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Gamagoori Ira stared. The teenager opposite the table, one Ryuko Matoi, stared right back. Neither them backed down, none of them so much as breathing hard, not wanting to give the other the edge. Anyone looking at the two would imagine they were having a very intense staring contest. This was not so.
"No." came Ryuko's voice, icy and tinged with annoyance. "Fucking. Way."
"Language." the massive Gamagoori replied, a trace of smugness in his voice at having cracked her exterior, if only somewhat. "And you are the one who wanted to pursue a relationship with Lady Satsuki." For the fourth time that day, he pushed the impossibly large stack of papers towards the brunette. "Every single one is to be filled. And the sooner you start, the sooner you finish."
"I'll finish you, you giant motherfu--" She paused in her threat at the sound of the door opening. Whirling around ready to bite the head off whoever it was, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Satsuki stepping through. Giving the dumbstruck Ryuko an amiable nod, she walked over to the other side of the table, taking the seat Ira pulled out for her.
"W-W-Why is she here!?" balked Ryuko, pointing a finger at the impassive Satsuki.
"To oversee the evaluation process, of course." replied Gamagoori, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. It was a bold-faced lie; Satsuki had no need to be present, but Ryuko didn't know that. And never would. The giant raised an eyebrow. "Are you...uncomfortable with Lady Satsuki in the room? I'd thought you had greater constitution than that."
Hook.
A vein burst in Ryuko's forehead as she now pointed at Ira. "You'd better watch your mouth, frog-boy. Just 'cuz you're still Satsuki's toady--" The tiniest of smirks played on Satsuki's lips at the joke, making Ryuko grin. "--doesn't mean I still can't kick your ass."
Gamagoori casually inspected a cuticle on one of his massive fingers, Ryuko's words barely phasing him, and only serving to piss her off more. "Not if you can't answer some simple questions in front of your would-be girlfriend."
Line.
Ryuko's eyes blazed as red as her streak. "'Would-be'? You implying something? 'Cuz I recall you almost imploded when you asked Mako out."
Gamagoori's eyes twinkled, almost akin to the tell-tale shine of a Goku Uniform being activated. "And yet, I took less time asking out my love than you did." Now, for the kill. "And with much more resolve."
Sinker.
The air in the room seemed to sear as Ryuko grabbed the pen Satsuki held out to her, plopping back down in her chair and filling out the forms at lightning speed. Amidst the flurry of completed papers being stacked and the scribbling of new ones, the two overseers caught occasional snaps such as "fucking old-man face" and "shove my resolve up your ass."
A half-hour later and the forms were complete, an exhausted Ryuko slamming down the pen and giving Gamagoori a satisfied sneer, ignoring the throbbing pain in her arm from when it had cramped up halfway through her writing.
Ira took the stack in his hands, scanning the forms with hawkish scrutiny. As he finished a section, he would hand it to Satsuki, who would look it over herself. Every now and again, she'd do something that would make Ryuko nervous; pause, chuckle, or in one case, blush. The younger of the two drummed her fingers on the table, face red, looking anywhere except at Satsuki.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, Satsuki set the papers aside as Gamagoori finished looking through the last of them. "Alright. Everything seems to be in order."
"About damn time." Ryuko snapped, reaching for Satsuki's arm. "Let's go, the movie's gonna start in an hour--"
WHACK went the sound of a riding crop striking Ryuko's palm, making her yelp and retract her hand. Rubbing the forming welt, she gave Gamagoori a look that could boil blood. The giant set down the riding crop, clearing his throat before speaking. "We're not done yet, Matoi. There is still the oral exam."
A beat, before Ryuko, red-faced, leapt to try and grab the riding crop, Ira simply moving it out of the way. "You fucking perv, I'm not doing that here! And especially not in front of you in this stadium you call a house!"
Taking only moderate offense at how Ryuko described his dwelling, Gamagoori shook his head. "Not that kind of exam, Matoi. Though, that says a lot about your state of mind."
Ryuko would've traded the red in her streak to punt Gamagoori into the next prefecture. She settled for flipping him the bird.
"Charming." he replied sarcastically, with enough bite to earn the approval of a certain pink-haired musician. "I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and you may only answer 'Yes' or 'No'. Understood?"
"...Oh. Yeah, sure." Ryuko confirmed, waving her hand dismissively. "Fire away."
"Question one. You are a selfish lover."
"Ryuko, down." Satsuki spoke evenly as her sister held her Scissor Blade against Gamagoori's neck. "It's a simple question. Remain calm."
The brunette grumbled angrily and sat down, sheathing her weapon and hissing out an embarrassed "No."
"Question 2. You regularly engage in anonymous sex."
"Are you out of your fucking--NO!" Ryuko snapped, blushing fiercely.
Ira suppressed a smirk. He was enjoying this far too much. "Question 3...goodness."
"Like it can be any more embarrassing than that last one..."
"Question 3. Do you masturbate on a regular basis?"
Ira ducked his head just as the Scissor Blade appeared where his neck was mere milliseconds earlier. Ryuko leapt over the table, screaming profanities and death threats, only to be restrained by Satsuki grabbing her waist. "Ryuko, anger causes stress lines."
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" she snapped, trying to slash the giant. "ASKING ME THESE BULLSHIT QUESTIONS THAT HE PROBABLY GOT THAT FUCKIN' PERV INUMUTA TO COME UP WITH--"
"The questions were my idea."
Silence befell the room as Ryuko shrunk down her weapon, turning to face Satsuki. "Y-You WHAT?"
"Isn't it customary for couples to know as much about each other before dating? I would think you'd know at least that much."
Sheepishly, Ryuko returned to her seat, Ira warily taking his. "S-Sorry, or whatever..." The brunette mumbled.
"Apologize to Ira; you nearly decapitated him."
Groaning loudly, she turned to face the blonde, scowling at the smug look on his face. "Sorry, you giant, uppity, perverted bastard."
A beat.
"Close enough." Satsuki replied, waving Ira off. "I wish to discuss the remainder of the questions with Ryuko alone."
"Of course, Lady Satsuki." Gamagoori bowed, vacating the den, the sound of a door closing reaching both girls' ears; no doubt he had retreated to his room.
"How many more of these questions do we have to go through, anyway?" groused Ryuko.
"About...seventeen more."
"JESUS."
"Although..." Satsuki smiled coyly as she set down the question sheet. "If you'd prefer, we could try a more hands-on method of obtaining information."
"'Hands-on', the hell do you mean--" Ryuko's cheeks blossomed pink as realization dawned on her. "O-Oh."
Satsuki grinned. "And you just answered question nine."
"Which was?" Satsuki leaned across the table, planting a quick, delicate kiss on Ryuko's cheek, making the younger girl melt into a figurative puddle.
"You're cute when you blush."
Ryuko smirked. "You're damn right I am."
END