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Bakugou Katsuki thought of himself as a very lucky man. Not in the sense that he himself is lucky or lucky for what he has or whatever, but that everyone around him are lucky that he exists. They're lucky to know him, let alone be allowed to speak to him. If he chooses to speak to someone, it's because he felt they were worthy of him. (The exception are dumbasses and villains, who are lucky that it’s him they have to deal with.) Because of this, he felt that anyone he speaks to should thank him and grovel at his feet.
Yes, Katsuki thought very highly of himself for good reason - he’s the best. At being a pro-hero, cook, son, husband… The list goes on and on because he's just that good.
But… Thinking like that… He supposes it does sound a bit egotistical.
The blonde pauses before spreading the soapy suds on his chest to his shoulders and underarms as he ponders on that thought.
He's definitely not as much of a dick as he was in middle school, but he never really lost his inflated ego. He's become much more humble over the years (people who disagree can fucking fight him) and more aware of his ( normal and not short ) temper, especially after his high school graduation and marriage to his husband eight years later.
A fond smile finds a way on his countenance as he thinks about the redhead with the bright smile and lathers the suds to the rest of his body.
Kirishima Eijirou: The biggest dumbass Katsuki has ever met, and also the most understanding, charismatic, loving, and caring person he's ever met, not to mention the strongest person he’s ever met, too. They've only been married for five months but it feels like they've been married for longer with how compatible they are.
They both respected one another and were each other's best friend through high school, but they didn't realize just how deep their connection ran until after their high school graduation. Eijirou was rooming with two other dumbasses, Kaminari Denki and Sero Hanta, while Katsuki lived on his own. At the time, they were sidekicks at the same agency. When they turned 21 and started drinking at bars and parties more, Katsuki was struck with the realization that his feelings for the redhead ran deeper than just friends.
Growing up, Katsuki had never found anyone attractive; he knew from an early age that he was ace (not necessarily the label but the idea). He never thought he'd find a partner, nonetheless find someone to spend the rest of his life with. He had always thought swearing commitment to someone was insipid; who would want to weigh themselves down by committing themselves to one person like that?
With Eijirou though… Everything is different. He doesn’t mind committing himself to the redhead because the way they feel about each other is based on respect and is mutual. Katsuki respects and loves him for his strength, ferocity, skill - his unbreakable alone is alluring to the blonde. No one else is attractive to him, but he is. The way his eyes sparkle when he's excited about something, the way he throws his head back when he laughs, the look he reserves for only the blonde when they're alone…
That last thought causes heat to rise to his cheeks. He takes a step back into the flow of water and leans his head back to shove his face into the steady stream. As he rinses out the body soap from his body and attempts to rinse out his not so clean thoughts, he thinks back to the day he realized his love for the redhead and told the man so.
On the night Katsuki realized he loved him six years ago, they were at a party one of the dumbasses were hosting (he refuses to call them “friends”). Eijirou was laughing at something someone said when the blonde grabbed his bicep and pulled him aside. In the quiet of one of the unoccupied rooms, Katsuki bluntly told him that he loved him and wanted to be more than best friends.
Katsuki chuckled to himself as he relives the memory, remembering the way the redhead’s mouth formed an "o" and his eyes widened in shock before his entire face flushed into a blush and a bright smile etched his face. "Funny you should say that," the redhead had purred, his eyes soft and warm and fond, "because I feel the exact same way."
The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing halts his thoughts. The blonde frowns as he listens to what sounds like clothing rustling, but not much else.
Wary but confident, he calls out, "Eij?"
"Yeah?"
Ok, so it is his husband and not a murderer. Good.
"The fuck you doin', Shitty Hair?" Katsuki asks without any heat. Body thoroughly rinsed, he grabs the shampoo bottle and opens the cap with a snap.
"I gotta pee," the other man replies nonchalantly.
Peeping through the semi-clear plastic shower curtain, the blonde can see the form of Eijirou standing next to the bathtub/shower that Katsuki's currently occupying. The bright red locks of his husband's hair is easily seen through the curtain, but his clothes and the rest of him are blurred and obscured colors. Considering the toilet is next to the tub in the very small bathroom, the blonde confirms his intentions and relaxes his shoulders. (Eijirou has the tendency to pull pranks, causing the blonde to be cautious around the redhead especially in the bathroom.)
Katsuki grunts a response before going back to the task of pouring the liquid soap into his hand, popping the plastic lid back on and putting it back on the shelf, and creating a lather between his hands before scrubbing it into his hair. When it comes to relieving themselves in front of each other, they both don't care. They're both human and have human needs… Why be shy or embarrassed about it?
Eijirou worried about others finding it weird but Katsuki scoffs at the thought. It's not like they have to be witness to it, so why should it matter to them? Plus… Katsuki kind of likes the idea of his partner feeling comfortable being so vulnerable around him, as odd as it may sound…
The sound of a zipper’s zip rustles the blonde's thoughts. Shaking his head slightly, he takes a slight step forward out of the water emitting from the showerhead to lather the shampoo to the back of his head. The sound of a steady stream into porcelain echoes through the small bathroom and Katsuki snorts at the very exaggerated relieved sigh the redhead lets out.
Dork.
The blonde sighs as he scratches his scalp lightly with blunt fingernails. Yes, some people, namely fans, would probably find their relationship to be odd, but Katsuki didn't want it any other-
"Ugh!" Katsuki almost gags at the stench that hits his nostrils. What the hell is that smell?! It smells like-
"Asparagus pee!" Katsuki exclaims with a shout as he tries to cough out the scent. Fuck, he forgot that was the vegetable they had for dinner tonight and it makes urine smell awful .
"What?"
"Your piss, you idiot," the blonde coughs, going to cover his mouth only to remembering too little too late that it's covered in sudsy shampoo. "Ugh,” he spits out the bubbly soap that entered his mouth, “that's fucking disgusting!"
The shower isn't helping either; if anything the humidity is exasperating the smell.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry bro," the redhead says almost apologetically. "Here, lemme get rid of the smell-"
The sound of the toilet flushing causes Katsuki to widen his eyes. Oh no-
Almost immediately, the wonderfully scalding hot shower he was taking became icy cold.
"FUCK!" Katsuki jumps out of the stream of water, not knowing where to put his feet or soapy hands while he gagged on the stench. "COLD!"
He can hear the redhead trying to hide his amusement. "I'm sorry, Katsuki," he says in a shaky voice, obviously failing to cover his laughter. "Oh wait, I know!"
Another sound of water running, this time probably from the sink, and the sound of the soap dispenser hits Katsuki's ears as he finishes washing his hair quickly so he can get the fuck out. Gods, he thinks to himself as he shivers from the ricochet of the water hitting the porcelain tub and nearly retches on the stench. How is the smell getting worse?!
Just as he hopes for the smell to go away soon, the sound of something hissing reaches his ears.
What the- what the fuck is that?!
As a new suffocating scent hits him and gets worse with every second the hissing continues, he realizes too late that it's the sound of the air freshener. And THAT is NOT covering up or helping the stench if asparagus piss. In fact, it’s mixing with the smell.
"UGH!" Katsuki retches dryly. "THAT'S WORSE!"
If he goes into the stream of water to get away from the pee/freshener smell, he'll get cold. But if he stays out of ice cold shower, he'll probably be puking soon from the stench. He dry heaves again; neither option is optimal, especially with his hair full of sudsy shampoo.
This time, Eijirou can't hold back his laughter as he laughs at Katsuki's pain and predicament. "Ah, oh fuck Katsuki," he says in between laughs, which the blonde definitely would've growled at if he wasn't so busy trying to find a way out of this mess. "I'm so sorry," he continues to laugh unapologetically.
Screw this. Screw the smell, screw the cold water (which he is getting used to now, fuck ), and screw Eijirou.
Bracing himself for the cold water, he dunks only his head awkwardly into the stream and breathes in the humid (but cold) air provided by the shower, his only saving grace from this disaster. "Fucking leave, asshole, before I kick you out myself," he growls and spits loudly.
Instead of taking his threat seriously, Eijirou erupts into laughter again. It takes a few long seconds but eventually the door is opened and the redhead's laughter gets muffled by the closed door before receding away.
Katsuki stands under the water, breathing through his mouth, before holding his breath and tilting his head forward to rinse out the rest of the suds. The water is ever so slowly heating up, and he can't tell if it's because he's slowly getting used to the cold water or because it's heating up.
Maybe the smell is gone, he thinks to himself. He pulls back and is immediately assaulted by the stench of asparagus pee and “clean linens”. Maybe not, he thinks not even a half second later as he plunges his head back under the steady stream of the showerhead.
Maybe he can stand it just a little longer. He still needs to shave his face-
He leans a little too forward and finds he can taste the smell. Ugh, no. There's no way.
He quickly finishes rinsing off his hair in the cold ass water, shoves his face near the showerhead to take a deep breath (spitting out water all the while but this is the only way to survive in this bathroom of hell at the moment), and holds his breath as he turns off the water and twists the faucet from shower to tub.
He draws the curtain back, nearly ripping it off the rings, and grabs a towel hanging off the back of the door. Not caring if he drips water everywhere, he wraps the towel around himself, grabs the pajamas he had laid out next to the sink, and aggressively opens the door to the rest of their shared apartment.
He loudly releases his breath as he shuts the door to the bathroom and gets a few steps farther away from the bathroom. Finally he takes a breath in when he feels he's safe and sighs a breath of relief. Thank fuck it didn't get past the bathroom.
To his left, he hears the sound of choking. The blonde turns his scowl in the direction of the sound and finds his husband failing to cover his mouth with both hands in their living room. He's currently wearing his pajamas - an old, soft Crimson Riot red shirt with black joggers.
At the sight of his husband's scowl, Eijirou guffaws and starts to howl with laughter. Katsuki's frown deepens, his eye twitching in annoyance. "That wasn't funny, aspara-asshole!"
"ASPARA-ASSHOLE!" The redhead throws his head back as he struggles to breath from the laughter, one hand hovering around his mouth while the other holds his stomach. "I-"
He continues laughs, buckling into himself with laughter and wrapping his arms around his stomach. "I- I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry! But that’s re-really f-fucking fu-fu-funny!"
Katsuki can see tears budding at the edge of his husbands eyes as he chokes on his own laughter, and the blonde bites his lower lip to prevent himself from grinning at the redhead. He's still pissed he had to leave the shower earlier than he wanted to (he's pretty sure there's still some shampoo behind his ear now that he thinks about it) but even he can admit that, yeah, this whole scenario is pretty funny.
"Shut up," the blonde growls in fake annoyance as he moves quickly towards their bedroom with a small grin he’s fighting to keep back. He can still hear his husband's loud laughter as he closes the door behind him and he can't hold back his chuckle at the sound of it.
Fuck, he loved his life with his husband so much, even when he’s a dumbass.
Drying himself off and changing into his pajamas, he smiles fondly thinking about his husband once more. Maybe Katsuki is a lucky man after all.