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“What are you doin’ here?” asked Jay, looking over his shoulder.
Callum managed to drag his attention away from the man in the hospital bed after a moment. “I … um … I came to see how Ben was doing … well you and Ben.”
“I’m OK,” replied Jay, turning back to look at his friend, “and this one’ll be OK eventually. They took him off the ventilator yesterday and woke him up according to Phil. He’s been drifting in and out of it for the last,” he looked at his watch, “Jesus, it’s been an hour.”
Callum moved closer to the bed, “I thought Phil and Sharon were the ones staying with him,” he said.
“You and me both,” said Jay, “but then Sharon had a twinge or sommit so they rushed off to get her checked out and muggins here had to fill in. He ain't in any danger, they just don't want him waking up on his own.”
Callum's heart raced a little as he realised he didn't want Ben to ever wake up alone, not that he thought he’d be the one to fill that vacancy. “Why don’t you go and get a tea, stretch your legs,” he said, “I can sit with him.”
“Cheers mate,” replied Jay getting up from the uncomfortable plastic chair, “I could do with gettin’ back to the office for a bit. Big Nigel needs me to sign off on Mrs Watson’s casket. If you could hold the fort till the Mitchells get back, it’d be a big help.”
“Course boss,” said Callum with a smile, “not like I’ve got anyone to run home to, is it?”
Jay nodded understandingly. “It’ll get easier. You know that, don’t you.”
Callum nodded. “Yeah. You ain’t the first person to tell me. Go on, don’t wanna keep Big Nigel waiting.”
The room was as quiet as the grave, which, reasoned Callum, should make him feel comfortable given his job. The monitor beside Ben’s bed was turned off, which he guessed was a good sign. Wouldn’t they have him wired up like crazy if they thought he was in any danger? He hadn’t seen Ben like this before, completely calm, all the demons that so often drove him completely silenced. The only time he'd had to encourage Ben to talk had been in the Vic, the memory of which had been haunting him ever since. Ben looked content, happy even, as his chest slowly rose and fell under the hospital gown he was wearing.
Callum had been running on empty the last few days. He worried about Ben all day, but felt unable to visit without it becoming clear there was more than friendship between them, at least on his part. Nightmares, random panic stricken memories, and daydreamed what-ifs where Ben hadn't survived filled the time he wasn't working, driving him to stay at the undertakers even when Jay had suggested he go home. Finally seeing Ben was safe, together with the quietness of the room, had him falling asleep within minutes.
He woke with a start, unsure what had happened, until he saw his phone on the ground. Picking it up he realised it had fallen out of his pocket onto the floor and that the screen was now cracked.”No, no, no,” he muttered as he tried and failed to get it to unlock. A murmuring from the bed interrupted his thoughts. Ben seemed to be waking up. Callum looked over his shoulder, wondering if there was anyone else who should be in here in his place. Getting up, he walked to the blinds and peaked through them into the corridor; it was deserted. As he turned back he was met by Ben’s eyes, so blue he felt like he could drown in them. “You here on business or pleasure?” asked Ben, his voice a little croaky, his face a little tired, but his tone back to normal.
“I don't get no pleasure seeing you in a hospital bed” replied Callum moving towards the bedside cabinet where the water jug stood.
“Jesus. Must be business then” replied Ben, his customary smirk back in place, “If you're here to measure me up, I know what I'd like you to see the length of first.”
Callum turned bright red as he poured out a glass of water. “Don't you ever stop making smutty remarks?” he asked.
He handed the glass to Ben, who took a sip before replying, “Only when I've been shot apparently.”
Callum shook his head. “That ain't funny Ben,” he said, walking back round to the chair and sitting down, “I thought I was gonna lose -. We all thought we was gonna lose you.”
He might be weaker than usual, but Ben was as sharp as ever. “So I'm yours to lose now am I?” he asked.
“No, course not, we're just mates ain't we.”
“Shame. I quite like the sound of ‘this is Callum’s Ben’.”
Callum blushed. “Why would you wanna tie yourself down to a screw up like me?”
“Ooh,” said Ben in his campest voice, “maybe I like being tied up.”
“Do you take anything seriously?” asked Callum, the exasperation clear in his voice.
“I'm lying here, having had a bullet in me,” said Ben, his voice flat, “How bloody serious do you want me to be?”
“I know you had a bullet in you,” said Callum, “I was there with you. D’you remember me and Sonia looking after you? Getting you to finish the fairy story you was telling Lexi?”
“I’m making jokes,” said Ben, his voice a little shaky, “because if I think about what might have happened seriously I’d fall apart, and if I did, I don’t know how I’d get myself put back together.”
Seeing a tear trickle down Ben’s cheek, Callum leant over and wiped it away with his thumb. “I feel like that too” he whispered, “Don’t know how I’d’ve coped if you’d … y’know.” He took a firm hold of Ben’s hand.
Swallowing hard before he spoke, Ben replied “But I didn’t die, and neither did you. And I ain’t going nowhere. Well, I’m gonna get out of here soon as I can. I’ve got a daughter that I need to see, and there’s this guy who’s just coming to terms with his sexuality that I want to help become the amazing man he’s meant to be.” They fell into silence for a few minutes, holding hands.
“Any chance you could get me a bar of chocolate?” asked Ben after a while, “I’ve got this craving for it. Well I’ve got a craving for two things, but they don’t have the other in machines, and I don’t reckon the nurses’d be too happy seeing you in bed with me.”
Callum blushed bright red again, suddenly finding it very hard to speak. Eventually he snapped out of it. “I’ll … um … I’ll get you some chocolate,” he said getting up hastily.
“You’ll let me lick it off you, won’t you?” called out Ben as Callum left the room.
He’d only been gone five minutes, so as he walked back into the corridor for Ben’s room, he was horrified to find the man crumpled in a heap on the floor, leant against the wall, a patch of red growing on his gown. Rushing over he crouched down in front of the younger man. “Ben, Ben, can you hear me?”
Ben's eyes opened more slowly this time. “Don’t tell ‘em I’ve escaped. I don't feel so good,” he whimpered, his face almost white.
“OK,” said Callum, his army training kicking in as he took control of the situation, “let's get you back in bed and then we'll get you checked over.” It worried him slightly that there was no reply, no smart comeback. Lifting Ben up as gently as he could, Callum half walked, half carried him back to the room and deposited him on the bed. “You stay there and I'll get some help,” he said, but as he went to leave Ben grabbed hold of his hand, summoning energy from somewhere hidden deep inside.
“I don't wanna die on me own,” he whispered.
“I didn’t let you die before and I ain't letting you die now,” replied Callum, “Jay and me have got enough business at the moment.” His gallows humour was kicking in to calm his nerves. “But you've gotta let me get some help. Trust me, Ben.”
The grip on him relaxed which worried him even more as it was accompanied by Ben fainting. Callum hadn't realised this was a life and death emergency until now. Pressing the alarm button on the wall behind the bed, he ran to the door and shouted for help. Nurses and doctors quickly filled the room, ushering him out into the corridor. His panic levels rose moments later when they wheeling Ben out of the room. “What’s happening?” he asked one of the nurses, “Where are they taking him?”
“His wound’s re-opened,” she said, “so we’re taking him to the treatment room to fix it.”
“He’ll be alright, won’t he?”
The nurse’s non committal “We’ll do our best” did nothing to calm Callum’s fears.
He was still waiting in the corridor when Phil and Sharon re-appeared. “Where’s Ben?” asked Phil aggressively, “and what are you doing here?”
“And where is Jay?” added Sharon.
“I'm here,” said Jay, coming through the corridor doors behind her, “what's happening?”
“I was keeping an eye on him while Jay caught up at work,” explained Callum, “and Ben’s wound opened up again while I was getting some chocolate, so he’s being operated on now.”
“You left my son to get some bloody chocolate?” shouted Phil, “He could die because you wanted something sweet?”
Callum hadn’t expected to be shouted at. “No. I went … I mean I was only gone for a minute-”
“Get out,” shouted Phil, “I don’t want you anywhere near him, leaving him to die.”
“I would never-” Callum was interrupted by the corridor doors swinging open and Ben being wheeled back in. Not wanting to leave, but conscious he wouldn’t be welcome in the room, Callum waited in the corridor, hoping he could see Ben later.
When Sharon walked out of the room, Callum pounced on her. “Is he OK Sharon?” he asked nervously.
“He’s asking for you” she replied calmly, “He explained what happened, how you saved him again, calmed Phil down.”
Not waiting to hear another word, Callum rushed back into the room, standing next to the bed and taking hold of Ben’s hand again. “Don’t ever do that to me again” he said firmly, “Why were you out in the corridor anyway?”
“He wanted to see Lexi,” said Jay from behind him.
“You should’ve asked me,” said Callum, “You don’t put yourself in danger anymore, you hear me? I’ll get Lexi and bring her up here now. You stay put. Is that clear?”
Ben nodded, “Yes sir.”
As Callum walked out of the door, Jay followed him. “It wasn’t Whitney that had another fella, was it?,” he asked softly.
Callum blushed. “We ain’t … we ain’t boyfriends.”
“But you like him, and I can see he likes you.”
“He’s very important to me, but I’m not … out … yet.”
“I won’t say anything” he replied, “I think you'd be good for him, calm him down a bit. Don't know what you'd get out of it though.”
“I can't explain it,” said Callum, “but when I’m with him I can be meself, everything makes sense.”
“Well you'd better go get his daughter,” said Jay, “or you'll be in your boyfriend, sorry potential boyfriend’s, bad books.”
“Yes boss,” said Callum with a grin as he turned and walked out of the hospital. Someone else knew about him and Ben, and they were supportive. First of many, he told himself as he stepped out into the sunshine. His new life started today.