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Atsushi finds Dazai standing over someone in an alley, a gun in his hand. His steps falter, and he comes to a halt right at the entrance of the alley, as he contemplates the situation.
Atsushi has seen Dazai point a gun at suspects before if they resisted arrest, but never did he shoot. But there aren’t any cases now, Atsushi thinks, it’s one of the peaceful stills within the bustle of their regular busy days. Dazai hasn’t had any reason to use a gun before, why now?
His worry for Dazai (and the person) overrides his fear, as he rushes closer to the scene.
It’s then when he sees Dazai trembling, head lowered, and he wonders if he’s crying.
Dazai’s so strong and steadfast at times, it’s impossible imagining him break down.
But when he’s right behind Dazai, he realises he’s actually laughing. laughing at the person on the ground, Mori Ougai, who’s smiling peacefully back, as if there isn’t a gun pointed at him at all.
“I know you can, Dazai-kun. I raised you for this, after all.”
And he does. Atsushi’s hand is mere inches away from Dazai’s, just about to stop him from pulling the trigger when the bang reverberates around the narrow alley walls.
It’s a few seconds too late, Atsushi realises, as he grabs Dazai’s wrist with a bone-crushing grip. Dazai doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move at all, eyes still on Mori’s body. His lips are curled in a sadistic, almost deranged smile that makes Atsushi flinch, and step back.
Atsushi looks at the body, at Dazai, then back at the body in horror. He knew Dazai was capable of murder, and actually had many deaths to his name. But he never thought he’d do it again, after joining the agency. Involuntarily, he steps back, unable to meet Dazai’s gaze.
“...Are you afraid of me, Atsushi-kun?
He sounds dejected, as if his mask had finally slipped. The fragile note in his voice makes Atsushi look up-
But when he gazes at Dazai, all he sees is the perpetual, infallible, gentle smile that Dazai Osamu always wears.
It’s enough to make him recoil in fear; At how even at the face of death, Dazai never, ever reveals his true emotions. It scares him, makes him wonder what exactly turned him this way.
Dazai, who was raised in a world full of death and destruction, not held back by the emotions that affect him so much; no longer human indeed- Atsushi shakes his that thought out of his head violently. He won’t- no, can’t believe it. Dazai can be saved; if even atsushi, the one who believes in him the most doesn’t, who else can?
The hand clutching the gun trembling, Dazai looks at Atsushi, unbothered by the blood-Mori’s blood dripping down his face, his coat, staining his bolo tie. His face is lit by a blinding, euphoric smile that also seems both demented and sinister.
The moment Atsushi realises Dazai hasn’t lowered the gun is when a second bang resounds. His eyes widen, and all rational thought leaves him as he rushes to Dazai, attempting to stop him.
Dazai has always given Atsushi the illusion of being compliant and yielding; Just like when he allows Atsushi to drag him to a seafood restaurant for lunch, smiling softly at Atsushi’s joyful rambling. But frustratingly, when Atsushi needs him now to listen for once, he’s obdurate.
Dazai’s grip around the trigger tightens as his eyes blow wide with euphoric joy, as if he’s not shooting a corpse repeatedly at all. It makes Atsushi hasten his efforts, but his tiger strength is no help when in contact with Dazai.
He realises, he can only rely on his words.
“Dazai-san, stop!”
Another shot is fired, and Dazai doesn’t look up.
“Dazai-san, please stop! I don’t want you to regret this!”
Dazai’s finger tightens at the trigger, but he doesn’t fire. He turns his gaze onto Atsushi, looking genuinely confused.
“Why?”
It’s the most responsive Dazai has been, which drives Atsushi to desperation.
“Because you’re my friend-!” The yell that tears the silence asunder is entirely unbecoming of him, but Atsushi couldn’t care less; It’s the Dazai he knows on the line here.
Dazai’s eyes widen alarmingly, expression stunned. The light is back in his eyes, atsushi notes as he watches Dazai blink confusedly. But when he looks down at his hands, his blood covered hands, Dazai’s lip starts quivering. He covers his face with his trembling hands, muttering to himself.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry Odasaku-”
Atsushi cuts him off with a hug, undeterred by the blood. He tugs Dazai closer to him, rubbing soothing circle into his back until his shudders reduce and he calms down.
Just when he’s about to say something, he feels his shoulder wet with something, and he looks up at Dazai in shock. Dazai, his strong mentor who always tells him not to pity himself, is crying. he almost wants to repeat his advice back to Dazai, but he stops himself. It doesn’t feel right after all, he thinks.
“You should cry as much as you want, Dazai-san.”
He murmurs instead, hoping he hasn’t made a choice that would disappoint his mentor.
Dazai’s breath hitches for a second or two, as if stunned. But then he lowers his face onto Atsushi’s head until he can’t see his face anymore, and clutches at the small of his back.
“Thank you, Atsushi-kun,”
“For bringing me back.”