Work Text:
*The video opens with a teenage boy with a teal undercut standing in what seems to be someone’s backyard. He’s holding a roll of Mentos, and a 12-oz bottle of Diet Coke is lying on the ground nearby. Within kicking distance, but not close enough to step on by accident.*
Unnamed Girl, off-screen: O-okay, Dino, tell them what you’re doing.
Dino: Hi! My name is Dino-Sour, I’m 16, and-- AH! *He drops the roll of Mentos that he’s holding, and bends down to pick it up.* I’m going to be swallowing Mentos and Diet Coke! *He pauses while trying to open the Mentos roll.* Also Mustard is filming.
*Camera flips around to show a teenage girl with orange hair in a ponytail.*
Mustard: Hi, I’m Mustard, I’m 15, and Dino is a moron.
Dino-Sour: I know!!! *Mustard flips the camera back around. Dino peels back all the paper from the roll and dumps all the Mentos into his hand.* So I am going to swallow all of these Mentos at once.
Mustard, off-screen: Don’t expect me to perform the Heimlich on you when you choke on them.
Dino-Sour: Kidding. I’m not that stupid. *He holds one up to his mouth to swallow it.*
Mustard, off-screen: Hold up, h-hold up. W-we should tell them how we came up with this idea.
Dino-Sour: Oh, that’s a good idea!!! *He chuckles a bit.* So, we were hanging out with Mustard’s crazy scientist grandma, and she’s been really into the volcano aesthetic lately? And she was rambling about things that look like a volcano, like the elephant toothpaste reaction...and that gave me an idea and now we’re doing this.
Mustard, off-screen: Filming this bullshit was my idea.
Dino-Sour: It was!!! *He quickly pops them in his mouth and swallows them, one by one, without chewing.*
Mustard, off-screen: I...can’t believe you managed to get all 14 of those down...you’re gonna fuckin die.
Dino-Sour: *He picks up the bottle of Diet Coke.* You have 911 on standby, right? You’re not just gonna let me die, right?
Mustard, off-screen: Of course.
Dino-Sour: ...Of course what? *He looks right into the camera.* You do have 911 on standby. Right???
Mustard, off-screen: Maybe.
Dino-Sour: I’m gonna assume that means yes. *He stares at the bottle of Diet Coke.* Here goes nothing... *He quickly unscrews the cap and starts chugging very fast.*
Mustard, off-screen: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! *After about twenty seconds, Dino stops drinking with the bottle about two-thirds drained and clutches his stomach.* Whoa, dude, you okay?
Dino-Sour: *His voice sounds strained.* ...I’m gonna-- *He suddenly pitches forward onto his hands and knees and starts puking up fizz, dropping the bottle.*
Mustard: *She drops the camera and yeets herself over to his side.* OH GODS, ARE YOU OKAY??!
*The screen goes black.*
Dino-Sour, voice-over: This part was edited out because you really don’t need to hear what either of us said. Or what any of that sounded like. It’s gross. And yes, it hurt. It hurt a lot.
*The previous video resumes-- skipping the puking noises.*
Mustard, off-screen: Okay, uh, are you okay now? Do you need water or something?
Dino-Sour, off-screen: Yeah...yeah, that’d be great.
Mustard, off-screen: *She lets out a long sigh.* Dino, you’re an idiot. I love you, but you’re an idiot.
*Footsteps are heard drawing closer. Mustard picks up the camera.*
Mustard: Hm. This thing’s still on.
*The video ends.*