing the pillow in his lap. Richard is watching him from the door, looking at the broken man and silently praying.
"Kit."
Richard’s voice is steady, calm. Kit’s eyes snap back to the present moment and he looks at Richard. He bites his lip and pulls his legs near his chest, squeezing the pillow in his lap. He wraps his arms around his legs and stops biting his lip. Richard still hasn’t moved. He’s afraid any movement might scare Kit and he would push Richard away again.
"Kit, please," Richard says. His voice is quiet, like a whisper, and there’s a begging tone. Kit’s lip trembles and he looks away. Richard can still see his face, though. He can see the tears Kit is trying to hide. He can see what Kit refuses to show. He takes one, two, three steps closer. Kit buries his face in the pillow, and Richard can hear his sobs. It hurts to look at him. To look at Kit, when he’s hugging a pillow and there’s tears on his cheeks. To look at him and see. See that he’s hurt. That he’s broken. That he’s trying so hard to be strong, but he’s failing. Kit curls up in a ball, shielding himself from Richard. And that hurts even more. Richard takes a deep, shaking breath and kneels at Kit’s side.
"Hey…," he says and gently lowers his hand on Kit’s shoulder. Kit flinches away from him and stands up, backing away from Richard. The pillow is on the floor and there’s a red stain. Kit presses his hand against his side and tries not to cry. Richard picks up the pillow and looks at Kit. There’s a knife on the floor, next to where Kit was sitting.
"I… I…," Kit begins, but he breaks down again. Richard is suddenly very aware of the song playing at the background. Please don’t go. I want you to stay, I’m begging you, please, please don’t leave here, I don’t want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel, this world is just illusion, always trying to change you. Richard drops the pillow and walks over to Kit. He grabs Kit’s arm and forces him to look at him. Kit’s eyes are bloodshot and his hair is a mess. There’s blood on his hand and on his shirt. When Richard lifts the shirt, he can see the cut.
"Are you angry at me?" Kit asks. He sounds like a terrified little boy and looks miserable. Richard just stares at him, shocked. How could he ever be angry at Kit? So he pulls him close, wraps his arms around Kit and holds him there. Kit stays as close as he can, seeking comfort and something to rely on. Something strong to hold on to. But his body is tense, as if he’s still afraid. Richard moves his hand soothingly against Kit’s back.
"Hear my hearbeat?" he asks. Kit gives a little nod.
"Focus on that. I know you’re hurt right now, but I’m not angry. Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself again," Richard continues.
"I promise," Kit whispers, his voice hoarse. Richard closes his eyes. He could hear the tears in Kit’s voice.
"Just… Close your eyes and cry. I don’t mind. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you. I’ll never let you go. I promise I’ll always be here for you and I promise I’ll always protect you, Kit."
Kit squeezes his eyes shut and lets it all go. Richard holds him, doesn’t mind that his shoulder is damp from Kit’s tears when he finally pulls away. Kit looks at Richard, who looks back with worry etched on his face. Kit doesn’t bother wiping his cheeks. He gives Richard a small, sad smile.
"I love you."
I know it’s hard to tell how mixed up you feel, hoping what you need is behind every door, each time you get hurt, I don’t want you to change ‘cause everyone has hopes, you’re human after all.
"I love you, too."