Work Text:
If you ask Jungkook, it all happened because he listened to Taehyung.
Namjoon stares him down with an‘I'm not angry I'm just disappointed’ expression and he immediately wants to disintegrate into tiny Jungkook particles which will never be gazed upon by any pair of eyes ever again.
(If you ask Taehyung, it all started because of Jungkook’s embarrassing crush on Seokjin and his extremely pathetic attempts to get the elder cupid’s attention - but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t listen to Taehyung.)
“Fix this, Jungkook.” Namjoon sighs. "You have one day."
5 earth hours ago:
Seokjin is having what the humans call A Bad Day. He storms into the Headquarters like a thundercloud, static crackling and snapping around him. An audible hush falls over the younger cupids in his way who freeze in the middle of their conversations and scramble to move away. Seokjin sweeps through them and moves towards the Heartbreak & Healing department, though he doesn’t miss the eyes following him.
It makes him feel a little better, as they whisper "Wow...handsome!” when he brushes past them. He even slows down a little to smile or wink at some, who immediately dissolve into embarrassed squeals and blush at being caught staring.
Then he spots Hoseok leaving on an assignment, his bow and quiver in place, and remembers the reason for his Bad Day. The static returns, dancing and crackling around him as he moves towards the blond head bent over the desk.
“Will you stop with the theatrics?” Yoongi says, without looking up from the massive pile of files in front of him. “You’re scaring all the interns.”
Seokjin sighs loudly and the sparks fizzle away, leaving behind only traces of ozone and white lilies. “Yoongichiiiiiii, I need your help,” he whines.
“I assumed as much, what is it this time?” Yoongi shuts the file with a snap and adds it to the pile on his left. “Did you piss someone off?” he asks, opening up another file.
“No- hey!”
“Oh.” Yoongi finally stops writing for a moment and looks up. “Someone’s in love with you?”
“What? No.” Seokjin splutters. “Wait, are those your only two guesses?”
Yoongi shrugs. “It’s always either of those things with you.”
“Well, this time someone has pissed me off Yoongi -ah, and you know how bad anger is for me! I can almost feel a dozen wrinkles coming on from all the stress and negative energy,” Seokjin complains. Yoongi gives him an unimpressed look.
“Someday I'd like to see your face if you actually started ageing like humans.”
“Aphrodite forbid!” Seokjin gasps. “This handsome face is the work of the gods! I cannot have some pesky thief ruin it all for me.”
Yoongi leans forward, suddenly more sombre than before. “Someone stole your assignment again?”
“Yes! Can you believe it? This is the fourth time this has happened,” Seokjin leans forward to whisper in agitation. “I spent so much time tracking the subject and finding a compatible partner in his age group - you won’t believe how hard it is to find someone with a shared common passion for taxidermy at the age of 28 - and then when it was finally time for them to meet-”
“Some other cupid shot the arrow, again?”
Seokjin throws up his arms in frustration and Yoongi winces. Everybody knows that Seokjin is the cupid with the highest number of successful and long-lasting matches, and that he takes his job very seriously. Why someone would want to suddenly hijack his assignments is beyond Yoongi, but he can’t imagine Seokjin taking it too kindly.
“Did it at least work?”
Seokjin fiddles with the paperweight on Yoongi’s desk as he gives a half-hearted nod. “I can’t know for sure since I don’t know which kind of arrow was used, but I guess it seemed okay. They even completed the paperwork so I have no way of finding out, unless -” Seokjin’s eyes snap to Yoongi.
Yoongi crosses his arms over his chest. “You know that’s not according to protocol. Only the cupid-in-charge who completes the paperwork for the assignment is supposed to know the particular details and nobody else.”
“Oh come on Yoongi, since when are you a stickler for rules? Show me the records to my assignments and help me catch the one who is robbing me! ”
“Did you just try to charm speak me?”
“I’ll sing a new ballad for you, with extra charm speak. A really healing one, that will make heartbroken souls all over the world feel understood,” Seokjin pleads, pointing at the ‘Heartbreak and Healing’ sign.
“Do it for the broken hearts club, Yoongi!”
Yoongi sighs, and Seokjin whoops with joy.
“I don't know why you’re so hellbent on this,” he remarks. “You absolutely hate paperwork, isn’t it nice that someone else is doing it for you?”
“Ah, where is your artistic integrity, Yoongi-yah?” Seokjin tosses the paperweight into the air and watches it burst into a shower of petals. “Someone is writing the endings to my carefully orchestrated stories, and I need to know who.” Seokjin’s handsome jaw clenches in determination. “- and then I’ll catch them red-handed.”
Yoongi sweeps away lily petals from his desk and picks up a bunch of keys.
“Alright, let’s go find your thief.”
3 earth hours ago:
Jungkook notches the arrow and steadies his aim.
His original plan was this: to get the coolest and most handsome cupid ever (Seokjin) to notice him (a nondescript intern).
The problem: Seokjin was always too busy to notice Jungkook’s feeble attempts at flirting, and was friendly with everyone.
The solution: Jungkook hits Seokjin’s targets, gets to do the paperwork (which Seokjin hates) and Seokjin has plenty of time to fall in love with Jungkook and they live happily ever after.
Alright, Jungkook can admit that the last part of his plan needed some work, but it has been going well so far. To make up for his lack of experience in getting targets to fall in love, he had asked Taehyung and Jimin for help, who had spent the next three hours cooing over Jungkook and his adorable crush omg Tae he's so cute!!!'
After they had had their fill of amusement, Taehyung finally offered his sage advice: "just make them fuck.”
Jungkook wasn't sure how effective that would be but Taehyung seemed pretty confident. He had given him a bunch of 'Aphrodisiac arrows' and sent him off with a pat on his cheek.
In Taehyung's defence, the aphrodisiacs had worked well with every single target except the last one. Jungkook had decided to check in on the target after he had submitted the paperwork (and tried in vain to catch a glimpse of Seokjin while walking around the Headquarters.)
To his horror, things had definitely not gone according to plan. The target had been obviously attracted to the match, but was too painfully shy and awkward to initiate anything. Their meeting had been uneventful and they had both returned home feeling unfulfilled.
This was Bad. If word got out, not only would Jungkook be in trouble, but it would also involve Seokjin, and then they would never be able to fall in gross gooey everlasting love.
("That's your biggest concern??” Jimin yelled. “Not the fact that they're gonna fire both of you and Seokjin is gonna pluck out all your feathers himself??" )
And that's how Jungkook found himself in his current situation, Taehyung's strongest Enhancer notched in his bow.
("Aim well and do not miss." Taehyung said. "These are powerful and hard to make. This one is designed to enhance the target's self-confidence by several times, and the effect persists until the objective is completed - in this case, until there is a consensual kiss between the two. Got it?"
Jungkook nodded.)
He sees Seokjin’s ‘taxidermy guy’ walking down the street, and he takes a deep breath. He aligns the Enhancer, aims it, exhales -
"Ha! Got you!" Seokjin yells, appearing with a crack of lightning.
Jungkook starts, flinches badly and releases his bowstring with a horrible twang.
If this was a movie, the rest would happen in dramatic slow motion, every action rolling into its consequences with an inevitable finality.
But Jungkook's life is not a movie, so when the blur of panic fades in the next moment, he gapes in horrified silence at the broad chest in front of him.
More specifically, the broad, firm, and surprisingly smooth chest of Kim Seokjin, with - and here Jungkook yells - an Enhancer sticking out of it.
The arrow bursts into golden light and dissolves into Seokjin's chest. Jungkook stares at him with his eyes blown wide, too scared to speak, while Seokjin blinks in confusion until the glow completely fades. Then, shaking his head as if coming out from a daze, Seokjin says -
"What are you doing here, Jungkook?"
Jungkook swallows hard and tries to make his mouth form words.
"Don't try to talk yourself out of this one, you little punk! Do you think I'm stupid?"
Even though he is aware that Seokjin is yelling at him, Jungkook feels a jolt of relief when Seokjin's behaviour seems normal. Maybe Enhancers don't work on cupids after all.
"- me? You thought you could fool me? The best of the best? My matchmaking skills are unparalleled," Seokjin says, a voice quivering with emotion. "I - work so hard, and I'm so so beautiful!" Jungkook watches in horror as a tear rolls down Seokjin's cheek.
"I'm so overworked, I deserve so much better! I'm always finding love for others, but what about me? I deserve love, too!" Seokjin yells, eyes glittering with emotion."I deserve to be loved!”
In the next moment, Seokjin is gone.
"Oh gods. Oh fuck. Seokjin hyung??" Jungkook spins around and calls for him, eyes rapidly scanning the surroundings, but Seokjin is nowhere to be seen.
present time:
Namjoon had given him one day. One day to fix the mess he had caused, that was threatening their very existence.
After his self-righteous epiphany, Seokjin had flown straight to headquarters and tried to hand in his resignation.
"I'm done chasing love for others, Namjoon! Now I live for myself, and only myself,” he declared. “And since there is nobody good enough for me, I'm the one I should love."
He refused to listen, and nothing could calm him down. He burst out of the office with a very confused Namjoon chasing after him, and managed to make his way to the common space. And then, Seokjin began to sing.
His clear sonorous voice boomed through air, heavy with charm speak, and everyone who heard it dropped their bows and arrows and began to weep.
"Jungkook, you dumbass, what did you do?!" Taehyung sobs, with Seokjin's voice soaring in the background.
Jungkook groans, his head in his hands. The Enhancer was built to multiply a human’s self-confidence and allow them to approach their match, but Seokjin was no shy, self-doubting human. An Enhancer hitting the cupid who literally embodied self-love was recipe for disaster. It was twisting Seokjin’s self-confidence, which was rooted in his faith in himself and his abilities, and turning it into an almost protective, despairing arrogance.
"You have to kiss him, it's the only way," Jimin says, handing him a pair of earplugs. "Fix this before every cupid who is susceptible to his voice ends up revolting."
"How on earth am I supposed to kiss him?! He is literally singing about loving himself! I'm the last person he wants to kiss right now!"
"You have to figure it out, Kook-ah." Taehyung sniffles, wiping away his tears. "His song is making me cry, and sadness and sex do not mix well," he sobs, and Jimin rubs his back.
Jungkook makes his way to the fountain where Seokjin sits, watching his own reflection rippling in the water and singing his mournful song. All around him, cupids listen with rapt attention, silent tears streaming down their faces, lips moving soundlessly to the words.
As much as he wanted to kiss Seokjin, he never wanted it to be like this. He can see how it's hurting Seokjin as well, taking away his humility and his passion for his job, qualities that Jungkook admires the most in him.
A consensual kiss, Taehyung had said.
Well. First Jungkook would have to get his attention.
"Hey!" Jungkook yells. "I'm better than you!"
Seokjin abruptly stops singing. He turns to look at Jungkook, eyes bloodshot and swollen from weeping. Jungkook still thinks he's the most beautiful person he has ever seen.
"You? Better than me?" Seokjin scoffs. "Take that back!"
"I will not! I am better than you."
"Nonsense! At what?"
"At loving you," Jungkook says and hopes it works.
"Ridiculous! Impossible! You can't prove it," Seokjin yells, but Jungkook can see he is getting riled up.
"Oh yeah? I bet I can make you think otherwise," Jungkook says, now barely a few feet away from the other.
"Do it. You can't convince me that you can love me better."
"Are you sure?" Jungkook asks, hands reaching towards Seokjin. "Are you absolutely certain?" he asks, fingers trembling over Seokjin's beautiful face, heart shuddering in his chest.
"I love myself," Seokjin whispers, voice firm. "You can't love me the same."
Jungkook looks into Seokjin's beautiful eyes and takes a deep breath.
"I can try."
He gently closes the distance between them, pressing his lips against Seokjin’s startled mouth. Jungkook closes his eyes and tries to pour all the love and admiration in his heart into the kiss, praying that it works. That it's enough. He feels Seokjin's soft lips part in a surprised exhale, and Jungkook hesitates, only to be drawn back in again by Seokjin's hands on him, Seokjin’s lips moving gently against his for a moment, before pulling away.
Jungkook opens his eyes and stares at Seokjin, waiting for the other to respond. Around them, everyone holds their breath in silent anticipation.
"You-" Seokjin murmurs, eyes fluttering open, and Jungkook's heart beats erratically in his chest.
"You call that a kiss?" Seokjin says, face in the same unimpressed mien as before.
Jungkook stares at him blankly, and wonders if this is how humans feel when their heart 'breaks'.
"I- I'm sorry," he says, tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault."
"I just wanted to help you, so that you would finally notice me,” he sobs. “You're so beautiful and smart and charming and so good at what you do- I'm not even half of those things, but I like you so much that it makes me feel like I can be good enough for you."
"Unbelievable," Seokjin scoffs, and Jungkook feels fresh tears brimming at his eyes. "I cannot believe I got hit by an Enhancer and cried myself hoarse about the importance of loving yourself and yet here you are, still undermining your own worth!"
Jungkook's eyes snap up in surprise and Seokjin stares at him in mock anger. He still feels too confused to react, and Seokjin takes pity on him. He smiles at Jungkook, in the same playful way as before, which turns into high pitched chuckles as Jungkook punches his arm.
"You ass! I was so scared-" Jungkook cries, and Seokjin laughs louder at his indignant tone. "- I thought it didn't work…"
"It worked," Seokjin replies simply, and Jungkook suddenly feels shy again.
"I'm sorry -" he begins, but Seokjin interrupts him.
"You've already done that, don't think you can get away with just an apology."
"Oh." Jungkook gulps. "What do I need to do? I'll do anything to make it up to you."
"Yah this boy!" Seokjin exclaims. "Did you forget so quickly?"
"What-"
"Did you not - in front of everyone here- promise to try? Or were those only empty words to you."
Jungkook feels his face heat up as he feels everybody's gaze upon him. "I meant it," he says, and Seokjin beams at him.
"Good." Seokjin says, hoisting Jungkook up on his feet, "You have much to learn about love, but luckily you'll have the best teacher."
"The best of the best." Jungkook grins, and Seokjin winks at him.
"But first," he says. "Let's get taxidermy man the love of his life."