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"What would you say to a walk, dear boy?" Aziraphale asks, one afternoon.
"I jusst got comfortable," Crowley hisses. He doesn't hiss it in a mean way; it's just that he's a snake right now, so he hisses everything.
"But there's loads of sunlight outside," Aziraphale offers. "Wouldn't it feel just lovely on your scales?"
"Wait a ssecond," Crowley says, lifting his head up out of what Aziraphale read somewhere is called a noodle ball. "You ssound like you're planning to go walking with a huge sssnake."
"It wouldn't be the oddest thing going on in Soho today," Aziraphale says.
Crowley lowers his head, resting it on his body. "That'ss not a very good argument."
"Of course, there are the bylaws to think about," Aziraphale says, pretending to say it offhandedly.
"The what now?" Crowley says.
"They're for dogs, but surely snakes are not immune," Aziraphale says. "We'd have to get you a collar."
If it were physically possible, Crowley's mouth would go dry. "A collar?" Crowley hisses, trying to sound nonchalant.
"And a lead," Aziraphale says, reaching out to run a hand over Crowley's scales, stroking him gently. "Law or no, it's only good manners. I don't need someone to be frightened by my snake."
"You don't fight fair," Crowley says.
"There's that pet store," Aziraphale says. "I'll just nip out and get what we'll need, hm?"
"Make sure it doesn't classhhh," Crowley says. "I have sstandards."
"Don't worry, dearest," Aziraphale says, kissing the top of his head. "I'll get you something lovely."
--
The collar does, of course, clash.
Crowley knew this would happen. He knew Aziraphale would find something that was "just darling, Crowley, look at it" and buy it immediately. The something this time is a bright pink collar with rhinestones. It's utterly tacky and definitely extra, even for Crowley. Crowley's just glad they didn't have anything in stock with wings on it.
Crowley allows Aziraphale to buckle it on without complaint. It's meant for a smallish dog, and so fits neatly on a largeish snake. The leash is just a leash, a length of black leather that clips onto the ring on the collar. It's long enough to wrap around Aziraphale's hand a few times, so that Crowley is held fast.
"Come along, Crowley," Aziraphale says, opening the door; he waits for Crowley to slither out before locking it behind them.
Crowley hasn't been out and about like this in his snake form in the longest time. This whole going-on-a-walk thing is new, but cities are inconvenient for snaking about in general, at least on the sidewalk. He's only ever really used it for shimmying up drain pipes and the like, and when no one's looking he just flies instead.
The reactions of the passers-by are interesting. One man leaps into the road upon being confronted with Crowley, but more of them are just giving Crowley and Aziraphale a confused once-over and moving on with their lives, probably to post about it on twitter.
"I thought we might go to the park," Aziraphale says cheerfully. "It's no dogs allowed, but you're clearly not a dog."
Crowley wonders then whether he should be responding. The main problem is that he doesn't think Aziraphale will be able to hear him over the street noise; his voice is a sibilant, insidious thing, not loud enough to be heard with traffic going by. Also, talking to a snake in public is weird, but the snake responding is orders of magnitude weirder.
Instead he just slithers along, a little in front of Aziraphale, and lets Aziraphale steer him towards the park. It's good that he's not in human form for a number of reasons, but the biggest is that no one can tell that he's absolutely living for this right now.
He would never get to do this as a human. He hasn't even brought up collars to Aziraphale; he thinks he might like to wear one, something in a tasteful black, maybe with red stitches. It's just that it wouldn't get him anywhere if he just wore it around for Aziraphale. Aziraphale doesn't need to see him like that; he's maddeningly confident that Crowley is his. Crowley would want to wear it out of the house, let other people see it. He knows Aziraphale knows. He wants everyone to know.
Maybe he had to make that happen by being a snake, but whatever. There's no doubt in anyone's mind out here that he is Aziraphale's. He is a piece of property, an extension of Aziraphale; he is owned outright by this ridiculous angel who would do something as over the top as taking a snake on a walk.
They make it to the park; the grass feels nice against Crowley's underbelly, slightly cool and full of interesting, earthy scents. This whole time Crowley hasn't done a single thing befitting a demonic snake, and for a moment he feels deeply guilty about that. He's a tame thing, metaphorically defanged, suitable for a walk on a string, not what he should probably be doing, which is terrifying the masses.
"What a good boy you're being," Aziraphale coos, and Crowley is glad snakes can't blush. Honestly, deep down, he doesn't mind feeling tamed sometimes. It's far from his natural state, but it feels restful.
"Look, Mummy!" a small girl says from across the park, and she begins to run towards Crowley. "A snake!"
"Addison, no!" the woman with her shouts, running after her daughter, who clearly has an underdeveloped sense of self-preservation.
Crowley is getting ready to do something quite evil, even at the risk of disappointing Aziraphale; he's not going to eat her or anything, but the quality of the scare he could give her is amazing. Before he can rear up and hiss, Aziraphale tugs sharply on the leash.
"Don't you dare," Aziraphale says sternly.
Little Addison has reached them by this point, to find Crowley sulking a bit and Aziraphale smiling beatifically. "Hello there, young lady," Aziraphale says.
"You've got a snake," Addison says, in the way of children to state the obvious.
"I have quite a snake," Aziraphale says, and the way he says it makes Crowley preen a bit. "He doesn't like to be touched, I'm afraid, but you're welcome to have a look."
Addison's frazzled mother arrives on the scene to find Addison examining Crowley closely, waving at him until Crowley flicks his tongue out, which seems to delight her. "What on earth," she says, in the voice of someone resigned to fate.
"Don't worry, madam," Aziraphale says. "He's very well trained. Gentle as a lamb."
"Addison, we don't run towards strange snakes," she says, which Crowley thinks she definitely didn't think she'd have to say today. "Sorry, her other mum started her watching nature documentaries and this is what we have to show for it."
"It's good to see someone take an interest in the natural world so young," Aziraphale says, like he didn't take up city living permanently fifteen minutes after cities came into existence.
"Thanks, I think," she says, grabbing Addison's hand. "Come along, dear."
"Bye, snake!" Addison says, waving with her free hand, and Crowley flicks his tongue out again.
"What a marvelous job you did, my darling," Aziraphale says, walking towards a nearby bench. He sounds beside himself with pride, and it warms Crowley to his core. Aziraphale sits down and tugs on the leash. "Come and sit with me."
Crowley slithers up Aziraphale's leg and into his lap; there's enough of him to drape over Aziraphale's shoulders and curl the rest on his thighs. The amazing thing about being a snake is that so many positions are so comfortable, and this is no different. Aziraphale is warm, as he always is, and the sun does feel lovely on his scales.
Crowley pushes his head against Aziraphale's face in a way he would decline to describe as nuzzling, even though it probably is. "My sweet little serpent," Aziraphale says, tickling Crowley's chin. "What a darling you are, my pet."
"Thiss whole park iss going to think you're really into sssnakes," Crowley hisses softly, covering for how the words make him feel.
"Oh, everyone already knows that," Aziraphale says, and he laughs when Crowley flicks his tongue into Aziraphale's ear. "Really, my dear, you are extraordinary. I'm so glad I got to take you out and show you off."
"Sss not sso bad," Crowley says, settling around Aziraphale's neck.
"If I know you, you're planning a nap," Aziraphale says.
"Maybe a ssmall one," Crowley says.
"I have no objections, love," Aziraphale says. "I thought you might like to get out in the sunlight for a while."
It's hard for a snake to snuggle, but Crowley manages it. "Only if you're sstaying."
"Why wouldn't I?" Aziraphale says, stroking his coils. "Gives me a chance to show off my favorite reptile."
"You're loving thiss," Crowley says. "I know you. You live for jealouss lookss."
"Don't give away all my secrets," Aziraphale says. "Besides, you know as well as I do that it's a common interest."
"I like it when we sshare goalss," Crowley says, settling in for his nap. It is such a good day for it, after all. Aziraphale lays a gentle kiss on his scales and keeps petting him.
It is easily in his top ten naps ever.