Work Text:
Ben thinks back to last night, his stomach in knots. He and Leslie kissed. Ben should be ecstatic, but instead he is terrified. He knows if they turn into a real thing, he needs to tell her.
When Ben's parents found out they were having a baby girl, they were so excited. However, when the same child was started insisting they were a boy, they were not as excited. While they tried to ignore and belittle his identity, their kid gave themselves a new name and a new appearance. Sporting freshly cut short hair, was Ben Wyatt, and he was there to stay. His parents came around after a couple of years, but he still feels the resent for them in the back of his mind today.
During middle school his life began to be a living hell. It became his new normal to be called a variety of slurs in the hallway, to be publicly embarrassed, and to even getting a beating or two. Needless to say, he didn't feel so great about being trans. So he then made a pact with himself. He told himself he is going to get to a point where nobody has to know.
He started transitioning around high school by taking hormones, which helped, but the bullies kept going, so it only stopped his dysphoria. The damage had already been done. His self hatred just grew. Why did he have to be like this?
When Ben was 18 he was head over heals for a girl named Cindy. They hit it off, and she actually seemed to like him. Everyone thinks he lost her because of Ice Town, but Ben knows the truth. He told her he was trans. He trusted her, and genuinely wanted her to know. That backfired. The look on her face could only be described as confused and disgusted. The first words to come out of her mouth were, "Wait, you're a fucking fag?" She yelled at him for not telling her that "he was actually a girl" and then described how it was "so obvious". Ben knew from that moment he would never tell anyone else. He would leave his home town, so he wouldn't be the ice clown, but mostly so he wasn't the stupid tranny.
College for him was great. Nobody knew. Nobody judged him. He also met Chris Treager, the most supportive person he knows. He found out by accident, Ben got stuck in his binder right as Chris barged into their room. It was the first positive reaction to him being trans that Ben had for a long time. Eventually Chris even drove him home from top surgery. They've been together ever since their first meeting. Ben is glad he has Chris, but it doesn't change his mind about keeping his trans status a secret.
Despite Chris' best effort, Ben hasn't tried to date since Cindy. Every time he thinks of trying again, he goes back to that night. He can't deal with that rejection again. So he stays alone. Even though it's by choice, it's lonely.
Ben snaps himself back into the present. Leslie is one of the most accepting people he knows. He knows for a fact she's bi, and she was once a guest of honor at a gay bar. She wouldn't call him those names from his past. But Ben still felt at unease. What if she no longer liked him? What if he's not enough of a man for her? What if she just left.
Ben hears a knock on his front door. As he opens it, he sees Leslie standing on his doorstep with a nervous smile.
"Uh, come in," Ben shuts the door behind her, "What's up?"
"Well," Leslie starts, "You've seemed off today and I don't know if it's because of last night or something else, but I wanted to know if you're okay."
Ben freezes. Of course she noticed. Why did he have to act all weird?
"I'm trans." Ben blurts. He is dying. Why is he doing this. He shouldn't have said anything.
"Hey, it's okay," Leslie says, sensing his panic. "Can I ask what pronouns you use?"
Ben still nearly hyperventilating replies, "He, him. I'm- I'm a trans man. I figured it out as a kid. I'm sorry I shouldn't have sprung this on you, I'm sorry."
"Hey, hey," Leslie steps closer to him, "You don't have to apologize. Thank you for telling me. I know that must've been really hard."
Ben tries desperately not to cry. He will not cry in front of Leslie Knope. "Do you... do you still like me?" He immediately regrets asking.
Leslie's eyes widen, "Of course I do Ben. You being trans does not change how I feel. You are an amazing man. Nothing here changes. I'm just proud of you for telling me. I like you, okay?"
Leslie reaches over to cup Ben's cheek. She wipes away a stray tear with her thumb, as his breathing finally starts to steady.
She slowly closes the distance between them, placing a soft kiss on his lips. As she leans back, she sees what might be the most beautiful sight in the world. Ben Wyatt's tears hadn't quite dried yet, his eyes were full of indescribable emotions, and a soft smile on his face.
Everything changed when Ben Wyatt met Leslie Knope. She helped him be proud of himself. Of who he is. He finally found someone to show him that he can trust and not be afraid all the time. She showed him acceptance and love. Ben could never express how thankful he is for her. Ben could never express how much he loves her.