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In the heat of the moment, there’s far too much going on for the Doctor to be able to focus much on anything other than the fact that the Daleks had stolen a bunch of planets and were kidnapping humans. When Rose grabbed his spare hand to set aside in a storage room ‘for safe keeping’ while it finished absorbing the excess regeneration energy, the Doctor had asked her why she’d taken the time to move it. She’d just responded with that tongue-touched grin and a quick, “Spoilers.” So he figured that she’d encountered future versions of him while making her jumps, and that was that.
The day ended with the Doctor dropping Rose off on a dreary beach along with her mother and a human version of the Doctor. He couldn’t miss the look of disappointment on Rose’s face, but he knew that this was for the best. She would get to live out a human lifespan with him.
He turned to leave while he thought Rose was sufficiently distracted by his duplicate, so he was surprised when he suddenly felt her grabbing at his sleeve. “Doctor, don’t go. It can’t be healthy for a human body to host a Time Lord brain, can it? I’ll just have to watch him die and then I’ll be alone again.”
She sounded so certain of it, but the Doctor shook his head. “It will be fine, I promise. He’s completely stable, at least physically.” Rose didn’t look like she believed him, and that hurt. There had been a time when she’d implicitly trusted everything he said. It wasn’t until they were back in the original universe and Donna began breaking down that the Doctor realized Rose was right. But there was no way to get back to her now, so the Doctor settled for hating himself more than he had in a very long time.
It wasn’t until he was wearing a new face that he met River Song again, and he began to appreciate the true tragedy of the way their lives intersected. One of them would always know so much more than the other. And when the Doctor tried to ask about it, all he got for an answer was, “Spoilers, sweetie.”
,,,
The Doctor quickly answered the phone when it rang, knowing that a very limited amount of people had this number, and all of them knew to save it for emergencies only. “Hello?”
“Doctor,” came the familiar voice of River Song. “Tell me about your wife,” she asked in the breathless voice of someone who was in the middle of running for their life.
The Doctor just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t have a wife.” The closest he had was the mother of his children, back on Gallifrey so very long ago, but they’d only been paired up to have children, and after successfully looming two of them, they hadn’t seen the point in staying together.
River snorted. “Yeah right. I saw the ring, and that room that’s locked away on your TARDIS.”
“The ring isn’t mine,” the Doctor protested. There was a pang in his chest as he thought of the loss that Amy wasn’t even aware she was suffering. “And if a room is locked, then it’s for a reason. Now why are you really calling, other than to harass me?”
River let out an annoyed huff. “Is it so hard to believe that this is a social call?”
“Knowing you? Yes.”
That just made River laugh. “So you’re definitely not married, then?”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, even though River wouldn’t be able to see it over the phone. “I think I’d be the first to know if I was.” Then again, River lived out of order from him. But even so, he couldn’t imagine ever wanting to get married. “What happened to no spoilers?”
“‘S not a spoiler, darling. I could have sworn that you were married in your past. Ah, but it’s so easy to get confused when one is constantly traveling through time. I suppose I’ll just have to find someone else to ask.” Then she hung up before the Doctor could question what she was talking about.
,,,
One day when they encountered River without planning to, the Doctor overheard just a snippet of a conversation she was having over the phone. “-bad time. You’re so selfish.” Then she barked out a laugh. “That’s fair. Anyways-” That’s when she spotted the Doctor, and she hung up on her call without another word. “Spoilers,” she told him in a light voice. “So what are we doing today, Doctor?” And then they were off on the next adventure, full of the usual vague hints of the future, and all kinds of innuendos.
,,,
Amy wolf-whistled when River stepped into the console room in a bright pink dress. It should have looked ridiculous or childish, but on her, it actually looked quite nice. The Doctor paused when he saw her, thinking that the dress looked familiar, and then he suddenly remembered a ball on Axicrom III, and spinning Rose around the room as the dress flared out around her, and he was struck with the urge to force River to change into something different.
But she did look admittedly radiant in it, almost as lovely as Rose (though nobody in the universe could ever truly compare), and she looked young and happy in a way that the Doctor hadn’t seen before. So even though it hurt, he looped elbows with River on one side and Amy on the other, and they danced until they couldn’t stand, and the world didn’t end just because the Doctor danced.
,,,
“Er, so yeah. It’s kinda the end of the universe going on here.”
River smacked him in the arm, but didn’t actually seem that upset, considering the circumstances. “It’s alright. We’ll figure it out. We always do, right? Better with two?”
If they weren’t in such a hurry, the Doctor might have paused at that phrasing, but as it was, the literal end of the universe was happening, and there was far too much stuff that he needed to do if he wanted to make sure that the people he loved were all safe. He refused to lose any more. Not when he’d already lost so much.
,,,
Amy and Rory had a beautiful wedding, made even better by the fact that the Doctor actually existed and was able to attend it. He showed the children his signature dance move, aka the ‘drunken giraffe’, and only let himself feel sad for a few seconds at the thought of a pink and yellow human who would have loved to make fun of his moves, but who would undoubtedly get drawn in enough to join him.
Then he whisked the happy newlyweds off onto the most extravagant honeymoon he could think of, doing his best to make sure that the places they landed were actually safe, because he knew that they just wanted a chance to relax and be together. The Doctor tried not to think of where he’d go if he had a honeymoon for himself. He was terrible with weddings, anyways, and he had no one to marry, so it was a moot point. And he certainly wouldn’t disrespect Rose’s memory by thinking of what she’d look like in a bikini, sunbathing on the beautiful white sands of the Tarcern beaches.
When River showed up, just as she always did, the Doctor found himself feeling a little less lonely, and was able to stop himself from dragging the Ponds off on more adventures before they were ready. Though he didn’t appreciate the way River laughed at him when he was shocked by the news that Amy had gotten pregnant.
,,,
The Ponds gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, with tufts of dark red hair, sparkling green eyes, and a big, adorable grin. When Amy held the infant out, the Doctor was almost afraid to hold her, like by just touching her he would destroy her entire life. But as soon as she was in his arms, he felt strangely content. And when she reached up and clumsily grabbed at his bowtie, he felt the need to gently remind her that while bow ties were cool, she wasn’t old enough to have her own yet. (When neither of the responsible parents were looking, he gifted young Melody Pond with a bow tie that he never wore because it was a tacky bright pink).
,,,
Melody was stolen from them, and the Doctor felt entirely responsible. If he’d never gotten involved in their lives, then Rory wouldn’t have had to wait two thousand years, and Amy wouldn’t have been so hurt, and that beautiful baby would have been as safe as any other human baby.
Of course he did everything he could to find her, but he failed. It was a repeat of the thousand other times he’d failed, and the thousand others lives had suffered as a result. And he couldn’t blame the universe for it. And the biggest common denominator in every ruined life was him. Just him.
,,,
They went to an orphanage to find a little girl who had begged the president of the United States for help, but the Doctor couldn’t save her. River promised that he’d see the girl again someday, but he found it quite difficult to believe. Then he glanced back in the girl’s room in the orphanage. He almost missed it, but there, scattered amongst the dusty old toys scattered across the floor was a familiar, if worn, looking pink tie. The Doctor gingerly picked it up, and as the full implications of this discovery hit him, he wanted to scream out loud at a world that would allow this to happen.
,,,
It was River. It had been her all along. The Doctor gave her a long, searching look. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” he asked, even as he already knew the answer.
“Spoilers,” she reminded him. Then she wrapped her arms around her stomach, and gave him a sad look. “You know what this means, don’t you? For a while now, the balance has been shifting. When I first met you, you knew my future, but I didn’t know you at all. Now, more and more often, you know less and less of me, while I know more and more of you. It’s going to happen soon, the day when we meet and I know everything about you but you won’t even know me. And I may not know my own future, but I don’t think that that’s going to end well for me.”
The Doctor’s hearts clenched as he thought of the first time he’d met her, in the Library. Back when he’d still had Donna and a different face. She’d had his sonic screwdriver then, said that he gave it to her. So if he just didn’t give it to her, then it meant that it couldn’t be time for her to head to the Library yet. “Don’t say that. You’re going to-”
River held up one hand. “Spoilers work both ways,” she said with a sad little laugh. “Let’s just enjoy this time together for now, shall we?” She looped her arm through the Doctor’s, but paused before taking a step forward. “You won’t tell them, will you? Amy and Rory, I mean.”
The Doctor frowned. “Why wouldn’t you want them to know? They’re your parents, River.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “They think they lost their daughter when she was just a baby, and in so many ways, they’re right to think that. We can never know who I’d be if I’d been raised by the Ponds and the TARDIS, but whoever it is, I can’t ever be that person. And if I am going to be leaving you soon, then I don’t want them to know who I am only to lose me again. Please, Doctor. This is important to me.”
The Doctor sighed, but then reluctantly nodded. “Very well. Now let’s take advantage of this lovely day, and not think about the future- either of us.” They spent the rest of the day together and had a glorious time. And then, as they were leaving, he suddenly thought to reach into his pocket and pull out a gift. A worn away pink bow tie. “I believe this belongs to you.” He was polite enough not to mention the tears that started sliding down her cheeks as she took the ragged scrap of fabric.
,,,
The Ponds were gone, and River was gone, and the Doctor had failed all of them, and the Doctor was alone again. He looked up at the stars, drunk on a mix of ginger and hypervodka, and yanked his tie off so that he could fling it away from him. “Alright, I get it!” he shouted up at those stupid blobs of gas and rock. “I’m meant to be alone! It’s what I deserve, and I get it!” Maybe it was time to retire. The universe clearly didn’t want him around anymore.
,,,
The Doctor didn’t know who Clara was, but he knew that she was a mystery, and he always loved a good puzzle.
,,,
The Doctor was an old man, in appearance as well as in age, and he’d brought back Gallifrey and the Time Lords and he’d fixed everything and he should have been happy. But he was just lonely, instead.
,,,
“Oh, but I’ll miss those bow ties.” The Doctor jolted up from where he’d been tinkering with the TARDIS at the sound of a familiar voice. There standing in the doorway, some impossible thing, or perhaps just a hallucination, was Rose Tyler. She looked the same as he remembered, but with slightly shorter hair, and a lot less pink.
She wasn’t wearing a leather jacket, but if she was real, then surely she had to be in the middle of her dimension jumping. He walked closer to her, and even though he knew that he’d have to send her on her way if he didn’t want to cause a paradox, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t savor her presence for at least a short time first. It had been a thousand years, but she was still absolutely beautiful. “Oh, Rose…” He looked into her warm honey eyes, and then his own eyes widened as he spotted the hair ornament she was sporting. At first glance, it looked like an ordinary bow, but closer, the Doctor recognized the pink bow tie for what it was, and then he looked at Rose in shock. “How-?”
She gave him that beautiful tongue-touched grin that he had missed so much, and then reached up to pull the bow out of her hair. It was much more faded now than it had been when he’d last seen it, but still held together. “I always knew there had to be a reason that I loved pink so much. It’s all your fault, Doctor.”
“What are you talking about?” And then her first statement fully sank in. She’d missed him in bow ties? But he’d never seen him in bow ties! “Rose, what’s going on?”
Rose reached up to gently touch the sides of his face, and he couldn’t help leaning in to the warm touch. “I have lived a very long life, Doctor. And it was so full of hiding. I got so good at that part that I even hid from myself. Now don’t get me wrong, Doctor, I love Jackie Tyler with all my heart. She raised me as her own, and she was a wonderful mother to me. But if you were to ever run any tests, you’d see that I didn’t come from her.”
The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of what Rose was getting at. “Then where did you come from?”
Rose continued to smile, and the Doctor found it difficult to breath, despite his respiratory bypass. “A lovely young couple, perhaps you’ve heard of them- Amy and Rory Pond.”
The Doctor gaped at her. “This has to be one of the most bizarre dreams I’ve ever had,” he muttered to himself.
Rose laughed, and it sounded like- like coming home. “You’re not dreaming, Doctor. Let me try to explain. I’ve pieced together most of the story myself already, but there are still a few details that even I don’t know, so I apologize for that. Let’s see… I was born to Amy and Rory Pond, and given the name Melody Pond. I was raised by a mad woman intent on destroying you, but eventually got away by regenerating. I befriended the Ponds when we were all still children, but eventually regenerated again. That’s when, due to a translation error, I became River Song.
“And I had so many wonderful adventures, and I got to know my biological parents, and I fell in love with you, Doctor. But I heard that you were always going to be in love with this other girl you’d once traveled with, and I got so jealous. And then the Library happened. And Bad Wolf reached across time and space to save me just in time, and pulled me somewhere safer. I was still too far gone, though, and I regenerated again. Bad Wolf knew that it would be dangerous for me to know so much of your future, so she essentially chameleon-arched me without using the machine for it.
“I was raised by Jackie Tyler, with no memories other than my life as Rose. And then one day I met you, and my whole life changed for the better. And then you lost me. And then you left me behind. That’s when all of my memories came back, right as you ditched me on the beach with your human self. You left me there thinking we’d have matching lifespans, but I became more Time Lord than human the moment you were gone.
“I spent the rest of the human Doctor’s life with him, and then one day, there were Time Lords coming through from this universe. Without breaking down the walls of reality. So I hitched a ride with one, came here, and tried to look for you. But then I realized that I couldn’t go to you. Not when I was technically already there.”
The Doctor listened silently as Rose explained, and wondered how any of it could be possible. But then he saw the bright determination in Rose’s eyes, and knew that it was only possible because it was her. He stared at her, knowing that she was the only woman he’d ever truly loved, while also being something else too. Then Rose took one of his hand, and pressed it to the center of her chest so that he could feel that there was only one heart beating away in her chest.
She was still his Rose, but she was also his River, and she was the legacy of two of his best friends. And she could regenerate, and seemed to have a longer lifespan as well. She was everything the Doctor had ever wanted, and he had no choice but to pull her in to a bruising kiss. He didn’t pull away until they were both breathless, and then gave her a brilliant grin. “Rose Tyler, River Song, Melody Pond, whoever you are- some things do need to be said. I love you.”
Rose nearly blinded him with the brightness of the grin that she gave him in return. “And I love you, my Doctor. No matter what face you’re wearing, or how long it’s been.” Then they were kissing again, and the Doctor wondered what he could have ever done to deserve such happiness.