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Rodney roared into the gate room like a runaway freight train, so intense, moving so furiously, that John felt almost certain something was about to explode and Rodney was the only one who could stop it in time. John instinctively made to leap out of the way, suspecting Rodney would toss aside all obstructions like a college star quarterback, but then Rodney screeched to a halt in front of John, seized him by the biceps, and said, “Hold still.”
John held still, more out of shock and disorientation than anything else, while Rodney leaned in and John wondered if the bomb was inside his own head, and then -- contact: unforgiving, ungracious, wide-mouthed and inelegant and -- and -- was Rodney trying to dip John? Oh, god, was Rodney actually trying to kiss John, is that what this was?
Long seconds of confused inaction passed before John got his forearms up and broke Rodney’s hold -- not without difficulty because Rodney on a mission was freakishly strong. Pulling his wrist over his mouth to wipe it dry, John stepped back and blinked, aware of the sudden silence in the gate room, the ringing lack of any noise as Teyla, Elizabeth, Chuck, seven marines, and four nameless techs all stared at John and Rodney.
Rodney, seemingly unaware of his very recent act of total insanity, was -- he was checking his watch, looking bored and smug and also, he’d had fish sticks for lunch and clearly John was experiencing a psychotic break, or Rodney was.
“Rodney!” John managed, choked. “What the hell was that?”
Rodney continued to stare at the face of his watch, lifting his right hand and fluttering the fingers in a ‘bye-bye’ motion. “Seven, six, five, four,” he chanted, smirking.
John saw at least two techs and one marine move as though to duck and cover. Rodney’s countdown ended, John braced himself instinctively, and--
Nothing happened.
“One,” repeated Rodney, faltering, fixed on his watch.
Still, nothing happened.
“One, one, one!” shouted Rodney with increasing volume and pitch, eyes going from narrow indolence to wide terror in the space of a few seconds.
“One what?” said Ronon, wandering into the gate room. “Something happening?”
“No, no, no, no,” Rodney stuttered, shaking his wristwatch, and now John was even more concerned. The only thing worse than Rodney on a mission to get something accomplished was Rodney moaning with despair when whatever he’d meant to do had failed. “We’re supposed to loop, we’ve looped eleven times already!” He said this to his watch.
“We’re supposed to loop?” John repeated, tilting his head.
“Four hours, it’s only four hours, and it resets at precisely fourteen-oh-seven every time, and I’m, like, half an hour away from solving the loop and I thought, you know, I’d just catch it next time, so I came here to -- and now we didn’t loop.”
John was pretty used to not understanding a lot of what Rodney said when he got into this mode, but he seemed to be making even less sense than usual. John went after the vital information. “Rodney,” he said, precisely and loudly, “are we all going to die in a few minutes or not?”
“What? No, of course not,” said Rodney, blinking around at the gathered crew. “A time loop isn’t dangerous, far from it -- everything resets, you know, so you can’t do anything so stupid or monstrous that it can’t be undone the next time around, though of course unless you’re aware of the loop you won’t do anything differently and you’ll just make the same choices loop after loop, which is the only reason I --” He stopped himself, the effort involved visible and painful. “Okay, so maybe this loop was set to only repeat twelve times total.”
“Time has been -- looping?” said Elizabeth, carefully.
“It’s an Ancient device,” said Rodney, bringing one hand up to rub his eyebrows. “I accidentally initialized it about -- oh -- forty-eight hours ago, and I’ve been trying to fix it ever since. I’m the only one aware of the loop because I’m the one who activated it -- I gave up on trying to get anyone’s attention after the fifth loop because you all just thought I was crazy and I was tired of winding up down in Steve’s cell with Dr. Keller and Dr. Heightmeyer asking me about my childhood and what cold medications I’ve taken. And I just about solved it, I knew what to do during the next loop to fix everything. So I thought, hey, no consequences!” He gestured towards John with his free hand. “And now, of course, the loop fixed itself and hey -- consequences!”
“You’re certain you fixed the time loop?” Elizabeth said.
“To be more precise,” said Rodney, “I’m pretty sure it fixed itself. I was good for another go-around, as is painfully apparent.”
“I’m still stuck on that part,” said John slowly.
“Time resets, it just resets and then it’s like nothing happened in the last four hours,” said Rodney, rapid-fire, avoiding John’s gaze. “So you can do anything you want to do and when the loop restarts, no one even remembers. You could, I don’t know -- go on a murderous rampage or watch twelve seasons of Charmed or try eating Teyla’s cooking and when the loop happened, there’d be no consequences. Well, except for the Charmed one -- you’d always be psychologically damaged from that, but the point is that no one else would know.”
“But instead of watching Charmed you came down here and--” said John, finally catching on. “Oh.”
“Yes, oh,” said Rodney. “Now, if everyone will excuse me, I’m just going to write up a report and then get very very drunk so I can pretend that this never happened.”
“Rodney,” said Elizabeth, consolingly, just as John said the same thing in a threatening voice. Rodney disregarded them both and headed for the transporter. “I should go and talk to him,” said Elizabeth, reluctantly.
“No,” said John, and divided a ‘don’t ask, don’t you fucking dare tell’ look among the assembled marines. “No, I’m the one who has to do it.”
***
“So, you’re a pretty bad kisser,” John told Rodney.
Rodney made a bitchy face at his laptop screen, but didn’t deign to reply.
“I’m guessing the time loop machine loops back to the minute you activate it,” said John, coming further into Rodney’s quarters, “or we’d all already be reliving this afternoon.”
“Oh please, as though I’d be so irresponsible as to meddle with space-time just to erase a slightly embarrassing moment from everyone’s memories,” said Rodney bitterly. “And also, yes, that’s how it works.”
“Too bad,” said John. “I wouldn’t mind having a do-over machine. It’d be pretty handy in a battle.”
Rodney typed for a minute, sullen, then pushed away from the keyboard and swiveled on his desk chair, facing John. “It wasn’t really my best work.”
“Activating the time loop machine?” John asked, frowning.
“The kissing,” Rodney corrected. “I thought the clock was ticking down and I was in a hurry.” He paused, thinking. “I’m almost positive that this crap never happened to General O’Neill.”
“Well, he probably didn’t go around kissing his base military commander in the gate room,” John pointed out, shrugging. “I just wanted to --” He paused, cleared his throat.
“We’re good. You’re cool. All of it,” said Rodney, unhappily. “I apologize for any inconvenience or drool that may have occurred.” He turned back towards his laptop and nodded in the direction of an unassuming bluish-black box sitting on the desk. “I’ll lock it up with all the other mayhem-causing technology.”
John wandered closer. “Twelve times, huh? Four hours and twelve times?”
“Apparently,” Rodney said, reaching for his coffee mug, already drifting back into his report writing.
John glanced around Rodney’s quarters appraisingly, checked his watch, and nodded twice. “Okay, I can work with that.” He waved his hand near time loop box and smiled when it glowed invitingly.
“What are you, nuts?” Rodney exploded. “I just stopped the looping, I’m not starting it again!” He reached over to swat John’s hands away, but John just lazed back against the desk, blocking Rodney’s access.
“Rodney,” he said, taking Rodney’s outstretched palm, pulling both their hands towards the box. “Come on, let’s see your best work.”
***
“Everything okay?” asked Elizabeth for the twelfth time when she bumped into John in the commissary, some three or forty-seven hours later.
“Smoothed over,” John said easily, sore and tingling and in search of blue jello.
“You know,” said Elizabeth, pretend-casual, “I think maybe your team should take a couple of days’ respite. Just…let things settle a bit before you gate offworld again.”
“Nah,” said John, spying and snagging the last blue jello cup. “We’ve had plenty of time to settle things,” he assured her, keeping his expression particularly bland.
Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed, just a little, but John only smiled and grabbed a spoon, backing towards the door.
“Are you still mad about the space-time meddling thing?” John asked Rodney a moment later, safely back in Rodney’s quarters.
Rodney shrugged, uncharacteristically loose-limbed and cheery, taking the jello cup from John and digging in. “What’s the point of having technology that can alter the fabric of the universe if you don’t use it to take a loop off once in a while?” he asked.
John kicked off his boots and joined Rodney on the unmade bed. “So, want to watch some Charmed?”
“I can’t believe I slept with you,” said Rodney, rolling his eyes.
“Twelve times,” said John smugly.