Work Text:
May, 2003
"I'm expecting," Lina announces, setting down her mug of earl grey tea.
Taeyong freezes with the kettle hovering over his mug. His mind freezes too and it takes him a few seconds longer than usual to register Lina's words. When he finally processes her words, he swivels around just in time to catch sight of Meiying scooting closer to Lina on the couch.
Meiying drapes an arm around Lina and gushes, "Congratulations! How many weeks are you right now?"
Lina beams, "Eight weeks!"
Taeyong can only see the back of Lina's head but the image of her sweet smile and deep dimples shines brightly in his mind. He adds a teaspoon of sugar into his green tea and stirs carefully. He takes a sip, reeling back when he burns his tongue. Deciding that the tea is not sweet enough, Taeyong adds another teaspoon of sugar, ignoring the way the tip of his tongue tingles.
"Hey!" Renjun shouts, "Give it back!"
Donghyuck scrambles away from Renjun, squealing. Clutched tightly in his hands is Renjun's new Spider-Man figurine. Taeyong swerves out of the way, covering a hand over his mug to prevent it from spilling.
"Donghyuck!" Taeyong warns. "Be careful! This is hot."
His words fall deaf to Donghyuck's ears and he sighs helplessly as he watches his son race around the living room. Renjun chases after him, screeching. Three-year-old children are a handful to take care of, particularly now that they are mobile and mischievous.
Cradling her swollen belly, Meiying rises to her feet carefully. "Renjun!" she scolds. Renjun stops in his steps instantly and sneaks a cautious glance in his mother's direction. Meiying gestures to the floor in front of her, "Come."
Renjun trudges past Donghyuck who continues to run laps around the couch triumphantly with Renjun’s Spider-Man figurine. Taeyong sets his mug down on the kitchen island to round him up.
"No!" Donghyuck whines loudly when Taeyong picks him up. Taeyong shushes him.
"What did I say in the car?" Meiying asks.
Renjun glues his arms to his side, pouting at his feet, "No running."
"And what do you have to use?"
"My quiet voice," Renjun mumbles, sneaking a look at Donghyuck.
"That's right," Meiying nods approvingly, "no running, okay? You're all sweaty now!"
She fusses over Renjun, fixing the straps of his overalls and flattens his messy hair.
Taeyong walks closer to Meiying and sets Donghyuck down beside Renjun, only releasing him when he returns the Spider-Man toy. The boys return to the play corner, where Mark is hunched over his Duplo tower, oblivious to Renjun and Donghyuck's antics.
"Sorry about that, Donghyuck's just really excited to have you over," Taeyong flashes Meiying a wry smile.
Meiying shakes her head, "No, please, I should be the one apologising. Renjun is usually not this loud."
"Alright, let's not start an apology competition," Lina jokes and they all laugh in unison.
Taeyong retrieves his tea from the counter and curls his hand around the mug tightly. He revels in the way the warmth from the hot tea bleeds through the porcelain mug and warms his palm.
"Have you told Minseok yet?" Taeyong asks, plonking himself down on the armchair.
Rather than feeling the plush cushion of the armchair, he feels the spine of Johnny's paperback dig into his rear end. Wincing, Taeyong rises from the seat. He sets his mug down on the coffee table and reaches behind him to remove Johnny's book.
The bottom corner of the front cover is creased from where he had accidentally sat down on it. Johnny will fuss over it when he comes home from work. He treats his books with great care, always careful to not bend the spine as he reads. But really, it's Johnny's fault for leaving his book laying around. He should be grateful that Taeyong was the one who found his book because Donghyuck's curious hands have the capacity to do much more damage than a creased cover.
"No, I only found out this morning, after Minseok left," Lina recounts. "Luckily he dropped Matthew off at school on his way to work because Matthew would've been late if I had to take him."
Taeyong nods slowly as he takes measured sips of his tea. Before he has the chance to ask Lina how she found out about her pregnancy, she speaks up again.
"I was dressing Mark when I felt really sick," Lina explains, smiling reassuringly at Mark when he turns to the sound of his name. Mark stares curiously for a moment before turning back to his tower. "Poor thing, I gave him such a fright when he saw me throwing up in the toilet," Lina clicks her tongue sympathetically.
"Does Mark know about the baby?" Meiying pipes up.
They glance towards the children simultaneously. Mark's tower wobbles dangerously as he adds another block to the tower. Miraculously, it stabilises and does not topple over.
Lina shakes his head, "Not yet. He understood that I was sick, but he doesn't know why. I'll tell the boys tonight when everyone's home."
"Wow, congratulations though. This is so exciting, baby number three!" Meiying opens her arms and offers Lina another hug.
Taeyong chuckles, adjusting his grip around the mug. He watches as Lina leans into the hug, smiling shyly as Meiying wraps her arms around her tightly. He suppresses the urge to speak up and congratulate Lina again, opting to give them some space to revel in the excitement and anticipation.
"Thank you, it was a bit unexpected. Minseok and I wanted to stop after having Mark but... life happens, I guess," Lina comments quietly. Then, with a grin, she adds, "No pun intended."
Taeyong sits back and watches as Meiying lights up. She gushes about how she relates; how they didn’t expect another child after Renjun but life just happens. It triggers something in Taeyong and his brain retrieves the folder of thoughts that he has tucked away safely in the depth of his mind for late nights when he has trouble sleeping. Almost instantly, he is filled with an odd sense of yearning that he is all too familiar with.
Bringing Donghyuck home is an experience of a lifetime that Taeyong will always hold close to his heart. He will never forget the anticipation and the excitement of adopting Donghyuck. Taeyong knows that his family is small, but it is complete because of Donghyuck.
Donghyuck is the missing puzzle piece to Johnny and Taeyong’s dream to have a family. Yet, when Taeyong pauses and faces his thoughts front on, he can’t help but feel that something is missing. That he is missing out on something.
And he hates that because nothing is missing, not when he has Johnny and Donghyuck.
"Meiying, how many weeks are you now?" Lina asks, drawing Taeyong from his thoughts.
Meiying doesn’t have the opportunity to respond though.
Much to their surprise, Mark unleashes a shout of surprise, then promptly bursts into tears. Mark is the quietest out of the three children and whilst he can be a chatterbox when asked about his favourite toys, he usually prefers to be an observer in the background. His loud wails overpower Renjun and Donghyuck’s bickering and Lina frowns, at a loss for words.
Taeyong runs his eyes over the children and the play corner, assessing the situation. Half of Mark’s Duplo tower had been knocked over and sure enough, the pieces are scattered around Renjun and Donghyuck's feet.
Donghyuck's hands are wrapped tightly around Spider-Man’s legs and Renjun lurches forward to grasp Spider-Man's head, kicking over the remains of Mark's tower.
"Stop! It's mine!" Renjun cries and tugs harder. "Spider-Man is mine, give him back!"
Refusing to let go, Donghyuck screams back, "Mine!"
“No, he’s mine!”
Mark abandons his tower and dashes across the room, into the safety of his mother’s arms. His sobs are muffled as he cries into Lina’s shirt.
"Renjun!" Meiying calls sternly. Renjun pauses momentarily to stare at his mother through his lashes. His eyes are red and wet with tears. "If you don't play nicely, playtime will be over. We'll go home straight away."
It's frustrating to watch this unfold before his eyes, but Taeyong knows that it is a good learning opportunity for both Renjun and Donghyuck. Mark's emotional maturity can be attributed to the fact that he's three months shy from his fourth birthday, meaning that he is seven months older than Renjun and ten months older than Donghyuck.
But even when Mark was Renjun's age, he had already grasped the concept of sharing—at least, much better than Renjun and Donghyuck right now. Out of the three children, only Mark has an older brother. Matthew is three years older than Mark but from the stories that Lina tells them during their weekly play dates, they fight often at home and she has enforced strict rules about sharing.
Meiying will be having her second baby within the next two months and Renjun will very quickly learn that sharing extends beyond tangible items like his Spider-Man figurine. Meiying is a strict, but fair woman and Taeyong is certain that she will be rational in the way she manages that when—if—Renjun has trouble with sharing his mother's attention with the new baby.
Unlike his friends, Donghyuck's only experience in sharing with same-aged peers is through daycare, three days a week, and play dates like this. Taeyong is grateful that he met Lina and Meiying at the Bubs Group when all three children were under twelve months. They have supported him immensely over the last three years, through a range of common parenting problems.
Taeyong turns to watch Mark and in the brief second he turns his head, he almost misses the way Renjun lashes out and bats Donghyuck right in the face. Taeyong expects Donghyuck to burst into tears but he doesn't. He screams instead, as he attempts to swat back at Renjun with the Spider-Man figurine. Fortunately, he misses.
"Renjun!" Meiying shouts in horror at the same time Taeyong calls out for Donghyuck.
Renjun scampers away and hides, squatting in the corner, among the plastic storage boxes filled with Donghyuck's wooden train set and cooking toys. He faces the wall and wails with his hands covering his ears.
The play date ends prematurely, right there and then. Helplessly, Taeyong glances up from the children to survey Lina then Meiying. One of the most important rules of parenting that Taeyong has learned—unfortunately, the hard way—is to follow through with anything you tell your child. Meiying had made it very clear to Renjun that playtime would be over if he crossed the line again so it is her responsibility to follow through.
It's probably for the better though, especially after that full-blown fight. Mark is still down with his ear infection and Lina is likely to be exhausted from caring for a sick child, as well as discovering that she is pregnant with a third child. Both of them will benefit from some quiet time at home.
Taeyong rises to his feet and announces, "Pack away time. It's time to go home."
The next fifteen minutes is chaotic and it passes in a blur. Initially, Donghyuck very reluctantly throws a few Duplo blocks back into its plastic box, Spider-Man still clutched tightly in his hands. But when Taeyong asks him to return Spider-Man to Renjun, he begins to scream and kick. By the time Donghyuck surrenders Spider-Man, Renjun is sobbing in Meiying's lap.
Equally upset, Donghyuck crawls under the coffee table and refuses to come out. Taeyong leaves him be, figuring that he will come around if given some time and space.
The fighting stresses Taeyong to no end, yet, Lina manages to remain calm throughout the whole ordeal. She comforts Mark in an empathetic manner without coddling him, then encourages him to pack away the Duplo. Even after Mark stops crying, he continues to be upset by the noises—loud cries from Renjun and Donghyuck—in the room so Lina ends up taking Mark to the car first.
"How many weeks are you?" Taeyong asks Meiying as she attempts to slip on her shoes with great difficulty. "Would you like some help?" Taeyong offers gently, careful to not overstep his boundaries.
At first, Meiying doesn't respond and continues to try to put on her shoes by herself. Just as Taeyong had predicted, Meiying is hesitant to accept his offer. After another minute or so, she finally succumbs and asks for help.
"My husband put my shoes on for me this morning but we clearly didn't think things through," she laughs nervously, "I should have worn slippers or something..."
Taeyong shakes his head with a small smile. At times like this, it's glaringly obvious who Renjun got his stubbornness from.
"Slippers can be dangerous. It might look sunny out there today but the ground is still wet from the heavy rainfall in the past two days. We don't want you slipping over!"
Renjun's sobbing quietens and he stares up at the ceiling, dazed. He must be exhausted from all that screaming and crying.
"I'm thirty-one weeks right now, thirty-two after the weekend," Meiying finally replies after her shoes are on.
"Almost there!" Taeyong smiles.
"Yeah, thank goodness," Meiying huffs, "I'm at my limit. It's so hard taking care of Renjun when my back aches and I can't see my feet."
Renjun perks up, raising his head from his mother's thigh. He sniffles twice, then chirps, "Uncle Taeyong, the baby is coming!"
"I know," Taeyong smiles, "mummy told me about the baby."
"The baby is coming!" Renjun sits bolt upright, gesturing wildly. "Daddy said in July! She—My sister—" His next sentence is unintelligible but Renjun continues to chatter away, unaware that he is difficult to understand when he is excited.
"July?" Taeyong exclaims, resting a hand over his chest. "My birthday is in July!"
Renjun bounces around on the couch, shrieking in excitement, "Birthday? Can I come?"
"Oh, my birthday will be boring. No parties..." Taeyong muses. "But your baby will have a party."
Meiying coaxes Renjun to sit on the couch beside her. Renjun wriggles around in excitement as his mother helps him into his shoes.
"Guess my baby," Renjun declares proudly, puffing out his chest.
He chatters some more but Taeyong has trouble understanding him. Meiying leans closer to Taeyong's ear and whispers, "He's trying to get you to guess if the baby is a boy or girl."
"Oh, hm..." Taeyong strokes his chin and pretends to think. "Is it a boy?"
Renjun cackles, like Taeyong had just shared a funny joke. He shakes his head and upper body, "No! The baby is a girl."
Children at Renjun and Donghyuck's age are so curious and innocent, it's a joy to converse with them. Taeyong hopes that Donghyuck will catch up with his talking soon. His language development has been significantly slower than Renjun and Mark—especially Renjun. It’s tiring, because Donghyuck still communicates predominantly through screaming and very occasionally, single words. His inability to express himself clearly has resulted in an increasing number of tantrums as of late.
"Are you excited to be a big brother?" Taeyong beams down at Renjun as he helps him hop off the couch.
"Yes! She sleep in my room!" Renjun exclaims. He dashes down the hallway without waiting for Taeyong and Meiying.
"She will sleep in your room?" Taeyong asks when he catches up.
"Yeah, my room."
"When she's bigger, Renjun. She's sleeping in mummy and daddy's room first." Meiying reaches out to smooth down Renjun's messy hair, drawing him to her side.
He stares up at his mother with his big eyes, reaching his small hands towards her belly.
“I can hear her,” Renjun coos, pressing his ear against his mother’s thigh. He’s still too small to reach her stomach.
Taeyong manages to coax Donghyuck out from under the table and they say bye together.
In Lina’s car, Mark and Renjun are seated side by side, strapped safely in their baby seats. Meiying waves to them from the passenger seat and Donghyuck squeaks, wriggling in Taeyong’s arms to wave back.
As Lina pulls out of the driveway, Taeyong wonders if he's really the one that is missing out. Maybe it's not him, or Johnny, who are missing out. It's Donghyuck.
Donghyuck will turn three in one and a half weeks’ time, but he will not understand the concept of having a sibling. He will not have a sibling to take care of him—or have a sibling for him to take care of—and Taeyong begins to question if this is really the childhood he wants Donghyuck to have.
***
June, 2003
"Just tell him," Doyoung urges without looking up from the packets of pasta in his hands. His eyes flicker between the labels on the different types of pasta.
"I can't," Taeyong deflates as he cards his hand through Donghyuck's hair.
Donghyuck dozes off quietly in the main part of the trolley. He has one hand wrapped around the tail of his dolphin plush toy—Squeaky, as Johnny likes to call it. Jaehyun and Doyoung had gifted Donghyuck the plush toy when he was born. Back then, Squeaky was plump and looked larger than Donghyuck's body. Over time, it has shrunk a little in the wash and is rather worn out, its baby blue fur permanently tinged with grey, no matter how many times Taeyong washes it.
Doyoung regularly complains about how Squeaky looks dirty but Donghyuck has no interest in the new dolphin plush toys they buy for him. He only wants his special dolphin.
"Why not?" Doyoung challenges. "Talk me through your thoughts."
“I brought it up over New Years and he said no,” Taeyong replies, resisting the urge to bite his nails.
Doyoung crosses his arms and watched the way Taeyong fiddles with the groceries in the trolley, rearranging them in neat piles around Donghyuck. “Did you find out why he said no?”
“He said he wasn’t ready and we talked about how it was already stressful enough managing Donghyuck with both of us working full time.”
Doyoung nibbles his bottom lip as he thinks. He stares into the space behind Taeyong and doesn’t reply for a moment, completely immersed by his thoughts.
“I think your family situation right now is very different from the way it was six months ago,” Doyoung starts slowly. “The last time you spoke to him about it, you were still working at that other company with Yuta. You’ve got two extra days to spend at home with Donghyuck now.”
Taeyong started a new job at the start of last month. His new job is more flexible because his new boss has a young family as well, so he’s more empathetic and understanding than Taeyong’s previous boss. With this new job, he’s only expected to be in the office three times a week when he has to meet clients directly. On his other workdays, he’s allowed to work from home. He often focuses more on translating documents and audio recordings when Donghyuck has his midday naps.
“Talk to Johnny about it. Adding another child into the family is a big decision and that is not for you to make alone,” Doyoung says gently. “Also don’t forget, six months ago, Donghyuck was sick and you know how that stresses the heck out of Johnny.”
What Doyoung said is true. No amount of negative thinking can negate the truth that Doyoung has just presented to him. One of Johnny’s greatest fears revolve around Donghyuck falling sick so perhaps the discussion about adopting a second child was poorly timed. After all, Donghyuck was down with two consecutive fevers as well as the worst of his middle-ear infection in December and January.
It was not a pleasant time for everyone in the family and Taeyong is glad that Donghyuck has now recovered well from his ear infection.
Doyoung concludes confidently, “Johnny will understand. Just talk to him.”
“Alright,” Taeyong suppresses a sigh, feeling slightly defeated but Doyoung doesn’t need to know that. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out,” he says, more to himself than to Doyoung. “Donghyuck is a handful to take care of but he is more than enough for our family to be complete. I’m happy with the way my family is right now.”
Truthfully, the last sentence leaves a bad taste in Taeyong’s mouth. He’s instantly reminded of the day Lina discovered that she is pregnant with her third baby and his chest aches from the way he yearns deeply for another child. No matter what he tells himself, he can’t seem to shake off that feeling of longing. It has sunk its claws into him and the only way to escape is to fulfil his desire to have another child.
Doyoung stares at him sceptically but he doesn’t pry any further. He turns back to the pasta packets he has been holding for the last five minutes.
"Hey, what's the difference between these three?" Doyoung asks, frowning deeply at the pasta.
Taeyong points to the packet in the middle, "This one is spaghetti. You've probably heard of this one the most. You usually have it with meat-based sauces. You know, like spaghetti bolognese."
"Uh-huh," Doyoung hums, still frowning. "And this one? It looks thicker than spaghetti." He raises the packet on the right side.
"That one is fettuccine. You usually have it with creamier sauces—like Alfredo. Then the other one is linguine."
Doyoung exclaims dramatically, "Why are there so many types of pasta?"
"Well, what were you planning to buy?"
"I don't know! Jaehyun just said get pasta," Doyoung huffs. "He didn't mention that there would be just about fifty different types from three to four brands on display."
Honestly, Taeyong doesn't understand why Doyoung is getting so worked up over this. It's just pasta.
When he voices this aloud, Doyoung defends himself by saying, "I used up all the space in my brain studying in med school. There's a reason why Jaehyun cooks for both of us."
Taeyong rolls his eyes. It makes no sense but Doyoung is just being Doyoung. He checks his watch and realises that it's already fifteen till two. They still need to shop for decorations for Donghyuck's birthday party. "You better make up your mind, we don't have much time left."
From where he is seated in the trolley, Donghyuck blinks up at Taeyong drowsily and mumbles, "Out."
"Get out?" Taeyong asks gently. “Out of the trolley?”
"Out," Donghyuck repeats, rubbing his eyes.
An elderly woman ambles past them and coos at Donghyuck. Taeyong meets her gaze and they smile at each other politely.
"Do you want to walk?" Taeyong rephrases. Donghyuck looks like he’s just about ready to have another nap so Taeyong’s not sure what he wants.
Donghyuck yawns, then echoes, "Walk?"
Taeyong plucks him out of the trolley and sets him down beside Doyoung, who has finally decided which type of pasta to buy.
"Do-do," Donghyuck chirps. He tugs at Doyoung's pants and cranes his neck to look up at him expectantly.
Doyoung sets the pasta in the trolley then squats to meet Donghyuck at eye level. "Yes, Donghyuck?"
Wordlessly, Donghyuck offers his dolphin. He continues to stare expectantly into Doyoung's eyes.
"Oh… uh," Doyoung flattens his palms before him and accepts the dolphin. He glances up at Taeyong, confused. Unsure of Donghyuck's intention, Taeyong shrugs back.
Doyoung rises to his feet and gingerly places Donghyuck's dolphin back in the trolley. He startles and bumps his head against the display behind him when Donghyuck screams.
"Do-do!" Donghyuck shouts crossly at Doyoung, pointing an angry finger at the dolphin.
Alarmed, Doyoung instantly plucks the dolphin out from the trolley. He offers it to Donghyuck but Donghyuck only pushes it back towards him.
"What does he want?" Doyoung asks helplessly.
"I honestly don't know but you're on dolphin protection duty now,” Taeyong muses. “Don't lose the dolphin though, because if you do, he will have a meltdown for weeks."
*
The night before Donghyuck’s birthday, Taeyong struggles to sleep. He tries his best to lay still in bed, even though his thoughts are running laps around his head. He lays there, wide awake for a long time.
Eventually, he succumbs and he reaches out to Johnny for help.
“Johnny,” Taeyong whispers in the dark.
He’s welcomed by silence and Taeyong’s chest falls. He shouldn’t feel disappointed but he was really hoping that Johnny is still awake. It’s probably better that they don’t discuss this now though—this conversation is best for day time when they’re both awake and functioning.
But Taeyong’s mind is filled to the brim with thoughts and he can’t fall asleep. Sighing dejectedly, he rolls away from Johnny to lay on his back. He desperately wishes to escape—from his thoughts, from this sleepless night, and most importantly, from himself.
He is pleasantly surprised when Johnny stirs and hums at him sleepily.
“Taeyong?” Johnny murmurs, his arm curling tightly around Taeyong’s waist. When Taeyong doesn’t respond, he pulls away to switch on the night light. “Babe? What’s wrong?”
They both sit up in bed. Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat and he loses his words. He scrambles to retrieve them but it’s hard. He doesn’t know where to start looking. Not when Johnny is looking at him with so much concern filled in his eyes.
“Are you feeling unwell?” Johnny asks gently. He reaches out to rub a soothing hand up and down Taeyong’s back.
The conversation with Doyoung from yesterday’s shopping trip floods back into his mind. Doyoung’s right. He’s been together with Johnny for seven years and they’ve always encouraged open communication with each other, particularly after a few nasty fights during the first two years of dating. He wants to believe that once he initiates the conversation about adopting a second child, Johnny will pause to listen and to understand him, even if he doesn’t share the same perspective. At the back of his mind, he hears Doyoung’s voice urging him on.
After a few minutes of silence, Johnny offers, “What can I do to help?”
His hand is still rubbing Taeyong’s back slowly and Taeyong feels overwhelmed all of a sudden. Sometimes, he feels that Johnny is too good, too kind to him and that he doesn’t deserve all this love and attention.
“Say, Johnny,” Taeyong mumbles, resting his clasped hands in his lap.
Johnny leans closer, shifting his hand from his back to cover Taeyong’s hands. “Yes?”
“What if…” he begins.
His eyes flicker away from Johnny’s and he stares, hard, at the foot of the bed. Johnny, ever so patient, waits for him. He waits for Taeyong to process his thoughts and to gather his words. He waits for him in such a way that Taeyong doesn’t feel pressured or rushed to continue.
Taeyong hears Doyoung’s voice again and something sparks within him, igniting his chest with newfound courage. Like letting go of a breath he has held for a long time, he finally announces the question that has been weighing him down.
“What if we adopted another baby?”
Johnny’s face is impassive as he processes Taeyong’s words. He thinks it through very carefully and they remain silent for at least a minute or so. The warmth from Johnny’s hand covering his is the only thing grounding him right now, anchoring him and preventing him from floating away with his fearful thoughts.
In his calmest voice, Johnny replies, “Actually, I’ve been thinking about that recently.”
“And?” Taeyong asks. He hates how hopeful he sounds. The last thing he wants to do is to pressure Johnny into feeling like they need to adopt a baby.
“I think it’s something we can consider,” Johnny continues, a soft smile spreading across his face.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, why not?” Johnny rubs his thumb over the back of Taeyong’s hands.
“You’re not agreeing to this because you feel pressured to right? If you don’t feel ready, I’d rather not rush into this. I’m happy with the way our family is—you, me, and Donghyuck.”
Johnny kisses his cheek and reassures him, "No, I'm ready when you are." When Taeyong bursts into tears, surprising both Johnny and himself, Johnny draws him closer and sighs, "Oh Taeyong."
Taeyong shakes his head, "They're happy tears."
Tears of relief. He wraps his arms around Johnny's waist, burying his face into his chest. For the first time in a long while, he grants himself permission to let go. Crying is oddly therapeutic and Taeyong sighs in relief as the pent up stress drains away, leaving his body through his tears.
"I know how much you've wanted this, my love," Johnny murmurs into his hair, rubbing his back soothingly. "And I'm here with you, every step of the way. Just like I promised when you agreed to move—to Toronto—to be with me."
"Are you sure?" Taeyong asks again, exhaling shakily.
Without hesitation, Johnny reassures him, "I've never been more certain of anything in my life."
As he drifts off to sleep in Johnny's arms, he hears Johnny whisper in his ear, "For you, I'd do anything."
***
December, 2003
"Uncle Jaehyun, you're back!" Donghyuck squeals, his small feet thumping loudly as he dashes down the hallway with Mark and Renjun at his heels.
"Boys, slow down!" Taeyong calls, padding out of the kitchen to see the commotion.
Taeyong's pretty sure that neither Mark nor Renjun have met Jaehyun before, but children are like that. They feed off each other's energy and gather where the excitement stems from, even when they don't understand why everyone is excited. Adults are pretty much like that too, when crowds gather in public.
At the other end of the hallway, Jaehyun is bent over by the front door as he unties his shoelaces. His winter coat is dusted with fresh snow.
Donghyuck skids down the hallway and struggles to slow down, his socked feet gliding uncontrollably on the slippery surface of the wooden floorboards. With a loud yelp, he barrels right into the back of Jaehyun's long legs.
Fortunately, Jaehyun's hands fly out to press against the wall in front of him, steadying them both.
"Hi Donghyuck," Jaehyun tilts his head to over his shoulder, an amused look adorning his face. He manages to kick his shoes off with Donghyuck clinging onto his legs tightly.
"Uncle Jae, you're home!" Donghyuck beams up at him sweetly.
Gently, Jaehyun unclasps Donghyuck's tight grasp around his legs. He turns to squat down at Donghyuck's height. "You grew taller!" Jaehyun beams back, ruffling Donghyuck's hair.
"Big boy!" Donghyuck bellows. Giggling, Donghyuck launches himself forwards and buries his face into Jaehyun's neck.
"Yes, you are. You are a big boy now." With a soft sigh, Jaehyun wraps his arms around Donghyuck's small frame, "Oh, Hyuckie." He glances up at Taeyong and their eyes meet as he continues, "You're talking so much now."
"He is, isn't he?" Taeyong agrees, shuffling down the hallway to join them.
Now that Jaehyun mentions it, Taeyong thinks about how Donghyuck's talking has really come along. Jaehyun had gone away at the end of Summer to record an album with his band in the States. In the time that Jaehyun was away, in just four months, Donghyuck has gone from occasionally joining two words together to consistently speaking in three to four-word sentences.
Both Johnny and Taeyong are relieved beyond words. Whilst Donghyuck understood instructions when given to him as well as many words and concepts, he didn’t say his first words till he turned two. Then when he was two and a half, he had that nasty ear infection that affected his hearing for a few months.
"Hi," Renjun greets, "who are you?"
Mark creeps forward, hovering behind Renjun. He observes Jaehyun from afar, his big eyes rounded and filled with curiosity.
"My Uncle Jaehyun," Donghyuck boasts. He pulls away from the hug to press his hands on either side of Jaehyun's cheeks. He swivels around, his hands still squishing Jaehyun's cheeks, and says to Renjun and Mark, "Uncle Jaehyun and Uncle Doyoung."
Then, to Taeyong's horror, Donghyuck begins to make kissy noises.
Jaehyun's ears turn red embarrassingly quickly. He removes Donghyuck's hands and asks, "Are these your friends?"
Donghyuck gestures grandly towards Renjun and Mark, "My friend!"
“Your friends,” Taeyong nods.
Unlike Renjun who bounds forward and introduces himself to Jaehyun, Mark shies away, scrambling to hide behind Taeyong. He cowers away when Donghyuck bellows his name.
Oblivious to Mark's shyness and discomfort towards strangers, Donghyuck marches towards Mark and drags him out from behind Taeyong by his hand.
"Mark, say hi!" Donghyuck urges. His eyes sparkle with anticipation and excitement as he looks between his friend and uncle.
At this, Mark glances up at Jaehyun and squeaks out a quiet "hello!".
"Alright boys, go wash your hands. Dinner is almost ready," Taeyong instructs, pointing down the hallway and towards the bathroom.
Without needing a second prompt, the boys follow Taeyong's finger and dash back down the hallway like it's a race. And of course, Renjun leads the trio, with Donghyuck following closely after him, his hands still grasping tightly onto Mark's.
They watch the boys disappear around the corner, their loud voices still ringing in their ears even when they're no longer in sight.
"Kids really brighten your life, don't they," Jaehyun remarks. He opens his arms and offers a hug, "Long time no see?"
Taeyong wipes his hands dry with his apron before leaning into Jaehyun's hug, "Jaehyun, it's so good to see you. Did you get here okay?"
"Yeah, I took a taxi straight from the airport. A bit tired from all the travelling but it's good to be home for Christmas."
Taeyong peeks over Jaehyun's shoulder, spotting Jaehyun's suitcase, tucked away in the corner by the shoe rack.
"Come in," Taeyong welcomes Jaehyun into his home. "You must be hungry. Doyoung's in the kitchen… He's been waiting for you since this morning when he came over to help me prepare for this Christmas dinner. Yuta's here too."
*
Although Taeyong and Johnny have guests over regularly, this is their first time having eleven people over. Their apartment is small, just big enough for their small family of three to live comfortably, but it miraculously fits all their guests.
The living room becomes rather crowded, but Taeyong welcomes the warmth that washes over his body and settles in his stomach. Being surrounded by his family, his friends and their respective families—Taeyong feels at home, truly.
Taeyong surveys the room. The adults are scattered around, some seated on the couch and others at the dining table. It's nice to see his friends from two very different contexts merge and interact. Yuta is perched on the couch beside Lina and Meiying, chattering brightly. At the end of the dining table, Doyoung is engrossed in a discussion with Yixing, Renjun's father. In Yixing's lap is Ziqi, Renjun's five-month-old baby sister. She babbles gleefully as Yixing spoons small mouthfuls of pumpkin puree into her mouth.
Thoroughly enjoying his role as the host of this Christmas gathering, Johnny buzzes around, making regular rounds to and from the kitchen to bring more servings of food. At one point, Jaehyun trails after him and offers a helping hand. He disappears into the kitchen to help Johnny with the dessert and doesn't return for a while.
The other children are seated at the child-sized table in the living room, each with a small bowl of food in front of them. Even Matthew, Mark's brother, sits with them. Being the eldest child at the Christmas party, Matthew looks out of place sitting at the lower table with equally small chairs.
Taeyong spots Donghyuck dipping his left hand into his bowl of spaghetti bolognese that Johnny had made earlier in the evening. He drags his palm across his face, smearing the sauce on his face.
"Renjun!" Donghyuck chirps.
When Renjun glances up from his food, Donghyuck pulls a silly face and shows off his sauce-stained face. Renjun shrieks with laughter, which encourages Donghyuck to pull another face. This time, Renjun laughs so hard that his half-chewed noodles fall right out of his mouth and onto the table.
Taeyong shakes his head as Donghyuck wipes his hand against the front of his shirt. He had already given Donghyuck a bath before the guests arrived, but by the looks of it, he will need a second bath. Or at least a fresh change of clothes, because playing with the boys tonight will definitely tire him out. Taeyong can already foresee Donghyuck protesting and refusing to go anywhere that's not his bed at the end of the night. The last thing Taeyong wants to deal with after hosting a Christmas party is a tantrum.
"They look like they're having fun," Minseok, Mark’s father, remarks from where he is seated to Taeyong’s left.
Taeyong hums in agreement. This is probably Donghyuck's best Christmas eve celebration and Taeyong wonders if his three-and-a-half-year-old brain will retain these memories as he grows older.
"Lina mentioned that you're adopting another child. How's the process going? Any luck?" Minseok asks curiously.
"It's tedious," Taeyong admits, "lots of paperwork but we were very lucky everything at that stage went really smoothly."
Minseok nods, "I'm glad you didn't have too many issues. A friend of mine from work has had a lot of trouble and she waited for a long time. She adopted from overseas though."
"Yeah, it's usually longer if you go down the route of overseas adoption. Johnny and I discussed this for weeks before we decided to adopt domestically."
"Through public or private adoption?"
"Public. We were matched with a child earlier this month but it ended up being unsuccessful so we're just waiting for them to contact us again."
The child they were matched with had an older sibling, both under the age of seven. There was a lot of miscommunication and confusion between the agency and them, but from Taeyong's understanding, the children's relatives returned to Canada from overseas and filed a request to adopt both children. He understands that it’s best for the children to be with a relative that they have met previously.
But it's disappointing, having your hopes raised one moment then diminished the next. Taeyong knows that this is a lengthy process and that he needs to be patient, but this experience has led him to become restless. He can only hope—pray—that their assigned caseworker will contact them soon.
His conversation with Minseok is disrupted by a loud commotion to Taeyong's right.
"Ah! Dad! Mark spat on me," Matthew exclaims, brushing at his shirt.
Minseok sighs, setting down his spoon, "Mark, no spitting. Hands to yourself or you are going on a time-out."
Matthew shifts his hand and reveals a large stain, the same colour as the spaghetti bolognese. "Look!" Matthew remarks in an accusatory tone, "look at what you've done. This is all your fault."
"Matthew ate my chicken!" Mark whines back.
With a swish of his hand, Mark waves his utensil in Matthew's direction. Bits of food fly around and land on Matthew as well as Renjun.
"Hey!" Renjun scowls. His eyebrows furrow deeply and he scoots his chair away from the fighting brothers, retreating in Donghyuck's direction. "I don't like that!" he huffs.
"Boys, last warning. Hands to yourself—" Minseok's words are swallowed by incoherent shouting.
The loud chattering in the room dies down as the fight escalates quickly. In a matter of seconds, the utensils in both Mark and Matthew's hands are abandoned on the floor. They dive at each other, arguing loudly.
They wrestle for a moment then with a loud yelp, Matthew attempts to recoil from Mark. Taeyong catches a glimpse of Mark’s small teeth sinking into his brother’s arm. He rises from his seat, ready to jump in to stop the fight.
"Minyeol and Minhyung!" Lina calls sternly.
The boys freeze instantly at their mother's voice.
Well into her third trimester, Lina's stomach is so swollen that she looks like she is ready to have the baby any day. In fact, if Taeyong recalls correctly, this week should be her thirty-ninth week.
"Come over here. Right now!" she commands in Korean, her voice eerily calm.
Mark is often the most well-behaved so Taeyong has never seen Lina this stern before. Obediently, the boys trudge towards her but they do not release their hold on each other. They stand at her feet, both glaring down at the floor.
"He started it!" Matthew complains in Korean. Mark whimpers as Matthew tugs at his hair sharply.
"Minyeol, hands off. Daddy asked you to keep your hands to yourself." When Matthew refuses to let go, Lina continues firmly, "Let go, now."
Reluctantly, he releases Mark's hair. Lina separates the boys and they are each given a five-minute time-out. From afar, Taeyong observes curiously, noting how the boys both sit through their time-out without protest. They remain silent, like they are used to this.
The conversations around Taeyong rebuild quickly and in no time, the living room is lively and filled with cheerful chattering again. After their time-out, Matthew is sent to the dining table to sit with Minseok and Mark stays with Lina.
From the corner of his eye, Taeyong sees Donghyuck bounding out of his bedroom, his dolphin tucked under his arms.
"What's he up to?" Johnny appears behind Taeyong and comments, his voice amused. He leans forward, tucking his chin against Taeyong's shoulder.
Taeyong was so engrossed in how Lina managed the conflict between the boys that he didn't notice Donghyuck leaving his seat at the kids' table.
Surveying the table, Donghyuck points to the empty chairs. "Table is empty," Donghyuck announces in a loud voice, effectively gaining Renjun's attention.
Even Mark peeks from his spot beside his mother.
"Squeaky is here." He plops his favourite dolphin plush toy on the chair that Mark was sitting on earlier. "Squeaky play," he adds.
"What about this chair?" Renjun points to the chair vacated by Matthew.
"That's so cute," Johnny coos into Taeyong's ear. "I haven't seen those two play together in ages."
Taeyong grins, nodding in agreement. Together, they watch Donghyuck as he slips his left index and middle fingers into his mouth. He hums as he suckles his fingers, deep in thought. Then, he perks up. Taeyong can almost see the small lightbulb lighting up in his mind.
"Ah!" Donghyuck squeaks, "your baby!"
"My baby!" Renjun exclaims back, jumping to his feet. "Come see my baby," he continues, grabbing Donghyuck's hand and tugging him out of his seat.
They travel across the room together, weaving between the adults, their bare feet padding noisily on the wooden floorboards. Ziqi babbles loudly at the sight of Renjun, bouncing happily in their father's lap.
Taeyong's heart skips a beat as Donghyuck peers at Ziqi before reaching a hand out to touch her head. When they have company, Donghyuck becomes really excited and he expresses this excitement in the form of big gestures, often batting people on their faces by accident.
He doesn't have to warn Donghyuck to be gentle though. He pets Ziqi's head with so much care and gentleness that Taeyong almost reels back in shock. Ziqi gurgles and kicks her legs, narrowly missing Donghyuck's face.
"Can Ziqi play?" Donghyuck asks confidently, pointing towards the kids' table.
It warms Taeyong's heart to see, to be reminded, just how far Donghyuck has come with his talking.
Just under a year ago, Renjun was still talking for Donghyuck. All Donghyuck had to do was to point. Or whine, scream, shout... The list of vocalisations was rather extensive.
Being the lively, talkative toddler he was—and still is—Renjun would speak on behalf of Donghyuck, informing the adults around them of their critical toddler issues. Like asking for more cookies because they'd run out or the fact that one of their favourite toy cars were stuck under the couch. So really, there was no need for Donghyuck to use his words to get what he wanted because by pointing to or reaching out towards an object, Renjun would very naturally swoop in and speak up for him.
Yixing declines Renjun and Donghyuck’s request gently, explaining that it is almost time for Ziqi to sleep. He does, however, bring Ziqi to sit on the playmat in the corner of the living room and let the boys gather around. Donghyuck even offers her Squeaky to play with.
Glancing at the clock, Taeyong realises that it's almost eight o'clock. Usually by seven-thirty, Donghyuck is tucked in bed and fast asleep. He will have to convince Donghyuck to go to bed soon or a sleepy meltdown will be added onto his and Johnny's list of things to deal with after the guests leave.
Fortunately for Taeyong and the other parents, by around quarter past eight, the boys all begin to fall asleep one after the other, save for Matthew. As Johnny tends to the guests, packing them leftovers from their Christmas feast to take home, Taeyong plucks a sleeping Donghyuck off the playmat.
Donghyuck wakes momentarily as Taeyong changes him into a new pair of pyjamas and his night nappies.
"Baby?" he mumbles drowsily.
"Hmm?" Taeyong hums, gently tugging Donghyuck's Thomas the Tank Engine pyjama top over his head.
"Ziqi?" Donghyuck asks.
"Ziqi went home. It's time for bed, Donghyuck."
Donghyuck's ready, Taeyong decides as he tucks him in. He leans over and kisses Donghyuck’s forehead then nudges his cheek against the side of Donghyuck’s head.
Donghyuck's ready to be a brother.