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“After that he went on and on about how great a Quidditch player he is, how he alone is responsible that we ever win a game and that he will become a star after Hogwarts. I don’t think he noticed when I left.” Millie forces herself to laugh, to treat this as if it’s nothing more than a funny anecdote exchanged between friends.
Daphne always has terrible dates, every boy she gives her time to is an idiot, either self-obsessed or tediously boring, and she always loudly complains about them after. Millie listens to them all, nods in understanding and laughs when she makes a joke and she tells her she deserves better. Daphne never acts like it’s a big deal, laughs it off and acts like it doesn’t matter that she can’t seem to find someone to make her happy. On one hand Millie feels sorry for her, wishes for her to be happy more than anything else. On the other hand every story gives her new hope, gives her the chance to step up and offer her a better choice.
Millie has been in love with Daphne for what likes always, their friendship morphing into infatuation and later on all-consuming love on her part but staying the same for Daphne. And Millie told herself that it’s alright, that having her friendship would be enough for her. She was wrong. It’s not enough, doesn’t satisfy her desire to be more, to be as important to Daphne as she is to her.
One day Daphne will find the perfect guy, she will come back from their date and rave about how great he is and tell her about his sparkling eyes and his smooth hair, how funny he is and how kind. And Millie will nod and smile and not let herself feel it, the jealousy and the crippling feeling of losing her, will not let herself show that she is breaking apart. Daphne will spend more and more time with him, will stand her up and apologise profoundly but slowly they will stop agreeing to meet at all. Millie will watch the love of her life from the outside, will watch her have all those things she wants share with someone else. And then she will be invited to the wedding, will be required to help plan and chose the perfect dress, will have to smile and pretend to be happy.
Millie will lose her to some guy who couldn’t possibly deserve her and there is nothing she will be able to do, if she doesn’t act now.
“You should date me.” The words feel rough in her throat, too honest by far, too revealing. This is her most secret desire, her very being all neatly wrapped up in one statement and presented to be either cherished or crushed.
“Yes, right.” And then Daphne laughs, throws her head back and laughs like she only does for things that truly delight her, that are absolutely ridiculous.
It doesn’t hurt as much as Millie thought it would, one hit and she was out, numb, the laughter bouncing off her and echoing in the room. She doesn’t feel anything, can’t think over the sound of Daphne laughing in her ear. Yes, right. Millie never thought that two words could be enough to break a person.
“Are you okay?” Daphne looks at her in concern, finally realising that Millie hadn’t joined her. That finally makes it through the numbness, hits Millie and brings her back. Daphne might never be hers, but if she has limited time with her she doesn’t want to see her unhappy ever again.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” It feels hallow, sounds fake to her own ears, but Daphne just shrugs and smiles at her, talking more about her date. Millie makes all the appropriate sounds at all the right places, tries desperately not to sound like Daphne just ripped her heart out. She doesn’t have time to fall apart right now; she can do that later, where no one will see.