Chapter Text
Donghyuck doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at his phone screen. He figures it’s been too long since his eyes have already dried and he’s stopped hiccuping. The empty feeling in his chest after hours of crying is finally settling in.
His phone notifies him of another message but he still doesn’t open it, just like the last fifteen other messages. But he does read the first part before swiping the notification away.
Hyuck… talk to me
Donghyuck feels a new wave of tears coming up and shuts his eyes tight to try and stop them. He swallows in difficulty and decides it’s time. It’s time to admit that whatever he’s doing, shutting them all out, is not going to help him. This time it only took him three hours curled up on his bed in the dark to make him realize.
He sniffs and breathes in the rest of his tears and finally opens the chat app.
First, he thanks his friends and assures them he’s alright. Second, he sends an apology to his younger brother for lashing out earlier.
And third… he calls him.
Mark answers the call right away, making Donghyuck almost drop his phone from how bright the boy was on his phone screen. He quickly recovers and rushes to turn off his camera so that it was only Mark in his sunlit Toronto room smiling sheepishly at him.
“Hey.”
Donghyuck smiles even though he knows Mark can’t see it. “Hi.”
The Mark on screen settles back on his desk chair and nibbles on his bottom lip, probably thinking what to say. He’s always like this. Thinking before speaking. Mark hates it when he says something he regrets.
Donghyuck takes this time to look at the boy. His black hair is disheveled and pointing everywhere which probably means he just got up from bed. His glasses slip close to the end of his button nose and there are visible bags under his eyes that Donghyuck wants to rub off. He’s wearing a dark blue sweater with his university’s name sprawled across his chest. But even in such a grubby state, Donghyuck can’t help but think he’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen all day.
Mark starts off carefully, “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No,” Donghyuck mutters. “Not right now.”
“Oh.” Mark’s brows scrunch up together and Donghyuck wishes he could brush his thumb over them. “Do you still wanna talk to me?”
“Always.”
“Okay,” Mark finally smiles again and his eyes sparkle from the sun peeking through the drapes of his dorm.
Then it comes naturally. Their pace comes back naturally with Mark telling Donghyuck about his classes and how the weather was already freezing even though it was only autumn. Donghyuck tells Mark about how it was such a slow day at their family’s bakery that he ended up just eating day-old bread. Mark whines when he hears Donghyuck yawn as he talks about one of his lectures. Donghyuck laughs at Mark and tells him lawyer talk just doesn’t do it for him. Mark tells Donghyuck how he misses the beaches in Jeju. Donghyuck teases Mark saying the beaches don’t miss his skinny legs at all. Mark talks about his new friend, Lucas, who was also an exchange student. Donghyuck tells Mark how the gang won Mobile Legends or once since he’s been gone.
The call also ends normally. With about ten minutes of just comfortable silence as Donghyuck watches Mark lean on his arm on his desk and sleepily blink up at what is probably a blank screen. Donghyuck pokes his phone screen to where Mark’s forehead is then immediately pulls his finger away, thinking how silly that was.
“Hyuck.”
Donghyuck hummed in reply, already feeling drowsy since he’s been up until 3:00am.
Mark hesitates but he still mumbles out, “I want to see you.”
Donghyuck’s breath hitches and muffles it with his hand, “Not today.”
“Tomorrow?”
Mark’s shiny eyes look so hopeful so it’s only normal for Donghyuck to say, “Okay.”
“And, Hyuck?”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you.”
Donghyuck feels his eyes watering and he’s glad that he was persistent not to show Mark his state right now. He closes his eyes and whispers ‘goodnight’ to the boy thousands of miles away, even as Mark already ended the call a few seconds ago.
*******
Donghyuck is not allowed to use his phone while handling store since he’s easily distracted and it’s apparently rude to the customers when he’s texting his boyfriend while he handles the cash register. Donghyuck has long gone accepted that his mother just won’t listen when he tells her that most of their customers know them since birth anyway and are just as eager to talk to Mark as he is.
Donghyuck is trying to hand back change to one of their kind neighboring aunts who refuses to take it when suddenly he hears his brother talking over the phone.
“Hyung’s actually not here, Mark,” Jisung yells from the next room and Donghyuck has never jumped over the counter fast enough. “I’m not lying, Mark! You just missed h-- Ow! Alright alright! Ah! Hyung, stop!”
Donghyuck climbs the miles of his brother’s long legs - he’s actually not that tall but Donghyuck still hates him for getting all the giant genes despite being younger - and grabs his phone from his brother’s freakishly big hands.
He kicks back Jisung who is currently trying to pinch him and smiles at the giggling boy on his phone screen, “Hi!”
Mark is wiping tears of laughter off his eyes when manages to let out, “Hey.”
“Mom, Donghyuck’s using his phone right now!” Jisung yells, running away from Donghyuck’s hits.
“Say hi to Mark for me!” His Mom yells from the kitchen and Jisung gives her a betrayed look before rolling his eyes and going back behind the counter.
“Mom says hi,” Donghyuck says as he jumps on top of the counter, legs swinging back and forth.
Mark hums with a goofy grin on his face that Donghyuck loves, “Yeah, I heard. Sorry are you busy? I didn’t realize it was your shift, I thought it already ended.”
Donghyuck shakes his head, “Nah. I still have about an hour left but don’t worry, we can still talk. Jisung’s got it for now.”
“For only five minutes!” Jisung calls out.
Donghyuck only sticks his tongue out at his brother before going back to the boy inside his phone.
“Sorry, Jisung!” Mark yells and Donghyuck finds it endearing that he cupped his mouth like he was really calling out to Jisung from far away. “Man, these timezones are still messing me up.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
“Maybe not,” Mark yawns and Donghyuck only realizes that the boy must have been getting ready for bed when he settles back on his headboard and takes off his glasses.
“What time is it there?”
Mark squints at something off screen, probably checking his alarm clock, “3:30.”
“Damn. You should really get some sleep.”
“Yeah! Go to sleep, Mark! Bye, Mark!” Jisung cuts in but Donghyuck shoves him away.
Mark laughs then immediately stops. “Hey wait, when did he stop calling me hyung?”
Jisung scoffs, “No honorifics in Canada, Mark Lee.”
Donghyuck is laughing so hard he almost elbows a basket of croissants.
Mark groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, “I’ll get back on that brat, just wait.”
“You’d have to get back here first,” Donghyuck pouts. Jisung fake gags from the side so he throws a baguette slice at him.
“You’re right,” Mark gives him a sleepy smile and Donghyuck so badly wants to ruffle his hair. “Can’t wait to go back.”
“One year.” Donghyuck mumbles and he isn’t sure if Mark actually heard until the boy widens his eyes and sighs.
“Only nine months left, actually.”
“Still too long,” Donghyuck says and he doesn’t know why. Fighting is the last thing he wants to do right now with their limited phone call time.
“Don’t be like that,” Mark says. “Your classes start next week right? Soon you’ll be too busy with senior year that you’ll completely forget all about me.”
Donghyuck scoffs, “Never gonna happen. You’re stuck inside my brain like a fucking parasite, Lee.”
“Language,” Jisung mutters.
Mark laughs but it’s cut off by another yawn.
“You should get some sleep. Future lawyers need their rest to defend the accused or whatever it is you guys do.”
“That was actually pretty close so I’m proud you at least listen to some of what I say,” Mark says as he fully lies back down on his bed, half of his face now covered by a pillow.
“Goodnight, Toronto boy.”
“Good morning, Jeju prince,” Mark mumbles and chuckles when he sees Donghyuck blush.
Then Mark shuts his eyes and lazily waves at the screen as he mumbles out, “I miss you.”
Donghyuck laughs and waves back before ending the call.
Donghyuck doesn’t know how he must have looked like after the call but it must have been pretty bad that Jisung hands him some garlic bread to somehow cheer him up. Well… after licking one of them and running away.
*******
Mark normally calls first since Donghyuck has never been good with making the first move. He and Mark would probably still be stupidly pining over each other if it weren’t for the elder kissing him in an adrenaline rush during his graduation. Donghyuck still gets embarrassed over how the entire town applauded when they finally got together, one of the cons of living on a small island where everybody knows you and apparently who you’ve been in love with since birth.
Although one of the pros is when Donghyuck gets too embarrassed to call Mark first, he can count on their friends to snatch his phone and call him themselves.
“You don’t have him saved with a nickname?” Jaemin asks like Donghyuck just offended him.
“Lame,” Renjun says, head leaning over Jaemin’s shoulder to look through Donghyuck’s phone.
Jeno comes in and squeezes himself on the other side of Jaemin. “Just call hyung already.”
“You guys are ridiculous,” Donghyuck says as he sets up their snacks on the table.
Jaemin shushes him, “Shut up, it’s ringing.”
Donghyuck’s mouth hangs open, “Last time I checked he was my boyfriend.”
“Hey, guys!” Mark voice rings from his phone.
“Hyung!” All three choruses with wide wicked grins on their faces.
Donghyuck rolls his eyes and tries to ignore how fast his heart was racing just from hearing Mark’s voice.
“Where’s Donghyuck?” He hears Mark eagerly ask and yes, his heart has officially stopped.
Renjun pouts. “We’re the ones who called you, asshole.”
Jeno nods his head fast like an overly excited puppy. “No Donghyuck until you fill us in.”
“Have you put anyone to jail, yet?” Jaemin asks with that scary triangular smile of his.
Donghyuck hears Mark laugh and the four of them gradually start talking about school then video games then just everything else. It’s times like these that Donghyuck is reminded how Mark will never only be his because the entire town owns him, too. They grew up with him just as long as Donghyuck did so technically he is obligated to share him with everyone else including their best friends. He likes to think Mark is sharing him as well.
They excitedly talk for around thirty minutes until finally Mark asks, “Can I talk to my boyfriend now?”
Jaemin lets out an exaggerated sigh, “Fine, fine.”
“Miss you, hyung!” Jeno pipes up.
“Come back soon or you’re dead!” Renjun says with the most innocent smile.
“Bye, guys!” Mark exclaims before Jaemin passes the phone to Donghyuck who’s been silently eating chips on the floor this whole time.
The three start setting up the Switch to the TV when Donghyuck settles back on the edge of the couch and smiles at the boy on his phone screen.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“Pick Kirby again, I fucking dare you, Jeno!” Renjun yells.
Donghyuck sighs and decides it’s better to bring their conversation elsewhere or else he would hardly hear Mark through all the screaming.
He hears Mark chuckle just as he enters the kitchen.
“Smash bros?”
Donghyuck hops up on one of the cabinets. “Yep. Shit’s about to get down, tonight.”
“I’m gonna be honest, don’t really miss Jaemin threatening to kill me with his controller.”
“You suck at the game anyway.”
“Hey,” Mark whines.
Donghyuck laughs and for a moment, he starts to feel like Mark is closer. Like he’s really there with him at his family’s kitchen, hiding out and sharing secrets while the rest of their friends are screaming from the next room. Just like before.
Until the image is shattered and their conversation is cut short when Mark’s alarm clock goes off.
“Shit,” Mark groans. “Have to get to class.”
“Call me when it ends?” Donghyuck asks, almost cringing at how clingy he sounded.
“Of course,” Mark smiles as he puts on his glasses, struggling doing so with one hand. “Have fun with the gang.”
Donghyuck hums, “Have fun prosecuting people or whatever.”
Mark laughs, “Wrong course, Lee.”
Donghyuck shrugs with a smirk, “Just go to class, nerd.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark sighs as he gets up from his bed. “Talk to you later?”
Donghyuck nods, “Talk to you later.”
Mark pauses before eventually saying, “I miss you.”
Donghyuck smiles softly at that and presses a wet kiss to the phone’s tiny camera.
“Gross!” Mark laughs and Donghyuck can’t help but wish he could hear it in real life without static.
*******
The moment school starts for Donghyuck and the rest, Mark has already memorized their schedule as to avoid calling him during class. Donghyuck tries to reason that he could always just hide in the bathroom but of course, being the nerd that he is, Mark would never support misbehavior for proper education.
That’s why when Mark does call him during Algebra, Donghyuck knows it’s an emergency. He sneaks to an empty staircase and almost drops to his knees when Mark breaks it to him.
“I’m coming back.”
Donghyuck’s heart falls to his stomach. “What?”
“I’m going back to Jeju,” Mark says, eyes downcast to something Donghyuck can’t see. “This… this isn’t working out as I thought it would.”
“Mark, what are you saying?” Donghyuck asks, frantic. “You can’t be coming back. After everything… you’re just going to give up?”
“I’m not giving up! I’m just… quitting.”
Donghyuck frowns. “Please tell me there’s a difference.”
“Look, I’ve thought a lot about it okay? And I’ve long accepted that I don’t belong here. I belong back there… in Jeju. With my family. With the whole town. With you.”
Donghyuck almost crushes his phone from how tight he’s holding it. “You’re not coming back. This is your dream, Mark, I’m not... I’m not going to let you give that up just because you’re a little homesick.”
“It’s not just that!” Mark exclaims and Donghyuck is caught off guard for a moment because the elder hardly gets mad. Normally he’s better at Donghyuck at keeping his emotions at bay. But this time Donghyuck sees the sturdy wall that is Mark Lee crumbling down right in front of him inside his phone.
“You don’t get it! None of you do! College is shit! It’s just a constant kick to the ass reminding me that there are thousands of other people better than me and I’ll never be fucking good enough. Here, I’m no longer the prodigy smart guy that everyone thought was so special! Well guess what? I’m not! I’m just…” Mark cuts off to rub off the wetness in his eyes. “I’m just Mark.”
“Do you really think people back here love you only because you’re fucking smart?” Donghyuck cusses. “The town loves you because you’re kind and would never pass by a cat stuck up a fucking tree. Our friends love you because you’re loyal and shit at games. Your family loves you because you constantly give them new reasons to be proud of you. Everyone loves you because you were the only one of us brave enough get out of this fucking town to do what he’s always wanted to do. Nobody fucking cares if you can solve a math problem in ten seconds, Mark. Everyone loves you because you’re you.”
They’re silent for a while. Donghyuck catching his breath and holding back the sobs threatening to come out of his chest. Mark is still furiously rubbing his eyes behind his glasses to hide his tears, making them go red.
Finally, Mark mutters out, “Do you miss me?”
Donghyuck’s eyes widen. “W-what?”
“Do you miss me?” Mark repeats, eyes glaring at him through the screen. When he figures that Donghyuck isn’t going to answer anytime soon from shock, Mark scoffs. “You’ve never said it, you know. Since I’ve got here you’ve never… I always say it but you…”
Donghyuck feels his head shaking, wanting to deny whatever Mark is thinking but somehow his mouth wouldn’t move.
Mark looks back at him with the most crestfallen look on his face that absolutely breaks Donghyuck inside and out. “Do you not miss me, Hyuck?”
Donghyuck couldn’t control the sob that he lets out. “M-Mark.”
“Why don’t you want me to come back?” Mark whimpers.
But I do. So fucking bad.
“B-because,” Donghyuck clears his throat when his voice cracks. “I believe in you. A-and I know you can do it.”
Mark covers his eyes with his hand, jostling his glasses upwards as he cries.
“You’re so close, Mark,” Donghyuck pleads. “You’ve already made it through half a year and we’re all so proud of you.”
Mark shakes his head and sobs. “I’m so tired, Hyuck.”
“You’re allowed to be tired,” Donghyuck mumbles and wishes he were whispering right at the boy’s ear and not at a phone. “You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re also allowed to chase your dreams and I know this is what you want to do… so you’re not coming home. I won’t let you give up something we both know you’ll regret later on.”
He lets Mark cry and let it all out. He closes his eyes and presses the phone to his forehead, whimpering at every sob he hears.
When Mark finally calms down, he’s already lying down on his bed sideways and blinking sleepily with swollen eyes at Donghyuck.
“I’m sorry,” Mark says quietly.
“Don’t be,” Donghyuck says and sits down on one of the lower steps of the staircase.
Mark exhales and closes his eyes as he says, “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And, Mark?”
Mark hums in answer, already drifting off.
Donghyuck smiles and speaks loud and clear.
“I miss you.”
It was like in slow motion when Mark opens his eyes and smiles back at him. “I miss you, too, Hyuck.”
“I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good night, Mark.”
“Good morning, Hyuck.”
Donghyuck ends the call before he regrets it. He rubs his eyes to get rid of any wetness left and breathes in and out.
The hallway had been so quiet this whole time that he jumps up to his feet when a high voice says, “Hyung?”
Donghyuck turns and is relieved to see it’s one of Jisung’s friends instead of a teacher ready to give him detention.
“Hey, Chenle.”
The blonde boy tilts his head to the side in wonder, probably noticing how swollen Donghyuck’s eyes are from crying. “Was that Mark hyung just now?”
“Yeah,” Donghyuck sighs. “We were just… he just needed someone.”
Chenle nods in understanding, “I get it. Sometimes I miss Shanghai so much I don’t leave my room at all.”
Donghyuck feels a pinch in his heart at that. Chenle and his parents only moved to South Korea a few years ago for his dad’s job. He can’t even imagine being that young and having to leave the place you grew up in.
“Do you want to see him?”
Donghyuck chuckles but it sounds empty, “More than anything.”
“No, I mean,” Chenle steps closer with his eyes glinting. “Do you really want to see him?”
Donghyuck stares at the boy in confusion until it all clicks and he shakes his head, “No. I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” Donghyuck scratches his head, face heating up. “I can’t even speak english.”
Chenle just shrugs. “And I didn’t speak korean.”
Donghyuck watches the boy walk away and, for once, he feels hope.