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At first, I think it's the transporter. It's a strange feeling – dissolving. The world disappears in a blue shimmer that turns golden and blood red, and then slowly back to blue again. At least, that's what it looks like. I know that in reality, it's my own retinas and optic nerves that are shimmering in and out of solidity. There's the wall of Enterprise's transporter platform. I recognise it long before my weight suddenly returns to my body.
Oh god.
The wall falls away as I clutch my chest. I think I'm screaming. I hit the floor, but I can't feel it. The pain is too strong. It blackens everything.
* * *
Somewhere, there are voices. I can't make out what they're saying. Are they in my head?
No. There are people here. Starfleet officers.
I open my eyes.
I'm in Sickbay. Doctor Phlox is standing next to me, holding a hypospray. He must have injected me with something. That's why I'm awake, and that's why I can't feel a thing. There's a hole in my chest, but I can't feel it.
My throat feels thick. I swallow, trying to clear it.
The sound of approaching footsteps filters itself out from the background noise. I turn my head toward it. It's Malcolm.
”Doctor?” he asks.
I swallow again.
”I told him I was ready for duty,” I manage.
I think Malcolm smiles at that, but I can't really see it.
”I'm afraid he's a bit of a mother hen,” he answers.
I push out a huff of laughter. I like laughing with him. We do that well.
There's something else. Something – Yes. The mission.
”How's Ensign Sato?” I ask.
It comes out like a whisper, like there's a hole in my voice as well.
When the Doctor finally answers me, I've almost forgotten he's there.
”Her biosigns are stable,” he says.
I meet his eyes and can only nod. I'm so tired. It's an effort just to keep my eyes open, and the edges of my vision have already gone dark.
Malcolm. I can't see you. Come closer, I want to see you.
By some miracle, he seems to hear my thoughts.
”Thank you,” he says, ”for bringing her home.”
”All in a day's work,” I answer, managing another smile.
The pain is creeping back into me. It's harder to breathe now. I close my eyes for a moment, gathering strength to look up at Malcolm's face again. He's so beautiful. I think I might love him.
But there's no time.
”Use McKenzie,” I wheeze.
Getting words out is nearly impossible. Malcolm takes another step closer.
”What?” he asks, bending down over me.
”She knows the team,” I mouth, before I have to swallow and fight to suck in another breath. ”Rely on her.”
Reed looks at me sharply.
”No more of that talk. That's an order.”
And then he smiles again, weakly, and I'm about to reply that this time, I may have to disobey orders, but I can't speak anymore.
There is something wrong inside me and it hurts Malcolm oh god it