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"Then again, maybe I'm losing my mind."
He is reserved, calculating, aggressive, maybe even a little cold, and he's honest and upfront. He doesn't like to play games and he doesn't like to say things to make people feel better if they're not true. He's always in control. There's nothing in Max that knows how to give in. He's as stubborn as the day is long.
And then there's Alex. He is totally different.
Alex, at least, the Alex that Max sees, is always smiling. Always cheerful. Naturally likable and...well, just fun. Where Max is killer instinct and blatant aggression, Alex is quiet determination and calm positivity.
Max doesn't know what to do with it sometimes, like yesterday, and he can't help rethinking their interactions sometimes because even though he'd never admit it, Alex makes him smile. Hell, although he will never admit it, being around Alex makes him happy.
And not even the silly kind of happy like Daniel. The authentic, cheery, exuberant type of happy that lasts all day.
Yep, Alex is a fucking ray of sunshine and Max can't help wanting to be around him.
"Hey," Alex said yesterday, just after qualifying. "You did great. Even after the engine penalty you're still in the points. It'll be nothing for you to reach the top three." He was smiling hugely and he made his way over, giving Max a fist bump and a half hug.
Max grinned in spite of himself, and then remembered Alex's crash of the day before. "I'm sorry you didn't make past Q1. Plus, with the floor damage, I know you're starting from the pit lane..."
Alex waved him off, still smiling. "So now I have nowhere to go but up, right? I'll give it everything I have and try to maximize and we'll see what happens."
"You're not worried?" Max asked, a little incredulous.
Alex shrugged. "I wasn't even supposed to be in this team this year. Before that, I wasn't supposed to even be in Toro Rosso. I've been super lucky and I'm not going to worry about everything, I'm just going to try to enjoy this as much as I can and give it everything I've got and it will happen how it happens."
"Must be the Buddhist in you talking," Max teased, secretly impressed with Alex's calm perspective. If he'd crashed out in Q1, he would have broken some things.
"Maybe," Alex laughs, eyes bright. "But there's no sense in worrying now. I'll just have to pour everything into the drive tomorrow and that's what I always do. But I'm sure you'll be great. The engine penalty won't even matter."
Christian entered the room and waved at Alex to come see him. "Better get going," Alex said, giving him a quick shoulder slap. "See you soon."
"See you," Max replied, inexplicably smiling to himself as he watched Alex go.
Max thinks to himself that it's ridiculous that every time he sees Alex, he comes away lighter than he was before. And try as he might, he can't think of anyone else who's ever had that affect on him. Fuck, Alex manages to laugh even in the weirdest of situations, like when they were in Singapore and there was a lizard in Alex's driver room. Frankly, Max can't remember laughing that much at Singapore before, even with Daniel.
He was walking by Alex's driver room on the morning of quali when he heard a high pitched scream followed by hysterical laughter and a thud. Very confused, he turned quickly and rapped on Alex's door. "Hey mate! You okay?" He called, curiosity rising.
"There's a lizard in here Max! It's a big one! Come and look!"
Cautiously, Max opened the door and was greeted with the sight of a green lizard about the length of his hand. But then he saw Alex standing on a folding chair, hair looking totally chaotic, face crinkled with laughter.
"It startled me, okay!" Alex defended himself, climbing off the chair and gingerly stepping onto the floor. "It came out from under the table and ran over my foot!"
Max was laughing uncontrollably, but he managed to stop long enough to ask, "How are we going to get rid of it?"
"I don't know!" Alex was still eyeing the lizard warily and the look on his face threatened to send Max into another fit of laughter.
"Okay, okay," he said quickly, stifling the urge. "Your crash helmet. We can get it in there and take it outside."
"I don't want that thing in my helmet!" Alex argued, but he was grinning anyway. "Why can't we use yours?"
"Because mine is in my room and also, the lizard is your problem." Max picked up the helmet from the table carefully and slowly, so as not to scare away the lizard, he set it down sideways on the floor and then with a water bottle he prodded the lizard. It skittered forward and into the helmet and Max picked it up quickly. "See?"
"Good job Max! Max saves the day! Max, the great lizard catching hero! Max, the..."
"You better watch it or I'll let it out in here again," Max warned him, but his tone showed that he didn't mean it. Inwardly, he felt oddly warm.
Alex followed him and they took the lizard outside and Max shook it out of the helmet and handed the helmet to it's owner, who was still looking amused.
"See Max, if racing ever doesn't work out for you, you could have a career in lizard catching," he ribbed him as they walked back inside.
"And you could have a career as an opera singer with your screaming," Max fired back, and Alex facepalmed. "That was quite high pitched."
"I can't help it, it's just how it is," Alex retorted, his eyes laughing along with his face. He didn't seem embarrassed at all. Max thought of how embarrassed he would feel if any of it happened the other way around. Alex was so carefree and at ease with who he was, and Max found that he liked being around him because of it.
"Well, opera singer, if there's another lizard, you'll have to get it out yourself," Max told him, grinning mischievously. "It's about time for me to get going."
"If there's another lizard it can just live there and I'll leave," Alex said gravely as they reached his driver room again. "Good luck out there."
"Yeah good luck in there." Max pointed at the driver room, raising his eyebrows. Alex rolled his eyes and went inside. Max turned away and had only taken a step before he heard Alex scream again, the high pitched scream, so he turned around and opened the driver door again.
"Just kidding," Alex said innocently, standing in the middle of the room. Max must have made a face because he started laughing at him.
Max threw a water bottle from the side table at him and shut the door. In spite of himself he smiled the whole way to his side of the garage.
Max shakes himself as he remembers and feels annoyed. He must be going crazy, thinking of Alex this much. He barely knew Alex in times past, just enough to know a name and face really, but now they're in a team and somehow Max wonders if he's missed out by not knowing him until now. Maybe he's the balance Max needs, a counterweight to his overly competitive, forceful nature.
He would never say it out loud, but Alex keeps him from being so hot-headed and aggressive off the track. On the track, it's all still there for him to use, but he no longer needs the stubbornness that constantly used as a weapon the past few seasons. Alex doesn't want to fight with him. Alex wants to push himself.
He must be crazy, because there are times when he thinks of how unaffected Alex is by the negative and wants to be more like him. There are times when Alex finds a way to get along with someone and Max envies his abilities. There are times when Alex approaches his drive with Red Bull so calmly and rationally that Max wishes he had that mindset when he started here.
He's been jealous of teammates before, but never in this way. He's never been jealous of someone he honestly, genuinely likes the way he likes Alex.
Max tries to brush away the thoughts. It's insane anyway. His teammate is there to beat, there for him to show his prowess. If he thinks anything else, he must be losing his mind.
But there's just something about the way Alex makes him smile.