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Usually, sitting on Connor’s lap is a guaranteed way to calm him down. Right now, though, it is decidedly not working.
Connor is not calm.
Simon is willing to bet that his boyfriend’s LED is red.
Again.
Or at least it would be red, if Mister Interrogation Protocols didn’t keep strict control over his LED.
Although that is a train of thought that will distract him, and Simon isn’t willing to be distracted from what he’s doing right now.
Simon’s facing Connor, straddling his lap on the precariously narrow sofa. His fingers are trailing across Connor’s collarbones, and although it should be impossible he can feel the hum of electricity buzzing underneath skin. Connor is tense, ready to leap up and run. Fight. Move. Something like that.
"When you get upset like this, there's something I've heard you say," Simon says.
Connor honest to god huffs, and from the minute shifting of his shoulders, he probably just tilted his head and rolled his eyes.
Simon keeps his voice gentle. "Humor me for a minute, and tell me again.”
"I am a machine designed to accomplish a task," Connor recites, in that one corporate-approved mild and polite tone that they both despise.
Underneath the bland politeness, there’s a tension sharpening its claws.
Simon knows that tension as intimately as he knows his own thoughts.
Connor may not have words for it, not know how to express it beyond a vague it feels bad, but Simon does.
Guilt.
Self hatred.
Self disgust.
Despair.
Simon knows they consume Connor sometimes. Simon hates feeling Connor’s hurt, even if they’re not interfacing. He wants to reach inside Connor’s head and pluck those emotions out.
But that wouldn't be fair.
They’re Connor's emotions to feel, and Connor has to be the one to resolve them.
Although nobody said anything against helping Con learn how to deal with the bad days in a constructive way.
“Okay, so. Androids are machines designed to accomplish tasks, yes. But you are thinking about this in completely the most backwards way possible. Kamski designed us to mimic the best of humanity, he’s told me that before.”
Simon impulsively puts his palms on Connor's cheeks. He doesn't ascribe to the whole seeing through touch thing, but Connor is a touchy-feely guy and likely needs the reassurance right now. The tension in Connor ebbs away at the touch, and Simon feels Connor's posture relax.
"And what do humans do? They seek comfort, companionship, love.” Simon leans forward until their noses are touching - Connor doesn't appreciate kissing when he's already overwhelmed, since he can't switch off his analysis-by-lick, but he craves intimacy just as much as any other android. “You are doing the task you were designed for. It's just not the one CyberLife forced you to do."
Connor takes a moment to consider this, then the corners of Connor's mouth crinkle upwards slightly under Simon's hands.
If Connor’s smiling - his real smile, the one that Simon privately calls adorable - he’s on the way to settling down. Still, any more stress tonight probably would be ...not good. "Now what do you say we cancel our plans and have a quiet evening in, instead."
Connor's hand finds its way to the back of Simon's neck, smoothing the fine hairs there, as if Connor is making sure that Simon won't move away. "I think I'd like that," Connor says, and his voice is back to the quiet rumble of his usual self.
Simon’s smiling too, now. “Good, because I already found something new for us to watch.”
“Please tell me it’s not another anime series.”
“It’s something better than anime.”
“Oh, really? What could be better than anime.”
“It’s the live-action movie of an anime.”
“Oh no.”