Chapter Text
I had spent the last three days at my Dads house, cuddled up with Pony on the sofa bed in the living room. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or see anyone. I just slept, and cried, and then slept some more. Wallace had been to visit me, to offer me his condolences, but I didn't want to hear it. He had tried to pass me Noah, for a cuddle, saying it would cheer me up, but I pushed him away.
Then there was Dick. Logan was his best friend, and Dick had lost him and his father on the same day. I didn't usually have a lot of sympathy for Dick, but he sort of had no-one left now, and I got the feeling he was hurting just as much as I was. He had been to visit this morning, and just sat with me on the sofa watching a movie. Quiet and broken. I didn't know what to say to him, and I don't think he knew what to say to me, but it was strangely comforting just having him there.
Jane had tried to call, twice. The second time, my dad spoke to her. She said she wanted to see me, the sooner the better, but I just wasn't ready to go there yet. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I wasn't ready to admit it, not out loud.
And now, Leo was here. I could hear muffled voices coming from the other room, and I glanced up to see them both watching me. My eyes locked with my Dads', and I hoped he would just tell Leo I wasn't up to accepting visitors. Surely he could see I didn't want to talk to anyone?
Apparently not.
My dad escorted him into the room. He had his head hung slightly to the side, in that cocked 'sympathetic' pose that people adopt at funerals, or when talking to people who are seriously sick.
"Hey Veronica" he spoke softly.
I didn't have the strength in me to respond.
He came and sat beside me, and my dad mumbled something about giving us some privacy, and left the room.
"There's something here that you really need to see."
I took the pages he offered out to me, but it wasn't until I saw what they were that I actually sat up and paid attention.
It was the forensic report of the bomb that exploded in my car. The blast had been so powerful it created a crater in the earth beneath it, and broke the windows in houses within a 42 foot radius. But, according to this forensic report, no human remains, or even traces of blood, had been found on the unrecognizable contorted pieces of scrap metal that had previously been my car.
And yet, also according to this report, the county coroner had signed off on a death certificate, legally declaring Logan dead. Why?
So many things just didn't add up.
I was supposed to believe that Logan had died when the backpack bomb exploded in my car on our wedding day. At 5pm. An hour after our wedding.
Fiji is 19 hours ahead of California. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I check my car? Why wouldn't the Sheriffs department have taken Penns' backpack when he was arrested? How could my Dad and I have overlooked something that important? And why did Logan have to move my car at precisely 5pm? 2 minutes either way, and we would be together on our honeymoon, right now.
The 'whys' had started yesterday. Apparently this is a sign that I am working through the different stages of my grief. I don't give a fuck about that. All of these questions had been swimming in my head for the past three days, and I hadn't been able to make sense of any of them … until now.
Like that text message from him, just before our wedding? "Sorry". I know he explained that as being a typo via Siri dictation, but in my gut, it felt like more than that. I just had a feeling he was apologizing for something else. When I looked at my phone, that was the last message from him that showed up. Just one word. 'Sorry'. Why were you sorry Logan?
I shook my head to clear it, and noticed that Leo was watching me. I had almost forgotten he was still there.
"What does this mean? If Logan was killed, why were there no traces..."
I let my voice trail off as my brain ran on ahead of my mouth.
"I'm sorry Leo, I've gotta go. I … thanks."
I grabbed my Dads car keys, realizing at the last second that I was in 3 day old pyjamas, with bare feet and no bra, and decided to make a quick stop by the bathroom first. Not that I really cared about what I looked like, it was more habit than anything.
I drove on autopilot towards the beach, a million thoughts in my head as I tried to make sense of what I knew. I could see the police tape up ahead, still blocking off the street behind my apartment. I parked the car half a block away and walked over to take in the extent of the damage that the explosion had caused.
I had seen it straight after the bomb had exploded, but it looked very different now. The twisted pieces of metal were gone, as was the smoke and the fires. An underground water pipe had burst in the explosion, causing a geyser of water to spout out of the ground behind the car; that had now been shut off, but large puddles remained.
I ducked under the tape and walked towards the large hole in the road, realizing then that I was trembling. There was an eerie stillness in the air, almost like it was mocking me. I scanned the ground carefully but found nothing, so I walked around the building and up the stairs to our apartment.
Not our apartment anymore? My apartment?
Unlocking the door, I stepped inside and a hundred memories overwhelmed me all at once... Logan twirling me through that door and kissing me, holding me, all the smiles and laughter and banter and disagreements and fun and worry and love that we shared in this tiny apartment over the years came flooding back, and my knees buckled and I collapsed on the floor.
If he wasn't killed in the explosion, then where in the hell was he?
Biting back a sob, I crawled to my feet and started scanning the apartment for clues. Anything out of place, or missing, or unusual.
Pony's leash was missing from the hook by the door, but my Dad could have taken that when he had packed us up and taken Pony and me back to his place. My keys were gone too, but that's because Logan had taken them when he went to move my car...
Shaking my head to clear it, I moved into the bedroom. Last time I was here, Logan's duffel bag had been on the bed, next to my bag. Both were gone now. My dad had brought my bag over to his house, but what had happened to Logan's duffel? My dad had told me that my bag was the only thing that had been on my bed, and I had been too out of it to question it at the time, but I wasn't now. Where in the hell was his bag?
I went to Logan's side of the bed and opened his top drawer. The first thing I noticed was that his passport was gone. So was his Grandfathers watch, and his mothers lighter.
Odd?
My search of the second drawer revealed nothing unusual, but when I opened the bottom drawer I froze.
There sat Pony's leash. Next to it was a small, Tiffany ring box, and an envelope with my name on it, in Logan's distinctive script.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the three items, trying to process it all in my head. None of these things had been in this drawer when I had last been here, packing for our honeymoon. What the hell did this mean?
With shaking hands, I lifted all three things out of the drawer. Pony's leash. What was the significance of it?
The ring box.
Tiffany
I snapped it open. It was empty. Was this just the ring box for my engagement ring? The ring hadn't been in a box when Logan tried to propose to me, so that would make sense, but why was it here now, when it hadn't been before?
The envelope.
"Veronica"
Tears sprang to my eyes. I didn't know if I wanted to read this, but how could I not?
I gingerly opened it to reveal a single sheet of paper.
On that piece of paper was a single word, but on reading it, I knew without a doubt that it meant that my husband was not dead. I fell onto the bed, my head on his pillow, sobbing and shaking, with tears streaming down my face until I fell asleep, the precious letter clasped in my hands... because on it was a word he had uttered to me upon many occasions, when declaring his love to me; when declaring that his heart belonged to me.
When declaring that he would come back to me, as he did before every mission, every deployment.
Always.
And he had signed it just with a big, loopy L.