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Steve wakes slowly and tries to roll over and wrap himself around Bucky. He finds that the bed is too small. Is it possible that he fell asleep on the couch? He hardly ever does that and even when he does, Bucky is usually on top of him. Sitting up slowly, he blinks because something is very wrong. Looking around, his eyes get huge and terror fills his mind and body. ‘Nonononono…’ Is all that he can think.
The door opens and a man comes in that he doesn’t know. He’s old, as old as Steve should be, and walks with a cane. Encasing his legs are braces that to Steve look like something Tony would make. Sitting up quickly, he takes in the room. It’s very modern, similar to how his apartment looked in the Tower before he changed it. He sees signs of technology and knows that mirror across the room is two-way. Taking in everything he has to prepare for an escape. Whoever these people are, they don’t understand Steve’s desire to get back to Bucky and his family.
“Captain Rogers, I’m Daniel Sousa.” Steve knows that name, but can’t place it immediately. Until the man speaks again. “I’m one of the former Directors of SHIELD. You would know it as the SSR.” He smiles gently at Steve, but the soldier can’t let his guard down. He remembers seeing pictures of Daniel in Peg’s hospital room, but the man died years and years ago.
“You’re Peggy’s husband.” The man’s eyes get wide. He sits heavily in the chair next to the bed. Looking at the mirror confused and probably looking for some kind of signal as to how to handle this. Daniel never met Steve Rogers and he didn’t meet Peggy until a few years after the man went into the ice, so the Captain shouldn’t know him and especially shouldn’t know he’s married to Peggy.
Steve sits up, swinging his legs over the side. “How…how did you know that?”
“Is Peg here?” Daniel looks at the mirror in the room. Steve figures if this is an elaborate ruse, he needs to get to the bottom of it quickly. The door slowly opens and Peggy comes in. “Peggy, where’s Bucky? What’s happening? Where’s the rest of the team? I gotta get home to Bucky.”
She seems shocked that her age doesn’t throw him. In fact, he doesn’t seem stressed about his surroundings at all. The current Director of SHIELD wanted to play some mind game with him and make Steve think that he was still in the 1940’s, but Peggy had nixed that immediately. The fact that Steve is more concerned about someone named Bucky and a team that isn’t together anymore, is worrisome.
Peggy tells Steve that the Commandos aren’t together anymore. He realizes that she doesn’t know he means the Avengers. How is that possible? They defend the entire planet. Steve takes in everything he’s being told and quickly realizes that if he keeps pushing this need to get to Bucky, Peggy is going to send him for a psych evaluation, which he doesn’t want to happen, so he gets quiet and listens. If he gathers enough intel, he can use it later. He suspects that somehow, Fury is behind this and for whatever reason, he wants Steve to think he just woke up again.
According to Peggy it’s 2013, but besides that and the alien invasion that didn’t happen, everything else is close to the same. Tony Stark is Iron Man and there is a loose group that sometimes works together, but there isn’t anything called the Avengers. Steve wonders why that’s the case. It does make him happy that Peggy doesn’t have dementia and Daniel is still alive. He knows how much they had loved each other and that they have more time together is good.
Once they release him, which is a fight in and of itself, he spends nights sitting in the dark of his small, cramped apartment in Brooklyn trying to figure out how he could have dreamed all of this up in his mind. This has to be a dream and somehow, someone is making this happen. He goes to sleep some nights and just knows he’s going to wake up and find Bucky next to him. It doesn’t happen. He begins to spiral into a darkness that he doesn’t think he’ll ever come out of. That life…that perfect, beautiful life, is gone.
When Peggy does ask him about this Bucky person later, while they are having dinner together, he tells her it was a dream. “Seemed so real, just before waking up.” He plays it up for her benefit and she seems content with the explanation. He tells her that the team he asked about was the Commandos and she gives a wistful smile at that.
That life, the one that his mind created, was a dream. It was everything Steve ever wanted. He should have known that nothing could be that perfect. He wakes each morning, eyes clinched shut, praying that he’ll open them and find Bucky leaning on the door frame ready to take care of him. God, he misses that so much.
What he feared the most in the ice seems to have come to pass. Bucky and his found family with the team was just an ice induced fantasy. For two weeks, he wanders the streets of New York and grieves for a life that never actually happened. He expects the alien invasion, but it doesn’t come. Steve’s depression is something that no one can figure out. They try to send him to a SHIELD therapist, but he sits in her office and stares at the clock. She reports to Fury that he won’t speak to her. They try a male therapist with the same results.
When he isn’t wandering the streets, looking into random faces hoping beyond hope that one of them will be the one he’s seeking, he’s sitting in his apartment, head leaned against the window. At times, he forgets to eat, he gave up running, and he has no desire to be a part of anything in a world that doesn’t have Bucky or his family. He’s truly awakened into a world that he doesn’t want to be part of. He wonders if he can just go back to the ice.
He voices that only once when Daniel comes to see him. “What do you mean, Steve?” Steve does like Daniel, he’s what Steve imagined Peggy’s husband to be like. He’s as determined as Peggy, but shows his emotions more and the emotion he’s showing now, is true fear for Steve.
“I’ve just been thinking that I don’t fit in here. Maybe going back to the ice wouldn’t be so bad.” He’s standing at the window looking out at the overcast sky. Days like this he’d be piled up in the bed with Bucky or with everyone on the common floor watching movies.
“Steve…Steve look at me.” Finally turning he sees just how much he’s scaring Daniel. “I think we need to talk about this.”
Steve shakes his head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me. It’s all just taking time to get used to.” Daniel leaves, but not without contacting his wife.
He isn’t the person that Peggy remembers and Fury can’t fathom how this is the man that everyone held to such high esteem. This guy doesn’t seem to care about the greater good. They leave him be for a time because they have no idea what to do with him. That doesn’t stop SHIELD from bugging his apartment and setting up miniscule cameras to watch and listen to his every move and word. Peggy is mostly concerned about the nightmares that have him thrashing about and the screams when he wakes from one. Peggy doesn’t tell Fury about Steve’s conversation with Daniel. She hopes that he’ll come around and she’ll start to see the man she knew so long ago.
As the months pass, Steve spends his spare time sketching Bucky and the team, mostly Bucky. He goes out and gets frames for the sketches and hangs them around the apartment. He doesn’t let anyone visit anymore because he doesn’t want to answer questions about the man in the sketches. Those are just for him, so he can remember. The fear that he might slowly start to forget is very real for Steve. If Daniel or Peggy want to see him, Steve meets them out somewhere.
Out of the ice for six months, Steve is ordered to DC to meet with Fury, who is just as much of an ass as the one in his…he doesn’t even know what to call it anymore. Unlike a dream, that world, that life doesn’t fade. It stays just a vivid in Steve’s mind as if he was living it every day. And oh how he wishes that he was.
Fury begins there meeting by insulting Steve which doesn’t do what Fury thinks it will. Instead of making Steve mad enough to fight, the super soldier just nods his head; not seeming to even be hearing anything Fury is saying. “Your tactical genius is studied at SHIELD Academy, but I gotta say, I’m sorely disappointed.”
Steve just looks up, uninterested. “Then why even bother calling me in?”
“Well I had hoped I could shake some sense into you. You’re a soldier, Cap and no one is seeing that part of you right now. I’d like to throw you into a battle and see what happens.” Steve sighs and blinks slowly at the Director.
“I guess you could do that, but it wouldn’t turn out the way you want.” Steve gets up and goes to the window. At this point Steve is willing to just take the hit and lay down. “And I was an artist first…before I was a soldier.” All Steve can think about is that world, the one that wasn’t real. No one’s life is as perfect as that life was. He should have known.
That’s when the thought strikes him, right in the middle of his meeting with Fury. He spins to look at the man. If everything else seems to be the same, the people and such, then why the hell can’t Bucky actually be out there somewhere. For a second, Steve thinks he might be having a heart attack: heart thumping, shortness of breath, spots swimming in front of his eyes. Why has he not thought of this before?
He bolts from the meeting with Fury calling his name. But Steve can’t stop himself. He has to know. He has to cling to this little bit of hope. Steve knows he’s being followed by SHIELD agents, but he doesn’t give a rat’s ass. Finding the nearest book store, he asks the clerk for the historical fiction section. Running where he’s directed, he doesn’t find anything in the shelves for a James Barnes. Hanging his head, he wants to sob. The same clerk comes to him. “Are you looking for something in particular, sir?”
Steve takes a shaky breath. “I was looking for an author by the name of James Barnes.”
Her eyes light up. “Oh, then you’re in the wrong section. Those novels would be in the mystery section.”
Steve’s head jerks up. “Wait…really?”
“Oh yes sir, he’s one of the most popular spy novelist in the world. They’ve made some of them into movies.” She leads him over and picks up a book from the shelf. “This was his first one. All of them are good, but the main character is always the same so you have to read this one first to understand the rest.”
Steve nods, takes the novel, looking at the title: Man Out of Time. Steve nearly snorts a laugh at that. He reads the jacket of the book and starts to think he’s not the only one living this nightmare. Steve flips the book over and finds a picture of Bucky. “Oh god…Buck.” Steve buys the book and goes to the nearest café for a coffee.
Everything is okay for a few more weeks. Steve reads through as many of Bucky’s novels as he can. He finds that Hit the Ground Running isn’t there, but a shop called Cherrywood Coffeehouse is in its place. It’s different, but also good. Not just the coffee either, the menu is unusual and Steve finds quickly that he enjoys being in the atmosphere. Chloe isn’t there, but a young man that has the same feel as Chloe is, his name is Aiden.
Then, he’s called in for a mission. He comes very close to saying no, but when Fury shows him the photos of that damn cube, Steve can’t sit on the sidelines. It’s not an alien invasion; however, it does involve Thor, Loki, and a stone that shouldn’t be on Earth. The difference is, Thor and Loki are working together. Steve’s having trouble with Loki being a good guy and keeps expecting him to turn on them; it never happens. What it does do is splashes pictures of Captain America across every newspaper and internet social media site across the globe.
Aiden welcomes Steve in every time and every time blocks customers from bothering the man on his down time. Each time he goes in, he expects Bucky to show up with his computer. When the bell above the door rings, Steve’s head shoots up, but he’s always disappointed. Then, one day he doesn’t look up and a shadow falls over the table. Steve knows it’s not Bucky and his eyes fill with tears.
“May I?” Steve looks up into Loki’s eyes and nods. The tall, willowy god sits and examines the super soldier. Finally, when the tears clear up, Loki speaks again. “You are a disappointment to many people in SHIELD.”
Steve shrugs. “Didn’t know it was my job to make other people happy.”
Loki chuckles. “I read the file they have on you and when we fought together I could tell you are the man from that file, but something is not quite…right.”
Aiden comes over, refilling Steve’s cup and silently asks him if he’s okay. Steve nods. Looking back at the dark haired man, Steve quirks an eyebrow. “You don’t seem the type to really care what files and other people think.”
“Oh, I am not, but I also know that you fought well and with honor. That I do care about.” His coffee is brought over and it’s a sugary, whipped cream filled monstrosity that reminds Steve of Bucky. It must be something in his face because Loki zeroes in on it. “What is it about this world that is wrong?”
“That sounds like a philosophical question.” Loki barks a laugh.
“I do like you, Captain and would like to help.” He takes a drink and hums his enjoyment.
“What do you think I need help with?” Steve closes the book that’s been on his lap and lays it on the tabletop.
Loki observes him. “Why do you seem like you are only half here?”
Steve leans his head back, staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t know why he asks. “How do you know if something is real?”
Loki cocks his head to the side and Steve feels like he’s looking into his mind. “You are not sure this world you woke up in is actually real.” Steve says nothing and waits. “Because something else was more real to you than this.”
He doesn’t know how the god knows this, but he sees no reason to lie. “Are you spying on me for SHIELD?”
Loki chuckles. “Do you really believe that SHIELD would entrust me with something like this? My brother, perhaps, but not me.”
It’s Steve turn to chuckle. “You follow orders worse than I do.” Loki smiles and surprisingly, there’s something kind about it. “When I was in the ice, I was aware.” Loki looks truly aghast by that. “Yeah, and the only thing I can figure is my brain created a world that I could live in, think was real, to keep me from going insane.”
Loki leans forward. “May I see?” Steve shakes his head, not understanding the request. “I can see inside a person’s mind, if they allow it.” Steve nods and looks around. “Do not concern yourself with anyone else. To them, we will just be sitting and having a conversation.” He reaches over the table and takes Steve’s hands, placing them palms up and laying his on top. “Now, just relax and think about this other world.” A green mist works its way up Steve’s arms and penetrates his head. It doesn’t feel like an intrusion, but a tickle behind his eyes.
It feels like hours that Steve unfolds the other place for Loki, but it turns out it was only seconds of time. But unfortunately, it’s just as emotionally draining for Steve. He comes to, looking across the table and sees Loki with his eyes still closed. Once they open, the god seems shaky. “Did you see?”
Loki just nods, clearing his throat. “It is no wonder that you feel out of place here.” He taps his finger on the table. “What I find so interesting is how this even happened in your mind.”
“What do you mean?” It’s the first time that Steve’s felt like someone can actually see him.
“Captain…Steven, your mind was able to accurately depict some of this city without having seen how it evolved over the decades you were down there. Does it not seem odd to you that you were able to connect to times that you had no context for and that you were able to create a man and a team that actually exist? I do take offense to my part in that world.” Loki shakes his head and Steve chuckles. “The only way this would be possible is to make a telepathic bond with someone that is already here, but that seems unlikely without a catalyst.”
“What are you saying?” Steve’s moved closer.
“I am saying that it is possible this was not all made up by your mind, but your subconscious connected with someone alive…here.”
“Is that even possible?” This is what Steve needed. He needed someone to first believe him and second give him an explanation.
“Many things are possible. Your world calls it science and feels that if it cannot be explained in that way then it is not real, but on my world magic is a way of life and Steven…sometimes the heart and soul hold more power than science.” Loki points at the book. “I noticed you reading that on the jet. Is there a connection?”
Steve holds up the book and shows Loki the picture on the back. “This is the connection.”
Loki takes the book smiling. “I see. Your Bucky is here and he is an author, just like in your other world.” Loki gets a grin on his face that Steve remembers. Normally it means something or someone is about to be hurt, but he thinks that maybe that’s not what it means in the here and now. “Well Captain America, now that you have been ‘outed’ as being alive, as your society would say, do you not think that people are going to want to know your story?” He taps the cover of the book. “I wonder who you could get to write such a book?” He hums to himself, glancing at Steve.
Steve grins so wide he doesn’t know how to contain the joy. “I like the way you think.”
Tony sits back and watches as Steve and Loki leave the café. His blood boils that he has to now live in a world where Captain America lives. Fury had approached him months ago about meeting with the Captain, but Tony refused. He has no reason to include this man in his life. As he speeds away from the curb, he puts in a call. “JARVIS, get Miss Rushman on the phone.”
‘Of course, sir.’
“Well Mr. Stark, you missed the shareholders meeting and Ms. Potts is ready to string you up.”
Tony rolls his eyes. “I need you to get me everything you can on Captain America.”
“This business or pleasure?”
“Shut up Natalie and do what I’m asking.” He pulls into the garage at the Tower.
“Yes sir.”
The line goes dead and Tony just sits in the car, head back on the rest, and wonders why he has to deal with this. It has to be done; it’s just that Tony doesn’t want to be the one doing it. Fury said that the Captain isn’t right and needs someone else to try and figure out what’s going on. Loki had refused to be their spy, so it was falling to Iron Man. It does make it strange that Loki is talking with the Captain, but he’s obviously doing it for his own information.
It’s the following day when Natalie brings in the file on Rogers. “This everything?”
“It’s everything we have and SHIELD has.” She strolls out of the office leaving Tony to go through the information.
“JARVIS, organize all of this and give me a run down.” It takes seconds. “Skip the boring parts and give me the highlights of what Mr. Perfect has been doing since waking up.”
‘Captain Rogers was greeted by Directors Sousa and Carter after waking up and immediately asked for someone named Bucky and a team. He abruptly left a meeting with Mr. Fury and literally ran to the closest bookstore where he purchased Man out of Time by James Barnes. He helped Thor and Loki with the Sokovia incident and is currently at home reading.’
“Okay, I said hit the highlights and I’m still waiting for something exciting.” Tony leans forward, head in his hands. “What else does this guy do? How many dates has he been on? Who were they with? Who a guy jumps in the sack with tells a lot about his character.”
‘You would know, sir.’
“Can it, JARVIS.”
‘I do apologize sir, but not everyone lives your exciting life.’
“Anyone ever tell you, you’re a smartass?”
‘I am as you programmed me, Mr. Stark.’
Tony snorts and heads to the garage. If he’s going to meet this guy, he’s going to do it on his terms. Driving more recklessly than normal, he pulls up outside Captain America’s apartment building. “Why the hell would SHIELD put him in this bump?”
He doesn’t expect an answer from JARVIS, but gets it anyway. ‘This building has old wiring sir, making surveillance easier.’
“Wait, so SHIELD is watching him 24/7?” Tony grips the steering wheel because no one deserves that, not even this guy.
‘It would appear so, sir.’
Tony gets out of the car and makes his way up the stairs. He’s greeted by a woman that he knows for sure is SHIELD even though she’s wearing scrubs. He smirks at her, but she tries to ignore him. He holds up his phone at the door and can see her pulling out hers. So, he and Rogers are going to have a limited amount of time. Knocking, the door opens within seconds and Steve’s face lights up like Tony is the best thing since sliced bread.
“Tony!” He’s pulled into a hug that is unexpected and a lot stronger than it should be.
“Uh…listen…I’m not sure…” Steve pulls back and seems to get himself under control.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” There’s a sadness that doesn’t make sense to the billionaire. Tony comes into the apartment and keys something into his phone. He gives Steve the universal sign for stay quiet and walks around the room.
Tony hits a few commands and all over the apartment listening and viewing devices start sizzling. “SHIELD has you bugged. How did you not know that?”
Steve looks around and can see the little devices smoking. “Oh, I did know. I just don’t care.”
“Wait, wait, wait, you knew and just left them.” Tony pushes his sunglasses to the top of his head.
“Well, the first day, I destroyed them all and they were back the next time I came home, so I started thinking, it’s not like they’re going to hear me having sex or anything.” Steve gives a little shrug.
“Can’t find a woman good enough for you?” Tony sneers at him.
Steve signs and remembers he has to do this all over again. “Can’t find the right man, actually.”
Tony stands dumbstruck for a couple of minutes. “So you’re…”
“Gay, yeah.” Steve puts his hands on his hips and walks to the window. “Why did you come? It’s obvious you don’t want to be here. I mean I get it, Howard did a number on you by praising me as some god-like creature when the exact opposite is true.”
“How did…” Tony doesn’t know a time that he’s ever been this off kilter. “Who the hell are you?”
Steve turns around and comes back over, extending his hand. “Hi, I’m Steve Rogers and just because I carry a shield doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’m gay and really want to find the right guy to settle down with and have super soldier babies.”
Tony takes his hand out of reflex and then bursts with laughter. “Well Steve Rogers, I’m Tony Stark and my father was an ass of a man that made me think you were what I had to live up to. I think I might be in love with my executive assistant and she thinks I’m a lost cause.”
They both laugh and then Steve puts his arm around Tony’s shoulder. “You aren’t a lost cause and I’m willing to bet that if you asked her to dinner, she’d go in a second.” Steve goes to get a glass of water and Tony looks around at the sketches. He covertly takes pictures of some of them. They all seem to be of the same guy.
They leave the apartment and go down the block to a relatively nice bar, where they drink and before Tony knows it, he’s looking at Steve like they could be friends. “I don’t think you should stay in that apartment.”
“Where do you think I should go? SHIELD won’t release any of my money, the money that Daniel told me I have, so I don’t really have another option.” Steve watches Tony calculate in his head.
“Come on, Steve, we’re going home. I’ll send someone to pack up your stuff.” Steve looks confused, but follows Tony back to his car. “I have plenty of room at the Tower and SHIELD can’t bug anything. Not only that, but I’m betting if I let Ms. Potts know about your money, we can get that released in a couple of hours.” Steve smiles because as least this little part of that world is coming together.
“The first thing I’m doing is getting a new bike.” Tony looks over his glasses at Steve.
“You are not at all like my father described you.” Steve grins.
“I get that a lot. Of course, I thought Howard would be better than that when he caught me sucking off Gabe.” Tony slams on the breaks and looks over at Steve.
“Who the hell are you?” Steve just chuckles until they are both laughing.
Now that he’s living at the Tower, Steve has the opportunity to see the others. Thor and Loki live there when on Earth and occasionally Clint will show up. The first time that Steve sees Natasha, she’s delivering a file to Tony in the common room. She looks him over and he smirks at her. For whatever reason that seems to throw her off. So, a few days later, he’s in the lift when she steps in, he decides to play her game.
“Seems awfully convenient you working for Stark Industries.” He doesn’t take his eyes from the door.
“Listen, I don’t care who you are. Just because you saw me half nude in a magazine, doesn’t mean I’m fair game.” She looks over at him. “Not even for you.”
Steve snorts. “I don’t give a damn about posing in a magazine, although that is good information to have, I mean it seems like a waste of Black Widow’s time.” The lift doors open and Steve steps off.
She’s left staring after him. No one knows that about her except Fury and Clint. Steve fully expects retaliation and it comes when he’s walking up the stairs from the lobby of the building. He knows she’s there because she taught him everything she knows, so when she attacks, he uses her own move against her and has her on the floor. “Who the hell are you?”
Steve laughs because he keeps hearing that. “Long story, Romanova.” She’s unable to move from shock because no one knows her by that name.
Later that night, he’s sitting with Loki watching something about baking. “Have you considered how you might approach Mr. Barnes?”
“I was actually thinking about sending an email to present the idea and see what happens.” Loki puts out his hand.
“Your phone, please.” Loki scrolls through the publisher’s website and finds the email address for Bucky’s editor and it’s luckily not that horrible woman. “Send the email to his editor. It will get seen a lot faster.”
Steve nods and starts composing the email. When he’s done, he hands it over and lets Loki read it through. The god nods approvingly. Steve takes the phone back. “And sent. Now we wait.” It’s the first time that Steve has hope.
James Barnes staggers to the door finding the unwelcome guest still banging. Cracking it, just slightly, he finds his editor tapping her foot. He knows it’s not in frustration; it’s more that she knows that he doesn’t want her here, but needs to speak to him. She’s always been really good about leaving him in his self-imposed isolation. He hasn’t always been this way, once he was an outgoing young man with many admirers, but that was before.
“James, I know you don’t want me here and I respect that, but something has happened and we have to talk about it in person.” He sighs and opens the door enough for her to come in.
Hiding behind it until she’s all the way through, he closes it and clicks the four locks. He knows it has to be important if she came all this way.
“Can we sit?” He nods to the living room and she goes to make herself comfortable. “Maybe let’s have some coffee?”
He shuffles into the kitchen, fixing a pot of fresh coffee. He’s been drinking the coffee all day trying to keep up with the writing binge that started two days ago. It comes in spurts and he tries his best to keep up. He knows it’s not going to fade, nothing ever does, but he keeps hoping that if he gets it out, on the computer, it will stop. He’s just so tired and almost always scared. Coming back into the living room, Shelly is reading something on her tablet. “Is everything okay?”
She cringes at the scratchiness of his voice. Bucky can’t remember the last time he talked to anyone. “That’s kinda up to you.” She waves the tablet at him and he sits the coffees down to take it.
She watches closely while he reads through the email, eyes getting wider and wider as he goes. “Is this for real?”
She nods. “I emailed back when I first got it a week ago, informing the sender that if I didn’t have confirmation about the validity, I couldn’t take it seriously. He showed up at my office that afternoon.” She shrugs. “Well, he and Loki showed up at my office.”
Bucky nearly spits his coffee across the room. He quirks a small smile. “So, Captain America and Loki the Trickster God walk into an office. That sounds a like the beginning of a bad joke.”
Shelly laughs. “It was no joke. He’s actually been out of the ice for close to a year, but until he went on that mission, no one knew about him.”
“I wonder why they kept it quiet.” James swallows hard and Shelly doesn’t miss it.
“He looks haunted, James. There’s something that’s going on that he wouldn’t come out and say, but it’s…jesus…I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but he looks like you do all the time.” Shelly knows where the inspiration for James’s stories comes from. She thought he was crazy the first time he told her, that was a few years into their working relationship. He wasn’t a recluse when they met, but as the years went by, it got worse. Because he’s a world famous writer and screenwriter for the movies based from his books, she lets him be as quirky as he wants, but this is different.
James looks up at her. “What do you mean?” He’s got his suspicions.
“Look, when you told me where the story ideas came from, you know I thought you were crazy, but at the time, they were making money and I didn’t care.” She reaches over, hovering her hand over his until he nods. Laying the hand on his, she continues. “Meeting Captain Rogers and seeing him seem as haunted as you, makes me wonder about your situation. James, he could pick anyone in this world to write this book, but he picked you. Is it possible…”
She doesn’t finish because he jumps up. “Shelly, don’t…please don’t…I just…”
She goes to the kitchen and finds the anxiety meds. Returning with them and water, she hands it over. He takes two of the pills with shaky hands. “I really want you to do this. I know I can’t force you, but this is an opportunity to work on something that isn’t forcing its way out of you.”
“I’ll think about it. Give me a couple of days.” She nods and grabs her stuff, leaving the tablet.
“Read the email again. Really read it.” And she’s gone. James goes to the sofa and picks up the tablet again.
Dear Ms. Henderson,
As you have probably read in the newspaper my name is Steven Grant Rogers. A friend suggested that people might want to know my story, the real one and not all of the speculation that is currently on the market. I believe he may be on to something and would like to inquire about one of your writers, James Barnes.
I came across his books while in DC and found that his style and mastery of the craft is a good match to the story I would like to tell. I am hoping to meet with him and talk over what I would like this biography to be like, but do not know where he is located.
Ms. Henderson, I know this all comes out of left field for you and will understand if you don’t think this is a good match. I want to implore you that I have no other offers and am not seeking anyone else for this project. If Mr. Barnes says no, it won’t be written. It has to be him. He’s the only one that can tell this story.
Sincerely,
Steven Rogers
James carries the tablet around for days and sleeps with it next to his bed. He needs to finish his current novel, which will take at least another month, but he thinks he needs to do this. Maybe if he tells the real story, he can let go of the fake one that lives in his head. The one that has been torturing him for the last six years.
Nightmares started right after his family was killed. After a few years, those gave way to melancholy dreams about his weird and wonderful family. He misses them so much every day, but the memories make him smile. He wonders what his parents would think of him being famous. He wonders what Becca would have done with her life. He wonders if he would be a different person now. If the other place is to be believed, he would be happier and Becca would be alive, but that isn’t real. I can’t be real.
The first dream, the one that started all of this fame, fortune, and isolation, happened about six years ago. It was intense and bothered him for days. He found that it had so affected him that when a car backfired, he cowered near a building. That night he sat at his computer and wrote it out. He’d been working copy for a small advertising firm, but this idea wouldn’t let him go. He’d taken time off of work until he had it written.
The first few publishing houses had turned him down, but when the rough draft hit Shelly Henderson’s desk, she’d loved everything about it. A contract was signed and before James knew what was happening, he had a published novel and an offer from Hollywood to the rights to make the movie. The dreams kept coming, but they became more real, more intense, more emotional. James was having trouble distinguishing between those dreams and his real life.
At night James goes to bed terrified. In the mornings he wakes exhausted. But during the dream, oh during the dreams, he’s happier than he’s ever been in his life. He changes the names for the novel and some of the locations, but how does he take an assignment to write the biography of a man that he lives a life with inside his mind every damn night. He looks over at his laptop and sighs.
Steve waits impatiently for word about the biography. He got an indication from Shelly that Bucky will do it, but needs to finish his current project. That was three weeks ago and since then Steve has been on two missions, one with Loki and one with Iron Man. He still wants to find a way to get this team together; he just hasn’t figured out how to do that yet.
At the beginning of the fourth week of waiting, he calls Fury. Sitting in Cherrywood, far from the tower, he watches a spy with an eye patch order the most ridiculous coffee drink. It’s completely unexpected and when Fury sits down, Steve snorts. “You got somethin to say, Rogers?”
“No sir, just didn’t take you for that kind of coffee.” Fury leans his arms on the table. Steve knows intimidation when he sees it and leans back relaxed.
“What’s this about? You’ve been fighting me for months, going on a year, and now you want to talk. You’re nothin like what I’ve read about.” Steve bobs his head.
“Yeah, I’m sure. The people that put those files together didn’t know anything about me.”
“Those files were put together by the woman that you love and…”
Steve doesn’t know what he’s about to add and doesn’t care. Holding up his hand, Fury stops talking. “I never loved her like that. I’m gay Director Fury and I’m betting that isn’t in your files.” Steve steamrolls forward. “And I’d be willing to bet that there’s nothing in your files about the fact that I was aware and conscious while in the ice for almost 70 years.” Fury’s eye widens in horror. “That’s right, it’s taken this long to be sure I’m actually awake this time and not in some ice induced fantasy.”
“Oh shit…” For the first time ever, Nick Fury is speechless. He sits back with the new reality. “What do you mean ice induced fantasy?”
Steve reaches for his coffee. “I guess my mind was trying to make sure that I didn’t go crazy and created a world, not unlike this one, to keep me sane.”
Fury just watches him for a short time. “What did you want to see me for?”
“I don’t think you are utilizing your assets effectively.” Steve cocks an eyebrow.
“And what would you suggest?”
“The Avengers Initiative.” Nick looks interested, but cautious. “Iron Man, Thor, Loki, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Dr. Banner, and Me. Working together as a team.”
Nick huffs a laugh. “Natasha told me you knew who she was. Want to explain how that came about?”
Steve doesn’t trust Nick, so he can’t let him in on that part of this. “No sir, I don’t.” It works though and Nick pulls the team together, but never tells them it was really Steve. Tony knows because he’s more of a people watcher. Steve doesn’t call himself their leader and when a mission comes up, he’ll wait and see what happens. If they defer to him, fine, if they don’t then someone else can call the shots. All he knows is he needs to build what they had together. He needs to find his footing in this world, so that when he finds Bucky, he can focus on that.
James finally sets the first meet with Captain America. It takes everything he has to walk out of his apartment, but he does it. The good Captain asked to meet him at Cherrywood. James had looked it up and knew what he would get to eat and drink before stepping out on the pavement. He walks to the café because he needs time to put everything in its proper place. He’s meeting Captain America, not his Stevie.
When he arrives, he goes to the counter, places his order and is directed to a table at the back. Captain America sits there, with a sketch pad, and doesn’t seem to know that James has arrived. So, the young author goes to the table and before the Captain raises his eyes, there’s a smile forming on his lips. It’s all so familiar and yet foreign.
James can hardly look at the man because it’s all so wrong. This isn’t his Steve. It’s why he only thinks of him as Captain America, it hurts too much the other way. Clearing his throat, the Captain looks up, smiling so wide it’s painful to watch.
“Bu…Mr. Barnes.” For a split second it sounds like the Captain was going to call him Bucky. He freezes, but finally offers his hand. No one has called him Bucky since Becca or in that dream world. God, how he misses that.
“Captain Rogers, it’s nice to meet you.” There’s a small frown, but it disappears quickly and the blond man pulls out his chair.
“Please call me Steve.” Before James can say anything, Steve keeps talking. “We’re going to be spending a lot of time together. Calling me Captain Rogers every time will get tiring for the both of us.”
James laughs. “Yeah, I suppose it will. Then you need to call me James.” Steve sits down, nodding.
“Alright then, where do we start?” Steve is so beautiful and James really wants to touch him, the way the him from his dreams does.
“Well, first I guess you should tell me how you want your story to be told. You know I don’t write this kind of novel.” Steve looks embarrassed. “Do you want me to just ask you questions?”
“Actually, I was wondering what you think about me just telling you stories. You know, just talking. Then you put it together the way you think works best.” Steve opens his sketch pad. “And I was wondering what you would think if some of my drawings were put in the book too.”
It all hits Bucky like a steam roller. Tears start to gather in his eyes. “Oh god…”
Steve sees the minute that it happens. Loki was right, Steve was connected to something in the modern world, he was connected to Bucky. Reaching across the table, he takes both of Bucky’s hands. “It’s you, isn’t it?” Bucky’s eyes are closed and he’s shaking his head. “God, please tell me it’s you, Buck.”
His eyes fly open and he sees the truth in Steve’s. “Stevie?”
Now Steve looks like he’s going to cry. “Please tell me that this time it’s real.” The super soldier doesn’t even try to hide the tears now or wipe them away. “If I wake up again without you, it will kill me Bucky.”
Bucky sees Steve for the first time, the real Steve, the Steve that’s been trying so hard to keep going, but is just barely holding on to his own sanity. “I’m here, Steve. I’m right here and I’m not letting you go this time. This is real. I’m here.”
“Let’s go home, Buck. Can we just go home now? Please?” It’s almost sobbed out and Bucky can completely relate to the feeling.
They pick up their things and head back to Bucky’s apartment. When the door closes behind them, they stop for the first time and look at each other. “I don’t understand what’s happening. You’re going to have to explain all this because I’m kinda freakin out, Steve.”
They sit on the sofa about a foot apart. Steve wants to be closer, but this Bucky is closed off in a way that the other wasn’t. He’s read a brief bio on this Bucky and knows that Becca died along with his parents when he was only 18. Steve also knows he’s become a recluse for the last six years. He wants to understand this man, so they can build a life together because there isn’t a reality, ice induced or not, where Steve Rogers doesn’t love Bucky Barnes.
He does reach out and take Bucky’s hand, just holding it, caressing over the knuckles. Bucky takes a deep breath and lets it out like he’s releasing a weight. “Loki could probably explain this better.” Bucky looks confused. “He’s the one that figured out what was going on. He says that the only way my mind could have come up with that reality is if I was…am connected to someone here.” He tries to catch Bucky’s eyes even though the man is looking down at their hands. “Whether it’s magic or fate or whatever the hell else it could be, you and I are connected to each other. This is meant to be.” Bucky still doesn’t looks up, worrying Steve that they don’t want the same thing. “Is that okay? I mean, I can go if you don’t…the book doesn’t have to be written…I just…”
Without looking up, Bucky starts talking. “That world became real and this one became something I had to survive to get back to that one. When my parents and Becca died, I was lost and that world gave me a home…it gave me you, but I just thought I was crazy.”
Steve finally puts a hand on Bucky’s face, raising it so he can see those eyes. “You aren’t crazy. Waking up here…it was a nightmare. All I’ve been able to think about is you and getting to you. I finally feel like I can breathe.”
Bucky jumps up and crosses to the window. “You know I’m not him. I may never be him. That Bucky still had his sister, he had a perfect life.”
Steve stands, but doesn’t step closer. “I know that it’s a different life that you’ve had and that you’ve lost more than anyone should have had to go through, but you and me…come on Bucky…you and me, we just fit. Everything in me recognizes everything in you. This…” He waves between them. “This is everything I need in my life. Please…please…don’t make me go back out there without you.” Steve turns and looks at the door. “Please don’t make me live without you. I can’t. I just can’t do it.”
He turns just in time to have an arm full of James Buchannan Barnes. The man buries himself in Steve’s embrace and Steve finally feels...everything. He doesn’t leave that night and sends a text to Loki. ‘I need a few days. Don’t tell anyone where I am. I’m turning the tracker off on my phone.’
The text he gets in return helps him relax. ‘Be well friend and your whereabouts are unknown even with the tracker working. Magic has many perks.’
Steve wakes on the sofa, not having wanted to push Bucky too far. This man is not the same, but Steve can still see that light in his eyes. It’s still dark outside and he checks his phone, seeing that it’s just past three. He isn’t sure what woke him until he hears moving around in the bedroom. Listening for a few more seconds, he wonders if he should get up and check, but then the door opens and Bucky comes into the living room.
Finding Steve awake, he smiles down at the man. “What are ya doin out here, Stevie? Come to bed, would ya.” Suddenly, this man, with shorter hair and a fear of things he loves disappearing, becomes the man that Steve fell in love with.
Steve jumps to his feet, taking Bucky’s offered hand, and heads into the bedroom. Stripping out of his clothes he crawls in next to Bucky, who pulls him in, cuddling him against his chest. Steve lets out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding since he woke up. “I love you. So much.”
“I love you too, Steve. Not letting you go ever again.” Steve basks in the warmth of those words and sleeps better than he’s slept since waking up.
He wakes the following morning, spooned against Bucky’s front. “You awake, baby?”
Steve hums and for just a second he doesn’t register the when or where he is. “Mmmm, more awake now.” There’s a chuckle behind him and a slight thrust of hips at his back.
“Maybe you need some attention that you haven’t been getting.” Steve huffs a quiet laugh and can’t deny that he’s missed this.
He’s awake enough now to remember the when and where. “Only if you’re sure you want that from me.”
Bucky’s arms tighten around him. “Never wanted anything more in my life.” He’s rolled onto his back and while being kissed, his boxer briefs are pulled down. When Bucky sits up, pulling them all the way off, he just stares. “So goddamn beautiful.” Bucky works his own briefs off.
“Do you own a mirror?” Bucky barks a laugh, remembering those words from a shower in another life.
“You need me to take care of you, baby?” Steve nods and Bucky kisses him and it feels just the same. Everything in Steve loosens and lets Bucky take the lead. It’s become clear to Steve that Bucky’s felt out of control in this world, like he can’t get a handle on anything tangible. By letting go and letting Bucky take care of him, Steve is taking care of Bucky too. Letting him have the control he’s been missing.
“What do you want, Stevie? Tell me what you need.” The words are spoken into Steve’s skin as Bucky kisses along his collar bone and neck.
Steve whines. “Everything…anything…just you.”
Bucky sits up, grinning down at Steve. He leans over, pulling open the side table drawer and getting out the lube. “I’m going to assume everything you told me is still true?”
Steve looks confused for about a second. “Still clean, still want you to come in me, and still want someone to take care of me even when I don’t know I need it.”
The laugh that bubbles out of Bucky is everything good in the world. “Still trying to get me to blow my load before I can even get in you.” Steve joins him in laughter. “It’s been a really long time for me in the real world. Hope I don’t disappoint.”
“That’s not possible, Bucky. You could never disappoint me in anything you do.” Lubed fingers start circling Steve’s hole and his breath hitches.
“I love you.” By the time he’s prepped and ready, Steve is a whimpering mess. Bucky pushes into the body he never thought he’d see again and his vision whites out for a split second. It’s the same. Everything about it is the same. “Jesus…Stevie…oh god…baby…”
Steve’s hands move up his shoulders, to Bucky’s neck and pulls him in. Just before their lips meet, Steve moans, “Bucky…”
As he snaps his hips forward, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder, Bucky cries. He’d maybe be embarrassed, but he can feel tears wetting his hair from Steve. Sitting back, he loops his arms under Steve’s knees, pulling up. Steve meets him thrust for thrust and looks completely blissed out. Bucky rails into Steve’s body, not letting up, and not considerate for Steve’s comfort. They need this. They need to feel it after and be sure of the other’s existence. It’s vicious and rough and neither of them want it any other way, not this time.
“Touch…yourself…do it…come on baby…come for me…” Steve’s hand grips himself, jerking as hard as Bucky is fucking him. Within seconds they both cry out, but Bucky doesn’t stop. He keeps moving even though he’s over-sensitive and knows that Steve is too. He ruts up against Steve, who pants exhausted. “This is real. Tell me this is real.”
Steve pulls him down, letting his legs fall on either side of Bucky’s body. He holds tightly. “This is real. I swear it is.”
Later that afternoon, when they finally take the time to talk about the book, Bucky laughs. “Basically, you are asking me to write something that I’ve already written.”
Steve looks up confused and Bucky grabs his laptop. “What do you mean?”
“Well, when I would have trouble writing other stuff, I would write this.” He hands the laptop over and Steve starts reading.
He remembers this. This is the biography that was written in the dream. “You wrote it. Why?”
Bucky blushes and gets up to pace. “Because it made me feel closer to you. Because I didn’t know that it was real…or…you know what I mean?”
Steve nods and goes to the front door where he left his sketch pad. He comes back over, handing it to Bucky. “Yeah, I know.”
Bucky starts thumbing through everything and his eyes get wet with tears. “You drew us.” Looking at the next sketch he laughs. “Maybe I should grow my hair out.”
Steve sits next to him. “Whatever you do with your hair, you’ll still be the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.”
Bucky sits the pad aside. “What do we do now?”
“Well, we take a few months and you pretend to write something you’ve already written.” Bucky gives him a look and Steve knows he means in the immediate. “Oh, you mean…well, I seem to remember asking you to marry me. We could do that.”
Bucky chokes on nothing. “What?!” Steve grins slyly. “And to be clear, you didn’t actually ask me.”
Steve barks a laugh and gets down on one knee in front of the sofa. “Okay, then…James Buchannan Barnes, you have been my life in two worlds. We aren’t the same people, but we are the same souls that seem to be tied together. I don’t want to lose you again and never want to be without you. Marry me and be with me all the days of this life and the next.”
Bucky smirks. “Not bad. Are you sure about this?” Steve nods emphatically. “Then yes, Steven Grant Rogers, man of my literal dreams. I will marry you in this life and any others.”
They arrive at the Tower just before five the next evening and Bucky stops in the lobby, just looking at the building. “Buck?”
Bucky melts a little every time Steve calls him that. “Sorry, it’s just…I feel like I live here and I’ve never even been in the building. I feel like I have a family here and I’ve never even met them. It’s just weird to be here…with you…and not know the people that I’m about to meet.”
“Well, I did tell Loki that I needed a few days, we could go back to your place and just be alone for a little while longer.” Bucky leans up, kissing Steve gently.
“I love you for wanting to protect me, but if we’re going to build a life together, these people are going to be part of that.” Steve nods and pulls him into the private lift.
“JARVIS, this is James Barnes, he needs to be added to my floor permanently. He’ll be moving in within the week.”
‘Of course, Captain Rogers. Welcome, Mr. Barnes.’
Bucky smiles because he thought of JARVIS as a friend too. “What do you think the others will do?”
“I think they will believe we’re both out of our minds, except Loki.” Steve laughs quietly. “How weird is it that Loki is part of this and he wasn’t before?”
“It does bring up a few questions. I don’t understand how we could dream up something like the Battle of New York when it never happened and Loki has been working with the good guys this whole time.” Bucky leans against Steve’s side. “Does make me think that something was controlling all this.”
“Yeah, I thought about that too. There were certain things that neither of us would have known about that came up. I mean, JARVIS for example. You’ve never been in the Tower, so you wouldn’t have known about him to interject that into our shared dream.” Steve stiffens.
“What? What is it?” Bucky’s worried now because now that they’ve said it out loud, it does seem like there’s something bigger going on.
“We’re going to need to figure this out.” Bucky nods as the lift doors open and Bucky stops. This is home. This is their home. Steve did it just the same. Steve hangs back by the door while Bucky steps into their space. “Do you like it?”
Bucky turns and jumps into Steve’s arms. He’s crying again and is just going to have to accept that this is his life now. “It’s perfect.” He lets go of Steve and walks around the living room. Going to the shelf, he finds sketches that are similar to the photos that were there. He goes to the bedroom and finds the same blue comforter on the bed, but it’s what’s hanging on the wall on Bucky’s side that makes him stop.
He feels the warmth of Steve at his back and arms slip around his waist. “I’m sorry if that’s too much, but when I found out she’d died with your parents, I had to paint her like I remember her.” Bucky sags into Steve’s embrace and lets the tears slip silently down his face. The portrait is Bucky and Becca like one of the photos that Bucky remembers in the dream. It’s the Becca from Brown University that had her whole life ahead of her. They are smiling with flower crowns on their heads. Central Park in the background and a bright blue sky.
“Thank you. Thank you for giving me this.” He goes to get a closer look and reaches up to gently touch her smile. “This is how I want to remember her.”
They don’t see the team that night. That night, Bucky makes Chicken Parmesan and they eat in pajama pants and t-shirts. After, they eat cheese cake ice cream and cuddle on the couch. “Can I ask you something?”
“Stevie, you can ask me anything.” He sounds so serious, so Bucky turns on the sofa to look at Steve’s face.
“Where do you want to get married?” Bucky bursts with laughter. “I just thought you might have a special spot where you wanna do it.”
Bucky climbs into Steve’s lap, taking the ice cream and putting it on the side table. He leans in, kissing Steve with everything he has. “I want to get married anywhere that it can be done soon.”
“We gotta get rings.” Bucky nods. “I can ask Pepper where to get those and a marriage license.” Bucky starts kissing up Steve neck. “And there should be cake.” Bucky starts nipping instead of kissing. “Oh…jesus…” Bucky starts to laugh, but Steve stands, taking Bucky with him. “Bed….we need bed.”
“Yeah and if things go well maybe tomorrow we can just stay in bed all day.”
They don’t stay in bed all day because they both know that they have to, at the very least, see Loki and Pepper. What they do find is the team, having breakfast on the common floor and when they all go quiet when Steve and Bucky enter, the two know they are the topic of conversation.
Tony stands, looking critically at the two men. “Well, it looks like you found the right man, Cap.”
Steve blushes, squeezing Bucky’s hand. “Yeah, you could say that.” He looks over at Loki, who is grinning mischievously. “We probably need to talk about this.”
Bucky pulls away from Steve and heads into the kitchen. “I’m getting coffee before we start.” He leans on the counter for support when a voice startles him. He can act brave, but his insides are bubbling with anxiety.
“You seem unsure.” Loki leans on the counter across from Bucky, watching the man closely.
Lowering his voice, Bucky grabs a mug. “Well yes, I would say that’s an accurate assessment. Those people were my family and they are barely a team right now.”
Loki nods, coming over to the writer. “This is true, but they can be again. On both counts.” He lays a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “You must give them time and a reason to come together.” There’s a wink and Loki is gone.
Going back into the dining room, Bucky sits next to Steve and hands him his coffee. “I know you don’t like strangers in your Tower, but Tony…”
Tony doesn’t hide his mistrust of this new comer. He doesn’t really trust anyone sitting at the table except for a few. “I know you said you were looking for the right guy and,” He looks at Bucky. “No offense, but I don’t know you.”
Bucky swallows a drink. “I get that, but I know you.”
Tony snorts. “Everyone knows me. You can find out anything about me on the internet. I’m famous, in case you forgot.”
Bucky looks at Steve, who nods. Bucky leans forward on the table, looking the billionaire in the eye. “Alright, let’s test that. I know that you have two robots in your lab that even though they constantly fuck things up, you keep them because you built one when you were about 12 and the other you created at MIT when you were 15.” Tony waves him off with an eye roll. “What many people don’t know is that you built the one at MIT because you didn’t have any friends.” The table freezes. “You had people that hung out with you because you had money, but no one that really saw you, so you made a friend.”
Bucky turns on the rest of the table. Zeroing in on Clint, he keeps going. “I know that you have nests in the vents because when you were in the circus you didn’t have any place that was just yours and the floor that you have here is too big to manage and has too many sightlines into the rooms. I also know that you’re sitting there with black coffee in front of you, but what you really want is to go get the mocha creamer out of the fridge.” He looks at Natasha. “You don’t want anyone to know that more than anything, you want a family and since you can’t have one of your own, you’ll take this one and care for it like nothing else.” He looks at Pepper. “I know that you’re in love with him,” He indicates Tony. “But you won’t take just a one off, you want it all. Which, by the way, you deserve for the shit you’ve had to put up with from him.” He looks back at Tony. “I mean that reporter in Malibu, jesus Tony that was just low. So, get your head out of your ass and admit that you love her too.”
The table sits frozen and Steve grins and finally speaks. “Oh, by the way, we’re getting married and need to find out how to go about doing that and if anyone knows a place to hold the ceremony, that would be great.” He gets up and heads into the kitchen. “Buck, you want breakfast?” The brunette nods, still watching the people around the table.
When he comes back with eggs and bagels, Tony is sitting with his hand over his mouth, Natasha looks shell-shocked and Clint gets up to go to the fridge. Pepper finally speaks up. “Steve, you’re going to need to explain this.”
While they eat, Steve tells them everything, with Loki interjecting things here and there. The table stays silent for minutes after he’s done only to explode in questions and comments. Tony finally whistles and everyone freezes. “You’re telling me that while you were under the ice, you were aware the whole time?”
Steve nods, taking Bucky’s hand. “Yeah, if not for this world that we created together, I would probably have gone crazy.”
Natasha looks inquiringly at them. “So, you two know each other already and us.” She looks at Steve. “You knew all about me the day we met.”
“Well, you were family.” He looks at the table. “You all were.”
“Stevie, I think we may have to fill in a few gaps in this manuscript. I’m pretty sure I deleted some chapters.” Bucky comes in from the office to find Steve talking quietly with Pepper and a man he doesn’t know.
Pepper nods over at him and Steve turns, grinning like a loon. “I told you Pepper would know what to do.” He holds out his hand and Bucky comes over taking it. “Instead of going to find the rings, the rings have come to us.”
It doesn’t take long for them to spot the ones that were meant to rest on their fingers. The man smiles gently. “Someday I’m going to tell my grandchildren that I helped Captain America and James Barnes pick out their wedding bands.” The room dissolves into giggles. The man takes his things and leaves.
Pepper turns to them. “Okay, we have the license and the venue, but we still need a cake, flowers, and suits for the two of you.”
“Oh no, Steve’s going to wear his stealth suit.” They look at Bucky like he’s gone mad and he snorts a laugh.
“You are still an asshole.” Steve leans in kissing him.
Pepper rolls her eyes. “Alright, now are there any allergies that I need to know about?” Both shake their heads. “Then how about I put this together and you two just show up.” With that she gets nods and leaves with a sigh. Neither man care how it happens as long as it happens.
Steve takes Bucky’s hands, raising them to his lips, and kisses each knuckle then the ring that rests on his left hand. “You sure you want to be saddled with me for the rest of your life?”
“I’m as sure as you are that you want to be saddled with me.” Leaning in, Steve kisses the lips that he’ll never tire of. They stay on Steve’s floor for the rest of the day. Bucky writes, asking Steve to tell him stories and Steve sketches and takes pictures of Bucky when the writer isn’t paying attention. He wants to replace their photos as soon as possible. After dinner, they pile on the sofa and start a movie, but mostly they make out, whispering words of reassurance.
Bucky’s phone rings later that night while the movie plays. Steve hands it over from the side table. “Hello?”
Shelly sighs. “Thank god! I went to your apartment today to find out how everything with Captain Rogers went and they told me that movers were there. What the hell happened? You didn’t leave the country did you?”
Bucky starts to laugh making Steve look quizzically at him. “No Shelly, I didn’t leave the country. I moved in with Steve.” There are expletives and yelling, but when she finally calms enough to listen, Bucky starts explaining. She’s completely dumbfounded by what he tells her. As Bucky explains, Steve thinks how grateful he is that Bucky had someone that he could talk to.
“So you’re telling me that all of that, everything that’s been happening over the last few years was happening to him too? In the ice? While he was unconscious?”
“That’s what I’m telling you. Somehow we were connected and everything I experienced in those dreams, he was living under the ice.” He looks up at Steve and prays that all of this doesn’t go away.
As though he knows what Bucky is thinking, he hugs him. “I’m here. It’s not a dream.” Bucky says his goodbyes, much to Shelly’s dismay since their conversation isn’t over.
“Promise me that I’ll wake up tomorrow and this will still be real.” Steve leans in, pressing their foreheads together.
“If it’s not, I’ll find you in the next life and every one after that.” Movie forgotten, they make their way to the bedroom.
It takes three days for Pepper to get everything together. During that time the team comes together in a way that they hadn’t before. “No! Now wait a minute! This isn’t fair.” Steve is blushing so hard that he looks like a tomato and Bucky is giggling.
“Come on, Cap! All’s fair in love and games.” Tony grins so wide that Bucky is sure his face will break.
“You know, love. I think it’s only fair after Tony shared his horrible threesome experience.” Steve glares at Bucky, but it holds no malice.
Nat chuckles. “And let’s not forget me sharing the one and only time I got drunk on gin and tried to scale a wall to follow this idiot.” She points over at Clint who is laughing so hard he’s clutching his sides.
“Fine! But I want it on record that I’m giving this information under duress.” Everyone nods, but looks exceptionally please. Sitting forward like children listening to their favorite story. Steve takes a heavy breath, looks over at Bucky and throws his hands up. “When I was 13, my ma walked in on me in the bathroom. She thought I was sick because of the noises I was making. I didn’t do it again until I was 14 and she started working the night shift at the hospital.”
The group dissolved into a fit of boisterous laughter and Steve sits with a plop on the floor next to Bucky, who leans over, kissing him lightly. Thor booms with laughter. “My friend, on Asgard we have attendants that help with that.”
Everyone freezes and looks over at the big, blond god and Loki rolls his eyes. “We did not have attendants for that, brother.”
Thor looks over, wide-eyed. “But there were many that helped when I needed assistance.”
Loki begins to laugh wildly. “Oh…brother…” Thor looks lost and confused. Loki pulls himself under control and snorts undignified. “I told you that as a joke. Did you really think that Mother would have approved something so intimate for her children?”
“But…wha…so…”
Everyone is shocked, but can’t help the sniggers. “That is correct, brother, you let just anyone handle your…”
“Okay stop!” Bruce stands up and waves his hands. “I do not need anyone describing Thor’s…stuff.” And the laughter keeps going.
Five days after buying the rings, Tony stands next to Steve and Clint stands next to Bucky. Their suits are deep blue and the flowers are lilies in honor of Steve’s mother. The justice of the peace is a man in his mid-forties, who told Pepper that this is the greatest day of his life. Being a huge fan of Bucky’s novels and getting to meet and perform the marriage ceremony of Steve Rogers. The food is waiting and the cake is a monster of dessert wonder. The cake itself is lemon and each layer has a filling of fresh blueberry jam. The icing is a pale yellow and edible flowers decorate the top. Those in attendance have no doubt now that what they are witnessing is something magical.
The JP nods at Steve, who takes Bucky’s hands. He stares at the ground, just for a few seconds, then looks up at the man that holds his heart. “Bucky, when I woke up for real I was lost. Not like the first time, but really lost. I disappointed a lot of people by not being able to be what they wanted me to be. Finding you again brought me home. Before, I missed back then, my ma, everything that was gone and never coming back, but this time everything that made sense to me was shattered. I was shattered.” Bucky squeezes his hands, giving Steve courage. “For months I just wandered around hoping that I would suddenly see your face in the crowd. When I finally did see your face, my home, my whole world was back. I could breathe again. That’s what you are, you are my world.” He smiles wetly at Bucky, who matches the look. “I will always be here for you. I will never take what we have for granted because we almost didn’t have it. I will be your best friend and your husband because there is no one and nothing that could mean more to me than you. I love you with everything I am.”
Steve slips the ring on Bucky’s finger and he hears his breath hitch. “Stevie, I didn’t have a life and wasn’t really living. My real world was the one that I shared with you every night. Then to find that everything we built there was real for you too, it was just more than I could understand. We built a world that kept me whole and happy and now you are giving me that for real. I don’t know how all this came to be, but I’m thankful that it has.” Bucky looks around at the people sharing this day with them and takes a deep breath. “I will love you all the days of my life. I will be your best friend and husband because only you understand me. I will take care of you when you need me to. And I will never love the way I love you. You are my everything.” Bucky slides the ring onto Steve finger and leans in kissing it.
“I don’t know that I could add anything to that, except this,” Steve and Bucky looks up at the JP. “I now pronounce you husbands and wish you all the best to come. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Steve and James Rogers.” There’s whooping and hollering and applause from those in attendance.
“Kiss each other already.” Tony pulls Pepper up to stand with him. She leans into his side as he slips an arm around her.
That night, after the dinner and cake, everyone piles up on the chairs and sofas in the common room. A movie is playing in the background, but they are all talking quietly. Steve and Bucky, tucked into an oversized chair, are making out like teenagers. “Are you two going to go somewhere for a honeymoon?” Nat watches them warmly.
Steve lifts his head, pecking Bucky’s cheek. “We thought we would just stay here.”
Tony perks up. “You know, I can send you anywhere you want to go.”
“Yeah, but we’d rather stay here with our family. If we need alone time, we can just go to our floor.” Bucky grins at the group.
Steve watches how their faces all send the same message; they don’t want them leaving any more than Steve and Bucky want to leave. Building a family takes time and they would rather be here, doing that, than on a beach somewhere. “What will you do if a mission comes up?” Pepper has been quiet, but worries about the practical things.
Bucky kisses Steve. “Stevie will go do his job and then come home and let me take care of him.”
In New York City, on Bleeker Street, two men sit, watching the world unfold. “This was a lot of trouble just so you can make your presence known.”
The tall man, with white streaks in his hair, smirks. “In order for Tony Stark to believe in magic, something drastic needed to be presented to him.” The other man grunts. “Now, when I need their help, he will be more willing to assist.”
“Still seems like a lot of trouble just to ease a billionaire into the idea of magic.” The shorter man heads up the stairs.
“Will it make you feel better if I bring you a tuna melt from the deli?” The taller man crosses his arms over his chest.
The other man, halfway up the stairs, turns excitedly. “With the salt and vinegar chips?” He gets a nod. “Then yes, that will make me feel better about all of this.”