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The letters are all the same.
There's always a sweet beginning, somewhat of a reminder. It's gentle, and it takes care of Donghyuck's aching heart for the time being. It's somewhere along the lines of off-putting, since the boy cannot even see Mark saying these kinds of words. The middle always includes a memory, as though the writer is taking a deep breath, relaxing in a comfortable field of their memories, letting himself soak right under the sun. The ending is almost horrendous. It's abrupt, but Mark never forgets to add his favorite phrase, "I miss you."
Donghyuck stares at the letter, stares at the doodles that surround the scribbles. Mark's always had such shit handwriting, but it makes sense; he's a med student. Donghyuck shakes his head and manages to choke out a little laugh, finger tracing over Mark's signature at the end. He's had a habit of signing everything with "yours always," for quite some time, and Donghyuck thinks he'll ask him to stop when he writes back. It hurts too much.
The door swings open a moment later, a series of noises flooding into the room. The television from the living room is louder than anything Donghyuck wants to be loud at 10 in the evening.
Renjun stands there, hand half on his hip, cheek pressed up against the door frame.
"I'm gonna get drunk." His pout is prominent on his face, but Donghyuck pays no attention to it and tries to hide his letter instead. Renjun catches on, "Oh, another?"
Donghyuck ignores him, sliding up until his back presses flush up against the wall behind him. He rolls his eyes, not even wanting to start another conversation with one of his roommates about the privacy he craves, privacy that he's desperate for.
"You're going out?" Donghyuck looks over at the clock and then back to his moping friend.
Renjun chuckles and shakes his head, bringing a bottle out from behind his back.
"You are not getting wine drunk tonight." Donghyuck's head already aches at the thought of Renjun giving another attempt at getting wine drunk. He hates it, Renjun always regrets when he drinks too much wine. He hopes for a buzz, Donghyuck gets it, he'd love a buzz anytime too, but Renjun's cheeks will flush and he'll get too tired to do anything else, and then he'll whine about how he wishes he didn't do it in the first place.
Jaemin pops his head around the corner, leaning his chin right in the crevasse of Renjun's neck.
"Agreeing with Donghyuck here." Jaemin announces with a wink toward Donghyuck, but Renjun rolls his eyes and hooks Jaemin's hands around his own waist, leaning back onto the boy.
It doesn't take long for Renjun to settle with the answer, knowing that he'll regret it.
He disappears seconds later, leaving Jaemin standing in the doorway, typing aggressively fast on his phone. Donghyuck stares at him, hoping he'll just turn around and leave, and shut the door, too, but that's asking a lot from the guy.
There's a moment of realization as Donghyuck watches Jaemin's eyes furrow, and he wonders if Mark is on the other side of the screen.
Jaemin and Mark have been the closest of friends since before either one of them were born, it seems like. Without Jaemin, Donghyuck would have never even laid eyes on Mark Lee, would have never hated Mark Lee, and would have never fallen in love with Mark Lee.
"Have you heard..." Donghyuck says it gently, letting his voice trail off into the thin air.
Jaemin brings his eyes up toward Donghyuck and gives him a soft smile before shaking his head. There's defeat that floats across Donghyuck's skin, sleeves of annoyance and disappointment riding up his arms. He's not entirely sure that he wants Jaemin to tell him if he's heard from Mark, because that might even make his heart hurt a lot more than it needs to.
"He's busy, Hyuck." Jaemin steps forward, seeming as though he wants to show some affection, but Donghyuck doesn't want any of it.
Instead, he lifts himself out of bed and heads toward the kitchen, already mumbling over some joke about Jeno burning the pasta he decided to make so late. Jaemin sighs and reaches for Donghyuck's arm as he tries to leave the room, pulling him tight against his side.
"He'll call soon... I'm sure of it."
Donghyuck looks deep in Jaemin's eyes, reaching, just hoping that somewhere in there reads the truth. Otherwise, Donghyuck doesn't wanna hear it.
He just wants to hear from Mark, and Mark only.
But Mark doesn't call.
He doesn't text.
He sends letters that Donghyuck is starting to believe aren't even from him in the first place.
No doubt, Mark always had his moments of being irresistibly sweet, dripping the kindest and heart fluttering words into Donghyuck's ears every night before pulling him against his chest before proceeding to turn over, asking Donghyuck to hold him.
"I'm so in love with you." Mark would twist on the end of Donghyuck's sleeve, bringing the edge of it between his teeth before soaking it, annoying the shit out of Donghyuck.
He'd turn his head just to the point where his eyes can lift and swim with Donghyuck's, their mouths soon coming together in a bunch of heart shaped kisses.
"Your nose is so fucking cute." Mark would poke Donghyuck’s nose, he'd kiss his knuckles, and he'd capture Donghyuck's leg between his own.
Their bodies pressing up against each other was always an absolute painkiller to Donghyuck. It calms him down, makes his chest warm with comfort, and pushes a brighter smile across his face. Mark was one hell of a cuddler, and Donghyuck would easily admit that to anyone he ever comes across.
"Why don't you just text him?" Jeno shovels a bite of pasta into his mouth, eyebrows rising in consideration. Donghyuck almost wants to swear at him for giving such a useless suggestion.
Through their one year anniversary, through their breakup, through Mark's departure, Donghyuck has always kept the same lockscreen. A photo of Mark's cheek pressed so hard against Donghyuck's own cheek to the point where his eyes roll into the back of his head from annoyance.
Mark was always so goofy. Donghyuck wonders if he's just as goofy halfway across the world.
Jaemin mumbles something across the kitchen, shutting Jeno up. Jeno must've noticed that Donghyuck's fingertip was pressing against Mark's forehead on his phone screen.
Donghyuck shakes his head, sucking in a deep breath as his friends stare at him in wonder.
"I'm fine. He doesn't want to talk. So be it. He's busy." Donghyuck shrugs his shoulders, hands reaching across the couch to pull a blanket over himself.
Even if he wanted to put effort into forgetting about Mark, he knows he could never. Not when Mark's face is plastered all across their four bedroom apartment, not when his name comes up every ten minutes, and definitely not when half of Mark's closet sits comfortably in Donghyuck's room from the dozens of sleepovers.
He stares at the television, watching the players of the game, watching them run across the screen, smiles across the fans faces who watch with anticipation. His eyes dig hard into the screen, trying to find some feeling inside of it.
There's light that flashes right outside the window, lighting up the room a brighter color than it already was. No raindrops fall with the lightning that sizzles in the sky, but Donghyuck doesn't mind. He's never been a big fan of the rain.
Mark however, craved the rain at all times of the day.
"Hyuckie, what's the radar say?" Mark's voice would ring out deep as soon as he woke up, turning on his side to see Donghyuck on his phone.
"No rain today, Mark." Donghyuck would lift his hand and pet the top of Mark's head, placing a pout across his own mouth to make the boy feel a little bit better.
Mark would groan, plopping back onto the bed to whine into his pillow.
Donghyuck blinks once, and then twice, before he brings his fingertips to his eyes to meet a few tears. It's frustrating to him, crying over someone who hasn't bothered to contact him other than through a few letters. Donghyuck doesn't know if he can exactly complain about it, since he hasn't bothered to reach out either.
He looks toward Jaemin, who sits against Renjun's chest on the couch, his eyes giving their best attempt to read what Donghyuck's silent tears are about. He nods his head toward his bedroom, asking Donghyuck if he'd like to talk about it. Donghyuck shakes his head, he doesn't think there's anything to talk about.
That night, Donghyuck writes back to Mark.
He does the usual, starts off with something to make Mark smile, making a joke about how they're getting so much rain recently. He knows Mark would read it, clench his fists and huff. Donghyuck would love to see it, but imagining it is all he can do for the time being.
I know you've got great opportunities over there and I really hope you love it there, but we all miss you back home.
Donghyuck flutters his fingers as he stares at the letter. He gives it a good look before crumbling it up, tossing it across the room, and letting it fall next to the three other pieces of paper he's written on to write one damn letter.
He grips his hair, tears climbing their way up to his eyes, sobs banging on his chest, begging to push their way out, desperately wanting to put Donghyuck in more pain than he is already in. His heart cramps in his chest, feeling as though he's flipped over in a canoe on a river, head trapped and voices easily echoing around in his head. Mark's last words slip in through one of his ears and shoot out the other, constantly in a cycle.
Growing up, Mark and Donghyuck had always been enemies.
Enemies who pretended that they didn't give a damn about each other. Enemies who slept together once and then didn't talk to each other for a good three weeks. Enemies who cry in each other's arms and enemies who admit their feelings somewhere around six in the morning after a late night.
Jaemin was always stuck in the middle, being friends with both Mark and Donghyuck who despised each other. Birthdays were always the worst, because the two would always find a way to piss each other off.
At one point, birthday's weren't as harmful, according to Jaemin who caught them holding hands under the table at Jaemin's favorite restaurant. Jaemin would smirk and watch the two grow red tomatoes on the tops of their cheeks, biting their lips as though they were innocent.
Jaemin slips in Donghyuck's room about an hour after Donghyuck had said goodnight. He's wearing Renjun's shirt and has his hair pulled back in the cutest headband. Donghyuck can't help but burst into a smile.
"Hey you." Jaemin sits on the edge of Donghyuck's chair, threading his fingers through his friend's hair, scratching delicately at his scalp.
Donghyuck hums in response, setting his pen down and focusing on the way that Jaemin is incredibly good at giving head scratches.
"You do know that Mark is probably trying his hardest to reach out to you, right?" Jaemin says with a low voice, clicking his tongue right after. Donghyuck doesn't say anything.
"I don't know why we broke it off. I was scared and angry, Jaemin. I shouldn't have been so strict with him. That's his dream, and who would I be to crush it for him. He loves kids and he loves medicine, and they offered him one of the most incredible internships, and I was just mad at him for wanting to give up so easily."
Jaemin cocks his head to the side. Donghyuck can't see the expression on Jaemin's face, but he fears that it reflects the way Donghyuck is thinking.
"You didn't hold him back though. You let him go, and that's the best thing you can do. Granted, both of you made a few silly decisions about your relationship, but as humans, we'll do anything to protect our own hearts." Jaemin breathes out, pulling his hands from Donghyuck's hair to lead him toward the bed.
The bed feels a little too cold for the warm night. Mark's favorite pillow case sits comfortably on the side of the bed he'd always sleep on, and Donghyuck's eyes grow soft for a moment upon realization.
Jaemin tucks him in and sits on the edge of the bed, pulling Donghyuck's fingers toward his lap, playing with them in a small motions. Donghyuck's always been such a fool for being touched, which is one of the reasons his heart aches like hell for the boy he's in love with.
"Don't give up on him. I know it's been over three awful months for you.. but Donghyuck, don't be so stubborn, don't try to win the 'how long can we go without talking to each other' game. You're hurting yourself more than you should."
Donghyuck watches Jaemin lean forward to leave a kiss on his forehead. The boy closes his eyes and focuses on the ounce of warmth that it brings to him.
"If you don't want to be with me anymore, then just fucking say it. You flaunt around the fact that you'll meet a shit ton of people over there, so why don't you just take my heart and break it already, Mark!" Donghyuck's hands would shake violently as he sits up in bed, sweat dripping down the sides of his temples.
Mark would pace around their bedroom, lip between his teeth, hands pulling at the ends of his hair in confusion. The expression that lights up across Mark's face is so unreadable that it scares Donghyuck.
"I'm in love with you Donghyuck, but I don't know if I can do us from across the world."
Donghyuck's heart would stop, his mind freezing, and every part of his body would soon turn to glass. Sadly, Mark had already managed to shatter all of him. In just a few words.
"That... How does that... You know what... me neither, Mark. You go on and chase your dream, and leave your little boyfriend back home so you can go be a big bad doctor in America and fuck whoever the hell you want-"
"-I don't want to fuck anyone but you, idiot! I don't want to love anyone but you!"
Donghyuck would stand up by that time, body moving closer and closer to Mark's heated body. The tension was so thick, and the tears are completely evident in the moment. Donghyuck hates the way he feels numb, and from every angle, every twist and turn in his body, he feels too incredibly numb. It hurts, all too much.
The smallest sounds begin to fill the room that Donghyuck lies in. The same room where he spent what felt like hours arguing and crying with Mark just months ago. His eyes trail over toward the window, which has become a bit too foggy. Raindrops sing along the window, creating a stirring whirlwind of emotions in Donghyuck's chest as Mark reminds himself that he's still in Donghyuck's head.
His phone buzzes on the table next to his bed, and Donghyuck slaps his hand right over it, lifting it to see what the notification reads, hoping it simply reads Mark Lee across the message app. He sighs upon seeing an email reminding him that his gym membership expires next month.
With his phone gripped in his hand, Donghyuck makes his way to his contacts.
He doesn't think twice before hitting call on Mark's name, a new ache growing in his chest.
New determination. New needs.
Donghyuck doesn't think he's ever felt so goddamn nervous in his life. He curls his toes, clenches his eyes shut, and holds his breath, sinking deep into his pillows as he waits for any kind of answer, a breath, a laugh in the face, he doesn't really care what it is, he just wants to hear something from Mark. The ringer stops all of a sudden, and Donghyuck feels his body sigh, thinking he's been brought straight to voicemail. Instead, he gets a raspy voice on the other side of the phone.
"Hi.." Mark's voice strikes Donghyuck right through the chest. It's sharper than a knife, but Donghyuck loves the way it digs into his skin, goosebumps sprouting on every inch of his shaking body.
Donghyuck's mouth is open, his eyes are wider than any ocean, there's too many words crawling up his throat, needing to spit themselves out, but Donghyuck can't say anything. His eyes are warm and wet, and memories of Mark flood through his mind. It's easy to remember different scenes with the love of his life, but Donghyuck can't lie, he was beginning to forget what Mark even sounded like. So he lays there, silently crying with a head full of confused thoughts.
He hangs up.
"Baby, I want you to have everything you can possibly have in life. I never want to hold you back, so please don't think that I am selfish by still wanting you here. You're gonna be living halfway across the world, and I can't come to you when you need me, and I can't call you and ask you to come over when I need you." Donghyuck would stand across from Mark at the kitchen island, elbows against the counter as he whispers in pain, turning around to stir the food he has boiling on the stovetop.
Mark shakes his head.
"I know. I want to say fuck it and move you over there with me, but i'd be fucking everything up for you and that's not fair. We've got two completely different dreams. Mine is medicine, and yours is here, finishing school and working here. I love it here. I love you. I just don't know if I can be in a relationship when the one I love is halfway across the globe."
Donghyuck would keep his back to Mark, his arms beginning to shake slowly from anger and confusion. He would feel like he's drowning in incoherent thoughts about who is even standing right behind him.
"So you want to break up? You leave tomorrow and you want to call us off right now?" Donghyuck would turn around and lean against the counter, arms crossed, head held high.
Mark would stare at him with pain, eyes swollen with tears and from crying the previous night. Soon would he walk toward Donghyuck, but the boy would just shake his head with a laugh.
"Just go now." Donghyuck felt numb. Everything would hurt. "I don't want to see you again before you leave. Go have fun. Follow your dream."
The apartment would be empty. Donghyuck's roommates had decided to go out, knowing the pair probably wanted to be alone on their last night together. Donghyuck really wished that they were there, providing assistance, helping Donghyuck think a little stronger, say a little more than he even wanted to. But instead, he was left alone with his thoughts eating him away.
"You don't have to act like that." Mark would sit back down.
"Me? You're the one who comes up to me, 'Oh, babe by the way.. I just got a crazy cool internship that I applied for months ago, but I'm telling you right now for some reason, I leave in a week, also by the way, let's break up.'" Donghyuck would be proud of the way he stands tall with his words, like they're a protective layer of armor giving him the strength to speak.
Mark would swallow hard. He didn't have anything to say. Instead, he'd get up from his seat, hook his jacket over his arm, and head out the door.
"I love you Donghyuck." Mark would pause by the door, gripping it like he'll fall if he let go.
Donghyuck would look blankly at the boy halfway out his door.
"If you loved me, you wouldn't fuck this up."
Donghyuck's hands shake in his bed, along with his body. Everything feels too tight, and he knows he can hardly breathe. In one movement, he leaves his phone on his bed and walks right into Jaemin's room.
Renjun lies next to him, arm hooked around Jaemin's chest, both of them cuddled into a comfortable sleep. Donghyuck already feels like an asshole for bothering them, but he knows he needs a little bit of human contact.
It's Renjun who wakes up first, lifting his arm from Jaemin to hold it up in the air. He lifts the blanket, getting a groan from the sleeping boy in front of him. It doesn't take long for Jaemin to open his eyes, softly falling on Donghyuck who stands in the light of the doorway, shoulders lifting in soft sobs.
The two let Donghyuck into their bed, both of them on either side of his body, all three of their legs somehow intertwined. It's silent, and neither Jaemin nor Renjun ask any questions. They just hold onto their friend, knowing that it's exactly what he needs.
Donghyuck takes his time before he speaks up, knowing he wants to at least say something before the two of them fall asleep again.
"I called him." Jaemin shoots up at the words, coughing as he sucks in too sharp of a breath. Renjun hits his arm and gives him a look, but Donghyuck doesn't catch it.
"He didn't pick up?" Renjun's hand comes over Donghyuck's shoulder, rubbing ever so gently.
Donghyuck shakes his head.
"He did. But I hung up as soon as he answered." It's a bit of a struggle for Donghyuck to say it, but Jaemin and Renjun respect that, and they just comfort their friend.
Donghyuck doesn't even go near his phone for the next two days.
Even hearing the simplest "Hi" from Mark managed to fuck him up in every way possible. It makes his memories worse, like he's lit a new match and started the biggest fire in his chest.
He pulls himself out of bed and goes to his classes on Monday. Granted, he'd much rather be laying in his bed, politely introducing all his demons back into his life, but he sits in his class, staring at a blank screen, remembering the way Mark's mouth feels against his own.
Mark always tasted like melon, and Donghyuck hated it at first, but it became such a comfortable taste that he brought into his own life. Mark tasting like melon all the damn time made Donghyuck pick up a chapstick in that flavor.
The first time Donghyuck did it, Mark nearly burst into tears from laughter. He had found it so endearing to his heart, and he knew that he'd love Donghyuck a hell of a lot more, just from the tiniest things he ever did to make their relationship the slightest bit better.
"Your chapstick is so cute." Mark would say as Donghyuck pressed his lips against Mark's neck. He'd bite into the skin as Mark says it, and he'd love the song that rang out past Mark's lips.
Donghyuck would chuckle and rest his forehead against Mark's cheek, pulling his teeth away from Mark's skin.
"Don't say that when my hand is down your pants, you idiot." Donghyuck would tugs his face back to look at Mark with a stupid grin.
Mark would cup Donghyuck's cheeks and push them together, dragging their mouths back together in a sloppy kiss. It'd be so sweet, but the moment Donghyuck moved his hand in Mark's pants was the same moment Mark would slam his head back against the headboard.
Donghyuck would bursts into laughter, nearly crying from how intense Mark's reaction is at being touched in the most gentle way. Mark would laugh along too, soft moans coaxing out of his mouth at the same time.
The memories are clear, Mark is thick in Donghyuck's brain, and as much pain as it gives him, he definitely does not want to get rid of them. They make him feel alive, they make him feel worthy, fill him with popular emotions that throw a thousand different parties in his mind.
Class runs by fast, and Donghyuck stops by his favorite store on his way back to the apartment, picking up a few snacks that he knows he will enjoy. He even grabs a few things he knows that his roommates love, simply because he has the desire to make them happy, as it will make him himself happy inside.
As the door opens, Jaemin sits at the bar with fear written clearly across his face. Donghyuck has seen Jaemin terrified before, but he's never seen anything so devastating in his entire life.
"What's wrong?" Donghyuck is almost scared to ask, but the words come out before he even gets the chance to think thoroughly. Jaemin doesn't respond, his eyes just widen a bit, moving slowly across the room until they land on a pair of shoes.
Donghyuck stares at them too, his eyebrows furrowing as he tries to make sense of the things around him. It's just a pair of shoes.
But it's a pair of goddamn shoes that make Donghyuck feel as though his whole life has flipped on him.
"I swear to everything on this earth.. I am going to throw those fucking shoes out, Mark." Donghyuck would roll his eyes as Mark tracked in a ton of dirt, his shoes ripping at the seams, laces ripping in half and tucked into his shoe.
Mark would stand there with an innocent grin on his face, already peeling his shoes off so he could kiss the hell out of Donghyuck to make the poor guy forget that Mark just dirtied up his favorite rug right inside his apartment.
His eyes move back toward Jaemin, and all the boy does is nod toward his bedroom. Jaemin's spine is tight, he's sitting straight up on the stool, and he looks as though he'll scream if he even opens his mouth.
It's then when Donghyuck notices how dark the apartment looks as he makes his way down the long hall.
It's then when he realizes how cold the apartment actually feels now that he knows Mark is in it.
He stops in his tracks and stares at his bedroom door, knowing that Mark Lee, the Mark Lee that he fell in love with is standing right behind it. For a moment, Donghyuck wants to flee. He wants to turn his back and make his way out of the apartment, hiding somewhere further away from Mark.
Donghyuck doesn't listen to his gut, doesn't listen to the way his body is telling him to get himself out of the situation, because when it comes down to it, the absolute love of his life is right behind the door, and Donghyuck hasn't seen his face in over three months.
His hand doesn't hesitate over the handle. He pushes it open, and is hit with the biggest wave he's ever felt.
Mark sits on the end of Donghyuck's bed, hands clasping each other carefully. He's dressed in an unfamiliar hoodie, black jeans with rips up his thighs, with just a pair of socks on his feet. He appears to be healthy, his jaw is a little tighter, and he even looks taller to Donghyuck.
It's barely somewhere in the afternoon, but Donghyuck feels as though he's staring right at the moon. There's a tiny smile on Mark's lips, but it's so tiny that Donghyuck doesn't even think that Mark means to give it. Donghyuck stares back at him with too much numbness in his blood. His body feels weak and his head spins with nothing but darkness.
"Please come here." Mark croaks out, and his voice echoes in and out Donghyuck's ears. It coats him in the softest grains of sugar, it sounds like home.
Donghyuck steps forward until he stands right in front of Mark's knees, bouncing on the edge of the bed.
Mark feels like home, but he feels like a stranger, too.
The energy between them is absolutely unreadable, and Donghyuck isn't sure what the hell it means, but standing this close to Mark makes him want to leap forward into the boy's arms. He makes himself remember how they cut things off, how they both haven't said more than words on paper in the past few months.
"You're here?" Donghyuck can't help but ask, just to see if Mark's even actually in front of him.
Mark nods his head and lifts his two hands, facing his palms up, as though he's asking for Donghyuck to grab ahold of them.
Donghyuck, with too many thoughts in his head, lays his hands right over Mark's. It's warm, it's familiar, and Donghyuck feels a ton of weight being ripped off his shoulders. He doesn't care about every other thought banging against his head, all he wants to focus on is the fact that Mark is right in front of him again.
He leaps forward and wraps his arms around Mark's neck, falling onto his lap. Mark grabs ahold of his waist and steadies him, moving to squeeze Donghyuck just as hard as Donghyuck is squeezing him.
The embrace makes up for all of the missed time together, it makes all the bad feelings disappear for the moment, but Donghyuck doesn't mind. He doesn't want to care about anything other than the way his heart gets to beat along with Mark's once again.
Mark presses his back against the bed and turns them both on their sides, arms still tightly gripped against one another. Donghyuck slides his hand right up Mark's shirt and touches the skin of his abdomen, something they're both very used to.
The silence swallows their embrace whole, and Donghyuck watches the way Mark's eyes read a lot of pain. They lay there for over twenty minutes, just reading through each other's eyes.
"Donghyuck, I am so in love with you. It was foolish of me to act the way I did. I can't be without you, not at all." Mark speaks with such fluidity, and his eyes speak with such heartfelt emotion.
Donghyuck, however, isn't really sure how to take any of it, so the first thing he says is,
"Please do not tell me you gave up everything to come home."
Mark stares at him, bringing his thumb up to carefully press against Donghyuck's chin.
"No. You'd kill me if I did that." He chuckles and touches the bottom of Donghyuck's lip, studying the way Donghyuck already turns soft as he is touched.
Donghyuck pulls Mark by the hip, drawing their bodies closer. He's desperate to feel the heat of their bodies pressing up against each other. It's new like the rise of a new morning sun, but it's oh so familiar.
"I did however..." Mark starts, his fingers lacing with Donghyuck's, "...come back to tell you that I need you. I need to facetime you until 5 in the morning, I need to hear your voice all the time, see the annoying smile you give when I flirt with you. I told you I can't do us from across the world, but by god, that is the only thing I want. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Donghyuck shifts his body to the point where he's lying on his stomach, face turned to the side to carefully focus on the way Mark's eyes twist and turn with pain with every word that comes from his mouth. Donghyuck lifts his hand to run it through Mark's hair.
"I don't want to hold you back, though."
Please, tell me you need me.
"I can't be me without you, Donghyuck."
Donghyuck closes his eyes and wraps the situation around his head. He's angry with Mark, but he's at fault for not reaching out either.
"Then please have me. Don't break me." Mark latches onto Donghyuck's mouth in a hurry, but in such a soft kiss.
It's careful, like he's stepping back into a world that he's been away from for centuries, like he's gripping onto the side of a steep cliff, like he's afraid to fall.
"I love you, all too much." Donghyuck whispers over Mark's mouth, almost completely inaudible.
Mark grins and reaches forward to bite playfully on Donghyuck's bottom lip. They giggle, they bring up memories, they talk about the fact that Mark has come across quite a few great friends as well as annoying colleagues over in America. They kiss, a lot. Jaemin even knocks on the door to make sure both of his friends are alright. Donghyuck finds it endearing that Jaemin finds such peace in knowing that the both of his friends will be okay.
"Can I ask you one thing though?" Donghyuck sits at the barstool a few hours later, a cold spoon shoveling ice cream into his mouth.
Mark fills his glass with water on the other side of the kitchen, insisting that Donghyuck ask him anything he wants to.
"Did you sleep with anyone over there?" His voice is fragile as he asks, but Mark widens his eyes in humor, all before he looks at the ground. He bites down on his lip, sending Donghyuck into a state of worry, assuming that Mark is too scared to admit that he did.
"No." He says flat out.
"Why aren't you looking at me then?"
"Because I'm shy!"
"Huh?!"
Mark looks up to see Donghyuck staring back at him, his eyes full of fire and ice. Mark bites on his lip and rolls his eyes.
"Nothing feels as good as you." He whispers it, but Donghyuck doesn't have to ask twice.
He loves the pride that fills him, but Donghyuck still stands there, very oblivious.
"What do you mean, 'nothing?'"
Mark covers his face.
He slaps both hands against his cheeks and groans out loud. Donghyuck stares back at his ice cream as he rolls his eyes, gazing at the way Mark's hands cover his entire face.
Mark's hands.
Donghyuck blows a bubble of air in his mouth, trying not to chuckle, only giving a second before he screeches out loud.
"Oh, holy shit!"
Mark shushes him, spreading his fingers apart on each side of his face to the point where his eyes can meet Donghyuck's.
"Can we please go back to bed?"
"Damn, that needy?"
"No! Donghyuck! To lay down!"
Mark takes off toward the bedroom, leaving a very smiley Donghyuck right behind him. It's a gentle moment, and Donghyuck can feel the way his heart beats kindly, blood pumping him full of happiness. He stands himself up, shoving his half eaten bowl of ice cream back into the freezer, chasing after Mark.
The ice cream can wait.