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The silence keeps it easy
Keeps you safe for a moment
Natsuo knew… he knew Dabi wasn't really Touya. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't foolish… he knew. He knew what really happened to Touya… and he knew Dabi wasn't him.
But he liked to pretend.
The first time he saw the villain was on live TV, ready to murder his Father. Dabi's blue flames came up like a wall, a cage surrounding Endeavor and the hero Hawks. Dabi wasn't a pleasant sight for Natsuo's eyes, even the grainy footage couldn't hide the extensive burn scars and crude staples holding the remains of a familiar figure together.
Natsuo wasn't stupid, he knew he wasn't Touya. He knew it wasn't possible, but he pretended it was.
As you're walking away
Your footsteps get louder
He spent long hours and late nights digging through newspaper articles and footage, searching for that face that had his elder brother's dead eyes, looking at the bright flames, staring at the hideous patches of ruined skin.
He tracked every movement of the villain, every article and sighting, every fight and every attack. He watched the ghost of Touya, the imposter, the corpse of a long gone brother wreak havoc on his world, leaving death and destruction in his wake.
Years came and went, and the heroes won like they were meant to. The villain Dabi was arrested, taken into custody. Natsuo watched the scene unfold, he watched Dabi fight until he couldn't, fight until he was forced to give up, like he watched Touya do the same many years ago.
He knew Dabi wasn't really Touya… but he wanted to pretend. He wanted to fool himself, if only for a little while.
All you needed was time
But time will destroy us
He never told anyone what he thought. Not his siblings, not his Mother, not his Father, nor his friends. So when everyone was shocked by the discovery he wasn't.
He didn't fool himself. He wasn't stupid and he knew what really happened to Touya, and he knew from early on what really happened to Dabi. He knew what became of his poor brother, and he knew how Dabi came to be. It didn't surprise him, but it crushed him nonetheless.
He knew Dabi wasn't Touya. He knew from day one. He knew from the moment he lost Touya, Touya could never come back. He knew from the time he saw those blue flames and that frail frame, those familiar features, that they belonged to Touya… but Dabi wasn't Touya.
It will all be over
And here we are
We're trapped inside this salted earth together
"You know I'm not him, right?"
The villain sat across from him, orange jumpsuit replacing the normal attire. His hands locked in cuffs which connected to a chain around his waist. Touya's eyes stared back at him, dead and lifeless. He knew they were Touya's eyes, there was no mistaking it, but he knew Dabi was not Touya.
"I just wanted to pretend…"
The villain laughed at this, low and bitter, not of Touya's voice because that voice never belonged to Touya, it simply belonged to some other ghost that made up Dabi.
Natsuo looked into the familiar eyes, blocked out the patchwork face, and pretended, fooled himself. "I never forgot about you, Touya." He said, ignoring the laugh, "everyone else may have, but I didn't… and I missed you for so long."
You'll Pierce my lungs
My limbs go numb
"Pitiful." Dabi replied, "if you know I'm not him why pretend, what does that solve?"
"Closure." He answered, "it gives me closure."
Dabi wasn't Touya. Dabi was a monster. He was a murderer capable of unspeakable cruelty. He was a Villain who had sparked fear into so many hearts. He was a shell of a person, created only for death and chaos, created only to suffer and cause suffering, destroy and be destroyed.
Dabi wasn't Touya. Touya was gentle and timid. The type of boy that cried when at a sad part in a movie. Touya was all shy smiles, uncertain words, and soft steps. He was sensitive and tenderhearted no matter how many times their Father tried to beat it out of him.
Touya was soft, smooth lines and Dabi was cracked, sharp edges.
He knew he wasn't Touya.
As my colors fade out
You watch me bleed
Dabi's hearing would be coming up, the DNA tests fully analyzed the strange, mixed makeup of genes, the broken pieces that were seen together to create Dabi.
Six different DNA in total, from six different corpses. Touya Todoroki made up 65% of Dabi's make up, and was the majority of what was used to create the monster. The rest was synthetics and parts from other bodies who had been identified as mostly missing or dead individuals.
In some lab somewhere years and years ago, Touya was taken apart, the burned and brutalized pieces carefully stitched and stapled with others, forming something that should have never been made out of broken pieces that couldn't ever be fixed.
Natsuo saw Dabi often, spoke with him as though he were Touya, and despite Dabi's mocking and cruelty at first, soon Dabi played along in the game of pretend, wanting to simply know what it was like to be someone.
Dabi never had anyone, never was anyone aside from a thing created to destroy, but he had free will, had a conscious as warped as it was and he was lonely.
"I wish I could have saved you." Natsuo said.
"I wish I could have been there. Experienced family…" Dabi said, before adding another line to better fit their play, "a little while longer."
But they both knew. Neither of them were stupid… they knew Dabi wasn't Touya.
Because Touya was dead.
I gave you everything to die with a smile
All you wanted was to live for a while
Natsuo was very little when he first met his big brother Touya. A small child with unruly light red hair and bright blue eyes that contrasted the paleness of his skin.
Touya was Daddy's before he was theirs, and Natsuo and Fuyumi were not allowed around him, even Mommy wasn't allowed around Touya. But Natsuo would see glimpses of the scared, small boy in the windows and the halls, his face and arms decorated with white bandages and colorful blotches of blues and purples and blacks.
For years, Natsuo only saw glimpses of the other child, until Shouto got his quirk and suddenly the small red haired boy was placed in front of them, already completely ruined by their Father.
Natsuo made it his mission to make Touya smile. Touya was so sad all of the time it seemed as though the quiet boy didn't know how to smile. So Natsuo would pull out his best jokes, bringing his coolest toys, and put on his funniest faces to try to get Touya to smile.
You took everything but it left you empty
You can't replace me, you can't
The first time he saw Touya smile, the boy quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He nervously lowered his giggling and looked towards the door. Touya was afraid of their Father, but Natsuo wasn't sure why.
Natsuo barely knew his Father. Father never bothered with them. He never played or talked with them about their day. He never had time to listen or time to get to know them. He wasn't around, wouldn't look them in the eye. But Touya was terrified of their Father.
Natsuo first saw Touya's scars when they were running around outside in the courtyard, Touya always wore long shirts that covered his shoulders and never went above his elbow. One day it was hot outside, and Touya took off his long sleeve shirt to wear only the undershirt underneath. Touya had scars covering his shoulders and running down his upper arms, on his back disappearing under the collar of his tank top.
Natsuo wondered how Touya got so many scars, but he never asked. He didn't need to soon enough.
It'll all be over
And here we are
We're trapped inside this salted earth together
Mom had been screaming for a while, little Shouto was crying and Dad was yelling. The sound made Natsuo and Fuyumi nervous and afraid, while Touya sobbed in the corner the entire time, so frightened he was shaking.
There were blue and red lights outside a few moments later, and they were gone all night. Natsuo fell asleep in Fuyumi's bed with her, while Touya stayed up crying in the corner. When Enji and Shouto returned, Mom wasn't with them.
Natsuo watched from the doorway as Touya and their Father yelled at one another, tiny Shouto cowering behind him and Fuyumi with bandages over his face.
The fight escalated and escalated until Touya told their Father it was his fault their Mom had a breakdown, and that he hated him and wished he were dead. Natsuo watched as Father punched his big brother in the face, and kicked him while he was down, vented all of his frustrations out on Touya.
Somewhere between the vicious beating and Touya coughing up blood, his skin caught fire. The blue flames burned so brightly they emit smoke that filled the room, they shone off the walls, lit up Enji's face, and Touya was screaming.
"You're flames are stronger when youre in pain," Father noted, watching him burn, "there's hope for you yet."
He left him there and Fuyumi ran to her brother, her hands white with frost as she held them over her brother until his fire went out. The entirety of Touya's side, shoulder, arm, and up his neck to his jaw was burned so badly the skin was just gone, eaten away by his own flames.
You'll Pierce my lungs
My limbs go numb
Natsuo watched each day as Father dragged Touya away again while Shouto stayed behind with them, his eye so badly burned he couldn't watch Fuyumi change the bandages.
He watched Touya return many hours later just to sleep, more and more of his body wasting away and becoming covered in burns and bandages.
Touya would sneak into his room at night sometimes to read stories to him like Mom used to do, and each time Natsuo wished it lasted a bit longer.
All of that changed one day when they heard ear piercing screams.
As my colors fade out
You watch me bleed
Natsuo ran through the hall, towards the training room. The screams were getting louder, and there was a terrible smell in the air like something was burning.
Natsuo stood frozen in the doorway after he forced it open, hit in the face with the heat from his Brother's flames, the smell of flesh burning, the sounds of his screams.
"turn it off, Touya! Knock it off!" Father was shouting at Touya as he laid on the floor, bright blue fire consuming him. Enji kicked him, but it only made it worse. "Control yourself!"
The fire… it was eating away at Touya's skin, Natsuo could see it. It burned through his shirt in multiple places, and melted the flesh and tissue, chunks of his skin just sliding off onto the ground amongst blood and fluids.
Touya's eyes suddenly met Natsuo's, full of fear, horror, suffering. He just stared at him as if he was in shock, as if he was trying to cry for help, but sound no longer came out as the flames climbed up his throat.
"Get a hold of yourself! Turn it off!" Even Father was screaming now, sounding distressed, but not stepping in to actually stop any of it. "Weak… you're so incredibly weak… what's even the point?"
Touya's eyes still bore into Natsuo, wet and bloodshot, desperately holding on until they slid shut and Touya collapsed.
Natsuo ran into the room, calling on his ice as quickly as he could and holding his hands over the hot flames still burning on his brother.
"The hell are you doing? Get out of here! You have no place here!" His Father was yelling but Natsuo didn't move, urging the fire to go down.
"Help him, Dad!" He pleaded, "help him!"
Touya wasn't moving anymore, even after Natsuo's ice put out the flames. His skin was so badly burned it didn't even look like him anymore.
Endeavor bent down, frowning as he rolled his eldest son over. His fingers pressed into the burned flesh of his neck, eyes widening before he grabbed his wrist. He swallowed dryly, a look of horror on his face.
"Get away from him!" He suddenly snapped at Natsuo. "Get the phone, call the doctor. Tell him Touya had an accident with his quirk and that he has no vitals."
Touya was taken away that night, and Natsuo never saw him again. The doctors said there was too much damage, he was dead by the time they arrived, and there was nothing that could have been done.
The story was an accident, Touya lost control of his quirk for no reason, and he burned himself to death. But Natsuo knew the truth, their Father beat Touya until he lost control of his quirk, and then he watched him burn to death.
No one said anything, the entire ordeal faded away. Enji had no consequences, went on to live his life, abuse another child, and kept all the fame and wealth as if it never happened at all.
But Natsuo never forgot…
You watch me bleed
Watch me bleed
Natsuo didn't know what to say, and it seemed Dabi didn't either so they sat quietly for a while. It would be the last time they'd see each other.
Dabi had been sentenced to death, which shouldn't have come as a surprise considering the crimes he committed, the lives he took, and what he was. Dabi had said he was expecting it, but the fear his eyes reminded Natsuo of Touya.
Natsuo wasn't stupid. Dabi wasn 't Touya, but he couldn't help but feel like he was watching his big brother die all over again.
"Do you think it's painful?" Dabi asked after a while.
Natsuo remembered the agony in Touya's screams, in his eyes the night he died.
"I don't want you to go, Touya." Natsuo said.
"I'm not him."
"I know, but can we just pretend one last time?"
Dabi exhaled, nodding. "I don't want to go."
"I'm sorry… i tried so hard that night to save you, but I couldn't do anything." Natsuo said, tears welling up in his eyes.
"Im sorry I was turned into this." Dabi replied, he stared at his hands, still held by the cuffs. "I wonder what it was like… to be one of you, to feel warm… alive… would they hate me… would you have forgiven me, if I were him?"
Natsuo swallowed hard, his throat felt blocked. It took everything not to break down like a child. "I forgive you, Touya. I'd never hate you. You're…" he just wanted to pretend, "you're my brother, I love you… I missed you. I wish things were different…"
"Me too."
There was a long silence as Natsuo worked up the courage, dug down deep. He had to, even though he knew Dabi wasn't really Touya, he had to say it.
"Can you… can you just tell me it wasn't my fault? That you don't blame me for not saving you that night, please? Just… forgive me... brother." Natsuo asked.
Even though he wasn't foolish, and he knew Dabi had no real idea of what happened that night, and no memory of Touya, and that he wasn't Touya, Natsuo had to hear it. He had to hear him say it.
"there's nothing to forgive." For a moment, Dabi's voice was so soft it almost sounded like Touya's, almost tricked him, "It wasn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done. I don't blame you… brother."
The tears didn't fall until Dabi was escorted out of the room, where he'd be gone the next morning and Natsuo would never see him, or the pretend image of Touya, again.
The emotions hit so hard he couldn't handle it, couldn't hold back anymore and collapsed. All of those emotions he had been bottling up caved in.
He wanted it for years, to be able to sit across from his dead brother and have him say it wasn't his fault. He held up a those emotions and all the loss for so long when the dam finally broke They hit like a train, grief, anger, sadness, regret, longing… and finally...
Closure.