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'I don't know... I'd rather Robin get here first before I give you any instructions.'
'Don't worry Master, Altera is in safe hands!'
When Hakuno agreed to let Astolfo take care of Altera for the day, it was only on the condition that he had someone more responsible with him. And somehow the Rider had recruited Robin Hood for the task.
'Ah, I'm running out of time! Fine I'll leave her with you. Altera gets along with you fine, so there shouldn't be any trouble' she said. But then her eyes went hard.
'There's just one thing you have to remember. Whatever you do, do NOT...'
'Do not what?!' Robin asked.
'I forgot!' Astolfo laughed.
'Damn it!'
Robin and Astolfo stood inside a cafe, nestled in the streets of Mare Melum, the neon city of Destiny. What started off as a quiet day, now Robin wished he hadn't left the forest. He was standing side by side with a pink, long haired guy dressed in a purple hooded jacket and skirt, which was attracting him some weird glances from the public.
'What was the Master thinking, letting you look after Altera?' Robin grumbled.
'You can talk– you were the one watching her at the time! You took her straight over to that group of girls you were hitting on.' Astolfo leaned slightly to the side and put one hand on his hip, imitating his Archer friend.
'Oh yeah.' Astolfo drawled like Robin did, 'I look after her, I'm kinda like her big brother.' Robin rolled his eyes, and Astolfo laughed hysterically. 'It was a great pick up line– too bad Altera ran off before you could seal the deal!'
'She yelled something before she did' Robin muttered. 'Something about this being her land now...' He shuddered. He'd never met the alien Altera first hand; he had only ever known her as a child. Always quiet and sweet on everyone; she was rarely seen without Hakuno.
He had no idea what it was they weren't supposed to do, but it seemed like they did it. One moment, Altera was happily scooping the foam off her cappuccino. The next, she kicked her chair against the wall, babbling about needing to conquer SE.RA.PH.
Robin directly addressed Astolfo. 'Try to remember what the Master told you– "do not"... let her out of your sight?'
Astolfo shrugged. 'Well she's gone now.' They both ran outside onto the street where she was last seen. 'Alright Mister Hunter, go hunt her down!'
Robin didn't have to look very far for the first clue. He pointed to the opposite side of the street where a group of SE.RA.PH Attack Programs lay stacked in a pile. Humans and NPCs were huddled together, whispering and gossiping frantically.
'Oh the Master's gonna flip. I guess, just follow the destruction.'
'Oi Lancer, heyo!' Astolfo yelled out.
After following the trail a while, they came across Cu Chulainn, who was standing in the middle of a mass of shattered debris. His brow was slightly creased before his crimson eyes settled on the two Servants.
'Hey Rider, Archer' he said. 'Come to join the fun? Hate to break it to you but you missed it.'
'Crap!' Robin exclaimed, 'did Altera come this way?'
He rested his red spear across his shoulders and sighed. 'Yep, all by her lonesome. It's weird; I thought she was pretty chill.' He motioned to the chaos around them.
'Usually I'm the one to make a mess of the place, but she beat me to it. Then she demanded I hand over Gae Bolg and my life to her nonexistent "army". Before I got the chance to tell her to pipe down and run back home, she took off.'
'Weapon!' Robin suddenly yelled out to Astolfo, 'Do NOT give her a weapon! Is that what the Master said?'
'How should I know? I can't even remember what I had to drink at the cafe!' Astolfo chirped.
Lancer laughed. 'So you two are in charge of babysitting the tiny destroyer huh? Wouldn't have been my first choice!'
Robin sighed. 'Well it's not like I got much choice in the matter.' He ran his fingers through his tousled ginger hair. 'But if we don't find the little lady soon, Master will make sure things won't be merry in my Sherwood Forest if you get my meaning.'
Lancer casually motioned towards what appeared to be a small restaurant. 'The little lady pounced off that way. Said something like, "that building has a dangerous flavour." Gotta say I agree; I'm getting weird vibes off it too.'
'Aw gee, thanks Cu' Astolfo said, 'I don't suppose you wanna come help us?'
Cu Chulainn shook his head. 'You kidding?! I've had my fill of dangerous women. Best leave those kinds of ladies to the Master. Girls like that will only cause problems for ya.'
'What a terribly cruel thing to say, Sétanta.'
A beautiful and slender woman with sleek, purple hair swaggered behind the blue Lancer. He jumped from her sudden presence and her icy voice ran a jolt down his spine.
'Shisou!' he yelped, 'how long have you been there?!
Scáthach's eyes narrowed. 'Long enough to know that your senses have rusted terribly.'
Even Astolfo's flight response kicked in; both he and Archer slowly backed away from the god killer. So long as her attention was fixed on her former student, they might just make it out alive.
'And you don't even want to help the lovely young maiden that is our Master? My my, did you feed your manners to the dogs?'
'H-hey! I don't take that crap with anyone!' Lancer stuttered. 'Wait, you of all people have contracted with the Master?!'
Scáthach laughed with a well practiced grace. 'Of course. Is it not natural for two such lovely ladies to get along?'
Robin and Astolfo took their chance to escape while Lancer continued digging himself an even bigger hole. 'Lovely?! Geez the Master sure knows how to pick 'em. This is what I mean– too many dangerous women about!'
Her crimson gaze, although amused and apathetic, froze the air. She leered at Lancer. 'I see your time away from the Land of Shadows has dulled your skills. Perhaps it is time for a refresher course.'
'You can't make do that! No! Guys! Help me out!'
Both Astolfo and Robin were at a comfortable distance by this stage. Robin waved back to him. 'Sorry to throw you under the bus Lancer but we don't have time–take one for the team yeah?' They ran off towards the small restaurant Altera was last seen. They weren't too sure what happened after that, but the sound of clashing spears gave them a clue.
'If you're here to cause more trouble then you're going to have to wait your turn.'
The inside of the restaurant had a simple elegance to it, yet it was far from comfortable. Robin could only guess the reason for that belonged to its owner.
'Just great... You know, you always did look real creepy.'
Kirei Kotomine, the modest looking priest in all black always carried an air of pure sadism about him. He wore a kitchen apron but his presence never diminished; even as he continued sweeping away debris what Archer and Rider could only assume was from Altera's "conquest."
'I assume you're here for the little "conqueror." It displeases me to say she has already left. No doubt it would have been somewhat entertaining had I been able to square off against her. Though I imagine that would upset the Sovereign.'
'Huh? You know the Master?' Astolfo asked.
Kotomine stopped sweeping. 'Yes, the one with the despondent face. It seems my role as the Holy Grail War's administrator has been overwritten, again.' An eerie sense of glee emanated from the priest. 'However I'm freer to consider my options this time. And I must say my ambitions in business have been rekindled greatly. In other words... welcome to my humble eatery.'
A light shade popped out from the ceiling and smashed on the ground.
'I'll be sure to send the Sovereign a most lengthy bill.'
Robin groaned; they were really gonna get it now. However Astolfo was lost in thought. 'Hmm I think Master's words are coming back to me... Do not spend too much? Do not make Altera eat too much?' Astolfo closed his eyes. 'Nope, it's gone again!'
Kirei stalked back behind the counter, his preying eyes tracking Astolfo. 'I actually have something the Master might enjoy. She and I have shared similar tastes in the past.'
Taking the bait, Astolfo's eyes lit up. 'Oh yummy, I love trying new food!'
The priest's thin lips curled up into an unsightly grin. 'Then perhaps this will peak your interest too.' He placed a dish in front of Archer and Rider. 'My signature dish– extremely spicy Mapo Tofu. Tell you what; first one is on the house.'
Robin's neck hairs did cartwheels; he swore smoke was rising from the sauce. '... Is this some sort of Noble Phantasm? It feels more deadly than Yew poison!'
Kirei stood back and watched them. 'Please help yourself. It gives me great joy to see my cooking being... appreciated.'
'Okay Altera isn't here. Rider, back away, now.'
'What! But I–'
'Come on! Let's go!'
'Aww!'
They hurried out of the house of horrors and Kirei calmly said goodbye. 'Please, come back again soon.'
Robin muttered to himself. 'Wow, the Master must have a gut of steel to be able to square off against him. Remind me to never piss her off!'
Two cars had rammed head on in the street.
The animals from a nearby pet store had escaped, sowing further anarchy among the pedestrians.
An old lady was grumbling because her bin had been kicked over!
How could things possibly get worse? That question was swiftly answered as Astolfo and Robin rounded the corner; only to run into the burly Macedonian King.
'And to round off such a day, of course, an invasion from the King Conquerors! I'm honestly not surprised at this point' Robin exclaimed.
Despite his intimidating appearance, he was always seen grinning at his new life in SE.RA.PH. 'Be at ease fellow Servants. I'll be more than happy to accept your offers to join my army on any other day!' Iskandar laughed his signature, life affirming boom.
'Wow yay! Another Rider!' Astolfo yelled, ' hey, wanna race each other? I heard your horse is as fast as lightning!'
Robin objected. 'Astolfo, aren't you forgetting something? Altera?'
'Oh yeah I forgot!'
'You don't say. Wait, do NOT ride on Hippogriff? Maybe?'
'Nah, I'm sure the Master's fine with that' Astolfo replied.
Iskandar crossed his burly arms over his chest. 'Normally I'd accept your challenge with much gusto. But it pains me to admit that this Conqueror has lost his horse.'
'Wait, what? The King of Conquerors has lost his horse?!'
Iskandar rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. 'Well, not exactly... I might have gotten distracted, and the next thing I knew, I saw the tiny foreign Conqueror taking off on Bucephalus. Such command and dexterity; and yelled with the power of a thousand warriors– Needless to say I was very impressed!' Iskandar laughed again.
Robin rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. 'On the plus side, it shouldn't be too hard to track down a horse like that in this city. Down side, it just became a lot easier for Altera to be a destroyer of civilisations now.'
Astolfo jumped up and down, 'let's go! Come on we're nearly there!'
This was really bad. Robin heard how Altera once conquered 80 percent of SE.RA.PH in less than a day. Not to mention her titan form had almost obliterated the Earth 14 000 years ago. By following Bucephalus' hoof prints, the trail of destruction only grew bigger and bigger. How much worse was this going to get? Even if they did find her, would they even survive such a confrontation?
And all because they didn't follow a single rule that Rider forgot. They eventually reached a clearing when the debris from Altera's rampage suddenly disappeared.
'Wait, that's Iskandar's horse!' Sure enough, Bucephalus was lazily grazing on a patch of grass. Under a tree nearby was–
'Finally, Altera!'
They rushed forward, and immediately stopped.
In the sudden relief of it all they noticed that the warrior child was sleeping; her head in the lap of their Master, Hakuno. She lightly brushed her fingers through Altera's hair as she slept soundly; all evidence of her chaotic adventure flung into the past. She smiled peacefully at the sleeping child; Robin and Astolfo crept quietly closer.
Upon noticing their presence, Hakuno said,
'... You gave her coffee, didn't you?'
Robin's eyes widened; that was it? 'Coffee? "Whatever you do, do not give Altera coffee?!"
Astolfo lightly face palmed and chuckled. 'Oh yeah, that was it!'
Robin glared at him. 'But you were the one who took us to that cafe in the first place!'
'I knew it was something along those lines!'
'Shh!' Hakuno hissed!
All three frantically whipped their heads down to the child as she slightly stirred in her sleep.
'Mm...' she mumbled. 'Coffee... good civilisation...'