Work Text:
“C’mon, kids, it’s half past nine, time to pick up the Gobstones and go to bed” said Harry, clapping his hands.
Al and James looked at him with wounded expressions – as always, nothing could make the two of them agree as fast as teaming up against him.
“Please, dad, five more minutes!”
“Yeah, I’ve almost beat Al!”
“You haven't beaten me in the least!”
“I’m going to beat you, I’m going to beat you” chanted James with a smug grin.
“Cut it, boys” said Harry. “You know the rules.”
Unsurprisingly, the kids huffed and rolled their eyes, but they stop pleading. They were about to pick up the Gobstones from the floor, when Lily startled them all.
“I won!”
James and Al suddenly forgot their annoyance and looked astonished at their little sister: Lily was beaming with a toothy smile and her two missing teeth, the winning Gobstone held in one hand.
“Good for you” said Harry, amused. “I reckon you deserve a double bedtime story, then! But only if you’ll put your pyjamas on very fast” he added with a wink.
Lily stood up in an instant with a radiant smile, kissed Harry’s cheek and rushed upstairs.
Harry gazed for a long moment in the direction she’d disappeared, his heart swelling with affection, and then he turned towards the boys. They were putting the Gobstones away with pouting expressions, letting the marbles drop loudly into their box.
“I’ll give you the time of two fairy tales for the rematch, but when I’m back I want you on your feet right away, ready to go to bed. Understood?”
“Yes! Promised! Pinky swear!”
“You’re the best!”
“Don’t make me regret this” he said, pointing his finger at them while looking right into their eyes with a warning gaze. “Mum wouldn’t be happy to hear you didn’t behave while she’s away.”
They nodded eagerly, and for the umpteenth time Harry was amazed by how effective Ginny’s parenting could be, even from afar.
Harry opened Lily’s door to find her diligently under her cover, laying on her side to face the door, with only her bedside lamp light up.
“Here you are” he smiled. “I knew you’d be ready to sleep.”
“Ready to sleep?” asked Lily with wide eyes, jumping into a sitting position. “But you said you were going to tell me two stories!”
“Of course, of course. That’s way I’m here for” he explained with patience, while Lily relaxed. “I just meant that I’m very happy you were already under your blanket, exactly as I asked.”
She nodded pleased and laid again, her red hair spreading on the white pillow. It was a slightly darker shade than Ginny’s, but at least as beautiful.
Harry pushed the armchair in the corner of the room closer to the bed and leant in, kissing her temple.
“So, what fairy tales would you like?”
He laid his gaze on the piles of books piled up on the bedside table, wondering if she was going to choose The Little Mermaid for the third times in a week, and above them he spotted a little roll of parchment with messy inky fingerprints marks.
“What’s this?”
“Oh, that’s a letter for grandma. I’ve been practising with my writing!”
“Well, that’s great! But what do you have to tell grandma that can’t wait tomorrow?” he asked with amusement.
“It’s not for grandma Molly!”
Harry stared at her, his smile fading, and Lily frowned perplexed.
“It’s for grandma Lily” she spelled out, as it was the most obvious thing in the world and he was just being particularly thick about it – which was probably true, on hindsight. “I haven’t got one hundred grandma, have I?”
Harry shook his head, forcing himself to smile. “No, I guess you don’t.”
Suddenly, Lily’s expression brightened. “Would you like to read it? I can give up on one of the story if you do, so it won’t get too late, and it’s short anyway, ‘cause I haven’t that much to tell her because I don’t know her, and –”
“Lily.”
She looked at him with concern. “Yes?”
“I’d really, really love to read it.”
“For real?” she asked, her eyes wide in excitement.
“Of course. But, you know what? I reckon you should be the one doing the reading” he added with a soft smile.
“Oh, yes, that’s a good idea, I have to practise with that too!” she said delighted, sitting up again and adjusting her bedside lamp to point it to her lap. She then grabbed the parchment and unrolled it, clearing her throat.
“Dear grandma Lily, do you know that we have the same name?! Dad said it’s because of the hair, because it’s very long and red! He showed me a picture of you and you’re very very beautiful, and you have hair like mine but darker, and also a bit like my mum, even if you’re dad’s mum, not mum’s mum.
But I don’t have green eyes like you and dad and Al, and even if dad says he loves mum’s eyes and mine I think your eyes are beatifuler. Oh and if you don’t know that already Al is my middle brother and he looks a lot like dad, and my mum’s name is Ginny, and she’s a Quidditch journalist but she was a Chaser before James and she’s a Weasley even if now she’s a Potter like you and me, and then I have a bigger brother called James as dad’s dad (your husband). And then there’s Teddy who isn’t really my brother but it’s like he is, even if he doesn’t lives here but with his grandma Andy. And I also have a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles because mum has a lot of brothers, and also grandparents Molly and Arthur where we stay all together at the Burrow.
Now I don’t know what else to write because I don’t know you very well and I don’t really know what you do and where you are but dad says you’re beyond the veil with uncle Fred and Teddy’s parents and grandpa James, and mum told me Peanut can find anybody anywhere so I hope he can find you too, but I don’t know if you have ink and parchment so don’t worry if you can’t answer. You think we will meet each other one day? Dad says we all will one day and I’d really like to because I don’t know you and I’d like to know you, but I love you anyway because dad showed me your photos on his album and he loves you too, I can tell. Bye bye! Lily (as you!). Piss: I’ll say hi to Al and James from you if you want!”
Lily let the parchment roll on itself with a delighted smile, clearly pleased by her effort, then she looked at Harry, and her smile faded. “You didn’t like it?” she asked, her voice low and uncertain – wounded, even.
Harry swallowed, overwhelmed, and forced himself to put on a convincing smile. “On the contrary, honey. I loved it very much” he said, sincere. “You know, I think it’s one of the most beautiful letter I’ve ever read” he added, thinking of the letter he’d found years before in Sirius’ old room.
“Really?” asked Lily, a spark of excitement back.
“Really.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
Harry sighed. “Not all the good things are cheerful, love.”
Lily squeezed his hand, looking at him with the same sweet, compassionate smile she had done to Ron when he’d said the fairy godmother had been the one to lose the crystal shoe.
*
Harry was reading a wizarding novel on the couch, but his mind kept going back to the letter Lily had wrote, and to his promise to send it on her behalf, a promise he was already regretting. He’d slipped it between the last page and the back cover of his book, and it was hard to resist the urge to read it over and over. He knew he was meant to share it with Ginny, and he hoped the match she was attending wasn’t going to last even longer that it’d already done.
He startled awake when the mantlepiece light up with green flames and Ginny appeared in their living room.
“Hello, Sleeping Beauty” she said, grinning, and Harry felt an immediate wave of affection and relief.
“Hey” he smiled, moving the book from his lap. He stood up to greet her with a kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist, and Ginny kissed him back, her fingers tracing the hair on the back of his neck.
“So, what happened to our agreement not to wait up after midnight?” she asked conversationally.
“I’m sorry, was it me or you first words to your lovely, lonely husband were to mock him because he was indeed asleep?”
“You forgot funny” she teased, raising an eyebrow. “And anyway, it’s the location that counts, not the actual sleeping. Bed beats couch, I’m afraid.”
“I reckon the outfit should count as well, though. The only reason I agreed was the prospective to find you in already your nightgown after a long day at work.”
“Well, I’ll concede you look sexy in this pyjamas too” said Ginny with a shrug, tracing a flashing lighting bolt with a finger.
“George will be very pleased to know that.”
“I’ll make sure to let him know” she said with a wink. “The kids?”
“Safe and sound, I send them to bed after a heated Gobstones match. I reckon James’ pride is a bit shaken, he was beaten by Lily and Al.”
“Ouch.”
“He’ll live” smiled Harry. “How was the match?”
“The Harpies trashed the Wasp” she said smugly. “Too bad that I have to pretend to be impartial.”
“Oh, that must be hunting.”
“Yeah, I bet I won’t be able to sleep for the whole night” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Harry felt his heart pumping faster, even if he knew perfectly well that that had to wait.
His hesitation must have shown on his face, because Ginny smile faded, and she eyed him carefully. “Is everything ok?”
Harry swallowed. “It is. But…” he trailed off, unable to find the right words.
Ginny disentangled herself from the hug, intertwining their fingers to pull him gently towards the couch. Harry picked up the book and let himself drop near the armrest, resting his forehead on his fist.
Ginny sat facing his side, her legs crossed on the sofa, but she didn’t push him, and he couldn’t help but be amazed yet again by her ability to get him.
He sighed, letting go of her hand to take the letter from the book and offering it to Ginny. “It’s from Lily.”
Ginny glanced at him, half wary, half curious, and began reading with narrowed eyes – they were wide and shining when she’d reached the end.
She put the letter down, laying a hand on his thigh and squeezing lightly.
He shrugged. “I’m ok.”
When Ginny caressed his face he closed his eyes, relishing her gentle touch for a long moment before taking her hand in his, grateful that she hadn’t call him out for his obvious lie.
“It’s just… Do you think… do you think she should get an answer?”
She sighed, throwing a glance at the letter laid on her lap.
“I’m not sure she really expects an answer. And if she do expect it… Well, I think that if she’d get one now, when she’ll be old enough to understand she won’t be happy that we made it up.”
Harry hadn’t considered it in that prospective, but Ginny definitely had a point. “Yeah” he nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“Unsurprisingly” she teased, but smiling softly.
Harry let out a low chuckle, but now that he’d start sharing, he needed more reassurances. “I thought… I mean, I was sure she’d understood that… that they’re all gone…”
Ginny considered it, her gaze wandering around the living room, and Harry circled his thumb on the back of her hand, wondering if she was thinking about Fred.
“I think she understands, in her own way” said Ginny eventually. “She just… imagines them all together somewhere else, somewhere where we can’t go.”
“It does’t seem like she thinks she can’t reach them, though, does it?” he asked, gesturing at the letter.
Ginny took a deep breath. “I think she just believes they can listen to her, somehow. And… she isn’t wrong, is she?”
Harry thought of the whispers behind the Veil, of the misty figures appearing from Voldemort’s wand, of the ghosts, of King’s Cross, of the Resurrection Stone.
“No... she’s not. But I… sort of promised her to send it?”
“Oh, Harry…”
“Yeah, I know, I know, I already regret it, but… she was so excited about it… I just…”
“Wanted to make her happy?”
Harry sighed. “Yeah.”
Ginny stay silent for a long moment and Harry waited, hoping she could help him figure out what to do.
“I don’t think she will be upset, if you’ll tell her the truth” she said eventually.
Harry looked at her, bewildered. “I should tell her that I made her a promise I knew I couldn’t keep?”
“You should tell her that we can’t reach them with paper and owls, but that doesn’t mean they can’t listen to us.” Ginny took a deep breath. “When you told me about the Stone, I was… it was difficult to know that something like that existed. And I know it doesn’t brings people back to life, not really, but the mere idea that I could talk to Fred again… that I could make George talk to him again, or that Teddy could meet his parents… There were times it hurt so much that I almost went in the Forbidden Forest to look for it, even if I knew I’d never find it…”
Ginny trailed off, but Harry knew she was gathering the strength to add something else, and he stayed quite, holding her hand tight.
“Sometimes… sometimes I even wished you’d never told me…”
He froze, feeling like she’d just squeezed his heart in her hand.
“… but then… after a while… I was glad you did, and not only because it meant a lot that you where sharing so much with me, but also because I realised that… it means they still exist, somehow, and they… I don’t know, keep an eye on us, or something…”
In that moment, Harry saw a clear imagine of his mother reading Lily’s letter, a radiant smile in her face, her green eyes shining. He felt his own eyes glistening and blinked hastily. He removed his glasses and pressed a hand on his face pressing a hand on his face, but Ginny straddled his lap and moved his hand away with gentle firmness. She kissed his eyes, then his cheeks, then his lips, and Harry let her cherish him until everything became blissful oblivion, soothing tenderness and aching love.
***
“Good morning!” said Lily cheerful, her little feet stumping fast on the floor.
Harry had barely stirred when he felt the mattress wobbling under her daughter’s weight.
“Morning” he mumbled, taking his arm off Ginny’s waist so Lily could crawl between them. He kissed her temple, making her some room.
“Hello, honey” said Ginny, rolling over to face them.
“Hi, mummy!” exclaimed Lily, hugging her tight. “Do you know that I beat Al and James at Gobstones yesterday?”
Ginny chuckled. “So I’ve heard.”
“And I wrote a letter to grandma Lily, and dad was happy but also sad and he said he’d send it!”
Harry sighed. He didn’t expect this moment to arrive so soon, but he was glad Ginny was there too. They shared a glance, and she nodded encouraging.
“Yeah, about that…”
“You already sent it?!” asked Lily, sitting up, her eyes widened in delight. “How much will it take to get there?”
Harry sat up as well, laying an arm on her shoulder and pulling her to his chest. “Actually… well, er, I thought a lot about it, love, and I remembered that… that I’ve tried something like this before, when I wanted to talk to my godfather Sirius, but it… it didn’t work, and… I’m very sorry, but the truth is, I don’t think Peanut knows where to find your grandma.”
Lily lift her head to look at him, and his stomach clenched when he took in her trembling lips and teary eyes. “But... but I thought…”
“I know, love. I thought that too, but… I was wrong. I’m very sorry.”
Lily hide her face against his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist, and he hugged her tighter. “I just wanted her to know me” said Lily, her voice muffled.
Harry swallowed, a loss for word.
“She does know you, love” cut in Ginny with confidence. “And she may not be able to receive any letter, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know that you write to her, or what you wrote.”
Lily sniffed, but let Harry go to turn toward her mother. “How do you know?”
“Well, I know she loved daddy very much, and daddy loves both of you very much, and that’s enough to me. You see, the ones we love never really leave us.”
Lily moved her gaze between her parents, her eyes narrowed as she had to make sure she understood it well. “So… I can write her more letters?”
Harry swallowed. “If you want.”
“And she’ll know I did?”
“Yes, I believe so.”
“And what should I do with the letters if I can’t send them?”
Harry was taken aback by the question, but as always, Ginny came in to help.
“You know… I think I may have an idea.”
**
“I want to buy lilies!”
“Merlin, I wonder how you could come up with something so original, Lils. Color me impressed.”
“Don’t be mean to your sister” scolded Ginny.
James rolled his eyes in annoyance, but mumbled an apology, and Harry suspected Ginny had instructed the boys to be particularly well behaved and accommodating.
“Can we buy lilies, then?” asked Lily, tugging at his sleeve.
Harry looked down at her. “Of course we can, honey. Why don’t you ask the florist to show you what they have?”
While Lily did so, Harry threw a glance at Al, who was staring at some beautiful red roses in a corner, rapt. Harry reached him, crouching down to level their faces.
“You can pick something too, if you want.”
“For real?”
“Of course.”
Predictably, when James realised Al was choosing something as well he wanted to do the same, and then Lily insisted that their grandparents would have been upset if only the kids would brought flowers. As such, the Potters eventually got out of the shop with five different bunch of flowers.
The cheerful bickering atmosphere changed as soon as they got into the cemetery. The kids got quite, sensing they had to keep their loudness in check. Lily and Al searched for Harry’s hands while they were stepping inside, but James put on a stoic attitude, offering to take Harry’s flowers which such unexpected thoughtfulness – ‘So you can hold their hands, dad’ – that Harry felt the urge to hug him tight.
They walked in silence, and Harry let the memories flow in. He recalled the first time he’d been there, on Christmas Eve, and the first time Ginny had gone with him and he ended up telling her about the Peverell and the Deathly Hollow, and then the time he brought Teddy. He wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea of bringing the kids here, but he also hoped they’d appreciate his will to share something like that, as Teddy usually did. But Teddy situation was different, because he had an awareness of death that his kids didn’t possess, and if on one hand Harry didn’t mean to sugarcoat their life, on the other hand he felt a fierceness urge to protect them from anything that could hurt them, mentally even more than physically. It had pained him to crush Lily’s naive concept of life and death, but at the same time he wanted her to understand, to be prepared.
“Harry?”
Ginny’s gentle voice brought him back to reality, and only then he realised he’d stopped in front of his parents grave.
Lily tugged his hand, and Harry crouched beside her. “Can we put the flower down, now?” she whispered.
“Of course. Go on” said Harry, encouraging her with a gentle push.
She stepped forward and kneeled on the ground, carefully laying the bunch of lilies with her magically sealed letter tied to it, then she studied the grave.
“Lily Potter” she read out loud, moving her index finger under the name. “Born thirty January, one hundred... one nine hundred…”
“Nineteen-sixty, Lils” said Al, his voice low. “It’s her year of birth.”
“Oh... She must be even older than you, dad!”
Harry was momentarily abashed by her statement, but when James chuckled he ended up smiling as well.
“Well, that’s really odd” he said, winking at James. Harry could swear Ginny was biting back a grin as well.
“I think that’s explain why you have grey hair” teased James, and this time Ginny barely stifled her laugh.
“What are you laughing for?” asked Lily, a bit annoyed.
Harry felt like he’d been caught doing something terribly inappropriate and cleared his throat, regaining his composure.
“I’m sorry, Lily. My mum and dad were both born in Nineteen Sixty, that means they were twenty years old when I was born. So, yes, they’d be twenty years older than me, if they were still alive.”
“Oh... That’s nice.”
“But they were younger than you are now, right? When they…” James trailed off, shrugging.
“When they passed away?” helped Ginny.
James nodded, his gaze on the ground.
“Yes, they were twenty-one” said Harry. “I reckon they didn’t have any grey hair yet” he added, playfully poking at James, who smiled back, sheepish.
“Would they be as old as grandma Molly and grandpa Arthur, then?” asked Al.
“No, they would be a bit younger” said Ginny. “Mum and dad already had all seven of us when it happened.”
“What does it mean, the last enemy that shall be desor… dersoyed” – “Destroyed.” – “destroyed is death?” asked Lily, her finger pressed firmly on the marble.
“I believe it means that when a person dies, the people that loves them keep loving them nonetheless, and for all their life.”
“Do you still love them, then?” asked Al, turning his head toward Harry.
He was taken aback by the question, and sensed Ginny’s worried gaze upon him. He took a deep breath. “I do.”
“Even if you don’t remember them?”
Harry nodded to James, fearing his voice would crack if he’d try to speak.
“You should put your flowers near mine, dad” said Lily with a gentle smile, standing up to take them from James an handing them to Harry before hugging him.
And so, all the Potters laid their colorful bunches on the ground, one by one. It was nice, thought Harry, exchanging a glance with Ginny, who reached his hand and squeezed it with affection.
“I think they will be very happy” said Lily cheerful. “I hope they’ll get the flowers very soon.”
Harry sighed, closing his eyes.
“Get them? How could they –”
“James” cut him off Ginny with a firm but kind tone, lowering to look Lily in the eyes. “Honey… we can’t really give the flowers or the letter to them, but… it’s like they’ve already got them. We can’t send them anything, and we can’t see them nor hear their voices, but they… they can feel us, and coming here we’re saying to them that we still love them very much, and that we’re still thinking about them, even after all this years.”
“But… but then they must be really sad that we didn’t come sooner… What if… what if they thought we didn’t love them?”
“Of course they didn’t thought that” said James, putting an arm on Lily’s shoulder. “Mum and dad came, and Teddy too, and I bet they told them everything about us, and about how much we wish to have known them.”
“Exactly” smiled Harry, pleasantly surprised by James explanation.
“Can we back, sometimes?” asked Al.
“Oh, yes, please, I’d love to!” said Lily with renewed enthusiasm. “Can we, dad?”
“Of course we can” said Harry, moved. “Now, who want to see where my grandparents are?” he asked with a grin.
“You had grandparents too?!” exclaimed Lily. “We should have bought more flowers!”
Harry couldn’t help but laughing, thinking how lucky he was to have two Lily Potter in his life.