Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It wasn't uncommon for a certain mumrik troll to catch himself staring off into space for what felt like an eternity in a second. He was a daydreamer; his head was always in the clouds. However, it was different today, because today, he was aware that he was staring at someone instead of into the usual nothingness. Snufkin would never say that he was sad to see his best friend be happy with someone else, because that simply isn't true. He was very happy that Moomintroll and Snorkmaiden were so close, but he couldn't deny the slight bang of jealousy he felt whenever they were together. He wasn't 100% sure what the relationship between them was, only that he wanted something like it.

Snufkin tilted his hat down so it covered his eyes, before hoisting himself up onto the veranda railings. This was one of his favourite spots to watch the world from. He looked across the valley now, smiling to himself. He didn't have a set 'home', but if he had to choose one, he'd choose here. The leaves were beginning to change colour; it'd be autumn soon. Was he ready to go away again? His gaze shifted to where his friends were playing in the grass. Snorkmaiden was making flower crowns for Sniff and Moomintroll, whilst Little My made snarky comments about everything and anything. Yes, it was time to leave soon. As the world shifted seasons, his feelings always grew conflicted. Did he truly belong here? Did he really have friends? What if one year he came back and no one noticed he was gone? What if one year they told him to leave and never return? As well as leaving the valley behind, he needed a break from his anxious thoughts as well.

"Is everything alright, my dear?" A soft, lilting voice brought him out of his spiral. He jolted a little, almost falling off his perch, before relaxing. 

"Oh. Moominmamma! How nice to see you."

"And you too. Is there a reason you're apart from the others?" She went to place a paw on his shoulder, but stopped herself. She knew he wasn't always ok with being touched.

"It'll be autumn soon." A vague, but not untruthful, answer was always best.

"Are you preparing to leave so soon? Moomintroll will miss you."

"I- He will, will he?"

"Of course. He yearns for you when you aren't here. You are a big part of his world, Snufkin, my dear."

He did his best to ignore the faint blush spreading across his face, hiding in his hat slightly. "You are very kind, Moominmamma, but I have to leave when winter calls."

"I know that. But, if you do not mind, do you mind if I ask where you plan to go?"

The mumrik folded his hands in his lap, listening to the far off giggles of his friends. The truth was, he didn't know where he wanted to go. He usually just followed his feet and wherever the wind took him. Sometimes it was because he wanted the thrill of an adventure into the unknown, other times because planning would take too long. He sighed softly, relaxing his shoulders. "South. I'll go south."

"That's the only answer you ever give, my dear." This time, she dared to place a paw on his shoulder, smiling when he didn't flinch. "If I am allowed to, might I recommend you somewhere to visit?"

"Where would that be?"

"Moominpappa and I think it's time you visit an old friend of ours. He is a mumrik like you that goes by the name of Joxter. I've noticed your troubled looks recently, and thought that maybe he could give you better advice than I can." 

"Troubled…? Moominmamma, I am quite alright." He looked up at her loving, emerald eyes, and tried his best to smile.

"I know, my dear. But if ever you weren't, I feel like you should have someone that understands you better."

Snufkin stared down at his paws and thought. He'd never met another mumrik before. Did he want to? What were other mumriks like? He sighed, taking out his harmonica. "I- I will consider it. Thank you, Moominmamma."

"Of course." She patted his back a little, smiling a soft smile. "But it is still only summer. You have many pleasant months here. We don't want to say goodbye to you just yet."

He stammered a moment, before returning her smile. "Thank you, Moominmamma."

"Might I give you a hug, my dear?"

"If you would like to." He had barely finished his sentence before he was pulled into a gentle embrace.

"There is always a home for you here, Snufkin. Never forget that."

"Where has all this come from?" He smiled a little, confused by all the affection.

"Let's just say, you looked a little down."

"I can assure you I'm fine."

"Then I won't doubt you. On one condition."

"Oh?"

"You will tell me if something is wrong, ok?"

"Of course." Snufkin had never had a mother of his own, but if he could choose one? Moominmamma had taken care of him better than he took care of himself. He had never felt unsafe whilst she was there. 

"Thank you, my dear." She nodded slightly, slowly letting go of him. "I will be inside if you need me, but run along now. Even if he won't admit it, Moomintroll is waiting for you to join in."

"Moomintroll? Waiting for me? I-"

"Shh… You're fretting too much. Go, have fun!" She waved, guiding him off of the veranda, before disappearing into the blue house.

Maybe it was wasn't time to leave just yet. The discomfort in his chest hadn't faded, but it was certainly a little more at ease. He took his mouth organ out of his pocket, playing his most practiced tune, only to be interrupted by his favourite voice. "Snufkin!" Moomintroll was so easily excited; it warmed the mumrik to his core.

"Moomintroll." He kept his voice relaxed and calm as he tilted his hat ever so slightly.

"I- Yeah. Snufkin." His friend mimicked the more casual tone, which received a groan from Little My, who was sitting a short distance away.

Maybe it wasn't time to leave just yet.

Chapter Text

“How does your hair even get like this? It’s so ratty and- And I don’t even know what to say! It’ll snap the comb if I’m not careful!” The Snorkmaiden tutted in disappointment and dismay as she stroked the bristles of one of her favourite hairbrushes through her friend’s tangled, auburn curls. “Have you ever washed it, Snufkin?”

“It rained yesterday, did it not?”

This remark was received with a groan from Snorkmaiden, an eye roll from Little My, scrunched up nose from Sniff, and a soft giggle from Moomintroll.

The small, but very loud, mymble looked up at the white troll, punching his side lightly. “You need to take more care of him.”

“Me? I thought Snorkmaiden was the best at all this grooming and care stuff!”

“Yeah, but Snufkin listens to you above anyone else!” Sniff spoke up, fiddling with his tail. “It’s funny how the great, wise Snufkin listens to you of all people! Who’d have thought it? Thunk it? Thinked it? Oh I don’t know!”

“Sniff! Don’t be so rude! I’ll have you know I can be great and wise when I want to be!”

“Now now, you lot. Settle down. There is no reason to get hostile with each other.” The mumrik avoided eye contact by looking down at his hat, which was resting in his lap whilst his hair was being brushed. He picked at the tattered edges of the green fabric, running his fingers over the soft feather that was tucked into it’s side.

“I agree with Snufkin. The only fight we need is my brush and Snufkin’s- How does this even happen?!” Snorkmaiden was more confused than anything at this point.

“Perhaps you should just give up on me? I- I can’t remember ever brushing it, and I don’t want you to break your comb.”

“Never? What about your parents?”

“Sniff! We don’t ask those sorts of questions!” Moomintroll batted his friend’s paw. It was an unspoken rule between them to not ask about Snufkin’s family. Ever since he had told them how he’d been found in a basket with only his hat and harmonica, people had stopped asking.

“Oh pleeeeaaase.” Little My groaned, rolling her eyes again. “Get over it already! It’s not that big of a deal, is it?”

“Little My! Not you too!” The round, white troll was growing quite distressed now.

“I mean, Mother left me with your family and I doubt she’s noticed I’m gone whilst she’s off on her travels. Sniff, did you know your parents?”

“I...don’t think so?”

“Snorkmaiden, it’s just you and your brother, right?”

“Well, maybe my brother knew our parents but I didn’t.”

“Exactly! The only ‘normal’ family here is yours, Moomintroll. So, why are we being so sensitive to Snufkin?”

“I agree with the little one.” The mumrik fastened his hat in place, staring up at the sky. “I cannot be sad about something I do not know. And, besides, I’ve experienced the whole ‘family’ dynamic when those woodies latched onto me. Whilst it was nice in the moment, I do not believe I could live like that. I need my space. A family would get in the way.” 

“See! The ‘wise and great’ Snufkin agrees with m- Wait, did you call my little?”

“A slip of the tongue.” He chuckled, patting the mymble’s head gently, only for her to bite his paw with her small, but sharp teeth. 

The joking and laughter continued until the sky shifted from a crystal clear blue, into a warm amber red. Eventually, the others headed inside, but Snufkin was left alone again. He couldn’t get the thought of his absent family out of his head. Had it been intentional abandonment? Or were they out there, looking for their missing son? No. Not possible. Besides, he was an adult now. It would’ve been too long. His parents would’ve moved on. As a child, the thought of his parents had consumed him, but now, it rarely crossed his mind. Why should it? It was in the past. At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself. Although it wasn’t something he dwelled on anymore, whenever he did think about his parents, it always lead to a rough night of tears, shallow breathing, and lack of sleep. Moominmamma’s words came to him now. He said he would tell her if something was wrong, but he knew he wouldn’t. How could he tell anyone? Maybe this was why she told him to find the Joxter. Would he understand? Was this a common problem for mumriks? Or maybe this was a personal problem? Maybe Snufkin was just weird? He’d only been thinking for a couple moments, but he could already feel himself start to spiral. 

“Snufkin?” A voice brought him back to reality. Moomintroll was standing on the veranda, arms resting on the railings. “You haven’t moved since everyone else came inside. Do you want to come with us? I- I know you said you didn’t, but it could never hurt to ask twice.”

“I’m quite alright.” The answer rolled off his tongue before he had time to think about it. He did his best to ignore the slight crack in his voice, hoping his friend would do the same.

“Are you sure?”

“I think so, yes.”

“I know you like to be alone, but you’re always welcome to spend the night here if you’d like.”

Snufkin had to hesitate before answering this time. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts tonight, but spending the night inside with other people sounded difficult too. He weighed over his options, before slowly looking up to meet his friend’s eyes. Moomintroll’s expression was filled with expectation and hope. It was that eager, excited look that cemented the mumrik’s decision. “I- I guess I could come inside for an hour or two.”

“Yes! I mean, that sounds great.” The white troll failed to hide his joy behind a relaxed persona, which only made Snufkin smile more. Before he knew it, he was being dragged up onto the veranda and into Moominhouse. He couldn’t say he was complaining. As much as Snufkin valued solitude, he wasn’t ready to be alone just yet.

Chapter Text

Moominhouse always smelled nice, Snufkin thought. In the morning, it smelled of fresh coffee and breakfasts. By the afternoon, the smell shifted to cinnamon and baking, and nightfall had a special smell of the crackling fireplace and pine. It was early evening when the mumrik was dragged inside by his friend. He’d never admit it, but Snufkin always felt out of place around the rest of the family. It was one of the reasons he kept to himself so much. He was fine speaking to people alone. Pleasant talking with Moominmamma always made his head feel lighter; fishing with Moominpappa was a day well spent; Sniff, despite his oddities, never failed to make Snufkin smile; Snorkmaiden took excellent care of him, even if he didn’t always want her too; Little My was a bird of the same feather as he; and Moomintroll? That faint blush spread over the mumrik’s face as he thought over it. 

He was vaguely aware of a conversation, but he couldn’t work out what it was about. It seemed cheery enough, but Snufkin wasn’t in the mood. His anxious spiral earlier had faded now, but it left a heavy feeling in his stomach. He’d been in a bit of an off mood for a while now, but today felt worse. He tried to focus on what was being said, but the words turned fuzzy in his head. The family was staring at him now, which made him feel strange. He didn’t know what to say, so waved slightly and hoped it was the right response. Based off of their responses, it was not.

“Snufkin, are you okay?” Moomintroll took a step towards his friend, concern in his big, blue eyes.

“Quite fine. I just zoned out. That’s all.”

“That’s the second time recently, isn’t it?” Moominmamma’s voice was soft and loving. “You said you would tell us if there is a problem.”

“I- Yes, but I assure you I am quite alright. Perhaps I’m just a little unwell. The last few nights it has been cold outside.”

“You should stay inside then! We can’t you getting sick! I know you need to be alone, but-” 

“Moomintroll, please. I’m fine. I’ll just need to rest for a few days, and then I’ll be back to my old self. I-” The mumrik was about to say ‘I promise’, but he would never throw that phrase around so lightly, especially considering he was already lying to his closest friends. He hated lying, it made the heavy feeling much worse, but he was already uncomfortable and needed to escape this situation. He took a deep breath and tilted his hat down so it covered his face. “I’m sorry for intruding, but I should be heading off n-”

“Nonsense.” Moominpappa looked up from where he was reading in a corner. “I know what you mumriks are like. You don’t get ill often, but when you do? A small cold can take weeks to recover from.”

“Stay the night, Snufkin.” Moomintroll’s eyes were a mix of worry and hope. “What if you get worse?”

“I’m fine, really! I swear.” He backed up against the door. “I just need to be alone for a while. That’s all.”

“Please, Snufkin…”

How could he say no to those big, blue eyes?

And that was how a certain mumrik found himself curled up in blankets on the sofa of Moominhouse. Did he want to be here? He didn’t know. All he knew was that despite the heavy feeling in his chest and the screaming voice in his head telling him to run far away, he felt soft. He felt safe. He felt cared for. He could vaguely hear conversation in the next room, but he was to focus. He knew he was being spoken about, but everything felt too bad to concentrate. Even if he wasn’t physically ill, he could appreciate that being emotionally ill was just as troubling and yes, he did need to be taken care of. He’d be fine by morning, but it wasn’t morning now. He closed his eyes, hugged himself gently, and waited for sleep to come. Until then, he listened to conversation, using the quiet noise to lull him into rest.

Moomintroll stared down at his sleeping friend, sighing softly. As much as he cared for Snufkin, he couldn’t deny that it was difficult to look after him at times. “It’s like he doesn’t want to be helped.” He mumbled to himself, tucking the blankets around his friend a little more.

“Perhaps he doesn’t.” 

“Why would that be, Mamma?”
“Some people are like that, my dear. But that shouldn’t mean they don’t deserve help. You know what Snufkin is like. Even when he’s lonely, he likes to be alone.”

“What?”

“You must have seen that look on his face whenever he comes back from his travels. He misses you and your company so much, but that isn’t to say he doesn’t enjoy his journey.”

“How can you like something but not like it at the same time?”

“Feelings are very confusing, my dear.”

“You can say that again.”

“I won’t. If we talk too much, we might wake Snufkin.”

“He’s a light sleeper. I once walked passed his tent and he woke up.”

“Well, we should leave him be then.”

“Good idea.”

Snufkin woke up at the same time as the sun. As soon as dawn broke, he was off and out. He left a brief ‘Thank you’ note on the table, before returning to his campsite. The heavy feeling wasn’t truly gone, but it did feel much lighter. Maybe it did him a little bit of good to spend a little more time than he was used to being around people. He had been planning to spend today on his own, and perhaps go off on one of his journeys for a day, and yet now all he wanted to do was spend more time with his friends. That wasn’t like him. He sighed, grabbing his fishing rod from the tent. No one else would be awake for a while yet. He could be alone now, and socialise later. He smirked softly to himself. Today was going to be a good day, he decided.

Chapter Text

“Has anyone seen Snufkin?” Little My whined slightly, sitting atop the Snorkmaiden’s head. “I need to talk to him. It’s important!”

“He slept over at mine last night but-”

“He slept over at yours?!” The rest of the group turned around in a hurry to stare at their friend.

“You’re saying it like a big deal.” Moomintroll chuckled lightly, trying to hide his fluster under his fur.

“I’m more bothered by the fact that he slept inside!” Snorkmaiden tutted, mostly to herself. “I’ve been telling him it’s too cold to stay in his tent, but he doesn’t listen! I’m glad to hear he’s alright! If anyone was going to convince him, it’d be Moomintroll!”

“It wasn’t that difficult.” 

“Liar!” Little My stuck out her tongue, hopping off of Snorkmaiden, and perching on Sniff instead, who glared at her in pure irritation.

“Get off of me!”

“You’re the tallest and I need to be high up to be heard.”

“What’s wrong, Little My?” Moomintroll tilted his head to one side, staring up at the small mymble.

“I can’t find Snufkin and you’re all useless.”

“Have you checked by the river?”

“I’m not an idiot, Sniff.”

“His tent?”

“No one is allowed in there, even if he was there. He only let me and Sniff inside because of The Groke.”

“The bathhouse?”

“Why would he be there?”

“He might be visiting Too-Ticky!”

“She only lives in the bath house during winter, though. At least that’s what she told me and Moomintroll.”

“Hmmm. Maybe the Groke got him!”

“In the middle of summer? In broad daylight? Besides, didn’t you and Moomintroll get rid of her? Sniff, stop being stupid.”

“As long as you stop being rude. Can someone tell Little My to stop bullying me?”

“Little My, leave Sniff alone. He’s very fragile.” Moomintroll tried to wink, but this was still a talent he lacked. He spent a few seconds blinking rapidly, before giving up.

“Hey!”

“Moomintroll! You of all people should know that pointing out that Sniff’s fragile makes him more fragile!” The Snorkmaiden chuckled lightly, her voice sailing softly on the summer breeze.

“Guys!”

“Now now, you lot.” The four turned around to see Snufkin stood on the bridge. “Leave the poor creature alone.”

“Thank you! See? Snufkin’s nice to me!”

“We were just kidding, Sniff. We never-”

“Snufkin! I’ve been looking for you.” Little My interrupted her friend, hopping off of Sniff’s head, and clambering onto the brim of the mumrik’s hat. “Let’s go.”

“But I just got ba-”

“I need to speak to you. Alone.”

“Is everything ok, little one?”

“Call me little again, and you won’t have paws.”

“That’s not an understatement, her bite hurts.” Moomintroll piped up, before returning to the quiet conversation brewing between him, Snorkmaiden and Sniff.

“So, what’s so urgent that we need to be alone?” Snufkin asked once they were far enough away from the others. He focused on the path ahead, footsteps soft against the forest floor. He’d walked this road a hundred and one times, but every time was different. Maybe he noticed a different flower, or would hear a different birdsong in the trees. He loved how changeable the valley was, despite staying the same. Everything had its place, and it fit perfectly. Maybe that’s why the valley was one of his favourite places to visit. He couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

“Mymble’s coming back to visit us!”
“Your mother? So soon? I thought she was travelling.”

“No, silly! I’d never call Mother by her first name. It’s impolite. My sister is coming back to the valley! She received word that Mother has left, and she wants to return.”

“Oh, how nice. It has been so long since I last saw her.”

“She usually visits in winter, but you’re never here, are you?”

“You know my reasoning, little one.”

“What did I say about calling me little?!”

“Alright, alright. Why did you want to tell me this alone? Mymble is their friend too, you  know.”

“Yeah, but she’s got an eye for you.”

“I don’t see what’s so special about me.” The mumrik titled his hat down slightly, forgetting his friend was perched on top of it. She fell into his arms with a shrill yelp, before hopping onto the floor and walking beside him.

“My sister will want to talk to you. Do you remember what you spoke about last time she was here?”

“Not particularly. Why, was it important?”

“Yes!”

“Oh. What was it?”

“Mymble is worried you aren’t looking after yourself. She says if you don’t, she’ll find someone that will.”

“Well, I found Snorkmaiden, didn’t I?”

“She means a family, Snufkin. She wants you to reconnect with your parents.”

“That’s not happening.”

“It couldn’t hurt to at least contact them.”

“They wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Have you never been curious about who they are?”

“Of course I’ve wondered. But, if they didn’t want me, why should I hunt them down?”

“Maybe they did want you?”

“We’ll never know.”

The two walked in silence for a while, as they often did. The two were firm friends, especially after they had been stuck looking after those children. Little My was determined to never let the mumrik forget how soft and sweet he’d been with those children. She giggled, scheming quietly to herself.

“What’re you laughing at?”

“You.”

“Oh. That’s not very polite.”

“Says you! If Socially Unacceptable was a person, it would be you.”

“Maybe that is true.” The mumrik mused. “You should be heading back.”

“Are you going off on your own?”

“No. I’m going to visit someone.”

“Who?”

“That’s none of your concern, little one.”

“Stop calling me little!”

His eyes sparked with a strange light. “Then stop following me.”

“Hmph! Maybe I will! But this isn’t the end. I’ll get back at you eventually.”

“Goodbye, My.”

“Goodbye, Snufkin.”

Despite the sour note they ended on, they both knew it was all in good fun. Neither of them had it in themselves to be mad at the other.

Chapter Text

Snufkin headed down the beach path through the forest with a fuzzy feeling after his conversation with the small mymble. He had of course remembered every detail of his last conversation with her older sister, but had simply wished not to think about it. He couldn’t understand why everyone was so desperate for him to have a family. He was fine on his own, wasn't he? He took his harmonica out of his pocket, trying his best to distract himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Mymble, in fact, she was one of his closest friends. It was just that she didn’t understand his boundaries. She didn’t understand his need to be alone. For some reason he couldn’t understand, she was desperate to spend so much time with him. Too much time with him, in his opinion. He closed his eyes and sighed. He decided he’d talk to someone about this situation, but not the Moomin family. No, he needed someone who understood how he felt, but would also be unbiased. The only problem was where to find her.

“If you’re heading to the bath house, I’m only there in winter.” The mumrik turned around in a flash to see her figure, standing behind him on the forest path. Her hands rested in her pockets; her gentle eyes focused on him. “Hello, Snufkin.”

“Too-Ticky. You never fail to surprise me.” He chuckled, pocketing his instrument. “How did you know I was looking for you?”

“I heard your conversation with the little one, and I thought about what sort of a person I would want to talk to after something like that. Someone that is always alone, but also is close enough with Mymble to not antagonize her.”

“It’s not that I don’t like her-”

“You just wish she would listen. I know. She’s my friend too.”

“She’s more your friend than mine.”

“What does that me- Snufkin!” Her face flushed a little.
“I said nothing. You just interpreted it in a certain way that reflects something about your character.” He grinned, folding his arms behind his back. “Shall we head somewhere less...public?”

“We could go to my home, as long as you don’t mind Ninny being there. She’s visiting me for a few weeks.”

“That would be quite alright. She might be able to offer some advice as well.”

The walk to Too-Ticky’s abode was short, sweet, and smelt like fresh rain and fallen leaves. The house itself was quiet and quaint, but it was one of Snufkin’s favourite places. As a fellow mumrik, Too-Ticky also didn’t weigh herself down with possessions and clutter. Her house was quite bare, other than the essentials, and Snufkin found comfort in that. “Ninny! I’m back. I found him!” The woman’s voice was lilting and reassuring and made the vagabond smile. 

“You were looking for me?”

“Perhaps.”

“Well, I’m glad that we both found what we were looking for, then.”

“Indeed. I’ll put some tea on, whilst you make yourself at home.”

“That would be nice.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Ninny was a nice child. She had wisdom beyond her years, but there was a strange, sweet naivety to her that made her seem so young. So innocent. Everyone knew the horrors she had been faced with, but you couldn’t tell how hurt she was just by looking at her. She was so strong now. So proud and so confident. She was both incredibly polite, and incredibly mischievous. She was herself, and that always made the mumrik happy. He had never been subject to anything like what she had gone through, but he had gone through phases of such low points he feared if he could be seen. He had been lucky to walk out of those dark times with his face, and because of that, he felt strangely protective of Ninny. He always felt guilty that he hadn’t been in the valley when she first arrived, but ever since then, he had made sure to keep an eye on her and make sure she was alright.

“Snufkin!” The red haired girl rose from her seat as soon as he entered the room. She hugged him with such force that his hat was knocked from it’s head, landing on the floor behind him.

“Gentle… I’m not as strong as you.”

“One day, you will be!” She rested her head on his shoulder, nestling into the crook of his neck, closing her bright eyes. “It’s so good to see you.”

“And you too.”

“How have you been? Have you been anywhere exciting lately?”

“I’ve not been far recently, but I’ll be going on a day trip tomorrow. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.”

“Yay!”

“Too-Ticky said she was looking for me. Are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine! I just missed you!”

“You always know where I am. Unless it’s winter, and then no one knows where I am.” The mumrik blinked a few times, pulling away from the tight embrace.

“I know. I know. Just outside Moomin House, down the beach path, tucked into the trees. How is the family by the way? How is Moominmamma? Has Moominpappa written anymore of his memoirs? Have you told Moomintroll you love him? How is Little My? Is Snorkmaiden taking care of you? Has Sniff gotten into anymore trouble?”
“I’m sorry! What was that middle thing?!” Snufkin spluttered in surprise.

“How is Little My?”

“I- Well, um. That’s what I came to talk to Too-Ticky about. Or well, her sister. Little My’s sister. Too-Ticky doesn’t have a sister. Or does she? I don’t know.” Ninny’s question had flustered him more than he was willing to admit, and now his words had become a jumbled mess.

“Oooh! Are you two squabbling again? I’ve always thought that you two act just like siblings.”

“Aye. Perhaps we do. And yes, we are ‘squabbling’ again, as you put it. But, Too-Ticky will put things right, won’t she? She always does with these things.”

“She’s very good at that!”

“She’s very good. Very good indeed.”