Chapter Text
So What Are You Supposed To Be Anyway?
Sometimes Starrk chases rabbits in his sleep and by rabbits I mean Aizen and by chase I mean tears into bite-sized portions with his teeth. His hands twitch in a way that makes you want to bite his face off because it’s so cute - sometimes he even yips! The only thing cuter is when he and Grimmjow nap together. Not even Nel can handle it. (Lilynette dreams of playing keep-away and chase with Starrk, in an endless field of green grass.)
Baraggan's the world’s oldest fucking edgelord and the only reason he doesn’t have an animal resurrección is because Starrk already snagged wolves, and Ulquiorra took bats. Big ass crow wings would have looked really fucking sweet — a dramatic, floor-length cape of feathers with a standing collar would’ve been sick — but NOoOoOo, can’t have Nnoitra running screaming off the battlefield all the time. So fuckit. Skeleton it is. Metal.
Sometimes Harribel just can't resist lying on the ground behind a corner and biting unsuspecting victims’ calves as they walk past (she’s just curious). Her needs are few, and easily satisfied.
Nel is a pacifist and all round sweetheart, but she would not say no to the chance to stomp on Aizen until he was nothing but smooth Shinigami jam beneath her hooves. (Noitra she would kick to death. Slowly. Painfully. In the skull. To make up for all the times she had to listen to him talking out of his ass, and that whole attempted assassination thing. She has not yet come up with an appropriate end for Szayel, though she’s imagining something one of a kind... experimental, even… For a pacifist, she spends a lot of time thinking about murder.)
Ulquiorra absolutely did not secure a pair of inversion boots to the ceiling of his room so that he can hang upside down like a bat; and until somebody catches him in the act, there is absolutely no proof that he stands in front of his mirror and says “I am the night” with so little emotion that Bruce Wayne would shed a single stoic tear of jealousy. (He also absolutely does not have a complete, mint condition collection of every single Batman comic ever either, and if anyone were to ever even breathe on this collection that definitely does not exist, they would be cero-ed into a fine, snortable powder.)
Nnoitra is terrified of birds. TERRIFIED. He called in sick for the Battle of Fake Karakura Town because he heard there was a Vizard with a bird mask. It is so bad that he can’t even be anywhere near Ulquiorra in resurrección. Ichigo could have won his fight against Nnoitra armed with nothing but one [1] budgie (although a sack full of them would have admittedly have been far more amusing).
Sometimes Grimmjow sleeps with his arms tucked under him and his head pressed into the floor like a cat. It is twice as kawaii as it sounds.(The real reason he’s always sneaking off the the Human World when someone leaves a window open is for the unlimited access to sunbeams.)
Zommari secretly loves unagi. He meditates afterwards to cleanse his conscience, but nothing can remove the sweet briny taint of shame from his tongue (he can’t look himself in the eyes for weeks afterwards. Not that it stops him.)
Szayel couldn’t decide what to be — mermaid princess? Ursula cosplayer? cyberpunk glam rocker with a naughty priest fetish? — so he decided to be a little bit of everything (he did it all for The Aesthetic™). He’ll never admit it, but even he thinks the end result is… tacky — but not as tacky as ~Lord Aizen~ copying his form. Tacky bitch. There’s nothing to be done but keep his chin up, his scalpels sharp, and evolve past it as fast as he can.
Don’t bother trying to figure out wtf Aaroniero is. All you need to know is that:
1. He is comprehensively creepy, and
2. He would be delicious breaded and deep-fried, dipped in garlic butter +/ tartar sauce.
Yammy dreams of being pretty and delicate and light and flying far away from everyone to a land of warm breezes and bright, pretty flowers where he can flit about in a constant state of joyful bliss. He wakes up angry. Angrier. Caught between desire and denial, his metamorphosis is doomed to be eternally stuck in the overcompensation phase. Tragic.