Work Text:
Toeing.
Toeing the edge.
Toeing the edge of darkness, panic and despair.
That's what Hongjoong was doing.
Had been doing for the past few days, probably weeks even.
His friends and coworkers were getting increasingly worried.
Side eyes from Wooyoung and Mingi, steady check-ins from his boss Seonghwa, being nagged by his roommates Yeosang and San, even his friends Yunho and Jongho were continuously on edge around him, asking if he needed anything.
It had all started on a normal day of work in the office.
He was working on an important project with Wooyoung and Mingi, and he had come to find that he had accidentally left some important documents at home.
Not a problem, he also had it digitally on a USB stick.
But just as he was opening the data containing the documents, the whole network crashed.
After half an hour he was finally able to open the document and print it out.
As soon as it was printed out, he had taken the copies and went back to the room to go through them with the other two to then present the results to their boss, Seonghwa.
But, and of course there is a but, the universe seemed to hate Hongjoong. On the way to the room, someone ran into him, spilling their coffee all over him and the documents.
On a good day Hongjoong would tell the other that it was okay, that it was no problem, back away and retreat. But it wasn't a good day.
He could feel the anxiety and panic crippling underneath his skin, telling him to lock himself away from all humans so that no one could ever touch him again, even if it is on accident.
But being the kind hearted person that he is, Hongjoong just printed the documents again and spent the rest of the day in a suit that had a huge coffee stain on it ad smelled obnoxiously like the beverage, the uncomfortable never leaving him that day.
And when he found out that he had printed the wrong documents, got scolded by his boss and made fun off by his two team partners, got stuck in the rain because his car broke down and the battery exploded right as the car service arrived (luckily he had gotten out of the car), well nobody had to know about it.
Except of course his roommate, Yeosang, who asked him why he was drenched and why he got home so late.
Hongjoong, completely through with his nerves snapped at the poor guy before taking a shower and collapsing into his bed, falling asleep soon after, regretting it the next morning as he remembered that he had not eaten anything the day before.
And since then, things had gotten progressively worse.
He hadn't known that things were even able to get worse but somehow they had.
Now, Hongjoong was strung so tight that he could barely eat, let alone sleep.
He was moody and at the same time very quiet.
Seonghwa had tried to get him to take a few day off, but Hongjoong had declined.
He had too much to do to be able to spare even a few days.
He just wasn't able to relax anymore, causing him to be alert always, but it often took too much out of hi to be alert nowadays, so he was spacing out more often than not.
"Hongjoong?", called Mingi whilst Wooyoung waved a hand in front of his face.
"Huh? Oh, right. Sorry. Where were we again?", the project had been outlined, handed in and approved. So now they were working on finalizing everything and getting started on actually working the project.
Which of course meant more work.
"If you want to go home, we can handle it you know?", proposed Wooyoung-again.
"I'm fine", to be honest Hongjoong was growing tired of all of them mothering him like this.
Seonghwa, Mingi, Wooyoung, Yunho, Jongho, Yeosang and San. All of them were constantly worrying about him.
On one hand, it made him feel loved, cared for. On the other hand, it made him feel like he was a burden to them.
If there was one thing he hated it was bothering others.
In the end, he had to endure an investigation as all of them cornered him.
How they managed to get in touch with each other, choose a place they all had access to at a time they were all available was a miracle to him, but he was too far gone to question it.
"Hongjoong. I'm sure you are aware why we called you here", started San.
Mingi snorted, "Are you sure he's aware enough of his surroundings to even know where he is right now?"
"Mingi!", Seonghwa reprimanded
"It's true, he looks like he hasn't slept in days!", countered Mingi.
"I know where we are, and I think I know why. But guys, seriously, you don't have to worry. I'm fine, really", reassured Hongjoong.
"Fine my ass. You never hang out with us anymore, you're always busy now or too tired", whined Jongho.
"You're always spacing out and when you're not you're always working or just lying in bed, doing nothing but not sleeping either. You don't sleep and you don't eat. You don't even talk to us anymore. We are worried about you", Yeosang told him.
"I think I also speak for Mingi and Wooyoung when I say this, and trust me I hate to say this, but whatever it is you're going through, it's also affecting your work performance. Don't get me wrong, when you work it's great and I'm very satisfied with your work, but you space out very much and as of lately your soul doesn't seem to be in it with you. We all care for you and we have all noticed that something is wrong with you, but we can't help you if you don't talk to us, or someone else, anyone", said Seonghwa.
"You're always so detached from reality and you seem to be so empty, you eyes look dead, Hongjoong, dead. Please rely on someone to get trough this, you can't-", said Yunho desprately and Hongjoong suddenly understood what they were hinting on.
"Hold up", he said.
Everyone looked at him, with a weird feeling and a look of concern and guilt? Why would they feel guilty? in their eyes.
"You think I'm depressed? Suicidal?", Hongjoong asked, feeling exasperated and rubbing his temples.
The silence that followed was enough to answer his question.
"Guys, I'm not depressed and I'm certainly not suicidal", Hongjoong tried to reassure them.
"They all say that and in the next thing you know they are gone..." whispered San.
Hongjoong looked at San with fire burning in his eyes, "I promise that I mean it. I'll always be here to nag you and tell you to clean your room"
San and the others couldn't help the chuckle that escaped them.
"Could you tell us what happened that had you so worked up all this time? Is there anything we can do to help?", asked Seonghwa, laying his hand on top of Hongjoongs arm.
Jongho took his hand into his own and San plastered himself onto Hongjoong's back.
"We just want to be there for you, to take care of you. Please let us do this", said Yeosang.
He had never outright told any of them, hell he had never eve hinted at it but Hongjoong absolutely hated to be touched or to touch anyone.
He hadn't even allowed his parents to touch him, so they took him to a doctor who send him to a psychologist and together they found out that Hongjoong has a phobia of being touched, called Haphephobia but also known as aphephobia, haphphobia, hapnophobiaa, haptephobia, haptophobia ot thixophobia. Why it has so many names, no one knows.
Heart beating like crazy and hyperventilating, Hongjoong felt panic settle deep inside of him.
He couldn't think straight anymore, his only thoughts being to get those hands off of him, to get away, to have his own space again, too much too much too much-
Hongjoong started trashing around wildly, yelling at them to just let him go, and they immediately pulled away, shocked to see Hongjoong like this.
Hongjoong had never reacted to their touch like this.
Then again, when had they ever touched him?
"Hongjoong? Can you hear me? You need to calm down, deep breaths okay?", Seonghwa tried to calm his oldest employee that he had come to see as his friend down.
Gradually and with coaching from Seonghwa Hongjoong calmed down.
When he came to his senses again, he noticed that he was lying on the ground, Seonghwa kneeling next to him whilst the others were either sitting or standing around him, looking at him worriedly.
"What was that?", asked Wooyoung.
"Sorry... I have Haphephobia, which is the fancy name for the fear of being touched. It's not your fault, I should have told you about that ages ago...", explained Hongjoong softly.
The others still apologized and promised to respect his boundaries in the future.
"If it makes you feel better, at least I feel a lot better now", smiled Hongjoong.
He got up from the floor and looked at everyone.
"Now, panic attacks are draining as shit, so I'll go home and get some sleep. Maybe you were right and I really do need a break. Yeosang and San, be quiet when you get home and please order fried chicken for when I wake up again because I sure as hell ain't going to work tomorrow. If that's okay", he turned to Seonghwa, Mingi and Wooyoung for confirmation before saying bye and walking away.
"I didn't think he hated being touched..."
"And I didn't think he would freak out about it like this, but it seemed like that opened his eyes and made him accept that he needs to rest."
"That's for the best."
"Let's give him a few days of rest, and next time anyone notices something being off with him, we'll deal with it sooner and in a better way"
"Yeah!"
"Anyone want some ice cream?"
"Hell yeah, let's go!"
"I'm not paying, by the way!"
"Seonghwa can pay, he's the oldest and he's a CEO."
"You brats! How does Hongjoong even put up with you disrespectful kids?!"
"Come on, you don't mind do you?"
"...no. Let's just go."