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"What's going on, Natasha.?"
Panic invades every nerve in Natasha's body.
She should have stayed in Tomsk's safe house, she thought. She wish, was anywhere but here, the weight of all lies, is about to fall and crush it.
She wished she could run out the door and leave. Run away ... escape. In the past, she didn't want to leave Maria's office. Today, she wanted nothing more than running.
"Why are you lying to me, Romanoff?" Maria pressed.
Natasha knew. It would hurt Maria, but she was an incredible liar, but she couldn't.
I couldn't lie to Maria ... No more.
"I ... I wasn't at Clint's farm, the last weeks."
"I know, I called Laura 3 days ago, I need you to be honest with me Romanoff?"
“Moscow.”
"Yelena Belova? Moscow ... What were you doing there, Romanoff.?"
"She's alive, I need to save her, I can't leave her, you have to believe me Maria ..."
"You're obsessed Natasha, you don't think clearly."
"Maria please."
"Yelena, she is dead, nobody survived the explosion, rescue teams find everyone's corpses.?"
"Don't say that."
"What the fuck, Natasha? How could you lie to me like that, I trusted you, I waited for you all night, with your favorite food and happy for your return, back to home, I didn't know what to think, if you were dead or kidnapped, tortured"
Natasha was still looking at the floor. She didn't know what to say.
"How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us? I thought you loved me! I thought you wanted to be with me!"
In matters of the heart, or feelings Natasha is clumsy. She never wanted to have someone near her before. She don’t know what to do. What to say or do to prevent Maria leaving her life forever ?, Maria changed her life, the woman in front of her, gave herself to Natasha and never asked anything from Natasha, the only person who knew her painful past.
"I ... I don't know. I don't know what happened to me, Maria ..." Natasha tries to control the panic.
"I know what happened to you! You changed! Since that Mission in Sophia, you are not the same, the death of Yelena and those 10 girls is not your fault. Please Natasha, don’t do this, stop.!
“I can't... is dripping red… The bastards are going to pay with their lives. I'm going to destroy each one of them, Yelena, Irina, Talia, Oskana, the other girls… they will have justice… and I'm not going to stop Maria, I can't. ”
“Go ahead, as you wish, you don't want a relationship, Natasha, you want to be an Agent, Avenger, Spy, Assassin.” Maria was angry
“You don't want to be Natasha Romanoff the girlfriend of Maria Hill, my girlfriend. You just want to be the Black Widow. ”
That last comment hurt. Natasha knew that she become the true Black Widow, the last few months was just a murderer, leaving blood and destruction in her way, leaving Maria out.
When the media or enemies called her "Black Widow," made her proud. When Maria called her that made her feel bad. Sick wanting to vomit, she felt always different when Maria called her Black Widow.
"Say something Natasha!"
“I love you, Masha, you make me feel complete, I adore you, you are the most important person in my life, I have dreamed our lives together. I love you Maria."
"WHAT HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!! Don't you even know what that means? We will live happily ever after, when you get scared you run and leave me behind. When everything is more important than me?"
"I don't even know you, I'm not sure I want to do it anymore."
"You're right I'm sorry. Sorry I hurt you. Maria, I'm sorry. "
"Maybe ... this isn't going to work between us Natasha ... Get out of here! Now!"
Her heart was torn from her chest and crushed, with the harsh words of Maria. Holding back her tears.
Natasha got up slowly and left Hill's office. She went downstairs and saw Pepper and Sharon watching at her with disappointment in the eyes. They must have heard what Maria was shouting. Pepper watched at her sadly, shaking her head and walking away and Sharon just squeezing Natasha’s shoulder gently.
When Natasha enter in her corvette, she took a moment to breathe before leaving. Defeated, with a chest pain, no previous battle left her with that feeling of defeat and loss.
She is trying to ignore the growing hole in her chest.
The cold spreads through her body. The icy feeling paralyzes her, fear transforms into terror, and freezes her instead. Panic claims her weak mind and strength.
In moments of panic, Maria held Natasha to comfort her. Natasha would sob on her shoulder and hold her back. Maria stroked her hair, as she always did on bad days. Now the sounds of her crying echoes in the car.
_______________________________
Natasha felt terrible about hurting Maria. Her girl didn't deserve this.
Hill wouldn't let anyone enter in her life, and Natasha managed to tear down Maria's walls for years, only to destroy the years of friendship and love and trust that both women forged between fights, battles, workouts, pizzas, beer and movie nights.
She was free now. Natasha could do whatever she wanted, come and go on her suicide missions with no one waiting for her at home with a soft blanket ... but did
She leave the most valuable thing she had, her precious Maria, the only relationship she had?
Pity the only woman who supported her in the most horrible and darkest days.
And all for revenge. The red room, killed Yelena her sestra, and family, Black Widow destroyed Maria ... her life and home.
Where would she go now?
Natasha needed to get Maria back in the short term, Natasha needs to show that her only priority is Maria, always Maria.
It would be a long night.
Natasha hadn't other friends, and Clint is in Kuala Lumpur in an extraction, she needs a shelter to spend the cold night and a plan to recover her girl.
"Maria, I need to talk with you." Is it alright? " Natasha asks shyly ...
"I really have to go." Maria ignores the redhead.
"I need to talk, please ... Maria."
"Look, I asked you to leave me alone and you didn't. You helped me understand what I want in my life, A life, a family, stability. But not with you ... thanks, for opening my eyes."
Masha, please ... listen to me ...
No, I am not Masha. to you Romanoff, I am Commander Hill, only then will you address me, Understood Agent.
"Yes, Commander." Natasha nods and turns to open the door. She looks like a little puppy that was kicked.
……
Natasha has felt trapped. But she won't give up. She will make her move. If it fails, so be it. She try.
"Masha, I'm sorry to lie to you, I hurt you, I'm the Black Widow is the best thing I do, destroy and hurt. You deserve better, you're my life. The incredible moments we live together." Natasha shake the head in despair.
The Wrath of Maria rises in her throat, while responding:
"Yes, it was nice, those times." She still doesn't look at Natasha, she just focuses her attention on the reports in her hands.
"It was nice?" Natasha ask disappointed.
Suddenly Maria looks at her furiously:
"Yes, it was nice. For you, it was a damn joke. I trust you, I let you into my life, I told you what I wanted. I told you that I loved you. I told you that all I wanted was a family. Something it could be ours. Built between you and I… I never lied, I never cheated on you. It was always you, my first thought and last was you ... What did you think was going to happen, after all your lies, Natasha?"
I asked you, I begged you to leave the Moscow mission and you didn't listen to me, now ... Why do you want me to hear your apologies? It is not fair Agent. I don't want to hear more lies, can you blame me for that, Romanov? "
"I don't…"
"I thought you understood, now you are free, Romanoff, without attachments, without compromises. Without complications, are you happy now?"
"Maria ... I love you, I miss you ..."
"Just wait for the next emergency or the next mission, and you'll forget about me. Like last time." taking her coat Maria leaves.
"You must go agent Romanoff, please continue your work." Maria turns around and leaves the room.
Natasha stays frozen, with a sense of loss. She have to follow her, make her understand.
"Don't let her go. Don't let her go. Don't let her go ', I can't lose her. “ Natasha repeats that mantra in her mind, while running behind Maria.
The black audi waits, Hill just goes to her car, retrieves the key and opens the door.
It's the end. If Maria gets in the car, she has lost her. Natasha can only see exactly that, the brunette gets in the vehicle and never looks back.
Maria, she doesn't stop. The tires squeak when they hit the pavement.
Natasha lost Maria that day, the feeling of panic returns, but also the sadness begins to grow. She wants to scream in despair. Just cry and never stop.
At the end of the night she returns to the dirty apartment, alone on her sofa trying to drink vodka to numb her pain.
It hadn't worked.
NOTHING WORKED !!!
...
It's 2:45 in the morning.
Natasha stood still for a moment trying to sort her thoughts. It's been the worst weeks, she doesn't eat well, she doesn't sleep either. She did the best, she really did, she spent all her time trying not to think about Maria,
She wonders when this void will disappear. She knows what she has to do. She does it every time when her mind doesn't let her sleep. The gym is the option. Natasha begins to destroy Steve's sack, take out all the frustration and anger, She caused the end of the most beautiful in her life. The pain in her hands and arms are a good distractor, Natasha focuses only on the stabbing pain in her body, and not focus on the look of disappointment in Maria's blue eyes.
The rough training always brings back the balance and tranquility She desperately need tonight. Natasha usually runs, dances, challenges Clint or Steve and has fun, tonight she needs to fight, destroy, hit. She launched her fury. She just knocks, her fists impact the hard surface again and again, she screams in anger. "It's my fault, it's my fault" Natasha repeats the words in her head again and again.
She continues to hit the bag violently, with brutal force, until it breaks, she takes another bag and repeats the same procedure, 3 hours pass, until her fists slow down, until the blood in her knuckles falls to the ground and feels she might pass out .
The strength is gone, Natasha is too weak to continue, she gasps for breath, she lay on her back dizzy from the effort, every beat of her heart seems to break her ribs, waiting for recovery. Her knuckles are a bloody mess, the veins in her arms are red, swollen. Natasha just closes the eyes a few tears escape, she is stupid. It deserves this punishment.
When opens the eyes she sees the young woman with a small warm smile.
Wanda looks worried.
Natasha wants to smile back at the young witch, she appreciates that Wanda has approached and cares about her, but she can't. Natasha believed that her pain appears on her face because Wanda's smile fades.
"Are you all right, Nat?" The girl asks worried.
"Yes, I'm fine, Wanda, get back to sleep." Natasha responds as she gets up from the floor, hides the grimace of pain from the effort. She feels the girl stops and Natasha looks at her for a moment. Wanda just nods and retires.
After a cold shower, she lies on the bed naked, without energy, In the middle of the darkness of her empty room.
“This is going to hurt, Natasha.” She says herself.
Natasha inhales deeply, holds on for a moment and then exhales a broken sob, she deserves this. Tears fall free on his face.
She cries until she falls asleep.
********
Time goes on ...
Four months later, Natasha is talking to Steve, discussing training techniques.
She hears laughs, when she sees Darcy, Jane and Helen. The talk is very lively, the trio of women waiting for the elevator, Natasha and Rogers wish a good day.
Everything was going well, until Darcy speaks.
“Hey, Rogers you have an appointment for Stark's party.”
Steve just say no
“Well we will find the perfect girl for you handsome.”
"Natasha tried and did not succeed."
"Without offending Red, but I think I succeed."
"And why are you sure Lewis?."
"Well ... I joined Helen and Bruce." The doctor blushes a little.
" Sam and Rebecca ..." Natasha is happy for the man, never had the balls and asked Rebecca Barnes.
"And my biggest success, Everett Ross and Maria Hill."
The world stopped, and the cold pierced Natasha's thorn, it’s like Bucky shot her, but now in the heart. The same pain is triggered and fear appears.
"Hill? ..." says Natasha, she doesn't believe what Darcy says.
“Yep, the same, the ice queen,Maria Hill… who would say it, maybe that man makes Hill happier these days. ”
Jealousy burns Natasha's heart, it’s strange to feel anger, fear and pain at the same time.
"Are you alright, Romanov?" Jane looks worried.
"Nat.?" Steve holds her arm, that's good, because Natasha feels her knees weaken.
"Are you sure, Miss Romanoff, you're pale." Helen takes her hand to take the pulse.
"Yes, I'm tired. I didn't sleep very well last night." Natasha walks away, retrieves her mask.
“Yes, I'm fine, I just remembered, I should call Clint and I forget it. Good day. ” She needs to escape, she need to breathe and think.
Her Masha and Everett Ross… together. This is impossible.
“Natasha wait…" Steve's voice echoes.
A week later…
The sound of the music fills the air, the party seems magnificent, the laughter and the voices are mixed with the notes of the orchestra, Natasha doesn't know it, she is hidden in the highest floor of the Avengers tower.
New York City is literally at her feet.
Natasha leans on the balcony railing, seeing the deep emptiness under her feets. The cold gusts of wind collide against the structure of the Tower making the crystals vibrate. Her green eyes look at the great night sky and the beautiful stars in the night of New York. It's another beautiful night, Natasha is a lover of nights like this.
She can't help remembering the old days on the farm when they both lay down, with Maria in her arms, hot chocolate and the big sky full of stars on them.
With Maria's head on her shoulder telling the Greek myths of each constellation. Natasha loves the way Maria's beautiful blue eyes light up. Natasha can swear that they shine like a thousand galaxies.
Her traitor mind is elsewhere. In a very special brunette.
Natasha was the Black Widow she would physically survive this hell, but mentally and emotionally it was destroyed.
She would never love like this again.
She would never feel that way again.
Natasha would live the rest of her life existing only in the memory of those incredible nights. Kisses and caresses, Italian foods and wine, hot chocolate and stars. Masha sleeping in her arms when everything went wrong.
Her mind drifted to What if? ...
What if ... Right now, Natasha drinking with Maria, talking with her about old missions, making silly jokes, sharing sweet smiles, soft hand rubs. Maybe dancing with Maria, feeling her warm body, She whispering words of love in her ear, promising don't let her sleep tonight, while Maria would leave soft kisses on her neck. In another time Natasha would be with Maria.
Now the Royal Force Area Pilot, Everett Ross, has the honor of being Maria's date. Jealousy pierces your heart. Just thinking that man puts his dirty hands on her beautiful Maria.
"Maria and Everett are a great couple." Darcy's words echo inside the head.
"You're not going to jump, right?"
It's Maria!
Natasha opens her mouth with her eyes wide open. While looking at her, an angel so beautiful, Maria looks wonderful, beautiful in a red dress, a gold necklace (a gift from Natasha) and black stilettos, she is a goddess among mortals.
Natasha tries to smile to pretend her happy state, she was a trained professional, but fails miserably. She feels small and unworthy next to Maria. Look at the city to cover the pain she feels inside. She had to hide her feelings from Maria.
When she met Maria, she was touching the clouds, she felt like heaven, she never hide her own emotions from this woman. Now Natasha is ashamed.
"No, I'm not going to jump, Hill." The redhead try to sound boring.
"How are you, Natasha?" Maria asks with her soft eyes.
"I'm alone, it's the first time in 10 years I had felt that way." Maria looks away. She doesn't know if it's because she wanted a friendly conversation or she made her feel uncomfortable with her response, Natasha curses herself.
Maria doesn't respond, so she continues.
"Like the old days, Masha. But I'm fine." Natasha smiles softly " You should be with your date?"
“Jealous Agent Romanoff.” Maria laughs “Lewis was driving me crazy, and I agreed to go out with Ross, just it was the only way to stop her. And let's say, Everett has a great interest in Miss Sharon Carter, and he asked me for advice, to ask her out. ”
"Wow ... I didn't know Masha."
"Do you know why I let you go?" Maria gets closer, asks quietly.
"I was stupid, very selfish, stubborn and never heard your words, I hurt you with my actions, you thought it was worth loving me, and I just destroy our relationship and break your trust." Natasha laughs bitterly looking down.
"No, that's not it, Nat." She can see the beautiful glassy blue eyes with emotion, Maria looks into her eyes and continues: "You looked so happy, Nat… out there, on missions, helping people, being a hero. I thought I'm just stopping, I just believed in freeing you, but I never stopped loving you Nat, every day I think of you. ”
"Is that why you left me?" Natasha contains the tears.
Maria shakes her head and explains:
"Yes, I left you because you looked so happy, Natasha until you saw me. I thought the problem was me. Forcing you to be in a broken relationship."
"No, that's not true Masha, I love you, I will always love you Maria. You are so beautiful, confident, intelligent, elegant and rude, the amazing woman who kicked my ass on the mats 10 years ago ... the woman who sings softly in my ear when the horrible nightmares catch me, my beautiful girl telling the great myths with a sparkle in her eyes. Never blame yourself for my mistakes Masha ... I ... "a finger on her lips silently Natasha.
"Shhh… I know Nat, you're adorable when you talk non-stop." Maria caresses the red curls. "I admit I was upset, I've thought a lot since the last time I saw you, I love you too Natasha, nothing can change my feelings for you , I'm sorry to be so rude and a bitch with you .. ". Maria smiles, taking her hand.
"Thank you, Masha."
"Big news…
“Big news?... Okay.”
You were right Natasha, Yelena is alive ... I ... uhmm ... I found her trail in Prague, Hydra hide in a secret base, Clint and Steve were sending to the extraction two weeks before ... At this time you must fly to England to The Base from London. Nick will take care of Yelena, Nat ... you can see your little sister, when the medical team authorizes. "
Natasha slipped off the railing and sneaked up on Maria, moving into her space; thanks to the heavens Maria doesn't retire.
"Roskaya alive?" Natasha ask with a smile on her face. "You found her, Masha?" The green eyes shine with tears not spilled.
"Yes." Maria responds shyly with a small smile, holding back her tears. Natasha quickly took her in her arms and kissed her deeply, desperately. Maria tenses and then relaxes in the kiss, holding her neck, while Natasha kisses her again and again, before breaking the kiss, the lips part. "Thank you Masha, you bring me peace.” Natasha hugs her tightly, burying her face in Maria's neck. "Thank you."
"I missed you, Nat." Maria's warm hands slide over her cheeks, kissing her slowly and gently.
"I missed you too, Masha." Natasha responds to the kiss, running her fingers around Maria's waist.
Natasha is enjoying the incredible warmth of Maria. Breathe the sweet scent. Feel the heat grow from the kiss. Listen the soft voice of this spectacular woman, like the most beautiful melody. Maria is hers. The pain in her chest disappears, with every brush of lips. The horrible months of pain are erased. Natasha is so happy.
The orchestra played a soft melody.
Natasha laughs and asks:
"I can get this dance, Miss Hill ..." Holding their hand, the couple walk down the hall quickly.
"It would be a pleasure, Miss Romanov?" Natasha looks at her sideways: Maria seems happy, her eyes don't reflect disappointment, only pure love.
Both women sway to the rhythm of the soft music, Natasha feels safe with Maria's arms around her neck, while her hands caress Maria's bare back.
"I love you, I will never leave you, I will not give up, I will not run, not again ..." a weak whisper comes out that Maria don't listen.
"What?" She encourages her.
"I love you Maria Hill, I'm the luckiest woman, to have you by my side, I'm not run when I am afraid. I’m not give up ... you make me happy."
"I love you so much Natasha, I haven't slept in days thinking about you, your eyes full of pain and sadness that broke my heart. I can't take it anymore Nat, You're driving me crazy, I love you, all the time, every moment when I see you , I just want to kiss you until you forget your name .. ”
"I’m with you always and I will never leave you, I love you." Maria kissed her deep, hard, when she finally pulled away from her, they were both panting.
Natasha's heart began to pound when Maria hugged her, put her chin on her shoulder and played with her red curls.
The sensation of Maria's soft breath, the soft skin under her hand, her warmth and her presence, became a balm for Natasha's wounded heart.
The end.