Work Text:
Michael: Ok, Irwin. Now that you are seeing our Lukey, I expect you to treat him with respect.
Calum: Stop.
Calum: Ignore him.
Calum: He didn't get his daily dose of Vitamin C.
Luke: What are you talking about?
Luke: We have plenty of oranges and lemons, Michael.
Michael: Not that Vitamin C, Luke.
Luke: Then what are you- ohh...
Michael: Yeah 'ohh' now shut up and leave me alone.
Ashton: I don't appreciate you talking to my boyfriend like that.
Calum: Oh snap.
Calum: He just used the b word.
Luke: Awe, baby! *heart-eyes emoji*
Ashton: Awe, Lukey! *kissy-face emoji*
Michael: Ew.
Luke: Says the one who didn't get his daily dose of Vitamin C.
Michael: But I don't need to see you getting your daily dose of Vitamin A.
Ashton: He's just jealous, baby.
Luke: I know. Calum, why couldn't you take Michael with you to your mum's?
Calum: My mum doesn't like him.
Luke: Is it because he dyes his hair every five minutes?
Ashton: Or the time she caught you riding his surfboard?
Luke: Or the time she caught him getting arrested?
Michael: Shut up. That's not why.
Calum: That's exactly why.
Michael: No one asked you.
Ashton: Ooohhh
Luke: Snap, Crackle, and Pop. You did it now.
Ashton: You shouldn't have said that.
Michael: Wait what? Calum? Cal?!?!
Ashton: He's ignoring you.
Luke: You totally just offended him.
Ashton: Looks like you're not getting your daily dose of Vitamin C any time soon.
Michael: Calum?
Michael: Cal?
Michael: Cal-Pal
Michael: CALLIE?!?!
Michael: Cal-ifornia?
Michael: Calum?
Luke: hdksheidicbdmskryrroslaa
Michael: Lucas?!?!
Ashton: auenalxmhxjsjdkfifbfklspapue
Michael: Ashton?!?!
Michael: Are you two fucking?!?!
Ashton: Something you won't be doing with Cal-ifornia any time soon.
Michael: You two are the worst. I'm going through a crisis right now and all you could do is fuck!
Luke: Story of my Life.
Calum: You need to quit quoting One Direction songs.
Michael: CALUM!!!!!
Calum: Oh no.
Calum: Not this again.
Michael: I missed you, Cal-ender!!!
Ashton: How many nicknames do you have for that kid?
Luke: Too many to count.
Calum: Some of them make no sense.
Michael: You make no sense.
Calum: ... for once... I actually agree with you.
Ashton: Great, you made up. I'm gonna get back to cuddling Luke now.
Luke: Yay!!!
Luke: You wish you had a relationship like ours, Michael.
Michael: On second thought, Ashton, I don't care how badly you treat Lucas. Treat him like that guy treated who that one girl in the Nice Guys video.
Ashton: Oh! You mean Ryan Higa?
Ashton: You know he kind of looks like Calum?
Calum: No way! I didn't even realize that!!!
Luke: I told you, didn't I, Ash?
Ashton: Lukey called it.
Michael: You two need to shut up.
Calum: No wonder those girls asked to get a picture of me!!!
Michael: Which girls?
Michael: I'll cut them!!!
Calum: Easy there, Mike-rosoft. You know I only take it up the arse.
Michael: ...
Calum: What?
Calum: You aren't the only one who can come up with random nicknames on the spot, you know.
Luke: ...
Ashton: ...
Michael: ...
Calum: No daily dose of Vitamin C for you then, Clifford.
Michael: What? No!!! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!!!
Calum: Sorry's not gonna cut it, Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Luke: Oh, I get it! Because his hair is red now!
Ashton: Let's leave the two to solve their own problems, Lukey. I'm thinking round two?
Luke: You have some of the best thoughts.
Michael: Well...
Luke: akdjfurbdldoebdnfksosk
Ashton: hsksowodmcgcusosksla
Michael: Looks like it's just you and me, Calum.
Calum: bsjsidkdodldhdlgigpf
Michael: CALUM?!?!