Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Do you want to talk about it?“

Gob snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Tony who was sitting on the couch. His lovely Tony cared so much; he always did. Gob stopped pacing and let his arms fall to his sides, the letter still in hand.

“Why would I?”

“Well, I just thought- Gob, you just found out that your dad died. Surely, you would want to talk about it.” Tony stood up and went over to Gob, gently placing his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders.

“I- What would I talk about? Why would I care? I mean he never- did he ever- surely- surely if he had cared about me- he never cared about me.”

“Oh, love.” Tony sighed sadly. “Do you need to sit down? I could make you- uh- a cup of tea?”

He had never been good at comforting people. But seeing Gob so sad and close to tears made him wish that he was. Instead of waiting for an answer, he simply drew his lover into a tight embrace, awkwardly rubbing his back.

Gob didn’t pull back as Tony had been expecting but rather hugged him back, sighing softly. “He never cared for me. Now- now he will never- he won’t ever care about me now, not that he would have. And I tried so hard to be loveable.”

“You are absolutely lovable.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Tony pulled back and held Gob’s face in his hands. “You are. You are the love of my damn life. How could the love of my life be unlovable?”

Gob tried to laugh it off but that was what made him start crying. He burst into tears and Tony held him tighter as Gob whispered how much he loved the other magician.

“Do you want to go to the funeral?”

“I can’t really not go.” Gob sniffed. “Will you come along?”

“Of course.”

---

“Since when is a funeral an event where you bring a plus one?” Lindsay joked drily as she watched Gob walk up to the hotel from where she was standing on the balcony.

“You wouldn’t even have come had Grandma not promised to pay you.” Maeby rolled her eyes, trying to oppose her mother in any way she could.

“That has nothing to do with the fact that this is a funeral and not a date night.”

“Maybe he wants some comfort?” The girl said and got up. “I’m going to say hello to them. Better than being here.”

“Gob doesn’t need comfort. It’s just dad. They weren’t that close.” Lindsay put her glass down. “Let’s just greet them and get back upstairs as quickly as possible.”

Both of them walked into the hallway where they ran into Michael. Lindsay heaved a sigh and Maeby gave her uncle a small smile.

“Hey, Uncle Michael. We were just going to say hi to Uncle Gob.”

“Yes, I was actually going to talk to you about that. Mom asks us to come downstairs so we can go over the plans for this weekend.” Michael explained.

Maeby groaned. “The whole weekend? How long could a funeral take? Don’t you just- you know, drop the casket into the earth and-”

“Well, there’s a lot to do and your grandma will explain it to you.”

“It’s not a casket. It’s a coffin.” Tobias was approaching them.

Lindsay turned to her still-husband and crossed her arms. “What’s the difference?”

“Well a casket for one has an attached lid while a coffin doesn’t. A coffin also-”

Michael interrupted his still-brother-in-law and shook his head. “That’s not important right now.”

“But for the record, is it a coffin or a casket?” Maeby asked.

“Is that really important?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a coffin. Now come downstairs.”

When they made it downstairs, the rest of the family was already there. Lucille was holding a glass of some sort of alcohol while going off at Gob for bringing his new ‘fling’ –as she called it– to his father’s funeral. Buster was trying to stop his mother to prove that he’s grown past her and Tony was trying to introduce himself. George Michael was awkwardly standing there and looking kind of relieved that his father had come and was going to break up the fight

“Mother!” Michael interrupted the fighting.

Lucille turned. “Michael, finally. We need to go through the funeral plans. What will the press think if we mess this up? I cannot have them think I am not a mourning widow.”

“Don’t worry, mother.” Lindsay said, having decided to call her mother-sister ‘mother’ since it drew more attention to Lucille’s age. “I’m sure the press is used to lying.”

“What?” Tony asked in confusion. “What is that even supposed to mean?”

“Since when do you get to give an opinion?” Lucille sneered. “You’re lucky I let you be here but then again, I also let Tobias come and heaven knows that he isn’t part of the family anymore.”

“I am still married to Lindsay!” Tobias raised a finger.

“Because she’s too lazy to divorce you?” Lucille snorted. “Please.”

Gob swallowed a little and shook his head. “Can we see dad before they close the casket?”

“Coffin.” Tobias corrected.

“What’s the difference?” George Michael asked and his father shook his head.

“That’s not important right now. Mother, do you have a plan for the weekend? When is the wake? Who is holding the eulogy?”

“You are.” Lucille shrugged. “You will plan everything. The funeral is on Sunday and the wake is tomorrow evening.”

Maeby raised an eyebrow. “Then why are we here already?”

“To look like a family! It’s good for our public image.” Lucille shook her head. “Really, dear, you should know that that is really important right now.”

“So?” Tony interjected. “Can Gob see his father one last time?”

“No, the coffin is already shut.”

“Can’t you just open it again?” George Michael was confused. “Like with your hands?”

Lucille shook her head. “No, just help us plan the funeral for your father, Gob. Perhaps this will be the one time you don’t disappoint him, even if that doesn’t matter anymore because he is dead.”

“Sure he’s not faking his death again?” Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, they found his body and tested his DNA.”

“Maybe it’s Oscar. They are twins after all.” George Michael interjected.

“No, they are sure. Just help me with the organisation and stop being useless.”

Tony glared at Lucille a little and raised his hand to put it on Gob’s back as a small gesture of comfort. Gob looked at him thankfully. Michael heaved a sigh and declared that they should get started.

---

“And Maeby and George Michael will get the flowers, alright? You will buy the flowers I wrote down for you, nothing else, got it?” Michael held up a paper but pulled it back when Maeby mindlessly grabbed for it. “Got it?”

“Yes.” She sighed. “Give it here. Can we take your car?”

“I don’t think I’ll need it so yes but drive carefully.” He handed his son the keys. “Yes?”

George Michael grabbed them and smiled awkwardly. “Yes, come on, Maeby.”

Both of them quickly left, happy to not be stuck with their family right now.

“Now, for the catering. Lindsay, do you think you can do that? For Sunday after the funeral.”

“Sure, I’m not a little child, Michael.” She shook her head and grabbed her purse. “I’ll get you what you want.”

“Lindsay.”

“What now, Michael?”

“I didn’t even tell you what to order.”

“I knew that.” She sat back down and looked at him. “Well, what do you want?”

“I wrote it down for you.” Michael fumbled with a piece of paper, punctuating every word in the sentence. “And I trust you to chose the cake because I didn’t get to that, yet.”

Lindsay grabbed the paper and stood up. Tobias asked if she needed help but Lindsay just left. Her husband laughed drily.

“She is so independent. That’s what I love about her.”

Lucille gave him a side-eyed glance and then looked back at Michael. “Who is doing the entertainment?”

“I could do an improv show on his life!” Tobias exclaimed and Lucille made a face. “I just need a bald-cap! I should find one around here somewhere.”

“Definitely not.” Michael pointed his pen at him and shook his head. “I was thinking more along the lines of-”

“A magic show?” Gob asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lucille let her face drop into her hands. “Why can’t anyone in this family have a normal talent?”

“George Michael is very good with the woodblock.”

“I said normal, Michael!”

“Gob is great at the piano!” Tony exclaimed, maybe a little too loud. Everyone turned to look at him. “He is! He’s really talented with his hands.”

Michael made a face and Gob smirked a little. Lucille looked like she was considering it and Tobias looked like he was about to cry.

“Yes, you can do that.” Lucille nodded. “But don’t ruin this, Gob.”

“Of course not, Mom! I will make you and dad proud.”

“As if you could ever.” His mother reached or another cigarette.

Tony’s previous proud smile morphed into a frown and he stood up. “Then I guess, my wonderful boyfriend and I will practice now.”

“Practicing doesn’t involve being gay with one another!” Lucille called after them, as Tony pulled Gob with him. “And no magic!”

Tobias looked up at Lucille. “I take it that means no improv-”

“Definitely not.” Michael shook his head. “But you can help with the video. There’ll be photos of dad with music in the background. Are you good with electronics?”

“No, but I can ask Murphy Brown!”

“Murphy Brown?”

“My son.”

“Your son?”

“Long story. He could help or maybe I could ask Gob’s son.”

“That Steve Holt kid?”

“Yes, I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, mother, I won’t disappoint you.” With that, he ran off and Lucille looked on in disgust.

“I am not your mother!”

Michael swallowed a little. “The guests arrive tomorrow at 1 pm. They will stay at the hotel until after the funeral. Mother, are you alright?”

“Yes, of course. You think I’d mourn this cheating man?” She shook her head and got up. “And besides, it’s not like he- I mean, I need to find Buster. Maybe he can help Tobias. You just write a damn eulogy.”

---

“Tony, will you calm down?”

“Gobie, I knew your mother wasn’t exactly nice but she said horrible things to you. I can’t believe she would say that.”

“I mean, she’s not exactly wrong.” Gob let himself fall onto the bed and sighed. “My father never loved me and I never made him proud.”

“Gobie.” Tony cooed and took Gob’s face into his hands, making his boyfriend melt into his touch. “It’s not your fault if your parents are like that, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, because everyone would- I mean I’m a magician- Michael- Michael was always the perfect son. I was- I was the weird magician that set the school on fire several times- like three times.” Gob choked out, close to hyperventilating.

“Love, you’re wonderful. Don’t listen to them.”

Gob swallowed. “Maybe, we should start practising. What songs- what should I play?”

“We’ll figure it out.” Tony stroked his hair and leaned in for a soft kiss that Gob escalated by scooting into his boyfriend’s lap. “Woah!” Tony broke the kiss. “Shouldn’t we like, you know, talk about your issues? I’m bad with feelings but I could try. I’d like to try and comfort you.”

“You comfort me.” Gob whispered. “Your presence and your body.”

Who was Tony to say no to that?

---

Michael knocked on Gob’s room-door a third time before he heard the moaning from inside. He sighed. So much for practising, he thought to himself and headed down the hallway where he met Tobias who had managed to find Murphy Brown and DeBrie.

“Hey, Michael!” Tobias waved. “I found some help for the video?”

Michael raised his eyebrows in surprise. “And they will help you?”

“Sure.” Murphy Brown shrugged. “Hey, will there be a buffet at the funeral?”

“I invited him!”

“No, no, no!” Michael interrupted. “You can’t just invite random people to the funeral.”

“They are family, Michael.” Tobias insisted. “And they are helping. By the way, where is Gob? I want to ask him if he has Steve Holt’s number.”

Michael cringed as he heard someone pounding against a wall and the sound of moaning. “He’s busy.”

“Oh with practising, right? I heard he’s really good with his hands.” Tobias nodded and DeBrie for whatever reason agreed.

“Yes.” Michael didn’t understand why no one else was hearing these moans. “He seems to be.”

“And I am really good with my mouth.”

DeBrie gave Tobias a nervous smile and nodded while Murphy Brown looked at him weirdly. Michael was getting too used to these things coming out of Tobias’ mouth.

“Just work on the video. You two can come, too, if you help him.”

“Thanks.” DeBrie said nervously and watched on as Michael left. “He was nice?”

“Oh, Michael’s the best!” Tobias headed for his room which was next to Gob and Tony’s, still not noticing anything out of the ordinary. DeBrie and Murphy Brown shared a look.

---

A few hours later when everyone else at the hotel was already getting ready for the night, the Bluth’s meet up again. Lucille and Michael sat in the former’s room, talking about the eulogy. Buster sat at the table, as well, a little annoyed by the fact that no one had asked for his help. That’s when Lindsay barged in.

“I ordered the food. And you thought I couldn’t do it.” Lindsay sat down at the table.

“He thought so due to experience.” Lucille scoffed. “And why did your husband bring his horrid friends here?”

“That is not on me. He is his own person.” Lindsay shook her head. “Really, what should I do? I am still his wife –his still-wife– not his mother.”

Lucille was about to give a snark remark when Maeby and George Michael walked it. Maeby was holding something from Starbucks and Michael eyed her for a second.

“Did you order everything?”

“Yeah, sure.” Maeby shrugged “Right, George Michael?”

George Michael busted out with the truth. “Maeby changed up the colours.”

“What?” Michael got up from his chair. “To what?”

That’s when the door opened again and both Gob and Tony walked in, holding hands. Lucille shook her head and took a swig of her whiskey before she looked back up at them.

“Did you practise the piano or were you two all over each other the whole afternoon?”

“Of course, I did! I mean- I wasn’t- I was sure- I totally practised.” He hadn’t but now he was trying to come up with a few songs that might be appropriate to play at a funeral.

Tony took mercy on him and nodded. “He did. He practised for hours, played all kinds of songs. We looked up funeral songs on the internet.”

Lucille shrugged and nodded. “Good. At least someone is doing their job.”

Gob perked up at that, smiling a little and Tony grabbed his hand again. Lindsay looked offended and George Michael looked ashamed. Tony pulled Gob towards the couch. Michael looked disgusted as he saw that the back of Gob’s sweatpants said 'Are you nasty' right on the butt. Maeby started laughing and so did George Michael, all be it in embarrassment. Lindsay made a face and Lucille shook her head.

“I would be disgusted but at least he did his part of the preparations.” Lucille shrugged and took another sip from her glass. “Now where is your husband, Lindsay?”

“Do you think I have a tracker on him?”

She did. Once when she had been trying to figure out where Tobias and DeBrie kept disappearing off to, she had put a tracker on his jacket and had forgotten to take it back out. She had never really checked up on where the two were going, either. Obviously, she had forgotten tracking him would be an option at the moment.

Maeby sat down next to Gob and started drinking her coffee. “So did you two just screw each other the whole afternoon or did you practise?” She whispered with a grin.

Gob gave her an urgent and panicked look which was all the answer she needed. Tony put a hand on Gob’s leg and Maeby eyed them for a second before giving him finger-guns with her free hand.

“You do you. This funeral will be horrible anyways.”

Lindsay flopped down onto the couch next to her daughter. “She’s right, you know?”

“Wouldn’t expect anything else.” Gob whispered. “I would have hoped that I could at least play the piano so I could try to make dad proud, like from beyond the grave- which I mean makes no sense since you know he’s gone- I mean, maybe there’s a heaven? Not that I’m particularly religious. Just, if he is watching over us- I mean I had hoped that one day I could make him proud.”

His breath was coming quicker now and Lindsay looked a little annoyed by his rambling. Tony took Gob’s hand and brought it up to his mouth for a quick kiss. Lindsay made a face and Maeby elbowed her arm a little at that.

“Come on, Gob. You know that he’d never been proud of any of us. None of us could ever live up to his standards.”

Tony looked at Gob sadly, noting how his boyfriend’s whole face fell. At that, he wrapped an arm around Gob, pulling him close, never minding Lucille’s disgusted glances. All he wanted to do was to cheer Gob up. They had actually practised –at least a bit before they had gone back to doing it on the piano bench. Nonetheless, Gob had been really happy at Tony praising his piano skills and the magician had wondered if anyone had ever told him that he was doing a good job.

Maeby looked around the room and everyone arguing, drinking or looking sad. “As I said, this funeral will go horribly wrong and I am excited to see how.”

Chapter Text

Gob was really contemplating not going to the wake on Saturday. He was currently brushing his teeth when he heard Tony try and fail to sneak up on him.

Gob laughed a little and nearly choked on his toothpaste. “I can see you in the mirror, Tony.”

The other man looked at him for a few seconds and then laughed, embracing Gob from behind. “Sorry, I’m still a little tired. Wow, leave it to me to forget about mirrors.”

“Leave it to you.” Gob said softly, his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth as he leaned back into Tony. “Tony?”

“Hmm?”

“Is it bad that I’m contemplating whether or not I should go to my father’s wake?” Gob said softly, sincerely. “Am I a bad son?”

“Your father wasn’t the best dad, was he? How can he expect you to be a good son?” Tony kissed Gob’s neck. “We can ditch the funeral.”

“Mom would kill me.”

“I wouldn’t let her.”

“You know, my father wasn’t all bad. I mean once I was sick and he told the maid to take care of me. Or the other time he told the gardener to play catch with me.”

Tony swallowed, feeling his chest clench in sympathy for his boyfriend. “Telling someone else to care for your children when they are sick isn’t really caring for them. Like, seriously, caring for your child when they are sick is basic parenting, Gob.”

“But it’s the most he did.” Gob’s voice was suddenly so tight and he cursed himself for being so vulnerable. But Tony didn’t pull back and Gob swallowed against his tears. “If the most he ever cared for me wasn’t really caring at all, then what did he do?”

“Gobie.” Tony said quietly, slowly reaching up to take the toothbrush from his boyfriend’s mouth and turning him around. “You’re wonderful, even if your father didn’t care. I care about you a lot.”

Gob shook his head and sighed. “I want to play at the funeral. I want to make him proud, one last time.”

“Gob, you’re an amazing son, you know that? Not everyone could be so kind and caring after having such a bad father and mother. I’m sorry but your whole family is horrible to you. It really makes me sad.”

“Why does it make you sad?”

“I care for you.”

“You care- you care for me? Me of- of all people? I mean- I guess you must- it- I-”

Tony made shushing noises and leaned up to kiss Gob’s cheek. “I love you.”

Gob felt the tears coming at that and dropped his head to Tony’s shoulder. “I love you, too.”

“We’ll go to the wake and I’ll stay with you the whole time.”

“Thank you.”

---

The guests started arriving at 1 pm, four hours before the wake and settled into their rooms. Gob and Tony were downstairs, greeting everyone when Maeby approached them.

“Just a heads-up: Uncle Michael is pretty angry at you two.”

“Why?” Tony made a face. “What is his problem now? Lucille asked us to greet the guests.”

“I don’t know. But he’s also angry at me because I ordered the wrong flowers accidentally- on purpose- on accident but also purposefully. I gotta go!” With that, she hurried off to ask George Michael to hide her.

“Why is he angry?” Tony turned to Gob but before he could answer Michael stomped over. “Hey, Michael. Maeby said we’re in trouble. Why?” He grins.

Michael rolled his eyes at Tony. “Listen, I heard you this morning and-”

“What?” Gob’s face paled. “Are you- now you’re being homophobic Michael. We were- we are grown men! We can do what we want!”

“No!” Michael exclaimed, trying to save himself from the scrutiny. “Not the- you know what. No, I was talking about the song you played. Don’t you dare play ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ at the funeral!”

“I thought it might be fun because Dad and I- you know we went on a trip before- before he died and we both liked the song so- well, I just thought it might be a good idea.”

“It’s not.” Michael shook his head and Tony couldn't help but notice how much it annoyed him to see his boyfriend’s brother flailed around a clipboard as if he’s terribly important. “I don’t care what you and Dad may have liked; you play appropriate songs like maybe ‘Wind beneath my wings’ or something.”

“Hey, stop giving him such a hard time. His dad is dead and he is trying his best.” Tony scoffed. “You’re being pretty insensitive.”

“He was my dad, too.” Michael flailed the clip-board some more. “Do you think it’s not hard for me? It’s not like Dad was particularly fond of-”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll make you disappear.” Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t I need to be in on the trick myself for it to work?”

“Illusions.” Gob chokes out. “I will play something else!”

“Good.” Michael heaved a sigh. “Now, has anyone seen Maeby? I wanted white flowers not an assortment of various colours. That’s too cheerful.”

“No idea.” Tony shrugged. He knows exactly where Maeby is. He’s seen her hide in one of the hotel’s ballrooms. “Look for her yourself. We were told to greet guests.”

“Thanks for the not-help.” Michael sighed. “As if this weekend isn’t stressful enough. Also, where did Buster go?”

With that, he hurried off. Tony turned to Gob and put a hand on his shoulder. His boyfriend’s lip was quivering and he kept swallowing. Tony wanted nothing more than to ruin Michael’s plans but he respectfully didn’t say so because it’s Gob’s father’s funeral, too.

“Do you want to come to the bathroom for a few minutes and take a breather?” Tony suggested.

“I really don’t feel like letting you pound me into a wall.” Gob choked out.

One of the guests gave him a shocked look but Gob didn’t seem to notice. He was just looking at Tony who smiled softly.

“No, you dummy. I thought you could use a few minutes to take a deep breath. We could go to the parking lot, too.” Tony paused at that, shaking his head. “Parking lot sounds just as weird. How about the gardens?”

“Yes, okay.” Gob managed to croak out.

Tony nodded and apologized to the guests. Some of them looked worried or sympathetic and some of which looked grossed out – none of them were sure whether or not the two men were going to have sex or if they were going for a good cry. They simply kept walking.

---

It was merely half an hour until the wake when everyone finally decided to show up. Michael and Lucille were the first ones there. A few minutes later, Buster arrived.

“Hello, mother.” He put his hands together before realising that one of them is a hook. He quickly put them behind his back. “I am late.”

“Merely a few minutes.” Lucille scoffed. “Acting all grown up and tough but I’m sure you will come crying to me when you see your dad being buried.”

“Mom.” Michael sighed. “Act a little bit like a mourning widow, please.”

Lucille rolled her eyes and Buster crossed his arms. Michael mourned the loss of his sanity during this weekend, not knowing that the worst things were yet to come. That’s when Maeby strolled in, coffee in hand and Michael wondered where she got that since they didn’t serve coffee at the wake.

“I have been looking at you for hours.” He chided.

Maeby gave him a smile. “I was very busy.”

“With what?”

“Nothing too important. Listen, about the flowers. There is a pretty good reason why I bought other flowers. They were on sale.” Maeby shrugged and Michael sighed.

“I gave you enough for the other flowers. What happened to that money?”

“Owed it to someone.”

“That was my money.”

“We’re family, Uncle Michael. Family comes first, right?” Maeby gave him her best innocent look and Michael sighed.

“Just tell me the flowers are at least acceptable apart from the colours.”

“What’s wrong with yellow, pink and blue?”

“What’s wrong with-? Everything.” Lucille hissed at her granddaughter. “Really, Maeby. This is a funeral, not a circus.”

Maeby took a few seconds to think of her family. There’s the horrible actor of a father she had who would undoubtedly pull something, her mother with her weird choice of clothing for these events, her grandmother and her cussing and drinking, her uncle and his magic boyfriend who had been practising inappropriate songs the whole day. She figured that it might as well have been a circus, but said nothing. Lindsay strolled in.

“What are you wearing? I picked you an outfit!” Lucille snapped.

“I am wearing a normal black jacket, mother.” Lindsay retorted.

“You look like a whore in that.”

“No, a whore would wear something else. Like this.” She undid the jacket and underneath she was wearing her old ‘slut’ shirt. “Brings back memories. But perhaps I should just put a bag over my head! Maybe that’ll make you happy!”

“Perhaps it will. You should try it, dear.”

“You know who never talked like this about my appearance? Marky; I should have stayed with him but I returned for the campaign and I’m still not enough for you, am I now, mother?”

“Marky was face-blind.” Michael raised an eyebrow. “How did he know what you look like anyway?”

“Not the point, Michael!” Lindsay hissed and shook her head. “It’s funny because I think I saw his car here, too. Is he invited?”

“Why would we invite Marky?” Michael sighed in annoyance.

“There’s a little problem.” George Michael made himself known and tapped his father’s shoulder. “Someone parked over four lots and now people are getting mad because there were little to no parking spaces, to begin with. The plate says ‘anustart’.”

“That’s not how you say it!” Tobias hurried towards them. “I let DeBrie drive. She isn’t the best driver.”

DeBrie gave them an apologetic and nervous smile. “I get nervous when I drive or when people keep giving me directions or when I have to talk to people or when people talk to me or when- I get nervous a lot.”

“Tobias wasn’t a good instructor, either.” Murphy Brown said.

“I was born to be an actor, not a driving instructor.”

“Well, re-park it.” Michael sighed.

Tobias nodded. “Yes, of course. While I’m out: Do you still need improv or-”

“No.” Lucille sighed. “No, we don’t. Gob is playing the piano.”

“I could act out an interpretive dance to it.” Tobias offered.

“Definitely not. Re-park your car.” Michael sighed. “Go, the wake is about to start.”

Lindsay raised a finger. “I picked the cake up with Gob’s stretch limo so maybe you could get the box out of the back of the car? I forgot about it.”

“Yes, do that!” Michael urged. “Otherwise, the icing will melt.”

Tobias hurried off and Gob and Tony walked in, fashionably late and pressed close together. Lucille rolled her eyes and urged them to hurry up.

“Have you been practising? We won’t need music at the wake but tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah, sure.” Gob giggled a little. “We’ve been doing a lot of practising.”

Michael suppressed the urge to groan in annoyance. Gob took off his jacket and Maeby started laughing, Michael sighed and Lucille rolled her eyes.

“Why is your shirt partially see-through?” Michael sighed.

“It’s fashion, Michael.” Gob clicked his tongue. “Not that you know anything about that.”

“I think it looks nice.” Tony smiled.

“Thank you.” Gob smiled right back.

“Your opinion is not really objective now, is it?”

“Michael, no need to be so homophobic.” Gob shook his head and Tony grinned proudly. He sure loved that Gob could make his brother feel bad. He understood why Michael is annoyed, sure, but he was also pretty angry with the man.

“I am not-“

“Uncle Michael, let them wear what they want. Your stripey shirt is hardly appropriate either.” Maeby shrugged. “I’m wearing red. Red isn’t a funeral colour either.”

“This is hopeless.” Michael shook his head. “I need to talk to the pastor. You just go to your designated seats and don’t start drama. Tony, your seat is behind our seats. You’re welcome.”

“I need to sit next to him.” Tony protested, really just to irk Michael at this point. “It’s his father’s wake. He’ll need comfort.”

“He’s gotten enough comfort from you I think.”

Tony scoffed and grabbed Gob’s hand. “Fine, but tomorrow I’m sitting next to him and I won’t hear anything about it.”

“Yes, so I have to rewrite the whole seating chart? No thank you.” Michael shook his head. “I have a lot of things to organise.”

“You should-”

“Just rewrite the chart, Michael!” Lucille snapped at him. “Really, it is not that hard. If it makes them stop complaining, do it.”

“I’ll change it for tomorrow.” Michael sighed and then turned around, heading off. “The wakes starts at 5 pm. Don’t come in late.”

Lucille nodded and headed after Michael. “We don’t need any more bad publicity.”

Lindsay grinned at Tony. “I think I like you. I mean, you are pretty annoying but you annoy Michael and I respect people like that.”

Gob narrowed his eyes and went to hug Tony’s arm. “Yes, but he’s my boyfriend!”

“Geez, relax. It was a compliment. Don’t you know what that is?” Lindsay chuckled. “Maybe you don’t get them often.”

Then everyone else headed inside. They took their seats and waited for the wake to begin. Gob and Tony kept glancing at one another, giving each other suggestive looks. Maeby seemed pleased with her flower choice while George Michael seemed worried, as per usual. Buster looked tired, probably due to him having drunken juice all night to spite his mother who hadn’t seemed to care much. Lindsay kept eyeing Tony. Gob gave her angry glances, clearly jealous but she was just wondering what he kept fumbling around with in his suit pocket. Perhaps it was a magic trick. Finally, Michael and Lucille sat down with them and the wake began.

The pastor said a few things. Then the door swung open and Tobias started jogging in. Everyone looked at him and Michael gave him a disapproving look. Tobias, naturally, tried to act and pretend he got stuck in traffic, even though everyone knew he had been there since Friday.

“Oh, woe-is-me! The traffic was so bad!” He cried out. “That damn M25 was so packed!”

“That’s in England!” Maeby called out, grinning a little.

“I mean the damn Route 66!”

“Just sit down.” Michael snapped. “This is a funeral.”

“It’s a wake.” Lindsay corrected him and earned herself a glare.

Tony looked at Lindsay and gave her a smirk. Gob glares at his sister some more until Tony put a hand on his arm and he calmed down a little. The wake continued on for a few minutes until a full-grown ostrich stormed into the ballroom. Everyone scrambled from their seats, screaming in panic and knocking things over, including the candle-stands. A fire broke out and Kitty Sanchez screamed about it. That only sent everyone into more of a panic.

Lucille was backing away, looking at the pastor who was busy calling the security. Michael was trying to usher everyone out with Geoge Michael’s help. Tony was pulling Gob out of the way and both of them pressed against a wall while Maeby stood back and sipped her coffee.

“Why are you not worried?” Gob shouted at his niece in panic.

“Ah, I’ve escaped an ostrich before. I ushered it onto the balcony of the penthouse.”

“There was an ostrich- Oh, that’s not the weirdest thing that happened in the penthouse.” Gob shrugged. “Does that mean we can leave?”

“I sure hope so.” Maeby sighed and watched everyone hurriedly evacuate the room while Ann Veal and her father –who was holding the ceremony– tried to stomp out the fire. “I live for these things.”

“You live for ostriches attacking dead people’s wakes and fire?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“No, for drama and things going wrong. It’s so funny – no one in this family gets anything right.” Maeby chuckled and then looked at Gob. “No offence.”

“No, this isn’t my fault.” Gob mumbled. “I did a couple of tricks with animals but never did I do one with an ostrich.”

“We should try.” Tony offered.

“And have everything turn to chaos? No thanks.”

“Oh, come, love. What’s life without a little risk and a few surprises?” He grinned, emphasising the last word.

“Tony, if you have anything planned-”

“Don’t worry, you’ll love it.”

Maeby gave Tony a look, worried and intrigued about what the magician had planned. She hoped it was an elaborate magic trick at the funeral.

“Gob!” Lucille snapped. “What did I tell you about tricks?”

“Illusions!” He yelled back. “And this wasn’t my doing! How would this be an illusion, mom? And where would I get an ostrich?”

“Then whose-”

“Marky?” Lindsay exclaimed.

“Who are you?” The man who was busy getting the ostrich under control asked. “Lady, how do you know my name?”

“I’m Lindsay. Remember me?”

“Oh!” Marky laughed. “Hey, Lindsay. I released her into the wrong rich people event. Sorry, I couldn’t tell the pastor and the political speaker next door apart.”

“I know.”

Gob watched in confusion as the ostrich was ushered away, Lucille proclaimed the wake to be over and asked everyone to come back for the funeral tomorrow and Maeby quickly strolled off, still sipping her drink.

Tony pulled at his arm. “Come on, let’s go upstairs. We need a bit of alone time to calm down after this scary ordeal.”

“Scary?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re not scared.” Tony grinned, pulling Gob close. “You’re not scared and need me to assure you that everything is alright?”

Gob looked at him for a few seconds before grinning. “Oh, yes, yes! I’m so scared- very scared. And I need you to take me away and make me feel safe.”

“I can do that. Do you want me to-”

“For heaven’s sake!” Lucille exclaimed. “Just leave!”

Gob and Tony shared a look and then quickly hurried off. Surprisingly they didn’t end up being intimate and spent the whole evening cuddling, watching movies and harassing the room service to bring them more pies.

Lucille rubbed the bridge of her nose as Michael came back inside. He inquired about her well-being and she shook her head, heading for the bar.

“This is a disaster.”

Chapter Text

Gob nearly slipped and fell in the shower when there was an angry knock at the door. Tony quickly shut the shower off and scrambled to the door, putting on a towel on the way. Gob slowly followed, leisurely putting on a bathrobe. He put his head on Tony’s shoulder before eyeing who it is.

Lindsay was standing in the door, clearly upset. Gob lifted his head and Tony looked on in worry as Lindsay tried her hardest to compose herself.

“What are you doing here?” Gob whispered. “Are you okay?”

Lindsay swallowed and looked the two up and down. “Gob, would it kill you to put on a longer bathrobe?”

“Possibly; I need to test out that theory one day.”

His sister laughed a little and walked in, flopping down on the bed as the two men closed the door and approached her. Tony looked worried and Gob didn’t know what to say.

“So-” Tony began but Lindsay stopped him.

“Mother is so horrible! I can’t ever please her, can I now? I am wearing what she picked out for me but- I mean did you think she’d be happy?”

“I know.” Gob sighed. “I know what you mean. She can be horrible.”

“Yes, she says I look fat and horribly inappropriate! She literally picked it out for me.”

Tony swallowed a little, eyeing the two siblings. “Do you want us to talk to her?”

“No, I came here because who else would I talk to? Tobias is doing Lord knows what to prepare for the funeral, I can’t talk about this to my daughter or nephew and Michael is being a huge dick about everything. I’m sorry that he’s stressed but he needs to learn to deal with stress and not go off on us.” She motioned for Gob. “I mean he literally told you that dad didn’t care about you. It’s true –he didn’t really care about any of us– but he doesn’t have to say it.”

“Lindsay.” Tony warned and looked at her. “Don’t say stuff like that. That’s pretty fucked up, especially since Gob is mourning.”

“I’m not a child.” Gob whispered but Tony heard the hurt in his voice. “She’s right.”

“You believe he’s actually dead?” Lindsay stood up at that, looking at her brother in wonder. “Seriously?”

“They found his body.”

“Could have been Oscar’s body.” Lindsay shrugged. “Maybe he faked his death; wouldn’t be the first time. He’s probably in Mexico already, happy to be able to flee from us and the law.”

“He’s dead.” Gob swallowed against the lump in his throat. “Is this denial or-”

“Oh, I’m not in denial! With everything that goes on in this family, I’m wondering why in the world you don’t think he’s still alive? Are you that naïve or are you this gullible on purpose?”

“You don’t have to insult me!” Gob shook his head. “He’s dead and we will never get to see him again. He’ll never see mine and Tony’s shows, he will never come to our wedding and he will never be proud of me.”

“Wedding? You’re engaged?”

“I mean, should we get married one day.”

Tony smiled softly. “One day, love. But nonetheless, you cannot refuse to mourn just because you don’t want to believe that he’s dead. If he is and you refuse to pay him any respect or mourn him, you will feel horrible in the future.”

“Just as horrible as I felt all my childhood with him and Mom as parents? I doubt it.” Lindsay sighed. “Listen, I appreciate your concern but I don’t think even Michael believes that he’s dead.”

Gob sighed softly, looking at Lindsay with a sad expression. “Maybe you should go and get ready for the funeral. Mom wants us downstairs in half an hour.”

“Maybe I should.” Lindsay sighed and nodded at the men. “Thanks for listening to me, I guess. I’ll see you later. Try not to cry too dramatically; I feel like my husband will.”

“I’m sure you will stand there with a scrunched up face, looking all constipated while you’re trying to get a few tears out.” Gob joked and Lindsay gave a little laugh.

“See you.”

Once she had left, Tony turned to Gob who looked pretty upset. He quickly pressed a kiss to Gob’s lips.

“Listen, love, I’m bad with feelings, I’m shitty at comforting people but I’ll try my best to be there for you, yes? Even if all I can do is hold your hand, you can bet your sweet ass that I will be the best damn hand-holder, ever.” Tony promised, looking at Gob in earnest.

Gob gave a dry laugh at that. “Thank you, Tony.” He gingerly pulled Tony closer, holding onto him. “Really, I’m genuinely thankful.”

“You would do the same for me.”

“In a heartbeat.”

---

Half an hour later, everyone was assembling downstairs. Lucille was a little glad that, at least this time, everyone was dressed appropriately. No ‘slut’ shirts, no bright colours and no see-through shirts were insight. Now that she thought of see-through shirts.

“Where is Gob? Can’t he ever be on time?”

“Don’t be so hard on him.” Lindsay hissed. “Really, Mother. At least, he’s trying.”

“What’s gotten into you, defending your brother?”

“Maybe it’s because he’s literally the only person here that’s been decent to me for the past two days.” Lindsay scoffed. “Well, apart from Tobias but he’s barely there because he’s doing Lord knows what with DeBrie and Murphy Brown.”

“We were doing the memorial video.” Tobias proclaimed, watching his friend and son walk into the ballroom. “With a twist.”

“A twist?” Michael exclaimed. “What kind of twist?”

“Nothing much; just a little something to spice it up.”

“Yeah, it’s not like funerals are supposed to be calm and quiet.”

Maeby was being sarcastic which was a notion totally lost on her father who thought she was being serious – he also thought that when she told it to him on Friday, hence his decision to spice everything up.

“Anyway, Lindsay you ordered the food and got a cake?”

“Yes.”

“And Tobias brought he cake inside?”

“Yes, I got the box out of Gob’s car. It’s still closed because George Michael said otherwise the icing will melt. The table with the cake is right by the window.”

“And it’s sunny.” George Michael added. “It’ll be a surprise.”

“Sure.” Michael said to him with a small smile.

Finally, Gob and Tony came towards them, holding hands with the latter whispering to his boyfriend. Michael was about to say something about them being late when he noticed Gob’s red eyes and puffy cheeks – he had been crying.

“Come over here.” Michael said, trying very hard to sound soft as he put a hand on his brother’s shoulder to get him to come closer. “Are you ready?”

Gob nodded, trying to play off his grief. “Sure, I practised a lot, like a whole lot.”

Tony nodded along and rubbed Gob’s back. “He really did. I know you think all we did was screw each other but he practised a few songs.” He saw Michael’s face. “And they are appropriate!” He added.

“Good job.” Michael said quietly as he turned to Maeby. “The flowers are alright. We’ll say it was planned to not mourn Dad’s death but to celebrate his colourful life.”

“Good lie.”

Maeby grinned widely but quickly stopped when she heard Gob try to suppress a sob. She didn’t know that anyone could be this mournful of her grandfather’s death – she didn’t even know anyone believed he was actually dead. The only other person who looked this genuinely upset was Buster who hadn’t said a word and was inching ever closer to Lucille. She had made him wear his military uniform. She also looked pretty irritated but said nothing.

“Let’s go inside.” Michael started and looked around. “Is everyone ready?”

The other family members nodded, no one really saying anything. Tony was still whispering something to Gob and Michael was kind of glad that he did change the seating chart, allowing his brother to sit next to his boyfriend. Everyone started heading inside, trying to look composed.

Maeby tapped Gob’s shoulder. “Uncle Gob?”

“Yes?” He said, trying his best to look composed. “What’s up?”

Maeby gave him a smile and pressed a pack of tissues into his hands. “Here, just in case you need them.”

“What about you?”

“I won’t cry.”

“It’s a funeral.” Tony said quietly. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I spent half an hour on my eyeliner. I’m not going to cry and ruin it.”

Gob gave a little laugh at that and Maeby smiled before she headed inside next to George Michael who gave her a little smile. Everyone went to their seats and the funeral began with Pastor Veal starting the ceremony.

Michael looked around, inspecting the room for anything that might ruin the funeral. The day before, Marky had been escorted out together with the ostrich, so an angry animal storming the room wasn’t likely. His son’s ex-girlfriend and brother’s ex-fiancée –Michael would probably never remember her name– was helping her father. Lucille was calmly watching the ceremony, trying to ignore Buster’s attempts to get he attention. Lindsay was saying nothing, either, sitting there listening but not looking rather intrigued.

He let his gaze wander to Tobias who was mouthing something to DeBrie but stopped when he saw Michael’s stern gaze. George Michael was being respectful and quiet; Michael was proud of him for that. Gob looked like he was trying his hardest not to cry while Tony held his hand and tried to comfort him. Michael made a mental note to apologize to his brother later. Everyone else was watching the mass.

Eventually, Michael had to go up on stage to say a few words which went by uneventful as well. After that, they all got the chance to pay their respects to the late George Bluth while Gob was to play the piano.

Gob got up to go to the front and Tony stood up with him. Michael stopped the magician. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing.” Tony shook his head. “Really, Michael. I just want to comfort Gob a little. Don’t be so suspicious of everyone.”

Michael narrowed his eyes and nodded, letting them go. To his surprise, Gob simply played the piano with Tony sitting next to him and even playing with him for one song. When Gob began to play ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ Maeby chuckled a bit but quickly stopped at her uncle’s glare.

“What’s so funny? Get up there and pay your respects, like everyone else.” Michael mumbled.

Maeby got up and nodded. “But nearer to God? I thought lying, adultery and all that stuff were sins.”

“Maeby.” Michael said sternly.

“Sorry, I’ll go.” She hurried off to the coffin to pay her respects with everyone else who had already gotten in line to do so.

“It’s a pretty casket.” George Michael said. “Nice wood.”

“Yeah, one day I’ll make yours look like a woodblock.” Maeby joked and George Michael laughed quietly.

“It’s actually a coffin.” Tobias interrupted.

“Really? What’s the difference?” George Michael asked.

“Well, a casket has an attached lid.” He hit the coffin lightly. “This one doesn’t. Also the form-”

“Sht!” Lucille glared at them. “No one wants to listen to this again.”

“I want to.” Maeby shrugged.

“Oh, will you be quiet?”

Buster was walking in front of her and looked back at his mother. “Can’t we see him one last time? We just have to lift the lid.”

He reached out to do so and Lucille slapped his hand which set loose an avalanche of misfortune. Buster gasped dramatically and took a step back, bumping into Kitty who tripped, which send her and Steve Holt who was in front of her tumbling to the ground. They both tried to hold onto something and that something happened to be the coffin which the ended up completely pulling from its pedestal.

The coffin fell from the pedestal and the lid came off. Buster screamed and averted his eyes, Lindsay stared in horror and so did Michael and his son. Gob stopped playing and Tony looked absolutely mortified. Lucille was resigning herself to the bad press this would bring and Maeby was excited to see what would happen.

To everyone’s surprise, it was just a lump of clothes and sacks that fell out. Then all hell broke loose. Kitty proclaimed that the corpse had been stolen while Ann and her father tried to think about how this could have happened.

Gob was the first of the family to say something. “Is this why we couldn’t see him? Where’s Dad?” He looked at his mother.

“Not in this coffin!” Tony exclaimed in abject horror. “What’s going on?”

“I told you!” Lindsay pointed at Gob and Tony who looked back at her in shock.

“What in the actual hell?” Maeby whispered. “I wasn’t expecting that!”

Ann and her father looked mortified as he again called for security. Maeby looked at Ann with an apologetic smile.

“What in the actual heaven?” She tried to correct herself.

“Where’s the body?” Ann asked but no one answered her.

Michael turned to his mother in shock. “Is he actually dead, Mother?”

“They did not find his body!” Lucille exclaimed. “Oh, they only found a finger! That’s all I will tell you without my lawyer present!”

Tobias looked around. "So is there no body?.”

“There’s no body! He’s alive.” Lindsay proclaimed.

“Who are you? Frankenstein?” Maeby joked.

“Frankenstein was the doctor!” Steve Holt said, turning around.

“Yes, a doctor who created life from the dead.” Maeby looked up. “Maybe grandpa was reanimated.”

“I was just happy to know something.”

Buster was currently screaming in horror as the security ran into the room to see what had happened now.

“Will somebody do something?” George Michael exclaimed in panic. “Please?”

Gob nodded vigorously. “And tell me if my father’s dead or not?”

“He is!” Lucille said. “They just haven’t found his body.”

“He’s not, apparently. Otherwise, he would be in this casket!” Lindsay exclaimed.

Tobias turned to her. “It’s a coffin!”

“What’s the difference?” Steve Holt mumbled.

“Who cares?” Michael shouted. “Everyone, calm down!”

The guests all stared at him. Gob and Tony stood up from the piano and came over. Lindsay and Lucille stopped fighting and looked at him. Maeby, Tobias and George Michael looked at Michael and Buster stopped screaming.

“If our mother is certain that he’s dead, then he is.” He concluded. “Now while everyone cleans this up, how about the guests go over to the buffet and get themselves a slice of cake to calm down. Afterwards, we will continue and bring the casket over to the cemetery across the street to bury it.”

“Coffin.” Tobias raised a finger.

“The coffin.” Michael corrected. “Please, go to the buffet. Gob, would you please continue playing? Tobias, George Michael, please help Pastor Veal get the coffin back in the pedestal. We will not bury the body then, but the coffin as a symbolic act like other people do when their loved ones die without a body being found. Tobias, please play the memorial video now. Lindsay, go open the cake box.”

Everyone quietly did as they were told and Michael heaved a sigh, giving his mother a look that showed how betrayed he felt. Lucille didn’t acknowledge it and went to Buster to tell him to calm down.

“You lied.” Michael said. “Bad enough that they couldn’t find a body but you lied and that’s worse.”

“I’m not your son, Michael.” Lucille hissed and turned to Buster. “If you calm down now, you can have one juice box later but only one.”

Buster calmed down just as the music stopped and Michael turned to Gob with a questioning glance.

“Is that the box out of my car?”

“Yes, Lindsay picked the cake up with your car. Tobias brought it inside yesterday.”

“Don’t open it!” Gob exclaimed, scrambling from the piano bench.

Understanding dawned on Tony who probably knew what was in the box as he stood up as well, yelling at Lindsay to not open it. But it was too late. She was already undoing the paper latches that held the box shut.

“Why?” Michael asked sharply. “Why not!”

Gob looked in horror as Lindsay opened the box. “It’s one of the bee boxes!”

“Bees?”

“Bees!”

Chapter Text

“Bees!“

Michael turned around to see everyone running around, screaming about the bees and flailing their arms to ward them off. Steve Holt yelled that they should stop flailing around but that only made the other guests panic harder.

Gob raised his hands in an appeasing gesture. “I didn’t know-”

“Why do you have boxes full of bees in your car?”

“I didn’t know what to do with them! They are sick!”

“Sick bees?” Michael shouted. “Even better!”

Suddenly music started and Michael turned to see that Tobias –whyever he would do it in this situation– had started playing the memorial video. Pictures of George Bluth Sr were flashing across the screen while ‘In The Arms Of An Angel’ started to play. Michael pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think of what to do.

“I feel like Nicholas Cage in ‘The Wicker Man’!” Buster screamed.

“Why would you watch that?” Lucille shouted back.

“I don’t listen to you anymore, Mother!”

“I can do an impression of that!” Tobias proclaimed and let himself fall to his knees as he started screaming about the bees and how they were apparently crawling into his mouth and eyes.

“Thanks, Gob!” Michael shouted. “You are so incompetent!”

“Oh, lay off him!” Tony snapped. “That’s not his fault!”

“But these are his bees!” Michael snapped right back. “I thought he wanted to make Dad proud! Good job at that!”

“You-” Tony began but Michael was already heading off to consult Steve Holt.

“I can’t- I- how is this my fault- I mean I-”

Tony pulled Gob away from the piano and down the stairs to give them a bit of privacy. There, he took Gob’s face into his hands again.

“Calm down. This isn’t your fault. Whatever Michael says is a damn lie.” Tony said sternly. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, what can we do about the bees?”

“Steve should know.” Gob nodded in the direction of his son.

The security was escorting everyone outside while Steve Holt ran outside to his car to get something for the bees with the help of George Michael. Maeby stood at the door, watching everyone run around in a panic, a little smirk on her face. Lindsay had run outside to get the real cake.

Once again, someone hit a candle and it fell over. This time it fell into one of the curtains and despite Ann’s best efforts, the whole curtain soon caught on fire. Then it spread and the chairs nearby started burning, too.

Tony took Gob’s hand and pulled him towards the door when the sprinkles went off, drenching everyone in water. Soon enough, everyone was soaked but the fire was out so at least that was a good bonus.

“I- I ruined everything again.” Gob said in a small voice, tears gathering in his eyes. “Michael is right! He is so- so right!”

“No, none of that.” Tony chided, leading Gob outside. “Come on, love. This isn’t your fault.”

The two ended up in the lobby where everyone else had gathered. Michael and Lucille were talking to Pastor Veal while Steve Holt and George Michael ran back inside for the bees. Buster was in tears and Tobias was still screaming about the bees. Lindsay was trying to save her hair.

Maeby started laughing. “Now you look like that ostrich from yesterday.”

Lindsay pointed at her own eyes before nodding to Maeby. “And since when are you in a death metal band?”

Maeby took out her phone and swore as she saw her eyeliner had run down her cheeks. “Damn it. I should have used the waterproof one.” She quickly approached Gob. “Hey, Uncle Gob. Sorry, but could I have one of those tissues I-”

She stopped when she saw that Gob had started crying. Tony was trying to comfort him. Maeby eyed them for a few seconds.

“What’s wrong?”

“Your uncle is what’s wrong!” Tony sneered. “He keeps telling Gob that this is his fault! He is such a-”

“Hey, relax.” Maeby said softly. “Come on, all of this is half as bad. Don’t you think grandpa wouldn’t have expected this to happen?”

“Yes, because he knew that- that I- I would always let him down!” Gob stuttered out. “I don’t even know why anyone still puts up with me.”

“You’re funny.” Maeby smiled. “And it’s fun to spend them with you and your magic tricks are fun. I like the ones that set people on fire the most.”

Gob looked at her and chuckled softly. “Thank you, Maeby. I should probably-”

“You should sit down and take a break.” Tony said softly.

“No, I-”

“Gob, please sit with me for a few minutes.”

The trio sat down on a bench. Maeby busied herself with her makeup, not wanting to intrude on her uncle and her pretty-much-uncle. She already considered Tony part of the family, too. The magician took his boyfriend’s hand.

“I put up with you because I love you and you know that.”

“Yeah but for how long?” Gob tried to give a laugh but it turned into a sob. “Everyone leaves me in the end because I’m overbearing, I- I’m clingy and a mess!”

“I want to stick around.” Tony promised. “I want to stick around for the rest of my life if you let me, Gob.”

“Careful, Tony.” Maeby chuckled. “That sounds awfully like a marriage proposal.”

Tony was quiet for a few seconds before looking back at Gob. “You know what? Screw it! I wanted to wait and make this moment magical but if it helps you with all the doubts you have about my love for you, I’ll do it right now!”

“Wait, what are you doing right now?”

Maeby contemplated whether or not she should film this moment or flee to avoid seeing anything inappropriate. She was unsure which direction this was going in. But her doubts were quickly smothered when Tony reached into his pocket. Maeby quickly got a camera ready while Gob simply stared at Tony.

“Tony, I-I don’t know if I’m the best choice for- I mean me? Of all-”

“Shh.” Tony whispered and pulled out a little velvet box. “George Oscar Blu-”

“Gob.” The man corrected. “Please call me Gob, I-”

“Wasn’t sure what you’d prefer.” Tony chuckled. “Gob, listen to me very carefully now. I know we haven’t been together for that long but the short time I spent with you was the most wonderful time in my life. You are funny, sweet, smart and so much more. You’re simply magical. I can literally not imagine spending the rest of my life without you. We complete each other, we’re pretty much the-”

“Same.” Gob said, completely star-struck.

“Same.” Tony said softly. “I hope this isn’t a bad time to ask this but I couldn’t wait any longer, so Gob, will you marry me?”

Gob stared at Tony for a few seconds, tears running down his cheeks and he felt like a damn wuss for it. Slowly, he swallowed and nodded. “Yes, of course!”

Tony laughed in relief and opened the box, revealing a simple gold band. “Then let me put this on you. I hope it fits.”

Gob held out his hand and looked on in awe as Tony put on the ring. “How- how do you know my size?”

“Remember the trick ring I bought you a few weeks back? The one that can shoot glitter? The one I bought as a joke?” Tony chuckled. “It wasn’t a joke. It was so I could know your size.”

“You- you sly- Tony, I can’t believe this!”

Tony chuckled and leaned in to kiss Gob before embracing him. He himself felt close to tears but he knew that Maeby was filming and he really didn’t want to cry on camera because he knew that everyone would see it in the future.

“You know the few seconds before you answered really scared me.”

“Congratulations!” Maeby exclaimed with a bright smile. “I expected a lot of unplanned stuff to happen but this is the best! Oh, can I come to the wedding?”

“Yes.” Gob nodded and wiped his eyes. “Oh no, you were filming? And I was crying like a little baby.”

“Oh, it’s fine, Gobie.” Tony chuckled. “I managed to keep the tears back but I swear once we’re alone I will cry my eyes out.”

“But that won’t be on tape!” Gob chuckled and then looked at the ring. “Married to Tony Wonder? How far we’ve come from rivals.”

“Yeah, oh and now that we are engaged, I think you should really meet my parents!”

“Oh no!” Gob shook his head. “No, they won’t like me.”

“Nonsense! You’re magical.” Tony grinned. “If I love you, they will, too.”

“Fine, I’ll come with you.” Gob nodded and looked up. “Did they get the bees?”

“I think so.” Maeby shrugged. “I’ll ask Michael!”

Gob and Tony stood up to accompany her. When they got to Michael he was still talking to Pastor Veal. He turned to see Maeby with her eyeliner smeared, Gob clinging to Tony’s arm and looking pretty happy for what had just happened and Tony giving him a warning glare.

“What?”

“Are the bees gone?”

“Yes, almost. Pastor Veal says we should be able to continue no-”

He was interrupted when Tobias’ screaming and crying erupted from the ballroom. They all ran in to see that there was a video playing of Tobias acting devastated about the news of George’s death. George Michael and Steve Holt were standing in the ballroom, looking pretty startled by the sudden crying. Maeby laughed at it and Michael pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Let’s get everyone back inside, finish the funeral and then we can just eat and hope no one ruins the lunch.”

It was surprisingly easy to get everyone back inside and eventually they were all seated again. Lucille was still trying to deal with a hysterical Buster but Michael understood why his brother was so upset. What he didn’t understand was why Gob was suddenly this happy, holding onto Tony’s arm and looking at him all giddily. Tony was grinning proudly to himself. Maeby, George Michael and Lindsay seemed pretty quiet, even though Michael knew that his niece was on her phone.

When the funeral mass was over, the coffin was carried to the grave and buried. People were crying, giving their condolences and probably also betting on what else would go wrong. Buster seemed inconsolable and Lucille decided to comfort him at last, rubbing his shoulders lightly. Even Gob seemed less happy and closer to tears again, although he was still holding onto Tony’s arm – at least Tony wasn’t grinning anymore.

At long last, everyone was settled in the ballroom and eating lunch. The cake had been saved for afterwards, now that it was finally in the ballroom. Michael sat down at the table where Tony and Gob had wandered off to.

“Gob, I-”

“Michael.” Gob turned to him before handing him a glass of champagne, trying to make his brother notice the ring. “A drink?”

“No, I-”

Tony grinned all the while, finding it pretty funny how his fiancé wanted to make his brother notice it on his own. He tried again by holding out a napkin but Michael shut him down again. Gob sighed and relented to having to tell his brother. “Guess what happened?”

“I don’t know; tell me.”

“I’m engaged! Tony proposed to me!”

“What?” Michael looked at Gob and then Tony. “When?”

“During the bee-break.” Tony joked. “Your words really hurt Gob. I had to prove to him that I was planning to stick around. I was planning on doing it for a few weeks now. I didn’t plan for it to happen today but-”

“At our father’s funeral? What were you thinking?” Michael seemed pretty upset about it. “That’s pretty inappropriate don’t you think?”

“Because we’re both guys?” Gob asked, a little taken aback. “I thought you’d be happy for me. Way to be homophobic, Michael!”

“I’m not- That’s- It’s not about you being with Tony! Who proposes during a funeral?”

“Me?” Tony suggested.

“I can’t believe this! And here I was, wanting to apologise and thinking that you are the only one that takes this serious but you aren’t!” Michael seemed pretty angry. “This is a funeral!”

“Michael!” Lindsay sighed. “Why are you so angry?”

“Tony proposed to Gob during the break.” Michael sighed and pointed at them, obviously thinking Lindsay would be on his side.

“Really?” Lindsay turned to them and Gob held up his hand while Tony grinned happily. “Congrats! You’ve finally found someone that’s actually a great person.”

“You’re- but- at a funeral?” Michael looked back at his sister.

Tony smiled, not paying his fiancé’s brother any attention. “I didn’t think I’d ever want to get married but being married to Gob? That sounds magical.”

“Shut it.” Gob pushed at Tony’s arm. “Don’t- I’m not that great.”

“Yeah, no you are.” Tony kissed his cheek. “He didn’t answer for a few seconds and I swear I was close to breaking down.”

“Oh, as if he’d ever say no.” Lindsay chuckled. “So that was what you were playing around in your pocket.”

“You carried it around?” Gob chuckled. “How cheesy.”

“Oh, you loved it!” Tony laughed a little.

“Still.”

“Is no one going to address the fact that Gob got engaged at our father’s funeral?” Michael looked dumbfounded.

“You’re engaged?” George Michael awkwardly pointed at his uncle’s hand. “Wow, that’s- I- congrats. When’s the wedding?”

“We literally just got engaged.” Gob joked. “But you can be the ringbearer.”

“Isn’t that a little boy’s job?”

“If he’s the ringbearer I want to be the flower girl!” Maeby exclaimed as she sat down at the table. “I have the proposal on video. Uncle Gob cried so much and Tony didn’t because he knew I was filming which I find really rude. I wanted to have you both crying on video.”

“It’s rude that I didn’t cry?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, show it to me. That’s priceless.” Lindsay reached out to her daughter. “I didn’t cry when Tobias proposed to me.”

“You never cry. I don’t think you actually have tear-ducts anymore.” Gob joked and Tony began laughing.

“But this is a funeral.” Michael insisted. “Not that I’m not happy but isn’t this inappropriate.”

“Stranger things have happened at this funeral.” Maeby shrugged. “The ostrich, the fire.” She listed. “And the bees.”

“Oh yes, the bees.” Tony grinned. “I don’t want any bees at our wedding.”

“Don’t worry.” Gob laughed. “I promise a bee-free wedding.”

While everyone watched the video, Gob blushed in embarrassment at how much he cried, Tony smiled happily and George Michael sat down with them, Michael got up and walked over to his mother.

“I said one juice box!” She insisted.

“Not a little drop more?” Buster bargained.

“Hey.” Michael flopped down. “Did you know that Gob got engaged at the funeral?”

“Yes, I saw them.” Lucille said nonchalantly. “Buster, I said no.”

“But mother!” He complained.

“Don’t you ‘but mother’ me!”

“Don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate.”

Lucille shook her head. “At least it wasn’t a magic trick.”

“If you say so. Then let us finally get the real cake.” Michael turned to his brother. “Gob, is that one of the bee boxes?”

Gob looked up from Maeby’s phone. “My bee boxes don’t say ‘conditory’ on them, Michael.”

Michael rolled his eyes a little and walked over to the box before announcing that they would be serving coffee and cake now. Everyone seemed rather happy and Michael opened the box. He sighed in exasperation.

“I don’t know what I expected.” He turned to the table again. “Lindsay, this is the wrong cake!”

“What? Really?”

“It says ‘Sorry I bit you, Eric’ on it.” Michael shook his head in confusion.

Lindsay shrugged. “I thought it was an inside joke or something. It’s still a good cake.”

Michael heaved a sigh and nodded. “Let’s just eat the cake.”

Maeby laughed. “Let them eat cake.”

Chapter Text

Tony watched Gob for a long time until he reached down to grab his fiancé’s hand. With a soft smile, he regarded the ring on Gob’s finger, watching it glimmer in the morning sun. Tony had never thought that he’d get married just out of love. He didn’t think that this made him a bad person who would marry someone to use them but he never expected to actually love someone this much. He had managed not to cry until now, not wanting Gob to think he was a wuss –it was a stupid thought, really– but now that his fiancé was asleep he dared to let the tears fall.

Gob woke up as Tony pulled him close. He heard his fiancé sob and quickly looked up. “Tony, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing bad, I promise.” Tony sniffled. “I’m so happy. Now you’ve seen me cry like a damn wuss.”

“It’s fine!” Gob exclaimed. “Come on, I cried all day yesterday. Must have been pretty gross to screw me while I was sobbing and sniffling.”

“Oh, you know I always love you.” Tony wiped his eyes. “I never thought I’d find anyone that I would love this much.”

“Same.”

“Then I guess we’re lucky that we found one another.” Tony kissed his cheek. “The weekend is over. You won’t have to put up with everyone being horrible anymore.”

“I never got to spend much time with my father, you know? As a little boy I always wanted to play catch with him or baseball or anything really; just because I heard the other boys at school did it with their fathers.” Gob said softly. “I mean I kind of played catch with my dad in prison but that really wasn’t the same.”

“Don’t be sad, Gobie. If it means that much to you I’ll play baseball with you, like a dad.” Tony then stopped and started to laugh. “No, that’s weird.”

“A little.” Gob chuckled and then shook his head. “Is it sad that my yearbook said my wish was to one day go camping with my dad?”

Tony was quiet for a few seconds but he made a mental note that for the first trip to his parents he would convince them to take him and Gob up to the cabin in the mountains they had. It was small and not really camping but hopefully, it would make his fiancé happy.

“A little bit, yes.” Tony sighed. “Gobie, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

---

“Where is Gob?” Lucille looked around. “We need to check out of the hotel.”

“Has he ever been punctual?” Michael shrugged a little. “We still have ten more minutes before we need to check out.”

“Lay off him.” Lindsay shook her head. “He’s annoying, yes and sometimes I just want to walk away when he starts talking, but he’s a good guy and he’s family. Michael, I thought family came first.”

“He watched me every time you spent the night in the hospital with Mom.” George Michael whispered. “Lindsay is right. He let me watch movies, he made me dinner and he explained to me what happened to mom when I asked. And then he held me as I cried. He’s a pretty good guy.”

“Maybe I was too harsh with him.” Michael whispered. “You’re right, George Michael. He was always there while your mother was sick and helped as much as he could. I should apologise when I see him.”

Maeby looked up from her phone. “Do we all have to say something nice about Gob? Because that doesn’t change the fact that every one of you is a douche to him when he’s around.”

Buster looked up. “Mother, can I ask a question?”

“Yes.”

“Where is Dad’s finger?”

Michael turned to his mother. “Yes, is he with the police or why wasn’t he there for the funeral?”

“What would we have done?” Lindsay chuckled. “Buried a single finger?”

“Could have made a little small coffin for the finger. That would have been so cool!” Maeby exclaimed. “Why didn’t we do that?”

“Because that’s inappropriate.” George Michael said lowly.

“The police told me that they lost the finger and really, a finger or no finger doesn’t make a difference.” Lucille shook her head. “You need to get over it.”

Michael was about to object when Lindsay told him that Gob was coming. He and Tony seemed pretty cheerful –which Michael attributed to the engagement– and were holding hands while quietly talking to one another.

When Tony looked up and saw Michael, his smile faded. Michael remembered his conversation with Tony after Gob had already gone up to his room after the funeral the day before.

---

“Michael!” Tony called out. “A minute.”

Michael turned. “Yes, what is it? Any more tricks up your sleeve?” He tried to joke and Tony made a face.

“Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”

“Now, what I was trying to say is that you need to lay off Gob.” Tony said sternly. “Look, I had a brother, too. He’s dead now in case you’re wondering.”

“Not really, but I’m sorry to-”

“Yeah, no you’re not really. You don’t care that much about me.” Tony waved him off. “But my brother and I never acted like this and I know your family is screwed up but don’t let that out on Gob, okay? I love him and your words hurt him. So lay off him, yes?”

“Yes.” Michael nodded. “It’s just that he can be very irritating and-”

“And?” Tony scoffed. “Everyone’s irritating from time to time. That’s no excuse. And if you don’t start treating him with a bit of decency and respect, you’re not invited to the wedding, got that?”

He doubted it was a good threat but it was all he got at the moment and he was at his wit’s end with Michael’s constant nagging and insulting of Gob. Tony had been bullied in school and his brother had always stood up for him; his brother had made him feel loved and cared for when all the other kids were mean to him. And to know that Gob didn’t have a brother that cared for him and looked out for him made his chest clench. To know that Gob had no one that seemed to care for him made him sad and also rather angry.

“Tony, I-”

“Nope.” Tony stopped him with a wave of his hand. “All I want to hear now is ‘You’re right Tony. I’ll do what you ask me to, Tony. I’ll treat him with decency and respect, Tony and I will apologize to him, Tony’ and if you’re going to say anything else then I don’t want to hear it, okay?”

“Okay.” Michael nodded slowly. “I will apologize to him and you are right. I was stressed and irritable. But I will not say your name about twenty times. Would that be an important part of this?”

“What? No!” Tony exclaimed. “I just want you to be nice to your brother. And if you’re not then you’re uninvited from the wedding! Now, excuse me. I have to get to mine and Gob’s room for some sweet sweet engagement sex.”

Michael made a face. “I did not need to know that.”

Tony dropped a smoke bomb and Michael coughed. When he looked up again, the magician was gone.

---

Michael quickly approached Gob. “Hey, can I talk to you for a few minutes?”

“Can’t we check out first?” Lindsay groaned in annoyance. “Really, Michael.”

“No.” Michael shook his head. “Gob, I’m sorry for how I treated you this weekend. I was so stressed and I’m sorry.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up in surprise but he didn’t say anything, wanting to let his fiancé answer rather than interrupting. He was sure to put a hand on Gob’s back as comfort, though.

“Thank you, Michael.” Gob nodded. “I didn’t know you actually cared enough about my feelings to apologize.” He tried to laugh it off but Michael cringed at the sadness in his brother’s voice.

“I’m sure Dad would have been proud of you for what you did this weekend.”

“What part?” Maeby chuckled. “The piano? The proposal? The bees? The screwing?”

“The piano of course.” Michael turned to his niece and then back. “But nonetheless, I’d also like to congratulate you on your engagement.”

“Thanks.” Gob smiled at his brother. “Will you come to the wedding?”

“If Tony allows it." Michael nodded at the man in question.

Gob turned to his fiancé. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“I just said that if Michael is going to continue being so rude to you, he should stay away from the wedding.” Toyn mumbled. “Listen, I hate seeing you upset, okay? But he’ll be nice and he can come.”

“You hate seeing me upset?” Gob chuckled. “That’s so sweet, babe.”

Tony laughed and shoved at Gob’s shoulder. “Don’t tease me.”

“You love me.”

“Yes but that doesn’t make you any less annoying.”

Gob pulled Tony close and started kissing him.

Maeby grinned widely. “Isn’t that just heartwarming?”

George Michael looked away, clearly embarrassed. “I feel like we’re intruding.”

Lindsay clapped her hands next to Gob’s face and got no reaction. “No, they don’t even care. See?”

Buster clapped to his best abilities. “Can I come to the wedding, too?”

“Not if you drink too much juice again.” Lucille mumbled. “I told you one box and you drank five!”

“Five?” Lindsay laughed. “Wow, impressive.”

Lucille rolled her eyes and clapped her hands a few times. “Gob, cut it out! We need to leave!”

“Yes, sorry.” Gob cleared his throat. “I’ll send you all the invites to the wedding, yes?”

“Sure.” Michael nodded. “Let me guess, there will be a magic trick.”

“As long as no one ends up encased in a closet again, it’ll be fun.” Maeby chuckled.

Gob flinched at the mention of that. Tony put an arm around him, well aware that his fiancé didn’t like being reminded of this topic.

“Oh and again, sorry for being a douche.” Michael mumbled. “But isn’t a proposal at a funeral inappropriate? Can someone agree?”

“So are bees and a cake that says ‘Sorry I bit you, Eric’.” George Michael mumbled.

“Or Tobias’ video.” Lindsay nodded to her husband.

“Or Lindsay’s shirt at the wake.”

“Or literally anything we do.” Maeby chuckled.

“Well, then I suppose we will go our separate ways now.” Tobias bowed for whatever reason and then looked around. “I will see you at the wedding.”

Gob and Tony whispered to each other –about whether or not to invite Tobias to which Gob told his fiancé that they had to. Lindsay followed him, Tobias being her ride home.

“See you soon.” Lindsay waved. “Nice getting to know you, Tony.”

Gob glared at her a little and hugged Tony’s arm. “Yeah.” He mumbled.

“Oh, Gob, cut it out! I’m not into magicians anyways.” Lindsay rolled her eyes jokingly. “I’ll see you.”

Maeby hugged Tony and Gob. “I’ll see you at your wedding. And I do want to be the flower girl; I was being serious.”

“So was I about George Michael being the ring bearer.” Gob nodded and patted his niece’s back. “See you, Maeby. By the way, where do you live now? You know for the invitation and stuff.”

“Ah, I’ll visit you someday and get it myself.”

“How do you know where we live?” Tony chuckled a little.

“I just do.”

She, too, waved and headed off. George Michael bid his farewell and ran after her, trying to catch up with his cousin. Lucille eyed her two sons and future son-in-law while Buster nagged her to leave.

“I suppose I will be invited to the wedding. I mean it would look bad if I wasn’t.”

“If you’re not going to be rude to Gob.” Tony raised an eyebrow.

Lucille laughed and pulled out a cigarette. “I like him. He’s already trying to bargain and intimidate me. But that won’t work; I’m not Michael and I’m not intimidated by a magician.”

With that, she headed off, Buster following her before waving at his brothers. Michael turned to Gob.

“I should head off, too. What do you two have planned?”

“Well, I for one will take Gob to meet my parents soon.” Tony grinned.

Gob made a face and Michael chuckled. “Oh, don’t be nervous. They’ll love you if you don’t bring any bees or anything like that.”

His brother had to laugh at that. “Wow, Michael. A pep-talk?” He smiled then. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“They’ll love you, Gobie.” Tony smiled and Michael nodded at them.

“Just maybe leave the ‘Are you nasty’ sweatpants at home.” He joked.

“Will do.”

“Then I’ll see you two. Goodbye.”

Once he had left, Tony turned to Gob and smiled brightly.

“Now, my lovely fiancé shall we go to the limo and drive home?” He paused and looked a little uneasy. “There aren’t any bees left, right?”

“No, don’t worry. No more bees in the car.” Gob laughed. “Apart from you. Because- well because you are the bee’s knees.”

Tony looked at him for a second before laughing fondly. He took Gob’s hand and led him off to the door while Gob himself chuckled at his joke.

“And you are the cat’s meow.”