Chapter Text
The camera clicked.
Adrien threw his head to clear the lock of hair that the wind had blown into his face, then resumed his easy smile and pose.
Another click.
He was the very definition of nonchalant grace, at least on the outside. His body was on autopilot. On the inside? He was freaking out.
She was a blur of red in his peripheral vision. His back was partly to her, at a forty-five-degree angle, his gaze focused on the camera lens. The arm that was linked in hers tingled, and his heart beat erratically in his chest.
Ladybug was right there, right next to him.
Sure, they had fought akumas together countless times. He had wrapped himself around her time and again to protect her from attacks. They were forced to work in close physical contact on a daily basis. He shouldn’t be this flustered by her proximity.
But when the adrenaline and the heat of battle pounded in his veins, he didn’t think twice about his actions, driven by necessity.
Now, though? Calmly posing in front of a camera, as a civilian? There was nothing to distract him from her presence. Besides, she didn’t know it was her superhero partner she was posing with, and the secret itched under his skin, tantalizing. He wanted to turn around, grab her by the shoulders, and scream, “It’s me, Chat Noir! Now you know me! So, who are
you
under the mask?!”
Of course, he had absolutely no intention of actually doing that. But the impulse was there.
In honor of the upcoming Heroes’ Day, Gabriel Agreste had planned to launch a new line of superhero-inspired men’s formal-ware in an ad campaign featuring Ladybug, the city’s favorite celebrated hero. He had tried to book Chat Noir as well, but of course, that would have posed… complications. So the cat-themed hero had made up an excuse and politely declined.
When Adrien had first heard about the shoot, he had jumped at the prospect of spending a whole day with the love of his life. But much to his chagrin, the dynamic between the two of them all day had been nothing short of professional.
They had been working together since morning. It was now evening, on the bank of the Seine, the last of five locations planned to showcase five different ensembles. The orange glow of the city lights reflected in the Seine, blending with the blue of the last vestiges of dusk, provided the photographer’s desired romantic lighting.
All day, Adrien had been wanting nothing more than to whisk Ladybug away and spill his heart to her. That’s what he wanted to do. But his civilian self meant nothing to her, so how would that go over? He knew it was a bad idea, but he was a hopeless romantic, and let himself indulge in daydreams.
Realistically, he had hoped to at least get to know her better, but there hadn’t been much opportunity for them to talk. All day she had been chatting amicably with the crew about the clothing line and the fashion world—she was surprisingly knowledgable. Not to mention all the fans and children who came up to her between shoots. She was never alone.
Adrien had been lucky enough to exchange a few words with her here and there, nothing more personal than polite greetings and small talk. They were escorted from one location to the next in separate cars, and obviously couldn’t talk while posing. It was torture.
The opportunity came when Ladybug ducked into the changing tent to reapply lip gloss, at the photographer’s urging, to make her lips catch the light more. She had waved off the makeup artist, stating she would do it herself. Adrien heart jolted as he watched her disappear into the tent. This was it.
“My hair keeps blowing around, I’ll add a touch of wax,” Adrien told the photographer, following Ladybug to the tent.
She was checking her newly applied lip gloss in the mirror when he opened the tent flap. He went for the wax container to stall for time, his mind racing. What did he even want to say to her? It’s not like he could just say ‘Hey Ladybug, I’m Chat Noir and I’m in love with you.’ He really should have thought this out. But when it came to her, it seems he couldn’t help acting on impulse. Maybe he could invite her to hang out after the shoot.
“Hey, Adrien,” Ladybug said, giving him a small smile as she moved to exit the tent.
“Wait!” Dropping his pretense, Adrien reached out a hand to grab Ladybug’s wrist as she passed. “Ladybug, I— Can we—”
There was patter of footsteps outside the tent, and as the tent flap opened, Adrien dropped Ladybug’s wrist as if burned.
The photographer glared at them. “Hurry up, we’re losing the light.” He gesticulated at the sky dramatically. “Are you ready to start?”
“Yes,” Adrien sighed despondently. He shot a glance at Ladybug, who was still staring at him, mystified. But in a moment, he saw the curtain of her professional demeanor steal that expression away, and she turned to leave.
Adrien followed her, his gut sinking. The shoot was almost finished, and he didn’t think he’d get another opportunity to talk to her alone. Returning to his former pose, he forced out the expression the photographer wanted, hoping none of his misery showed through. He was tired of putting on the perfect model act around Ladybug and just wanted to be done already. What had he expected?
—
Adrien sulked the whole car ride home.
And when he got home, he didn’t even try to smile at Nathalie, who greeted him at the door and announced that his dinner was on the table. He just shrugged and made his way toward his room.
“Is something wrong, Adrien?” she asked.
“My stomach’s acting up,” Adrien grumbled, trudging up the stairs.
“Do you need medical attention?”
“No, thanks.”
He accidentally slammed his bedroom door shut. Sheepishly, he opened it again to apologize to Nathalie, and closed it more gently the next time.
He plopped on the bed face-first.
Well, that was a disappointment. He had been looking forward to this day. Since the beginning of their crime-fighting days, he had never been able to just spend time with Ladybug without enemy attacks and detransformation time limits to worry about. This had been the one opportunity. And he didn’t see another one on the horizon.
Maybe he should have been more pushy, and not let other people dominate her attention so much.
At the very least, he had wanted to make a good impression on Ladybug as his civilian self. But based on their interactions that day, she probably saw him as a boring, dry piece of toast. Every time he had tried to make a joke, she would just laugh politely, as if she were just humoring him. Weren’t his jokes funny enough?
If anything, she had seemed a little reserved around him. Maybe even like she was… avoiding him? Why would she? He brushed off that thought—probably just his own insecurity.
Adrien groaned. This girl was going to ruin him.
Suddenly, Adrien heard a tap. He whipped up his head, scanning the wall of windows to see what had made the sound.
It was already dark out, so he could barely see, but there she was.
Upside down, her bangs dangling to expose her forehead, her small face and shoulders visible at the top of one of the center panes. She waved and grinned sheepishly.
Adrien jumped up and opened the window. She flipped inside, deftly landing on the balls of her feet, and retracted her yoyo with a zip.
“Ladybug!” Adrien gasped, shocked that she was now standing in his room. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, Adrien, it’s just—you were about to say something, weren’t you?”
Adrien gaped, then let out a chuckle. She hadn’t come all the way here just to find out what he was going to say in the tent, had she? Apparently she had a curiosity to rival a cat's. “Yeah. Hold on, we can’t talk here, especially at night.”
Someone could have spotted Ladybug on her way to the Agreste mansion, and paparazzi had been known to hide out on neighboring rooftops to spy on Adrien through the glass windows. It just wasn’t safe for two famous people to stand in the middle of the room talking, like two fish in a tank.
Adrien grabbed Ladybug’s arm, pulled her into the bathroom and locked the door. “Sorry. People can see into my room, and there are cameras everywhere else. This’ll have to do.” He went to the inner room and turned on the shower to mask their conversation with white noise, just in case Nathalie or his father passed by his bedroom. Settling down cross legged on the floor between the sinks and the linen cabinet, he patted the spot across from him, inviting Ladybug to join him. She obliged.
“I don’t mind. But it kind of sucks that you have to hide in your own room,” Ladybug said sympathetically.
“Yeah, well…” Adrien shrugged. “That’s just my life, I guess.”
Ladybug frowned, but her expression softened as she met Adrien’s eyes. “So… what were you going to say?”
“I…” Adrien blushed, faltering. He knew what he wanted to say, he just couldn’t say any of it without revealing his identity or seeming like a creep. He carefully filtered his words. “To be honest… I just wanted to talk. Like… a real conversation.”
The conversations he had had with Ladybug as Chat Noir, outside of their usual banter, had been few and far between. They always met under the threat of an akuma, and had to part minutes after each battle ended.
“Yeah, it was kind of hard to talk with everything going on. I’m glad we got to do this shoot together, though.” She looked at her hands, tracing a polka dot on her leg with a fingertip. The nervous gesture looked funny paired with the superhero suit, but endearing to Adrien. “I’m sorry to come here and bother you, I was just really curious, that’s all.”
“You’re not bothering me at all!” Adrien assured her. “I’m actually really glad you came.”
Ladybug looked relieved.
“So uhhhh…” What could he say? There was no use in asking her on a date or anything like that. He couldn’t be with Ladybug as Adrien. There was too much public attention on both of them—and to her, he was just a random civilian. Maybe he could play matchmaker for himself? “What do you think about Chat Noir?” He paired the question with his best attempt at a charming grin.
Ladybug flushed. Adrien didn’t know if it was because of the mention of her crime-fighting partner, or something else. “What about him?” she asked, warily.
Adrien decided to go out on a limb and shake the tree a bit. Just to see how she’d react. “I’ve heard the rumors on TV that you two are... you know...”
“No!!” Ladybug cut him off vehemently, catching his drift. “We’re not dating. I mean, yeah, he flirts with me all the time, but that’s just him.”
Meouch. Adrien’s gaze fell. Hearing Ladybug bluntly acknowledge the one-sidedness of his affections almost felt worse than her playful rebuffing. His unhappiness must have been obvious, because Ladybug rushed to add:
“Besides, you’re much cooler than Chat Noir!”
Adrien wasn’t sure how to feel, receiving a compliment at his own expense. But she thought he was cool? “Uhh… thanks? Wait, why don’t you like Chat Noir?”
“… It’s not that I dislike him.”
Adrien regarded her with curiosity. “He likes you, doesn’t he?” Was that even public knowledge? Adrien didn’t really care at this point. They were finally getting somewhere interesting.
Ladybug seemed to be stunned into silence, processing something in her mind. “It’s just…” she trailed off, chewing her lower lip in thought. “Too much.”
Adrien narrowed his eyes, trying to understand. “What do you mean, ‘too much’? Like… does he overdo it?”
Ladybug sighed. “No, it’s just… he doesn’t even know me. He thinks too highly of me. Battling akuma? Clever plans? All that bravado? That’s not who I am. So if he likes Ladybug… he’s in love with a mask. I guess that kind of annoys me.” There was a touch of bitterness in her tone. “Plus, I don’t know if he’s even serious.”
Adrien blinked at Ladybug dumbly. He’d never thought about it from her perspective. Did his flirting not seem genuine? The sound of the shower became deafening as he stared at her in silence, processing her words and trying to formulate a response.
Before he could say anything, she went on, a little defensive. “I’m not really the perfect girl that the public sees. I just have to act that way… I don’t know why I’m even telling you all this. I guess I just broke your perfect image of me, but you asked, so that’s my honest answer.”
Ladybug’s words had struck a chord in Adrien. Since entering his teenage years, he had had a fair share of admirers, but never once had he felt that anyone liked him for who he really was. The confessions he had received, from fellow models, fencing classmates, even random strangers, had felt like a burden to him, awkward more than flattering.
He knew what they were seeing was the image his father had crafted of a perfect, dream boy. How could he live up to that image? The boy people saw on billboards wasn’t real. Anyone who expected him to be that image would just turn out disappointed once they got to know him. That’s why he didn’t take any of the confessions seriously.
But surely Ladybug didn’t think his affections were that shallow, did she? Weren’t they closer than that? Didn’t he know her beyond the mask? He racked his brain, trying to piece together everything he could about Ladybug beyond her superhero façade.
The way she hesitated during the fight with Stoneheart, the way she admitted her failure to capture the akuma. She was a girl who took responsibility for her mistakes.
The way she comforted and encouraged the victims once the power of the akuma rolled off. The way she tried to change their lives for the better. She was a girl who cared about others.
The way she cuddled baby August, who had been akumatized twice already. She was great with kids.
The way she had talked down Dark Owl after tricking their way out of his trap. She was confident and brilliant, and she didn’t compromise. That didn’t come from the miraculous. That was all the girl underneath.
When he stopped to think about it, the list went on and on. Why did his Lady think so little of herself? Yes, being a superhero brought out some of her best qualities. But what he admired about her was still part of who she was. And he wanted to know more, if she would let him. Strengths? Weaknesses? He didn’t care. He would accept anything from her.
“Adrien?” The timidness of Ladybug’s inquiry shook Adrien out of his thoughts. Oops. He still hadn’t said anything after Ladybug had shown him the crack in her armor.
Finally meeting Ladybug’s eyes again, Adrien was shocked by the vulnerability of her expression. The corners of her mouth were tugged down, as if she were trying not to cry. Apparently, she cared what he thought about her, and assumed the worst when he didn’t say anything.
He grabbed her hand, not caring if he crossed a line. “Hey, it’s okay, Ladybug,” he blurted out, trying to reassure her. “Don’t worry! I still think you’re amazing, superhero or not.”
“How would you know that?”
“If a miraculous made someone a hero, why isn’t Hawkmoth one?”
Ladybug didn’t reply.
“Your actions say a lot about you, Ladybug. Don’t you think Chat Noir knows you better than just a mask?”
Her gaze dropped, as if reluctant to admit he was right. “But I can’t show weakness as Ladybug. And I can’t reveal my identity. That means I can’t show who I am, not even to Chat Noir. Even if I wanted to.”
Adrien felt the stab in his heart at the implications of her words. He thought he knew her, but how much of herself did she have to conceal to protect her identity? Maybe he didn’t know her that well after all.
But how could she blame him for what he couldn’t know? He wasn’t just some fanboy; his feelings weren’t that shallow. And yet, how could he prove it to her if she didn’t understand already? He willingly gambled his life to save hers. What more could he do? He sighed in frustration, frowning.
Ladybug looked concerned, as if surprised by his reaction. “Hey… Adrien. Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?”
Adrien shook his head, still frowning. “No, you’re fine. It's just… it seems lonely to be a superhero.” And I wish you would let me in.
Unbeknownst to Ladybug, Adrien was in the middle of a frightening realization.
Ever since he had accepted the yoke of the black cat miraculous, Adrien had seen the cat suit as his freedom. He relished the ability to say and do whatever he wanted, go wherever he wanted. And ever since he had met Ladybug, ever since he had decided he loved her, he hadn’t held back anything from her. His thoughts, his impulses—he didn’t filter anything, short of his own name. He had always assumed it was the same for her.
But now, he was realizing he had been wrong. There was a much greater distance between him and Ladybug than he had thought. While Chat Noir might be his escape, his way to be who he really was, that wasn’t the case for Ladybug. She had a life, which he had no part of. A life where she could be herself, and she had to hide it when she became Ladybug.
“It’s okay. That’s just the life of a superhero. I’m not doing this for myself, after all.” Ladybug’s quiet admission seemed to confirm Adrien’s suspicions.
His heart crumpled. He realized he had been selfish all along. That he had embraced superhero life for his own personal freedom; the responsibility that came with it was just a small price to pay. Sure, he was devoted to getting the job done, protecting Paris from Hawkmoth. But flirting with Ladybug, the jokes, pushing to know her identity, treating her like a prize to be won… it was all for himself, and he had been so blind to her feelings that he had even made her uncomfortable.
He had been the one constantly pestering her, making clumsy mistakes in battle, even being turned to the enemy’s side again and again. Focused on his own agenda, which was 100% her. Meanwhile, she was setting herself aside to save the day.
Adrien felt foolish and petty. But he couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for himself. Because he was even more alone than he had thought.
Unbidden tears pricked Adrien’s eyes as he watched Ladybug’s face. He felt like he had bitten off more than he could chew. He didn’t know how to process this revelation, or what he even wanted from his relationship with Ladybug. All he knew was that he loved her. But she was always out of his reach. He couldn’t even get to know her.
Ladybug wore a sad, quiet expression, but her eyes and lips softened into a faint smile under his gaze. “Not that I’m complaining. Being a superhero has its perks.” She winked. “Like being able to swing into your window.”
Adrien blushed and laughed, swiping at his eyes to get rid of the tears before Ladybug could notice—he hoped, anyway. “Yup, that is a pretty great perk. You’re the only one who can break into this prison. I’m glad you came, though regrettably I couldn’t treat you to a better scene.” He gestured around at the bathroom, a wry smirk playing at his lips.
“We can pretend we’re at the sauna,” Ladybug joked, giggling.
Adrien was relieved to see his Lady regain her usual cheerful demeanor, pleased to see she was getting comfortable enough with Adrien to joke around the way she did with Chat Noir.
“Anyway, Ladybug… I think I understand,” Adrien reassured her. “All my life, I was groomed to represent my father’s company. I was homeschooled, I didn’t have friends, and I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, or act the way I wanted to act. So I know what it’s like to be forced to hide who you really are and wear an image for the outside world. But just because you have to hide parts of you doesn’t mean Chat Noir doesn’t care for the real you or want to know her.”
“Maybe,” Ladybug shrugged, pursing her lips. “But anyway... you have friends now, don’t you? That you can be yourself around?”
Adrien smiled, thinking fondly of his classmates. “Yeah. I do. They’re great.”
Ladybug smiled, then stood up and took his hand, pulling him to his feet. “Thanks, Adrien.”
Adrien’s heart clenched as he realized she was getting ready to leave.
“Thank you for letting me talk to you. And for encouraging me. And…” she seemed to hesitate. “for what it’s worth… you don’t have to wear a mask around me, okay, Adrien?”
That’s funny, Milady, Adrien thought, biting back a laugh, I already do… every day. But he understood what she meant, and appreciated the sentiment. “Thanks, Ladybug. I wish I could say the same, but…” he gestured at her mask, “it’s kinda stuck to your face.”
Ladybug poked out her tongue at him, and their laughs bounced around the bathroom walls. Despite their joking, a tension hung between them, as if each was carefully, acutely aware of the other.
“But, you know,” Adrien said, putting his hand on Ladybug’s shoulder, “You don’t have to act like a superhero around me. You can be the real Ladybug. Whoever you are under the mask.”
As he spoke the words, he wished with all his being that he could have said them as Chat Noir. But unfortunately, she’d have to take them from Adrien, the boy she didn’t know was so close to her, the boy she probably would never meet again like this. She couldn’t possibly understand how much he meant those words. Could she?
From the way she was looking at him, maybe she did. She touched Adrien’s cheek, her eyes filled with tenderness and longing. What did it mean?
As if pulled by her gaze, Adrien leaned forward. He almost expected her to push him away, as she had countless times before. But she didn’t. Adrien’s heart beat faster, awed that the impossible was happening. He should stop. But he felt like he was being sucked into a black hole.
Lifting her chin, he ever so gently, hesitantly, brushed her lips with a feather-light kiss. Her lips were a little sticky and strawberry-scented from the lip gloss she had used in the photoshoot.
How much he had longed to do that, ever since the fateful day he had met her over a year ago. And now, in his civilian form, she had let him. Pressing his burning cheek against her hair, breathing in her scent, Adrien wrapped one arm around Ladybug’s shoulders, holding her close to his racing heart like a cherished possession. With the other hand, trembling slightly, he clasped hers that was still on his other cheek.
He knew this couldn’t last. It couldn’t change their future. This was just a moment. But overwhelmed by her closeness, and the fact that she was accepting his affections, the words he had held in his heart for so long came spilling out. “Ladybug, I… I love you.”
Her softly spoken response, only faintly audible over the sound of water hitting porcelain tile, shocked him.
“I… love you too, Adrien…”
No, it didn’t make sense. But Adrien was beyond the reasoning stage. He didn’t wonder how she could love him, how she could accept so easily that he loved her. They were in a different dimension, where this moment transcended the bounds of logic. Where they were vulnerable, and words were taken at face value. And everything felt right.
But the spell broke and Ladybug pulled away.
He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to let the moment go. Not wanting to face reality.
“I’m sorry, Adrien, but we can’t do this again.” Ladybug’s hand was still on his cheek, and her voice came from a few inches away.
When he opened his eyes, she was looking up at him with pain in her deep, blue eyes.
Adrien sighed deeply. That’s right. She was Ladybug. And he was Adrien Agreste. Their lines of fate may have crossed for this moment, but they couldn’t run parallel. Not like this, anyway.
“I know,” he said, his tongue feeling heavy with the finality of the words.
Ladybug took a step back. “Goodbye, Adrien…” In a last gesture, she took his hand, and mirroring the familiar motion, dropped a gentle kiss on his knuckles.
He stood and stared at her numbly as she gave him one last smile and slipped out the door.
He didn’t even say goodbye.
Didn’t even follow her out of the bathroom.
His heart felt both full and empty at the same time.
By the time he shook himself out of his stupor enough to turn off the shower and come out of the bathroom, she was gone. A faint breeze brought a whiff of spring through the open window.
“Sooo, you finally kissed Ladybug. Are you happy now?” a voice drawled from the cheese cabinet, where Plagg sat on a wheel of camembert, a tiny paw on his belly.
“Not now, Plagg.”
He closed the window, changed into pajamas, and curled into bed. Homework wasn’t getting done tonight—he’d do it in the morning. He couldn’t think about formulas right now.
He hugged a pillow, seeing Ladybug’s sad blue eyes staring at him from the backs of his eyelids. He pushed the pillow into his chest, trying to dull the ache.
By the time he dragged himself out of bed at 6 A.M. to complete his chemistry homework, he’d barely slept a wink, probably worse off than he had been last night.
—
The next day, Adrien sat with one cheek propped up on his palm as Nino went on and on about an upcoming DJ contest. Giving his friend halfhearted responses to show he was listening, Adrien stifled a yawn, his eyelids feeling like sandpaper. He couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation with Ladybug, about the taste of her strawberry lip gloss.
A flock of students entered the classroom, and Adrien blinked blearily as he noticed a box had appeared on his desk. It was emblazoned with the T&S Boulangerie Patisserie logo. He glanced up to see Marinette smiling down at him, her cheeks tinged pink.
“Good morning, Adrien!” she greeted cheerfully.
“Good morning, Marinette.” His voice sounded a little raspy, and he cleared his throat, trying to seem more energetic. “What’s this?” He opened the box and blinked at the contents. Two macarons, red, painted with black spots. Like Ladybug’s yo-yo. He blushed, feeling his throat tighten and his heart rate quicken. Why would she give him this? He gave Marinette a tentative, questioning smile, feeling his lips twitch.
“Did you sleep well?” she asked, before he could thank her or say anything.
“Yes—”
Marinette’s look hardened, and Adrien suddenly felt self-conscious for lying.
“… well, no, Not really.” Marinette was Adrien’s friend. He could be honest with her, right?
Marinette touched his arm, comfortingly. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here, okay?”
The class bell rang, and Adrien gave her a warm smile as she began to step away from his desk. “Thanks, Marinette. You’re a really good friend.”