Chapter Text
It was the perfect plan. Not that his other plans ever had any flaws, but this one was a step above the rest. Zim sat back on his designated dorm room bed, mattress creaking as the alien shifted his weight. The sun died down below the horizon outside the window, casting stray rays of orange and pink across the dim room. Crimson eyes watched his roommate intently, eagerly awaiting his response. Silence gripped the space between them, the only sound being the rhythmic tick-tick-ticking of the clock the human had purchased during their first year of college. It wasn’t like the Irken to be afraid to speak out, but when it came to human issues, he preferred waiting for feedback.
A heavy sigh left the young man on the opposing side of the room, his laptop shut in frustration. Dib had been listening half-heartedly, trying to focus on his homework. The new school year had just begun, yet the assignments had already taken over most of his time. He should’ve known it was useless. Almost ten years of dealing with the alien and he still attempted to get work done when Zim went on a rant. Rubbing his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision from the bright screen, Dib turned to face Zim. The green boy eyed him curiously.
“Well?” Zim asked cautiously, head tilting slightly.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying you were going to do again?”
The Irken’s antennae drooped at the response, his expression morphing into annoyance. It wasn’t like Dib had never ignored him before, he did it on a regular basis, but it was never any less bothersome. He huffed, wanting to make sure Dib was aware of his mistake in not fully giving him his attention. All it earned was an eyeroll, as it always did. He’d make Dib work harder this time for the information. Bouncing up to his feet, he readied himself. Confidence. This was his next best plan, after all. He had to make this count...again. Brown eyes half-heartedly watched him from behind round lenses as he cleared his throat.
“What would you say humans desire the most?”
It was condescending, an obvious setup, but one that had to be taken. Dib rolled his eyes, knowing that if he actually wanted to get any work done tonight, he’d have to play Zim’s game and hear him out. Eh, so be it.
“Money? Power? You got me.” Dib spoke flatly. Truth be told, he hadn’t the slightest idea, but he wasn’t exactly the most normal person to ask either. The man rooming with an alien invader and maintaining an interest in the paranormal into his twenties wasn’t exactly the average adult human he should be seeking answers from about what’s considered normal. Not like it really mattered to Zim, he supposed. A chuckle escaped the Irken, drawing his attention back in.
“You’re wrong, Dib, it’s love.”
Oh. That he wasn’t expecting. A cocky grin formed on the alien’s face as the investigator’s eyes went wide. Love? Zim, talking about love? It was so foreign to consider. The boy barely experienced anything other than smugness, anger, or irritation. As far as Dib knew, Irkens didn’t experience love, at least, not romantically speaking. He’d come to learn more about the species over time and knew that they were militant and didn’t naturally breed, so partnerships like humans had didn’t seem to really mesh with their society. It only furthered his curiosity.
“Alright, Zim, I’ll bite. What do you know about love?” Dib challenged. The closest to romantic he’s ever seen Zim be with someone was with Tak all those years ago, before they had found out that she too was an Irken. He doubted that counted, considering Zim was never actually invested in her nor did much at all to further their ‘relationship’.
“Zim knows everything about love! You humans find desirable qualities in another, acquire ‘feelings’, become partners, and eventually become mates, correct?” It was a question, but only because Zim knew he’d get the answer he desired.
Dib considered the statement briefly before nodding.
“Kind of a barebones version of it, but yeah. What’s with your sudden interest in it, though?” The investigator questioned, cocking an eyebrow.
“In these partnerships, you are completely devoted to the other person, yes?” Another probe for answers, succeeded by another nod.
“I guess so, why?” A dangerous question, but he had no way out of asking.
A low chuckle filled the room, reverberating against the walls of their cramped dorm. If he were the same child he was all those years ago when he first met the Irken, he’d have been more worried. Now the young man sat in silence, waiting for his roommate to finish and get to his point.
“If a human were to fall in love with me, they would be mine to control! A love-pig to do my bidding!” The alien boy was practically beaming, a smile crossing his face from ear to ear.
Silence followed as Dib took in the information. Irritation overtook him as the puzzle pieces snapped into place.
“So let me get this right, you plan on trying to manipulate someone into loving you just so you can use them for...I don’t know, experiments, information, or something similar, and that’s all?”
“Correct! You’ve gotten smarter, Dib-stink!”
Manipulating someone’s feelings for his own benefit. It wasn’t that Zim couldn’t be underhanded about his plans, but this was a new low. The Tak situation hadn’t bothered Dib much, especially considering the outcome, but the idea of Zim actually potentially hurting someone like that made his skin crawl.
“You really are the worst, you know?” The words left his mouth with venom, but the malice was brushed off, as always.
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Dib! Plus, I already have a target picked out, so the plan is already in motion, whether you like it or not,” Zim mocked, smug grin still plastered on his face, “I plan to start my courtship of them tomorrow.”
A million questions flooded Dib. Who was Zim after? Where were they? Could Dib intervene? Would he be able to save them from getting their heartbroken on the chance that they do end up falling for Zim? Even if it was someone he didn’t know, he didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of his stupid alien friend thinking it was fun to toy with hearts. Maybe he’d get lucky and they’d get him back. It’d be nice to see Zim get his ass handed to him by someone other than him for once. Yeah. He would deserve it. He needed to get what he deserved for once.
“You know what? Go ahead!”
“Eh? You...want me to go through with my plan?” Zim asked, confusion filling his voice.
“Sure! We should probably sleep, though, relationships are hard work and you need to be rested!” He beamed.
Crimson eyes were narrowed in suspicion, but Dib left no room for retaliation from the Irken. His laptop was quickly stored away, his glasses discarded on the nightstand, and their light flicked off, leaving the green boy standing in the dark as the other crawled into his own bed.
“Goodnight, Zim!” Dib called over his shoulder cheerfully, turning to face the opposite wall.
“Dib.”
“Yes?”
“It is 8:30pm.”
“Gotta be well-rested for the big day!”
“I do not require sleep.”
No answer followed the alien boy’s statement, the clock once again filling their silence. Dib waited, only relieved when he heard the other boy shuffle into his own bed. His homework would remain incomplete, but he could always do it in the morning. Besides, he was about to get a front row seat to watching someone else finally punish Zim for being...himself. Although their feud was mostly a thing of the past, the human still held some resentment to the events of his past. A soft smile formed on his lips as he drifted off. Tomorrow would begin Zim’s plan, and would mark the beginning of the greatest payoff of Dib’s life. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.