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“Come on, Sam! I’ve been waiting long enough!” I yell into the house. “Hang on, little buddy. These decorations are heavy.” Sam says as he carries three boxes of decorations out of the house. “We need a lot considering you won’t let me carve any pumpkins till the week of Halloween!” I point out. “Max, if you carved them now they’ll get all gross and moldy.” Sam says. “Um, yeah? That’s kind of the point. I want some pestilence ridden lookin’ thing!” I exclaim. “That… is actually not a bad idea. Nothing strikes fear in Americans quite like our health care prices.” Sam points out.
“I have to give you credit for using the word “pestilence”, Max. Not Bad.” Geek says as they come out of the house. “Are you gonna help us decorate, Geek?” Sam asks. “Yeah. I have to admit, this is pretty exciting. I’ve never had a family for Halloween before… or one for Christmas...Thanksgiving...easter…” Geek trails off. Sam clears his throat. “So. Anything on the agenda that you want to do?” Sam asks. “Survive the night.” Geek states. “Oh, whatever could you mean by that my dear child?” I ask. “With you two, the chance that halloween features an end of the world scenario is uncomfortably high.” Geek points out.
“I don’t hear you complaining.” I point out as I open one of the boxes and start to rummage through. “I’m not. Better to try and survive the apocalypse with family then live a mild mannered life alone.” Geek says wisely. “Now that’s an excellent motto, Geek.” Sam praises. “Yeah, being mild mannered sucks! Start the apocalypse!” I cheer as I pull out some cobwebs. “The funny thing is that Geek here could totally start the apocalypse.” Sam says as he pulls out some pumpkin lights from the box.
“I’m flattered that you think so.” Geek says as he pulls out a fake bat. “Come on, Geek! Start Armageddon!” I urge as I set up the cobwebs. “I would...but there are too many good shows on TV right now.” Geek points out as they trade decorations with Sam. “So the only thing stopping you from ending the world is television?” Sam asks as he hands the bats up by the front door. “Not the only thing. But I will admit it is a pretty big reason.” Geek shrugs as they begin to set up the lights. I giggle. “You are my personal hero, Geek.” I laugh as I dig through the box for more decorations. “Is that cartoon with the angry shark mouthed cat you been watching any good?” Sam asks.
“ Meo Meo: Heroes Of Holy Star is a good show. I think you guys might like it. It has two police officers and their kid fighting monsters and Cloud Vikings.” Geek explains. “Ah! See, Sam. It’s just like us!” I point out. “We don’t fight monsters, Max. And those vikings were the normal water versions.” Sam retorts. “One time we beat up a rich criminal who owned a corporation. So you could say we fought corporate greed. Which is the realest of monsters.” I say wisely. “You got a point there, little buddy.” Sam nods.
“Hey, in the spirit of halloween…” Geek starts as she flicks on the pumpkin lights. “...What are your guys favorite monsters.” Geek asks as they flick the pumpkin lights back off. “I find werewolves to be incredibly sexy.” I tell. Geek gets a disgusted look on their face. “That is not at all how I was hoping you would answer the question.” He groans. “Speaking of sexy werewolves, I just remembered this morning that I’m a irsh wolfhound, Max. Thus, my status as a daperly dressed sexualy attractive werewolf remains.” Sam says. “Ooohh yeah~! Tell me more, baby!” I giggle.
“Please, stop. I am but a child.” Geek groans. “Right you are! And these ghoulish decorations aren’t gonna hang themselves!” Sam nods as he checks some more boxes. “We can get an angry mob to do it for us if we accuse the decorations of being witches.” I point out. “Where would we go to find an angry mob at this time of day?” Sam asks. “The internet has angry mobs of people twenty four seven.” Geek answers. “Good point, Geek.” Sam nods. “I’ll send out an ad!” I chime.
“Really, Max? Angry mob? With your werewolf husband standing right here?” Geek points out. I look over to Sam. “...You’re right. Angry mobs with pitchforks have historcaly often been homophobic. Good call.” I nod. “That’s not quite what I meant but okay.” Geek shrugs. I pull out a fake spider. “Hey, Sam! Think fast!” I yell as I chuck the fake arachnid at my husband. “Not today, you uncanny valley web crab!” Sam announces as he slaps the fake spider away in mid air. That was so hot, I think I’m swooning! “Did you seriously refer to spiders as, and I quote, “uncanny valley web crabs” ?” Geek asks Sam.
“Nah. I was referring to Max when I said that.” Sam jokes. “It’s true! I love to make webs and move from side to side sporadically for no reason!” I giggle. “Alright, alright. So, Sam. What’s your favorite monster?” Geek asks, getting back on topic. “Can I say Max?” Sam asks. “DAW, BABE! You know how to make a lagomorph feel so loved!” I swoon with my hands over my chest. “For the sake of a more interesting answer, I’m gonna say no.” Geek says as they shake their head. “Hmmm…” Sam hums as he pulls out a spooky door knocker. “This is a surprisingly tough question.” Sam muses as he walks up to the front door and hangs up the knocker.
“Just think of the sexiest one!” I yell. “But we already established that I can’t say you, little buddy.” Sam says. “You sly dog! I’m… so caught off guard by that one!” I breath. “...If I had to choose...I would have to say that moth man is pretty neat.” Sam shrugs. “What’s so great about moth man, huh? ...Bet we can’t even kiss.” I grumble. “Max, honey. You know I wasn’t aloud to choose you.” Sam comforts. “I know. I’m just confused as to why you didn’t choose a sexier monster.” I shrug.
“Can I please take my turn now.” Geek groans. “Sure, but we already know the answer.” I tell. “Oh yeah? Then which one-” “Frankenstein's monster.” Sam and I say at the same time. “...Shut up.” Geek grumbles as she looks away. “Come on. Let’s get the rest of these decorations set up. I’m feeling peckish and if we hurry we can watch that cartoon while we eat lunch.” Sam encourages.
One quick set up later…
“AND DONE!” I yell as I hammer in the last scary sign post in the yard. “Huh, you guys really go out for Halloween, huh.” Geek says as he takes in the sight of our Halloween-ified house. “Yeah, this is our first year we have an outside to decorate so I guess we might have went a little overboard.” Sam says as he looks at our neighbors houses which are plain as hell. “Yeah...So...TV?” I ask. “Max, you wanted to do this so bad. Aren’t you sad it’s over?” Sam asks. I shrug. “We still have the inside of the house to do, not to mention pumpkins that need to meet my blade.” I point out
“You crack me up, little buddy.” Sam shakes his head fondly. “Well, come on, guys. Shows on in half an hour and I’m feeling hungry.” Geek urges as they run into the house.
“Shall we, Sam?” I ask as I hold out my hand. “We shall.” Sam giggle as he takes it. And inside we went.