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When he told her that he had to move again, she knew that she should’ve been upset. In a normal relationship, she would be. After all, she should’ve been upset he was going to move to Ohio, she should’ve wanted him to stay. However, a part of her was happy, and she had to hide it. If JD knew she was happy about it, things wouldn’t go well. Lately, this ‘relationship’ felt more like a trap than anything else.
She didn’t realize she had spaced out right after he told her, but his voice brought her back. “______? Are you okay?” he asked, waving his hand in front of her face. It looked like her mind had just leapt out of her body.
______ snapped back to the situation at hand, looking back at JD. “I’m fine, it’s just… I had no idea that you were moving so soon. You’re leaving Sunday?” she asked, and JD nodded. “That means we just have today and tomorrow. I wish you had known sooner; we could’ve gone somewhere special or done something.”
“We can still go out one more time,” JD assured her. “How about tomorrow night, I’ll take you out and pay for everything. It’s not like I have anything else to spend my money on.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one treating you? You’re the one leaving, after all.”
He shook his head. “Let be nice to you for a night, alright? My last night here, I want to leave you with something sweet to remember me by.”
She smiled as JD continued to try to convince her. It was talk like this that made her fall for him in the first place, but once they started dating, everything changed. There were warning signs, of course, but she ignored them. It all started months ago, with that party…
-
______ and JD sat together at lunch, alone at a table not too far away from her friends. He insisted that he didn’t want to sit with them, and despite her repeatedly assuring him that they were a good group of people, he still refused. She didn’t want to make it a big deal, and besides, she didn’t mind that much. She liked having alone time with JD. They were eating and joking around when one of her friends, Audrey, came up to them.
“Hey ______, you should come to my house tonight. My parents are out of town, so I’m inviting some people over. It’s going to be fun,” Audrey said excitedly. She tried to ignore JD, he freaked her out just a bit. The way he clung to ______ and the fact he never wanted to talk to anyone but her was off-putting. She hoped that this would give ______ time to talk to her friends away from JD again.
______ smiled back at her. “Sure!” she replied happily. JD looked over at her, and there was a certain look in his eye. He looked upset that Audrey had completely blocked him out, and annoyed that ______ was going along with it. There was a pause before she spoke again, looking back at Audrey. “Do you think that JD can come too?”
Audrey wasn’t a huge fan of the idea, but at the same time, she didn’t have any reason not to invite JD. He freaked her out enough where she didn’t want to say no right in front of his face, so instead she just slowly nodded. “Yeah, sure…” she trailed off. “See you tonight.”
______ didn’t think much of it, and when night came, JD picked her up to head over to Audrey’s house. They both rode on his motorcycle, and she didn’t feel the least bit unsafe with him. She didn’t understand why people at school were avoiding him like a plague. Sure, he didn’t have the most open personality, but talking to him wasn’t social suicide. ______ was still getting invited to parties, after all.
The second they walked in, Audrey came up to them, trying to whisk ______ away from JD. “Hey girl!” she exclaimed coming up to them. “Come with me, there’s something you’ve got to see,” Audrey took ______ by the hand and pulled her away from JD. He just stood there, watching ______ being dragged away, and scoffed. He didn’t really like her friends, he thought she was above all of this. He grabbed a beer can from one of the coolers and took a seat on the couch, away from the people dancing to tasteless music.
“Audrey, where are you taking me?” ______ finally asked when they were in the kitchen.
“______, listen, we have to talk about JD,” Audrey began. “He’s a total creep, and he kills the vibe of ever room he walks into. Haven’t you noticed how he doesn’t like talking to anyone but you, and the way he attaches to you like a leech? There’s something wrong about him.”
______ pulled her hand away from Audrey. “Was this just a way for you to talk shit about JD to me?” she snapped. “He’s not a creep, you’re all just judgmental. Aren’t you ever tired of criticizing everyone all the time?”
Audrey shook her head. “______, it’s not that. I’m really concerned for you.”
“I’m fine, Audrey. Step off it,” ______ walked away, only to run into Gage of all people. Gage, who’s been flirting with her since middle school. To top off an already perfect situation, he was obviously already drunk. “I’m trying to leave, can I get past you?” she asked, trying to stay nice despite how annoyed she was at the moment.
“______, darling,” he started, his words slurring. “Funny seeing you here. Where’s your guard dog? Not here?”
______ rolled her eyes. “Leave JD alone, won’t you?”
“What’s he got that I don’t, huh? Besides a hot girlfriend. Speaking of which, if he’s not here, why don’t the two of us find a private room?” Gage took a step closer, putting a hand on ______’s cheek.
That’s when JD, who had been silently watching from the couch, stepped in. He surprised Gage by pulling on him from the back and turning him around, so they were face to face. “Leave her alone, asshole.”
“So, he is here!” Gage slurred. “What’re you going to do, tough guy?”
“I don’t want to fight, just fuck off,” JD stated in a cool voice. He reached out for ______’s hand, and the second she took his, he pulled ______ behind him. “We’re going to leave.”
“We were just having fun, weren’t we ______?” Gage asked. “Audrey was right, you’re a creep.”
That’s when something happened no one expected. JD reached into his trench coat and pulled out a small gun. A few people screamed, and before anyone could react, a gunshot ran through the air. JD’s laugh followed, along with Gage and others screaming. ______ screamed too, and JD grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the house. She wasn’t happy, repeating, “You shot him! You shot Gage!”
JD put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, hey, calm down ______. I didn’t shoot him, there’s no bullets in this gun. Just blanks, watch,” JD pulled out the gun and aimed it at his own foot, pulling the trigger. There was another gunshot, but no wounds and no bullets. “He’s fine, though I think maybe he did shit himself.”
______ was speechless. “Why would you do that?”
“It got him to leave you alone, right?” JD asked. “Sometimes people don’t get the meaning of the words ‘fuck off,’ so this teaches them pretty quick not to be an ass.”
______ processed the situation. She was grateful that JD stepped in, Gage was being a drunk asshole and she didn’t want to see where the situation would’ve gone if JD didn’t step in. “There’s no way he could’ve gotten hurt, right?”
JD shook his head. “He’ll be fine. Do you want to get out of here?”
______ looked towards the window, the shutters closed. By now, they would’ve found out that there was nothing in the gun but blanks. She turned back to JD and nodded. “Let’s go home.”
-
______ waited for JD to pick her up Saturday night. He still wouldn’t tell her where they were going, but he told her to be ready by six. It was almost 6:30 now, and ______ was beginning to feel like a fool, sitting by the window and waiting to hear the roar of JD’s motorcycle coming down the street. Even though she had a feeling JD didn’t plan on going anywhere fancy, she still decided to put on her best outfit.
She knew she should be upset about him leaving, but she couldn’t bring herself to care that much. ______ decided it was something to be happy about. She could talk to her friends again, stray away from love, find out what it means to believe in herself. Make her own decisions again, talk to people. Her life for the past few months felt like she was just trying to make JD happy so he wouldn’t hurt anyone, and so far, she had been doing a fine job. Just a few mistakes, but she was the one who he took it out on, not anyone else. She was hoping it was worth it to protect others from how angry he could get.
He just made it all make sense. All of his actions had a sickening reason, and if she didn’t know any better, she would believe it all and follow him blindly. However, every time he was nasty towards her or hurt her, even if he apologized for it afterwards, there was a voice in the back of her head that just kept repeating this is not love. This is not love. This is not love.
It was time she finally listened to it.
Eventually, the sound of JD’s motorcycle coming up the street hit ______’s ears, and she stood up, straightening out her outfit before heading outside. She made it out the door as JD pulled over to the side of the road, holding a helmet in his hands for her. “Sorry I’m late, my dad was being a dick about me going out,” he explained lazily. “Are you ready?”
“It’s okay, I’m ready,” ______ told him. JD put the helmet on her and tied the straps. Sometimes the way JD drove his motorcycle still scared her, especially since he didn’t care too much about stop signs or speed limits. He claimed he was being careful, but when she saw them passing a stop sign at 40 MPH, it was hard to believe that. She sat behind him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. Once he was sure she had a tight grip, JD’s engine roared to life and they headed down.
The ride was silent, and only ten minutes later did ______ realize where JD was taking here. There was a diner in the heart of town that was popular with teens looking for a cheap, fun place to eat. Not the most romantic, but the food wasn’t bad, and the milkshakes were second to none. She used to love going there.
Key word being used to.
Once they parked, ______ sat on the bike, unmoving. “Can we go somewhere else?” she asked, not letting go of her tight grip on JD.
JD turned back and looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “We’re already here, why would we go somewhere else? You love eating at this place, I thought it would be nice. I’ll pay for your dinner and we can share a milkshake,” JD told her.
“It’s just…” she trailed off, looking for the right words. It’s just you ruined this place for me after what happened last time is what she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to start a fight. Not tonight. So, instead, she bit her tongue and shook her head. “Never mind, you’re right. It would be silly to go somewhere else when we’re already here. Let’s go inside,” she gave him a convincing smile, but her hand drifted down to her wrist as she ran her thumb over the small scar that was left on there.
The one JD gave her last time she was here.
-
______ couldn’t remember what sparked the argument, but she did remember what it was about. She asked for a little space, she asked him why he was acting like he owned her. JD didn’t want to give her space, claiming that he was the only one who really knew who she was, and that she was a lot more like him that she would care to admit. They ended up in front of the diner, yelling at each other.
“JD, I adore being with you, but after what happened at the party, my friends won’t leave me alone about you. They keep saying that I should leave you, that you’re dangerous, and I’m beginning to believe them,” ______ started. “All I suggested is that we should give each other some space after school once and a while and look at you now! You’re yelling at me saying that’s not going to happen.”
JD let out a frustrated sigh, taking a cigarette out of his trench coat and lighting it before speaking. “______, what I’m trying to tell you is that you don’t need to listen to those assholes. These are the same friends who were willing to stand by and let Gage do whatever he wanted, because at least it was him and not me. They don’t have a reason for hating me, they always have, and they’re trying to get you to hate me too. The reason we don’t need space is because I don’t want them to turn you against me completely. I care about you far too much to let some stupid fucking clique turn you against me.”
“They’re not a ‘stupid clique,’ they’re my friends, and I think they’re right about some things.”
JD took a step forward, and she stepped back impulsively. He still had his cigarette, half smoked, dangling out of his mouth. “What? What do you possibly think they could be right about?”
_______ stared at him, deciding to take a stand. “I’m not yours, JD. If I want some space from you, I can give myself space from you. I don’t need your permission to take time for myself.”
JD laughed, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. “You really think that I’m treating you like property?” he asked, then quickly reached out with his free hand and grabbed ______’s wrist roughly. “Don’t you think if I wanted everyone to know you were mine, I’d leave a mark on you? Something like this?”
“JD, what are you doing?” ______ asked, trying to pull her hand away, but it was too late. JD took the tip of the lit cigarette and pressed it onto her wrist, and she let out a scream as he pushed down, trying to put it out on her. She was trying to pull back, but JD had a firm grip, only letting go after she stopped screaming, started crying, and yelled, “JD, please, stop!”
JD dropped the remainder of the cigarette and looked up at ______’s tear stained face. He started to give her a sympathetic look, a look that felt empty to her, and began to talk. “Listen, _______,” he started, reaching towards her face to wipe away some tears, but she just took a huge step back.
“Don’t touch me, JD. I’m going home, alone,” she turned her heel, starting to walk back in the general direction of her home.
“_______! Wait!” he shouted, but she just kept walking, silent tears beginning to stain her face. “We’re miles away from your house! Can we talk?”
“Because that worked so fucking well for me before!” she shouted back. “I don’t care how far we are; I’m walking.”
JD bit his lip and rushed inside of the diner, disappearing. She didn’t really care, her wrist hurt, her heart hurt, and she just wanted to go home and cry. JD had never hurt her, not like this, not intentionally. Something had come over him, and in that moment, he didn’t care. He just wanted to win the argument. They’re right, she thought to herself. He doesn’t care, he’s controlling. He didn’t even flinch when I screamed.
She walked for about ten minutes when she heard the unmistakeable sound of JD’s motorcycle. She stopped in her tracks and turned around, watching him get closer. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. Once he got closer, he slowed down, the motorcycle cruising slowly next to her to keep up. JD took off his helmet and threw it into his motorcycles hanging bag. “______, I’m sorry. I really am, but can you stop walking away and just talk to me?”
“Last time I tried to have a conversation with you, my wrist ended up being an ashtray. It’s clear to me that you don’t want to talk.”
“Okay, well if you won’t talk to me, just listen,” he started, and she finally stopped walking and turned to him. JD took that chance to finally park his bike and reached into his side bag, pulling out a large Styrofoam cup. “Can I see your wrist?”
“What? No!”
JD let out a sigh, opening the cup to show her the contents: a chocolate milkshake. “It’s something cold, I just want to cool down your burn, at least. Please?” he asked, and she reluctantly gave him her wrist. He pressed the cup against it, the cool of the milkshake soothing against her burn. “I’m sorry, ______. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just freaked when you said you wanted more space. You’re the best thing in my life right now, and I don’t want to lose you because some of your friends are upset that I fucked with Gage. I wanted to protect you then, and I want to protect you now. I already get so much shit taken from me because of my dad, so can’t we just please work this out? I don’t want you taken away from me too.”
______ knew that she shouldn’t trust him again, not after this. Something about JD though, he was a master at acting like a kicked puppy when he was upset. She wanted to believe his apology, she wanted to believe this was a mistake made by rage, and that he would never do anything like this again. She really wanted to.
So, she did. Big mistake.
-
They walked into the diner, taking a booth in the corner of the room. She felt a little overdressed, while she was wearing her best outfit, JD was in his usual trench coat and flannel. It was nothing new for her to stick out next to JD, so she didn’t dwell on it too long as a waitress came up and asked them what they’d be wanting. JD ordered a plate of fries, ______ bought her usual, and they both decided to split a swirl (half vanilla half chocolate) milkshake.
The night was passing by like normal, the two of them just talking, and she hoped it would stay this way. She asked JD about his move to Ohio: where he’d be living, what school he was going to, what the project his dad was working on was. He didn’t sound particularly thrilled about it. “It’s just another shitty town,” JD shrugged, sitting back. “Nothing different about all the others except my locker combination.”
“I had no idea you hated living here that much,” ______ tried to joke. “I guess it can seem repetitive, with the same personalities showing up again and again. I don’t blame you for getting sick of it.”
“You were different,” JD told her suddenly. “Most school I go to I’m ignored, people don’t like ‘my vibe’ or something like that, but you were different. You wanted to talk to me.”
______ raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean I was different?”
JD looked away from her before replying. “You haven’t changed, just your perspective of me,” JD replied coldly. “Am I wrong?”
______ didn’t say anything, and lucky for her, that was the exact moment their food arrived. She ate to disguise her silence and ignore the question. Of course her perspective of him changed. She found out his true self, and she wasn’t going to stand by him when he was hurting her. Both of them were quiet as they started eating, and then a familiar voice ran through the air. A bell rang as the front door opened, and ______ internally yelled as Gage’s voice hit them saying, “Hey, if it isn’t ______ and her crazy fuckin’ boyfriend!”
JD’s expression changed into a small, unsettling smile as he turned to Gage. “Nice to see you haven’t changed,” he turned to Gage. Although there was a smile on his face, the look in JD’s eyes had venom.
Gage ignored JD at first, turning to ______. “Why are you still dating this creep, ______? You used to be so nice.”
______ kept her voice low, trying to get a warning across to Gage without making JD upset. “Just leave us alone, Gage. We’re not even bothering you.”
“Just seeing this guy’s face bothers me,” Gage finally turned to JD. “I mean, the psycho tried to shoot me.”
JD, with the same smile and patient tone, replied, “Oh, I wasn’t trying to shoot you, I was trying to scare you. If I wanted to shoot you, you’d know.”
Gage tilted his head. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Before JD could say anything else, ______ reached out, setting her hand on top of his and making direct eye contact with him. “JD, please, not tonight,” she turned her eyebrows up. “I don’t want to leave just yet, just don’t.”
JD looked from ______ to Gage, taking a deep breath. “Fine,” he muttered, turning from ______ to Gage. “Just fuck off, I’m not in the mood for a fight.”
Gage turned to the friends he was with, who stayed out of his way and took a seat across the diner. “Yeah, okay,” he backed off. “Whatever. You’re not worth my time.” After glaring at JD, he turned away and went back to see his friends.
JD kept pointed eyes at Gage as he went back to his friends, and it was the kind of look that _______ was afraid of. When JD looked like that, she knew nothing good was about to happen. Hoping to distract him, she handed him a straw. “Come on, forget him. It’s your last night here, we should make it a good one.”
JD looked back at her and gave her a tired smile. “Yeah, I got it. I’m not going to start anything here, _______. I promise you.” He unwrapped the straw and plopped it into the milkshake, the two of them sharing it.
Although she was trying to make JD happy to forget about Gage, she still did feel bad about what happened. She never forgot about that party, and she never spoke to him after everything that happened. She was so blinded by JD; she didn’t stop to think that he was hurting anyone else. She glanced quickly towards his table, realizing he and his friends were sat near the bathrooms. I have a plan, she thought, looking back at the now empty milkshake bottle. “I’ll be back, I have to use the bathroom. Mind waiting outside for me after you pay?”
JD raised an eyebrow before nodding. “Sure. I could just wait for you in here, y’know.”
“I know that, but I figured I didn’t want to spend all night in this diner. We should go back to my place,” she smiled at him and grabbed his hand. Anything to keep him from doing something stupid.
JD just shrugged, and she took that as a yes, heading towards the bathrooms. She sat in a stall, taking deep breaths. She didn’t really need to use the bathroom; she just needed an excuse to separate herself from JD long enough to talk to Gage without sparking a fight. After a few minutes, she peeked outside the door, not seeing JD in the building anymore. Here goes nothing.
She stepped out carefully, taking a deep breath and walking to Gage. “Can I speak to you?” she asked, catching the attention of him and all of his friends.
Gage put down the fry he was holding and crossed his arms, looking around. “Where’s your freak?” he asked. “I’m not really in the mood to start something right now.”
“He’s waiting for me outside, he doesn’t even know I’m talking to you,” ______ told him. “I have to make this fast, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that JD is… well, JD. It’s his last night in town before he moves out of state, so you won’t have to worry about him anymore.”
JD had been waiting outside and looked at his watch. “This is the longest bathroom break I’ve ever seen,” he mumbled, leaning against his motorcycle and looking back into the diner. That’s when he saw ______ talking to Gage. His eyes narrowed and his fist clenched.
Gage’s expression changed to a concerned one. “Is there some reason that you’ve been defending him and staying with him?” he asked. “Clearly you know he’s fucking insane.”
______ sighed. She hated using those words to describe JD, but to be honest, she didn’t know what else to use. It was clear that JD wasn’t completely sane. “It’s complicated. Let’s just say you won’t be the only person happy to have him out of town.” ______ looked at the door, and suddenly, a chill ran down her spine when her eyes met JD’s outside of the door. “That’s all I can say, really. Have a good night.”
______ walked away quickly, leaving Gage to wonder what the hell just happened, and wondering what exactly happened between JD and _______.
Once she got outside, she put on the brightest smile and went up to JD, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. “Thanks for waiting for me,” she told him. “So, how about it? Want to come back to my place?”
JD was silent for a moment before nodding. “Sure. Let’s head over.” After helping ______ back onto the motorcycle, he started speeding back. The tension in the air was high, and ______ felt like there was something horribly wrong.
Once they got back to her house, ______ jumped off the motorcycle, turning and looking back at JD. “Aren’t you going to come in?” she asked, a confused expression on her face when she realized that JD was still on the motorcycle, engine running.
He paused, shaking his head. He parked the motorcycle but kept the engine running as he hopped off and went up to her. “I have to get up early tomorrow and head out,” he told her. “I should probably head home.”
“Oh…” ______ trailed off. “I guess this is goodbye then?”
JD smiled at her, a real genuine smile, bringing up a hand and running a thumb on her cheek. “I’m going to miss you, ______. I realize you don’t love me, but I love you. I worship you.”
______ gave him a confused look. “What make you say that?” she asked. “I’m going to miss you too, JD. You’re the first guy I’ve dated who I actually… I actually really cared about.”
JD shook his head. “You don’t have to lie, and I don’t want to fight. I love you, _______. One day you’ll realize a love like mine is hard to come by, and you won’t ever forget me.”
“JD, what are you saying?”
He didn’t respond, instead leaning down and kissing her. He let his forehead linger against hers, his eyes closed and a euphoric feeling rising inside of him. “Goodbye, ______.” He turned away from her, getting back on his motorcycle and speeding away.
-
The next day is when _______ realized exactly what JD’s warning meant.
Sunday mornings were slow, ______ usually spent them watching TV while eating her breakfast. She switched on the morning news and walked over to the kitchen, half-listening while pulling out ingredients. It was mostly background noise, nothing really grabbing her attention until a headline came up that made her stop in her tracks.
Terror in Suburbia: Three Dead and Five Injured
A house had gotten blown up last night around 3 AM. Something about a gas leak and a thermal, but ______ stopped listening to the theories when the pictures of the victims came on screen. Terror filled her when Gage’s picture popped up in full color. She dropped everything she was holding, stifling a scream.
She knew exactly who did this. She had no idea how to tell anyone, or if she even should tell anyone. She recognized this work, remembering the stories JD would tell her about his dad’s business.
It was him.
-
JD was already miles away, stopped at a gas station while his dad went inside. The two of them had been listening to state radio, and JD had tuned out until he heard some familiar events.
“… terror struck a small community last night when one house was left in shambled after a suspected gas explosion, with three dead and five seeking medical attention…”
JD smiled to himself and leaned back. At least I learned one thing from him.