Archive of Our Own ^beta

“It’s me.”

For someone who looks like he has way too many things to say, it seems like the stranger ultimately settled for two simple words after he visibly struggled to pick the right words to say for minutes. Jimin gave him time, ample time, to speak despite just meeting minutes ago, his way back to school interrupted by someone he thinks he’s supposed to know.

He doesn’t though, no — not at all. 

But the stranger knows Jimin instead, his round eyes wide as he looks at Jimin with a mixture of emotions Jimin can’t quite interpret. He looks mostly confused, raising his hands, then letting them back down the next second like his mind is constantly trying to contradict his physical instincts. Jimin can’t read the stranger at all actually, but maybe he could before.

It’s a pity he doesn’t remember a single thing from his past.

“Do I know you?” Jimin answers, taking pity on the stranger who looks even more confused than him, and he decides to speak instead since the other’s obviously still having difficulties thinking. He can’t deny that he wants to speak to him anyway.

He doesn’t want to get his own hopes up, but he can’t help but feel anticipation stir at the chance that he has finally found someone who knew him— he’s not just a canvas bursting with colors that no one knew how the stains got there. Someone knew him, this stranger obviously did. 

“What’s your name?” Jimin presses on before the stranger answers him. 

There’s that unreadable expression yet again as the smile on the stranger’s face immediately stiffens and fades, and Jimin can only watch on with his eyebrows furrowed as the stranger slips into another internal turmoil. 

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Jungkook. I’m Jungkook,” hHe says carefully and slowly before he sinks into a brief silence as his vision locks with Jimin’s, waiting . Jimin thinks hard, and yet nothing ever comes to his mind. He doesn’t remember a single thing from his past, nothing since Seokjin found him unconscious in an alley and sent him to the hospital. The police already tried their best, posting pictures of him everywhere in the hopes that a family would come forth to take their son home, but no one ever did. Not even a single soul knew who he was… until now. It’s been three years. “I…”

Jungkook stops, and looks visibly troubled before he continues.

“Uh, I was your colleague. We worked together briefly before, remember? It’s really long ago, though. You probably don’t remember me anyway…?” Jungkook murmurs, and Jimin tries his best to not sink with disappointment. For a second, he wondered if he was going to get every single answer he needed, and to reunite with a family member again. “Did I get the wrong person?”

I don’t even know , Jimin thinks, but he looks up with an apologetic smile anyway when he realizes there’s no way he’s going to get to reassure the other from his paranoia that must’ve started from how aloof Jimin was reacting to a supposedly old friend. Worse, on top of everything, there’s also the dreadful disclaimer he has to make, then explain.

He’s really not looking forward to this, but he does so regardless.

“Actually, Jungkook? I don’t know,” hHe starts, wondering where Seokjin is. He’s usually the one who intervenes whenever someone presses for too much of his past that he’s unable to share and helps explain why. Saying it himself feels… weird, too weird. Jimin’s never learned how to simply accept that he just doesn’t even remember his own parents.  “I was…. I got into an accident a couple years ago and, urm, I don’t remember anything that has happened before. Anyone, actually. Do you— do you think you knew me? Because I—”

“I think I did, I… I remember you.”

“You do?” Jimin asks, unable to help the smile that shows immediately.

“Yeah, I do. Of course I do.”

. . . 

Everything’s gone smoothly so far, thankfully.  Jungkook hadn’t done anything Namjoon told him not to, except maybe to be natural so Jimin wouldn’t suspect anything. He’d been utterly foolish and awkward despite having worked this meeting over and over again in his mind, everything seeming to go blank the second he heard Jimin speaking to him – it’s a miracle the other even agreed to having coffee with him. To make up for it, Jungkook made sure Jimin got to hear all about the days they worked together side by side through countless shifts with a demanding supervisor. 

And with the promise of meeting again, Jimin had left the table after exchanging numbers with Jungkook.

“This is a good start,” 

Namjoon finally sounds encouraging, for someone who had spent days and close to weeks trying to talk Jungkook out of approaching Jimin. Guess there’s nothing much the older male could do when all that’s done is done (and it’d be a crime to burst Jungkook’s bubble when he’s already looking this troubled, lying on Namjoon’s couch with an expression that could age anyone by fifty years). “Like I said, of course Jimin would leave his number with you. Right now, you’re the only person who knows who he was, even just a fragment. Keep this up for a couple months and who’s to say he wouldn’t trust you like a best-friend in the future again?”

“Again.” 

Namjoon pops open a can of soda he’d retrieved from the fridge before he stands right by the couch, and fixes Jungkook with a confused look.

“Why the long look? This is what you wanted from the start, Jungkook. Don’t tell me you’re starting to regret it after ignoring everything I’ve warned you about.”

“I’m not regretting this, hyung. I can’t ever,” Jungkook answers hurriedly as he pushes himself up to sit on the couch, his head dipped down before he rubs at his face roughly with a disgruntled look. “It’s just… he doesn't remember me, hyung. He really doesn’t. He looked me right in the face and had to ask for my name. It’s…”

Jungkook grows softer in the midst of his thoughts as he thinks back to his encounter with Jimin. Namjoon is right, it was everything he’d wanted, and yet he can’t help but feel so bitterly discouraged because of the distance he has to remember to put in between them.

“It’s like he never changed, you know, hyung? We chatted, and he’s majoring in early childhood psychology right now. He wants to help bring out the best in children, he said he wants to be a part of something this crucial in everyone’s lives and it’s almost like… he’s still our Jimin, hyung.” Jungkook murmurs and this time, he can’t even try and hide just how torn he sounds. “And yet he doesn’t remember me.”

“This is nothing you don’t already know, Jungkook.”

“I just didn’t know it’d be this hard, hyung. I just can’t look at him differently this fast when he lives in my memory so… differently.” Jungkook tries to laugh, but the noise that leaves his lips sounds awfully sad instead as he looks to the side. “He used to be the brightest angel in heaven. No one… no one could compare to what he’s done, hyung. He took care of everyone. He never missed his duties. He always… always cared more about the mortals than himself. He would worry every second over the little kids he was tasked to. He was the Jimin I knew. Jimin who watched over children all day and sang while they slept to keep them safe from nightmares. The guardian angel so many of us aspire to follow and become. Jimin, my best-friend, who I grew up with.”

Namjoon’s apartment is always quiet, but this time, the silence sounds almost deafening when not even he could find anything to say. 

“Now he’s Park Jimin, a mortal living seven blocks down who would’ve passed me by if I hadn’t stopped to talk to him. No wings… no halo… no memories of whatever we had before. Nothing.”

“You make the bed you lie in. Jimin did,” Namjoon says, but Jungkook wonders if Jimin really did, or if he was forced to. Heaven’s a cruel place when it wants to be. “And so must you.”

. . . 

Heaven’s thought to be a place that harbors no suffering. There’s nothing evil, nothing bad, and yet Jungkook had grown up getting picked on by the silliest angels he could just deck in the neck if he hadn’t been simply a child with wings that couldn’t quite fly.

Jungkook had been afraid of flying. It never made sense to him how he was the only one scared like his fear was unfounded, a joke for everyone to laugh over, to mock.

With great heights anyone could fall, hard , even angels.

Jimin had been the one who caught him practicing alone without his guardian, stuck in a trap he’d foolishly set for himself. Jungkook had climbed up the tallest tree he could find for his practice, deciding maybe he could scare himself into flying when his survival instincts kicked in. Turned out Jungkook was the biggest coward who couldn’t even tip himself over the edge, and spent hours stuck in a tree he couldn’t even get down from once he had grown far too conscious of the height. 

Jungkook was that fool, yes. 

Jimin was the one who found him, and despite the fact that they had only met a couple times before, the other agreed to help him and not tell any guardians of the risk he was bent on putting himself through. They were both kids, Jungkook remembers. Neither of them was more than twelve, and yet they acted like adults, trying to plan out the most elaborate idea ever to successfully pick Jungkook out of the tree like he wa an apple.

Of course it didn’t work. The second Jimin flew to Jungkook and tried to pull him out of the tree, the both of them dived right down to the ground as Jimin belatedly realized he might have been too weak to support Jungkook’s weight along with his own. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said, when they had both been found out by angry guardians who grounded them after, their beds shoved together with their limbs bandaged to keep the scratches from getting infected. Healing would’ve been a faster alternative, and yet their guardians decided without pain, the two troublemakers would never learn. “This must really hurt.”

“It’s alright,” Jimin had responded then, and Jungkook still remembers that grin on his face even now. “We’re friends.”

. . . 

“Really?”

“Yeah, we’re friends, Jungkook.” Jimin repeats, a quiet laugh slipping as he tips his head to the side with an amused expression like Jungkook has just asked something absurd. The angel, meanwhile, simply finds his lips parted wordlessly as he struggles to even control the look in his eyes. “Why are you giving me that look? I might not… remember about us, but it’s been a couple months, Jungkook. Have I accidentally led you into thinking otherwise?”

“No, no, I promise. I’m just—” Jungkook quickly brings the cup of coffee Jimin’s just bought him close to his own lips, his head dipped down in a lame attempt to hide the look on his face. He bets it barely hides anything, but at least he doesn’t feel like a giddy teenager when he smiles and drinks the coffee. “—I’m just happy we can be friends again.”

Come to think of it, Jimin has been warming up to Jungkook.

Everything did start out awkward at first.  Jungkook had to constantly remind himself to not get too comfortable with Jimin or let slip anything that might end up leading Jimin into asking too much. There are answers Jungkook should never speak of, and Jimin obviously didn’t know how to be himself either — some dinners had the longest pauses Jungkook didn’t know how to fill in. Sometimes Jimin asks about their past, and Jungkook has to quickly make up lies over it. Sometimes Jungkook’s left wondering if Jimin’s patience will ever be used up, making this the last time he ever speaks to him if this whole reunion thing isn’t as pleasant or enjoyable as Jimin wished it would be with how awkward the both of them have been. 

Maybe it’s merely for old time’s sake, maybe Jimin likes the feeling that finally he found a missing puzzle piece from his past (even though Jungkook was upfront that they were never that close before), maybe Jimin’s kind as always.

It’s been easier to text Jimin any time he wishes to. The other responds whenever he’s out of his classes, and when Jungkook’s lucky, he gets to visualize Jimin’s smile just by the way he responds. 

And when he’s even luckier, like this very second, they might walk down the streets together as they drink up their cups of coffee after a good meal, sharing little things they’d done for the week and exchanging small jokes that Jungkook would smile over whenever Jimin does. 

Jungkook has honestly never regretted abandoning home to look for his best-friend. No matter how hard Namjoon had disapproved, Jungkook always knew there was no way he was going to stay where he was and continue to live in a place Jimin would never return to, and it has never been more clear that this , this very second he shares with Jimin is one of the many reasons why.

Home has never been heaven. It’s been with Jimin all along.

“Jungkook?”

“Oh,” Jungkook immediately puts away the cup of coffee he’d been drinking while lost in his own thoughts, before he looks towards Jimin, a small embarrassed smile beginning to form. “Sorry, I was just thinking about work— Namjoon-hyung texted me a while ago.”

“Do you have to go right now? You can, you know? It must be really hectic in the clinic— we can always head to the movies next week instead.”

It’s not the first time Jungkook has hurriedly whipped up Namjoon’s name whenever he needs an excuse for Jimin’s questions (and knowing how easily he panics, Jungkook knows this habit of his ain’t going anywhere for the time being). The first time Jimin had just innocently asked him if he was studying or working, Jungkook had panicked like a fool and said he was working as an intern for the archangel who’d been blending himself amongst the mortals as a doctor in a rather small but busy clinic. 

“No, he was just…” Jungkook drags out the last word of his sentence foolishly as he forces himself to think hard. At the same time he stills the look on his face so Jimin won’t catch him trying to think up of another lie yet again. “He was just trying to remind me about work tomorrow. It’s nothing big, I promise— you were saying something before, weren’t you?”

Sometimes his lies feel so real, Jungkook almost tricks himself into believing that maybe he can just be another mortal like Jimin. 

“Ah, Seokjin-hyung’s younger brother just finished his studies overseas so he’s coming back home real soon, in the next three weeks, maybe? Hyung’s really looking forward to it, so he’s thinking of whipping up some of his favorite food and asked if you’re keen on coming?”  It’s even things like this, Jungkook realizes. It’s not the first time Seokjin has extended his kindness towards Jungkook; the other has been so pleasant ever since they first met and genuinely watches over Jimin like an older brother who doesn’t shy away from taking care of his sibling’s friends. “You said you never had any home cooked food before so… you should come! Hyung doesn’t always cook because work’s been crazy, but he’s a natural chef, I promise. You’ll love his cooking.”

There’s something about these little invitations Jungkook gets from Jimin and Seokjin from time to time that just feels so human, as if Jungkook has seamlessly settled himself into this world, and he can’t complain, even for a second. It’s almost like he’s just another human, a part of Jimin’s world so naturally and god , he loves it. 

“Really? If Seokjin-hyung doesn’t mind— of course, Jimin. I’d really love to, actually.”

He thinks he loves it a little too much.

. . . 

No one knows this, but Jungkook thinks he flies with ease and so much less fear if it’s towards Jimin. It’s almost like his mind knows he will be safe if he does, so Jungkook does exactly that, even if it means getting to the edge of a cliff so high it makes him a little nervous. But just as he’s already predicted, none of the uneasiness lingers around the second he lands and sits right next to his best-friend who turns to look at him with a small smile, their legs swinging side by side.

Jungkook smiles in return immediately.

“How are you holding up?” It might not be wise to be this upfront, but there’s no beating around the bush when it’s clearer than the sky that Jungkook’s worried. He might try to hide it, but the look in his eyes has never been able to deceive Jimin who has spent his entire life reading it. “Whatever Munho-hyung said, that’s not you, you know? I’m sure he realizes that himself now. He was just too angry to think earlier.”

Jimin doesn’t answer right away, but the waver in his stare already speaks volumes. It’s the same apologetic look Jungkook saw on Jimin when he returned home to see their guardians present, berating and expressing disappointment at his best-friend who simply kept his head low with remorse. Though Jungkook was made to stay out of the conversation then, it didn’t take him long before he understood the full gist of the story as he stubbornly stood next to Jimin (regardless of how their guardians glared at him disapprovingly) and kept a comforting hand on Jimin’s shoulder, squeezing reassuringly from time to time since he wasn’t permitted to speak.

“He had a point, Jungkook.”

“You can’t possibly believe that.” Jungkook furrows his eyebrows as he bends forward a little in his seat as he tries to make sure his best-friend is staring at him right in the eyes so his message is sent across crystal clear. “Every day you work the hardest, Jimin. Look at all the kids we had to teach the previous week. They all wanted to be like you and whatever for? Because whatever Munho-hyung said— that’s not true. How are you irresponsible and reckless? I say everyone finds you admirable because of how responsible and dependable you are.”

Jimin smiles, but the doubtful look in his eyes has already given him away as he tries to reassure Jungkook in return, even at a time like this, fingers reaching out to tousle at his raven locks.

“It’s alright, Jungkook. It’s true that I wasn’t there to guard the kids when I was supposed to. Siyeon wandered off for so long, something bad could’ve happened to her, you know? She wouldn’t have gotten lost if I had been right there, like I was supposed to be.”

“Something could have happened, maybe, but it didn’t and listen, you must have had your own reasons,” Jungkook insists stubbornly even if Jimin hadn’t filled that part in— but it’s not like his best-friend needed to. Knowing the other, there must be a good reason why he was actually late (for the first time ever). “There was no need for them to come down on you this hard when you have always been working your hardest. It’s not fair for your hard work to get disregarded at the very first mistake you make, Jimin.”

“It just doesn’t sit right—”

“What doesn’t? There’s no need to be this hard on yourself all the time— accidents happen, and it’s not like you were deliberately ditching your duties or something.” Jungkook unknowingly straightens his back, trying to counter whatever insecurities and guilt Jimin’s clearly suffering from at the moment. Jimin tries to speak, an embarrassed look evident on his face, but Jungkook’s even quicker to continue speaking, ready to reassure him. “Whatever it is, you had your reasons and you—”

“I was with a demon, Jungkook,” Jimin answers simply, and from the looks of it he’d already expected the silence that follows right after what he’s said. “It was dangerous, for the demon, I mean. I didn’t get to hear much, but the conversation he had with the other demons didn’t go well and he was left roughed up pretty bad.”

“... It could have been dangerous for you as well.” 

“I know, but it didn’t feel that way. He didn’t feel dangerous to me,” Jimin murmurs softly before he exhales and rubs at his temples. “He even asked me to leave in case they came back for him but— he was injured, Jungkook, really bad and you know how Namjoon-hyung would tell us not all demons are bad whenever he comes back to visit us? It felt like— he wasn’t bad. Maybe I misjudged because I sympathized with how he got beaten up, but he was… nice. He was even worried for me in return.”

As someone who’s grown up with Jimin, he thinks everyone in heaven knows just how uptight he gets over his best-friend, whom he has practically been sticking himself to ever since they were both little — but as much as the idea of Jimin actually putting himself in possible danger by being around a demon does worry him, Jungkook simply fixes his best-friend with a quick glance before he breaks into a quiet laugh.

“What?” Jimin furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

That’s Jimin for you , Jungkook thinks to himself as it’s his turn to mess up the other’s blonde locks. 

“What, so you were really sorry because you neglected your duties for a demon? Like you said, you were trying to help him— and if he isn’t bad or dangerous like you said, didn’t you do something great, then?” Jungkook laughs even as Jimin swats his hand away, and dodges the way his best-friend’s starting to try and pull his hair in a childish attempt for  revenge. “What happened to Siyeon was an accident no one could’ve predicted, Jimin. Don’t be so hard on yourself— you did save a life, didn’t you? Demon or not— be serious, and just think about what I said. Aren’t you glad you saved him?”

Jimin pauses, a surprised look showing on his features before he lowers his hands away from Jungkook’s and nods. He does finally look like he’s feeling better.

“Even if time rewinds, that’s a decision you still have to make again, Jimin. I’d probably do the same because it’s a life we’re talking about, isn’t it?” Jungkook shrugs. “I’m sure Munho-hyung would understand as well if you told him.”

“What?” Jimin frowns, and looks at Jungkook as if he’s grown two heads before he snorts. “Munho-hyung almost tore Namjoon-hyung into two for saying that not all demons are bad. That was already a pretty dangerous thing to say— had hyung not been an archangel, he probably would’ve been punished for saying that. Heaven doesn’t take things like this lightly, you know. I don’t think I’ll ever let any of them know, ugh. They are going to kick me out if they find out I stayed behind just to help a demon—”

It’s time for Jungkook to snort even louder as he rolls his eyes, offended at the unrealistic prediction of Jimin.

“As if I’ll let anyone kick you out of heaven, Jimin.”

. . . 

To protect and to be entirely there for Jimin— that’s all Jungkook has wanted ever since he was a child who understood what friendship was, and that’s what Jungkook has never given up on. He’ll be with his best-friend regardless of whether Jimin’s memories have been erased or not. He’ll be a friend Jimin can rely on the most, someone who can care for Jimin again.

Jungkook actually really misses the way he could care for Jimin, oddly. He misses the way he got to prioritise Jimin above everyone and no one would bat an eye because it’s them, because they are best-friends — were . 

It’s not his role to play this time.

“He’s going to be alright, don’t worry,” Seokjin reassures as he tidies up Jimin’s papers and books that have been scattered across the table messily. Jungkook would’ve helped, but he’s told to just stay seated, because he’s a guest , and he shouldn’t be too bothered by anything else — as if that’s even possible when Jimin’s clearly distressed after receiving a call from his classmates, who bailed on contributing to their project again . “I’m sorry you had to see this, I swear Jimin was getting ready, there’s just been a lot of hiccups and—”

“It really isn’t an issue, hyung. It’s really okay.”

Even though he’s speaking to Seokjin, he doesn’t hide the way he’s completely looking over the other’s shoulders, concerned about Jimin, who hasn’t come out from the balcony ever since arguing with someone from school. He briefly considers heading out to offer a hug and do all the things they used to do whenever either of them were feeling low, but he also remembers Namjoon’s repetitive reminders that he know his place over here because he isn’t your Jimin, Jungkook . 

You aren’t his best-friend,  Jungkook hears the archangel’s words in his head echoing again and again, even as Jimin finally looks back into the apartment and shares a brief look with him. The other finally smiles, though apologetically, as he turns away to finish up his call.

Jungkook doesn’t feel any better, knowing he’s only doing so to not burden him.

It’s Seokjin he will now share secrets with, it’s Seokjin who Jimin will now allow past his defensive walls, it’s Seokjin who Jimin will trust and rely on — and he’s glad, Jungkook truly is. He had been worried sick about Jimin’s life here as a mortal, and he’s witnessed how chaotic things could get, how complicated and different everything is compared to heaven and he couldn’t be happier Seokjin has been here from the start to protect and help Jimin out.

Jungkook’s happy, and yet he can’t help but wonder at times — when he questions himself, when Namjoon’s words get harder to shake off and ignore — what’s his role to play here? Was the archangel right after all? That Jungkook shouldn’t have gotten this involved, that he should’ve just accepted this change and the fact that someone else was going to be Jimin’s closest friend, his family, the one he relies on the most this time round?

Unknowingly, Jungkook stood up from his seat, his stare fixed on Jimin. He still remembers that much – to not bother him, and so he doesn’t. He simply watches. The answer has always been there all along.

It doesn’t matter .

The fact that he’s still here, that he gets to be here and watch over Jimin — that’s the only thing that matters for now. 

. . . 

For the longest time, Jungkook remembers liking Jimin.

He remembers being content with just playing it safe and orbiting around his best-friend like a fool regardless of what his closest friends think about it. Namjoon thinks he should be more forward in expressing himself, Yeri thinks there’s a chance Jimin could actually be feeling the same, while Mingyu thinks it’s time to be brave and cross the line that Jungkook himself made to keep from hurting their friendship. 

They might have even advised him for a really long time, whenever there’s an opportunity to gather and catch up with each other, but even as the years go by, Jungkook’s never truly shaken or tempted to push through that extra step.

Would Jimin actually let him do so? Would it really be alright?

There’s been late nights when they would stay up all night talking about everything, there’s been times when Jungkook toyed with the idea of leaning in to kiss the other after looking at his smile, there’s been times he simply wants to hold Jimin’s hand in his and go to bed just like that, and there’s been times he’s just so, so close to risking it all.

“I said I’m not leaving–”

“You’re gonna get punished as well if they catch you being here!”

“We broke Chasoo’s box together, so if you’re going to have to stay on night duty I’m going to be with you,” Jimin insists, determination written all over his face. It’s that look Jimin has when he absolutely refuses to step down, and with a quiet groan Jungkook knows he’s going to have to let him stick around — and not let anyone catch him. “You don’t want me to? Alright, shall I come clean to them as well? I’m sure they will send me right back h—”

Jungkook flicks the other’s forehead immediately, exasperation evident in his features as he can’t help but roll his eyes immediately. “You’re unbelievable, Jimin. Am I supposed to take the fall for nothing now?”

“No one told you to— we should’ve been in this together. So let me,” Jimin repeats, a warm smile tugging at his lips despite the red spot that’s starting to linger on his forehead, now looking worse as he rubs at it clumsily. 

“... You’re silly.”

The guilt that sneaks in is immediate, and Jungkook grunts inwardly as he quickly closes in to take a look at the other’s forehead, fingers knocking against his best-friend when he tries to help to ease the soreness instead. Foolish, foolish, foolish — that’s all Jungkook can think about in that second, reprimanding himself again and again for always being dumb despite his best-friend’s best intentions, before he realizes the other’s holding onto his wrist, their vision now locking in as a fond smile continues to show on Jimin’s lips. 

“Who’s the silly one now? Look at you, getting all worried like this.”

He wants to kiss Jimin that very second. 

He’s never been more sure of what he wants — and right there and then, it’s all he can think about. It could be perfect, maybe. The stars are bright above them, the night dark and cooling. If Jungkook just dips in close a little, he could kiss that smile he’s always wanted to before, he could kiss that insufferable fool who always looks out for him, and he could kiss that fool who makes a fool out of him by making him fall this deep. 

But Jungkook never does; he stops himself  the same way he stopped himself before. 

Does it feel like a shame? Maybe it is, but Jungkook’s never really thought of measuring his happiness by the possibility of Jimin reciprocating his feelings. It doesn’t work that way, not for him.

He’s contented, he’d tell them — because he really is. 

Mingyu doesn’t believe in love that comes without expectations, but Jungkook thinks he loves Jimin just like that. He doesn’t want the other to owe him anything, he doesn’t want the other to feel obliged to return his feelings or to even love him in return. It’s a pretty idea to think about, he admits — but even if he dares to let himself dream of the day Jimin might feel the same, he doesn’t want to cross that bridge. 

Some say he’s silly, but Jungkook’s content where he is.

To be able to like and love Jimin is a blessing on its own. 

. . . 

Sometimes, Jimin takes a look at himself and his past that he never gets to fill in as a reason to feel odd about himself, as if he isn’t normal. Jimin used to struggle with this so much, almost on a daily basis, but things did eventually get better once he was gently reintroduced to life in the city, with the help of not just Seokjin, but also the social workers assigned to him once his unique lack of identity was reported and raised for attention in the station. 

Seokjin’s shared those troubling times Jimin had with Jungkook once, discreetly trying to suggest the other to come visit more— and perhaps that’s the reason why Seokjin’s always so eager to welcome and encourage Jungkook to hang out with them so often.

Finding a piece of Jimin’s past is something to major to them, regardless of how casual Jungkook’s tried to make his past relationship with Jimin seem. Perhaps his appearance does mean something positive after all — Jimin would think of himself as less of a sore thumb that’s sticking out, unusual with no past to reminisce with anyone.

Seokjin is possibly the best mortal Jungkook has ever encountered so far — his kindness runs so deep , Seokjin unknowingly taking up the role of being Jimin’s older brother ever since he’d learned about Jimin’s plight after visiting him a couple of times in the hospital. Jungkook might not be the best in reading minds, but he at least knows the way Seokjin creates elaborate and calculated plans just for the Jimin’s benefit.  

For example, trying to get Jungkook involved in Jimin’s life more often by inviting him over frequently— 

“You’re so insufferable, Kim Taehyung, god .”

—and also, trying to help Jimin out of his secluded social circle by suggesting his brother stay with them for the time being, instead of having the other stay elsewhere like they had originally planned years before. 

He doesn’t know if Seokjin’s plans are exactly working, but judging from the way Jungkook’s awkwardly stuck and squeezed in between both Jimin and Seokjin’s brother as they throw chips at each other, laughing and having the time of their lives (despite how Jimin tries his best to look grumpy), it’s safe to say they’re working to some degree. 

“Come on, it’s as if Van Gogh caressed your face.” Taehyung’s laughter’s so loud, Jungkook can now barely hear what the television’s trying to sell him. It’s not like he’s interested, really, but there’s really nothing else for him to focus on when Jimin and Taehyung are too caught up in their “fight” to even notice anything else. “You should be— stop ! This violence will not be tolerated?!”

Jungkook feels himself sinking deeper into the couch as he stiffly tries to make way for Jimin to chuck more potato chips in Taehyung’s direction, and he almost forces himself to zone out completely when they are practically tugging at each other like there’s no one sitting right between them.

He can’t say he hadn’t seen this coming — the second Taehyung was introduced to the both of them, he got comfortable with them immediately and was already speaking to them like they’d always been friends. It’s his nature, Seokjin had explained a couple weeks ago when Taehyung strung Jungkook along exploring around the city for the entire day. He’s that social butterfly that puts himself out there to make everyone his friend, the life of the party and the moodmaker that brings laughter after laughter.

Even though Jimin isn’t exactly laughing, he doesn’t seem mad at all. There’s something about the way he’s rebuking the other that gives away how he’s taking everything light-heartedly, just how Taehyung intended — this will probably be a funny memory they’ll look back on in the future.

Taehyung had after all, been caught red-handed, doodling small hearts all over Jimin’s face with lipstick.

“Will you guys stop fighting already? It’s been almost half an hour and you’re still trying to rip each other’s heads off, god.” Seokjin emerges from the bathroom, and doesn’t even hesitate before he’s swatting his younger brother with the wet towel that had previously been hanging over his head. He must’ve been forced to listen through everything like Jungkook even while showering — they were that loud. “Keep this up and I’m only going to take Jungkook with me when we leave the house.”

Jimin quickly parts his lips and makes to point fingers at Taehyung, but Seokjin has already seen through his intent before he even speaks, and intercepts before more endless banter can begin.

“Tell me something about Taehyung only after you’ve cleaned up properly. I can still see spots of red all over your face from here. Are you going to head out like this ?”

Satisfied, Seokjin leaves an alarmed Jimin quickly checking for his reflection through the dark screen of his phone, grunts of embarrassment slipping as he quickly rubs at his face roughly with his fingers. Jungkook takes his chance to leave his seat now that he’s no longer sandwiched in between a fight, and unthinkingly, he reaches for the box of tissues that’s placed in the kitchen and pulls a couple papers out to run them under water gently at the sink. He doesn’t know much about make-up, but this should probably do the trick for Jimin.

“Ji—”

“Can’t you just sit still?! I said I’m helping .”

“Is it my fault that you’re not trustworthy?”

Jungkook halts, seeing that he’s already too late. Taehyung’s standing right in front of Jimin by the time he comes out of the kitchen, a hand squeezing both of Jimin’s cheeks together as he tries to swerve his hips away from Jimin’s childish pinches, while his other hand is holding up wet wipes he’d retrieved while Jungkook busied himself clumsily in the kitchen, dabbing and wiping away the leftover streaks that are still showing faintly on Jimin’s skin. 

They’ve gotten closer. Taehyung’s only been back for a couple weeks, but he’s already managed to be so comfortable around Jimin who obviously enjoys his company as well, regardless of how often they pick on each other. 

“Jungkook? You’re spacing out.”

Upon hearing Seokjin, he snaps out of his daze, quickly turning away to head back into the kitchen with his hand behind his back.

“Oh, urm, it’s— nothing. I just wanted to get some water.”

He looks back over his shoulder, and takes one last look at Jimin who’s laughing with Taehyung now, fingers grazing past the other’s wrists as they get into another fight, something much softer —  fonder.

 He turns away. 

. . . 

“Jimin, what are we looking for again? Is it this?” Jungkook asks as he toys briefly with what he’s just found, but he’s given no response. Somehow, he isn’t quite surprised — the other’s been engrossed in his search ever since the both of them broke into the chamber that safeguarded all sorts of armour and weapons, cursed and blessed both (not even Namjoon and Jinki would be able to save them if they are caught). “Jimin?”

His best-friend only looks over then, a surprised look dusting his features before he quickly places a finger to his lips, shushing.

“Not so loud, Yongsun might come back any time,” Jimin whispers before he places the box he had been digging through back to where it belongs. It must’ve been his fifteenth box by now, and yet Jimin only grows more resilient instead of dejected — Jungkook can’t help but wonder if he has been encountering dangerous situations if he’s looking to arm himself with the weapons stored in this chamber. “What is it?”

Jungkook tugs him closer by the arm before he raises the dagger that sits in an ivory sheath, with elaborate designs and details carved into it. Jimin’s face lights up immediately.

“It is!” Jimin exclaims, and he was so loud , Jungkook thinks his blood might have run cold from sheer panic and horror.

Jungkook’s hand immediately moves over his best-friend’s lips, alarmed alongside the other who seemed to be surprised by his outburst of excitement, before they both quickly fall silent for the next minute as they wait to see if anyone’s barging in at the noise. 

It’s only when there are no signs of anyone else coming into the chamber that they finally let out a heavy breath of relief (quietly) and Jungkook signals for Jimin to take the backdoor like before — they do need to get out as soon as possible now that they’ve gotten what they had been looking for over the course of an hour. 

“You’re a lifesaver, Jungkook.” 

Now that they have managed to slip away back into their hut, Jimin quickly tucks the dagger away before he turns back to look at Jungkook like he’s just saved his entire world, hands put together when he thanks him over and over again, looking like his legs could turn into a puddle of goo anytime from how hopeless and nervous he’s been feeling. The other rarely breaks rules after all, let alone a rule this huge.

“Are you finally going to tell me what this is all about, then? Jimin,” Jungkook tries his luck again as he watches Jimin rearrange at his belongings, trying to hide the dagger the best he can, “are you in trouble? Why do you need to take this with you — have demons been tailing you during your duties? You can always tell Namjoon-hyung ins—”

“I’ll answer everything, but one by one, Jungkook.” Jimin finally looks like he’s ready to share, his expression looking much more laid back and lighter than before when he’d apologetically asked for Jungkook to help him with sneaking in. He had looked so troubled that it had been impossible to turn him down, and Jungkook’s glad he helped, in fact.

At least Jimin’s sitting in front of him right now, with a small smile on his face. 

“The dagger was one of Yongsun’s favorites before, but since she’s already found better ones— she rarely comes back for it,” Jimin begins, his eyes downcast as he tries to account for his reckless plan that he’d dragged Jungkook into. “It was my best bet, Jungkook. What better to bring out than a dagger without an owner? It’s easy to hide too. I can most definitely get it out of heaven without anyone noticing.”

“What are you doing with something like this? You never needed to learn how to… fight. Furthermore, you could’ve just borrowed from the other armouries— officially . I know that one in particular is exceptionally good in dealing with demons, but we didn’t have to… steal,” Jungkook grimaces. “I— you can even have my dagger, Jimin. Or even Namjoon’s. I can borrow one from him if we just look for him right now?”

In fact, just the idea of Jimin having to deal with getting into fights against other demons is enough to make him skittish and uneasy. Heaven has a duty to protect their own if Jimin would just admit to them that he’s in trouble. He’s pretty sure they didn’t even have to break into the armoury from before — Yongsun would simply pick out the best for Jimin without anyone having to ask a second time.

“It’s not like that, Jungkook, silly.” Jimin’s voice drops into a softer tone as he squeezes briefly at Jungkook’s wrist, a softness starting to show in his eyes over his best-friend’s concern before clear hesitation seeps in next. The other has a secret he isn’t getting into. “It’s just… that dagger isn’t… blessed.”

Jungkook doesn’t quite catch Jimin’s drift. 

“Jimin, you can be honest with me. You know that right?”

“I know, I just…” Jimin pauses, lifting his gaze to meet Jungkook’s unwavering stare before he finally caves in. Secrets aren’t exactly common in between them either way — it’s only been recently that Jimin seems to be keeping more to himself, but if he’s ever ready to share, Jungkook’s ready to help and be there. It has always been that easy for the both of them. “It’s for Yoongi.”

Jungkook tries his best to not snap into confusion that quickly, but the surprise that comes sweeping in is immediate and leaves his eyes wide and round with even more questions and shock. 

It’s the demon Jimin saved months ago.

“What? Why would you be giving him something like that— he’s a demon, Jimin.” Jungkook’s mind is practically spinning in circles as he tries to make sense of what his best-friend’s trying to tell him. “What I mean is— what we have right here is a weapon deadly for demons . For Yoongi and his— species, Jimin? What’s going on?”

“Precisely why it had be that that ivory dagger, Jungkook. I clearly remember Yongsun telling me it wasn’t… blessed,” Jimin explains, embarrassment evident on the other’s face as he lowers his head, looking like he’s ashamed of what’s happening with his fingers brushing back at his blonde locks. “That means it’s something a demon can use without burning their fingers off, isn’t it? That’s exactly what Yoongi needs right now.”

Jungkook simply nods initially, trying to piece everything together about the demon he’s become somewhat familiar with. He knows Jimin has been in contact with Yoongi still, the demon his best-friend can vouch for because unlike his kind, “ he’s different and nice” — apparently, he’s the demon Jimin’s even willing to steal from heaven for now. 

Is this why they have been warned again? What if this is all a trap?

“... And why does he need this? Jimin, can you really trust him? You’re taking something from heaven to him— if you’re found out, this can get bad. Really bad.” 

Jimin only looks back like it’s alright, much to Jungkook’s disbelief.

Why would that be alright?

“Remember? I said he’s never been quite a family with his own. It’s not uncommon for their kind, but—” Jimin grimaces. “—it’s gotten worse lately. There’s been a lot, a lot of fights where they would even hurt one of their own, Jungkook. They aren’t exactly like us— they don’t simply stay together and look out for each other. Some of them could make do without another entirely and they aren’t exactly afraid to ensure that? Yoongi’s been in danger lately and— you know this, Jungkook, how chaotic they are. Yoongi was hurt before, and recently again. I figured I need to help him, I can’t just let him get hurt—”

With this, Jungkook also remembers how Jimin had been looking through all of their drawers for books on healing. He had looked so frantic then, looking like he was about to burst with tension and impatience before he’d finally found the book he wanted and left immediately.

Oh.

Everything has suddenly fallen into place perfectly, every single piece.

“Demon or not, I know who he is inside, Jungkook. He’s… kind. He’s helped me countless times and saved humans from his own kind.” Jimin’s voice goes soft again, but this time for a different reason Jungkook’s just learned to decipher. “He doesn’t even know I’m doing this for him and I— I trust him , Jungkook. Would you trust him too, please?”

“... Of course, Jimin.”

. . . 

Jungkook remembers seeing a certain softness in Jimin’s eyes whenever he used to speak about Yoongi. He’d always assumed it was just Jimin being kind and having a soft spot for the first demon who’d proved him wrong about the stories every guardian had told their little ones when growing up — to stay away from them because they are evil, to never trust one, let alone fall in love with one.

He’s watched that particular look for so long and hadn’t realized a thing about what it represents —  he hadn’t known he had been watching his best-friend falling in love with another the whole time.

He wonders if that ignorance from before would’ve been better this time.

If possible, maybe he doesn’t have to be right here, seeing that look he had once witnessed now on Jimin’s face again whenever Taehyung walks into the room. It’s true that the other is always described as the life of wherever he goes, but it’s a different kind of interest that lights Jimin’s eyes whenever he spots Taehyung coming back home.

There’s something softer, very much softer and just… intimate. Something that Jungkook’s never seen him looking back at him with.

“Jungkook, where are you going?” Seokjin asks, and it’s only then Jungkook realizes he’s got all of his belongings scooped into an arm as he now stands close to the door, boots already on and ready to go. 

“Oh, I…” Caught red-handed, Jungkook’s ears begin to flare hotly red before he looks away, self-conscious over the lie he’s about to make as he tries not to make out the noises in the background that are really just Taehyung and Jimin again. “I got to go. Namjoon-hyung needs me… back for work. He has something urgent, I should help him.”

Seokjin furrows his eyebrows as he immediately looks down at his watch, a hand slowly moving forth to grab onto Jungkook’s arm like he knows the other’s ready to bolt out at the smallest chance.

“It’s almost midnight, Jungkook. Weren’t you going to stay the night?”

He had been. Jungkook had intended to stay so he could binge-watch all the movies that he and Jimin don’t know about, but there’s something that just doesn’t sit well with him tonight. Something seems to be circling within with discomfort — it’s pressing down on his heart so hard it’s difficult to focus on anything else but how sore it feels beneath his chest.

It’s happening again , and the thought won’t stop echoing in Jungkook’s mind. 

“I was, but… it’s an emergency. I guess it can’t be helped — sorry, I’ll drop by next time?

“Shall I head down to wait for a taxi with—  hey, Jungkook!”

Jungkook leaves the second an apology slips from his lips. 

He doesn’t exactly know what overcomes his rationality like this. It shouldn’t matter. This isn’t anything Jungkook’s a stranger to, and yet the angel can’t help but wonder and think about how it’s not him — again . 

He wishes it were him. He wants it more than anything else.

. . . 

Sometimes Jungkook wishes he couldn’t read Jimin that well .

Through days and nights of Jimin’s heart slowly getting occupied by another, it’s like reading an open-book that only sinks Jungkook with its sweet lines of romance and poetry. Jimin is falling, deeper every time he returns from meeting up with Yoongi, whom he always gushes over or speaks with that smile that Jungkook had never seen directed at him. 

Jungkook’s never thought about the day of Jimin falling for another, but here it is. 

It’s obvious when the second realization dawns on him — the way the other’s voice softens at the mention of Yoongi, the way he speaks about the other so carefully and gently, the fondness that won’t stop brimming in his eyes like the other is his favorite person, the feelings that Jimin simply can’t hide. 

Jimin’s in love with Yoongi, and that would’ve been okay if Jungkook hadn’t realized just how badly he wanted it to be him instead. 

There’ve been dreams and expectations involving his best-friend, submerged at the back of the angel’s mind, so deeply not even Jungkook had known about them, but now that they all seem like nothing but unanswered prayers, hopeless , it’s only then he figures out why he’s hurting this bad.

Maybe he should’ve looked into himself earlier to face what he’s been unknowingly nervous to acknowledge — to take a closer look at all the hopes and feelings he’s held so dearly to his heart but turned away from. He hadn’t thought they would be this important to him until it’s become clearer than the sky that what he wants this bad — the most — is not going to happen. And that hurts, and especially more because he’s only finding this out now.

Jungkook’s in love with Jimin.

. . . 

“You’re thinking about the past again.”

The look in Namjoon’s eyes is clear with disapproval when Jungkook finally pulls himself back into focus. He must’ve trailed off into the past again, as usual, which he doesn’t understand why Namjoon gives him a hard time over. It’s not a  secret between the two of them that the past has been starting to both look and feel far more comforting than what he’s got to deal with lately. 

“What about it, hyung?” Jungkook glances away, unable to hold even a simple stare with the archangel when he knows what’s coming next. He wishes he were wrong. “Quit reading my mind. This is an abuse of your power.”

But maybe he errs first by literally giving the other an opening to bite onto.

“So you still remember that we have rules up in heaven, Jungkook?” Namjoon’s hand reaches out the next second to grab onto Jungkook’s arm, a sullen, dark look cast over his features as he forces Jungkook to sit right next to him, his grip tight and unyielding. “Or have you been too busy ditching all of them just to be here?”

“Not again—”

“I’ll repeat this every single second if I have to, Jungkook. Do you know how dangerous this is getting? You will be punished gravely if you’re found out— listen, Jungkook. You have to listen, ” Namjoon urges when he clutches a shoulder of Jungkook’s with his other hand, spinning him around to face him directly so he isn’t looking anywhere else but his eyes. “Go home, Jungkook. Go home before it’s too late.”

One might assume Jungkook would have weighed the option of heading back from how things have been unfolding lately, but he has never been more sure about his decisions. The archangel has been harping again and again about him doing what’s right instead of following his heart this blatantly, but what was he supposed to do if this is what feels right?

“Why would I?” Jungkook says, and disappointment breaks and shows on Namjoon’s face immediately. Guilt does sting at the angel’s heart then, but he quickly pulls his arm away from the other and makes sure he’s looking away so his worried expression doesn’t linger in his mind a second longer. “It’s taken us so long to locate Jimin, so long for me to finally approach him and get to where we are— you know how difficult everything’s been. It’s not easy for me to come this far, hyung. I’m not going back. Why would I return and leave him now that everything’s going according to plan?”

“ Is it really ?”

Jungkook laughs, dryly before Namjoon exhales a quiet sigh. He doesn’t know if the other feels sorry for being this direct, but the archangel probably is at the end of his wits if he’s being this upfront. Jungkook has been deliberately ignoring his suggestions and warnings for the past few months, after all. 

 “That’s a low blow even for you, hyung.”

“I’m just saying—” Namjoon breathes, clearly exasperated as he rubs roughly at his face. “Is this really worth it? Do you know what’s going to happen to you if you get caught?”

“I sure don’t. They do get creative with their different punishments for their own people, don’t they?” 

It was never his intention to sound this bitter, but he can’t help it — not when people who vowed to be their family are the reason why so many things are falling apart.

It truly doesn't matter if Jimin doesn’t love him back, now and then. It might have hurt, it might have sunk his heart and made some of his days gloomy — but he’d rather have all of that than to have witnessed what Jimin was made to go through. 

Heaven’s no longer home.

“You might end up just like Jimin, Jungkook, and—”

“Report me if you want to,” Jungkook mutters, and ignores just how awfully willful and stubborn he sounds. “I’m staying . I… want to be around Jimin, to know that he’s safe and happy.”

Namjoon looks bewildered and in sheer disbelief at this point, but Jungkook’s decision is fixed. 

“Come what may, hyung. Regardless of what it is — it’s worth it.”

. . . 

“It’s worth it,” Jimin says, before he looks taken aback at his own answer. He didn’t even pause to think through Jungkook’s question. “I… What I meant is–”

“It’s alright, Jimin. I understand.”

Somehow Jungkook had known this was the exact response he’d get. Had Jimin been doubtful of Yoongi, even in the slightest bit, he wouldn’t have been stretching himself thin like this day and night, disappearing whenever his duties are over just so he gets to meet the demon in a special meeting place they’d found for themselves, that not even Jungkook knows of. Whenever the other angels ask about Jimin, who’s been showing up a lot less back home, Jungkook simply covers for his best-friend immediately, or makes up lies. The other day when an archangel expressed her confusion upon seeing Jimin rushing to leave after his duties instead of staying around to unwind with the others, Jungkook had stepped in without hesitation. For any single gap or crack Jimin’s left behind, Jungkook fills it in with more lies and excuses. 

Jimin can’t ever be found out.

“You just have to be more careful, Jimin.” Jungkook reminds him, a hand of his moving forth to squeeze gently against Jimin’s arm. His best-friend smiles, but it doesn’t help to reassure the worry that sits in his heart stubbornly. “Be around sometimes so their suspicions don’t run too wild – I know you worry for him every time, but he can take care of himself. He’s said so too.”

Fortunately for Jungkook’s peace of mind, Jimin does seem to agree with what he’s saying, and nods with his head low. He doesn’t have to wonder to know that he’s probably feeling embarrassed and guilty again – it’s been that way ever since his relationship with Yoongi developed into something else that no one would’ve ever expected. 

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. This shouldn’t have been your responsibility to worry and fret over – I’m so sorry for dragging you into this.” 

As expected, Jimin mutters with an apologetic look on his face, and Jungkook can’t help but laugh before he quickly nudges Jimin’s shoulder with his own. 

“What? I’m serious, Jungkook.”

“And I’m serious too. What are best-friends for? I’m counting on you to cover for me when I find a demon to date as well,” Jungkook cheekily teases, and the consequences are immediate when Jimin rains down a couple of punches to his arms way too mercilessly, his lips parted and his eyes wide like he’s had enough of Jungkook, who’s now trying to escape as he laughs, way too cocky and arrogant at the perfect joke he’s just made. 

“You’re insufferable,” Jimin grunts before turning away to pull at the leaves of an innocent plant. Jungkook only smiles, watching his best-friend briefly before he tries to dismiss the thought that suddenly seems impossible to get rid of in his head. 

 Jungkook wonders if it’d hurt Jimin to know he’s dating another the same way it had hurt him.

Would you care?  

The idea circles in Jungkook’s mind again and again even if he’s already approaching Jimin to make peace, an arm slung around his neck before he tugs him close for another childish fight. Jimin laughs, and that sound alone is enough to bring a smile back onto Jungkook’s face readily before he tunes everything in his head out – he should spend some time with Jimin now that he’s around. He’s been absent, that much is true.

But he can’t help the sickening question that pulses in his mind like a poison, resurfacing from time to time again to remind him of what can never be the way he wants it to be.

You wouldn’t.

. . . 

Come to think of it, Jungkook might be walking in the same direction Jimin had before. He remembers how confused and perplexed he sometimes got over Jimin’s determination to take risk after risk as if nothing else mattered. He used to think it was foolish and impulsive – he simply couldn’t understand why anyone would ever be enough reason to jeopardize everything they have. 

But all it takes for Jungkook is to simply think of Jimin and that does the trick – every single time. 

No matter what Namjoon says, he’s staying. 

It’s no secret that the archangel can’t understand why Jungkook’s being this stubborn. In fact, they’ve gotten into several conversations that end with displeasure and tension, leaving Namjoon utterly disappointed and Jungkook frustrated. The angel has been trying his best to convince the archangel he’s doing something important right here – he’s doing this for himself, truly. 

It’s a selfish choice, but Jungkook has no other ways to be close to Jimin. He doesn’t think he can just stay away and move on with heaven if he’s simply going to spend all of his time back there remembering how cruel they had been to his best-friend who’d always been one of their favorites. 

He’s made his decision.

“What did you just say?” 

Namjoon doesn’t even bother to hide just how ridiculous he finds Jungkook’s words to be, and with his expression darkening, he stops Jungkook from fleeing to his room that he has been hiding in endlessly to avoid any interactions with the archangel. 

“You best be clear with me, Jungkook. I can tell people where you are right now .” Namjoon pries off his glasses with his other hand before he literally drags Jungkook out of the corridor so he can’t sprint off at the first chance he has. “Tell me you didn’t mean what you said.”

“I said, I’m never heading back. I give up on heaven–”

Jungkook tries to pull his arm away, but god, the archangel’s obviously stronger, his grip relentless and almost painful. Just from the look in Namjoon’s eyes, Jungkook already knows the other is going to doubt and play everything off as him being silly and willful, but that’s precisely why he has to be firmer.

“I’m really not. I give up on heaven, hyung.” Jungkook repeats, even if he has to watch the expression of the archangel crumble with disbelief. He knows he’d only helped him out believing this was temporary – he never would’ve expected Jungkook to be this ready to abandon everything . “I give up on heaven, I give up on heaven, I gi–”

“Are you insane? You can be killed for this. Are you seriously going to do this?” A frown is etched onto Namjoon’s features as his eyes grow wide with disbelief. It’s probably the first time Jungkook has seen the other get this upset and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel guilty. Of course he does, he truly does for putting the other through this – but he obviously arrived at the same decision even after weighing the consequences. “Did you forget about what you told me? You told me this wouldn’t affect your life back in heaven, that you just wanted to be friends again and what happened? You went back on your words, you wanted to drag this on and fine – I let you. I covered for you, I lied for you, again, and again. Everyone’s giving you space to mourn, to hurt but what are you doing? You’re letting everyone down by being weak .”

Namjoon’s words sound as heavy as the air that lingers in the apartment, his tone harsh and disapproving like he’s had enough. He clearly has, considering how Jungkook can tell the archangel has been holding himself back for months from being this blunt. 

“I know I’m being selfish–”

“You are. Have you ever thought about how I’m breaking the rules as well by helping you to settle down right here? Giving you an identity, having you mingling with mortals when it’s none of your business , Jungkook. You don’t even belong here– have you thought of how terrible I’m going to feel if you get killed under my watch? Because I have been soft hearted? Because I trusted you to be better than this?” Namjoon clenches his jaw, his grip on Jungkook slipping now that he’s convinced the other isn’t about to flee. Neither of them could say they hadn’t seen this argument coming – the tension has been running way too high for either of them to simply get over this without fighting. “I could’ve not helped you, Jungkook. I could’ve reported you the second you skipped your duties to start finding Jimin – but I helped you. I helped you because I thought you would be able to hold yourself together at the end but you’re not – what are you even doing right now?”

Even without raising his voice, anger and disbelief bleed into Namjoon’s words as the last of the archangel’s patience burns out – and as much as Jungkook hates to admit it, the other is right. He has been so selfish that he actually purposefully roped the archangel into his willful and desperate plan just so he could be around Jimin again and again. 

“... I’m sorry, hyung.” Jungkook inhales, looking down briefly so he wouldn’t have to see how utterly disappointed Namjoon is. The other truly hadn’t signed up for this – all he’d done  was to take pity on a mentee of his he used to teach. It wouldn’t be fair if he were punished for his kindness after all. “I… I promise they won’t find out you helped. I swear on it.”

“That is not what I worry about, Jungkook. Your life's on the line right here–”

Jungkook tries his best to stifle the sigh that’s threatening to slip as he brings both of his hands to his face, rubbing at his skin when he tries to quiet down his thoughts that are racing all over in utter chaos. He can’t even think straight. 

“I’m not ready, okay? I’m just– not ready. Not at all,” Jungkook breathes, and wonders if he should probably plead for Namjoon to just leave him alone for the night. It’s been a long day, it really has, and having this conversation obviously isn’t helping, especially not when it feels like it’s going to leave them distant and angry for days again . “I promise I’ll give this another thought but just… another day. Next week, I promise. We can have this talk then.”

And of course it’s a lie. Jungkook doesn’t even think before he’s making up excuses on the spot, all too ready to back away from the archangel and stuff himself into his room so he can just freeze everything in his head and have his own space for the rest of the week. 

“Jungkook, look at me.”

“Namjoon-hyung, I promise,” Jungkook assures and tries to hide how exhausted he feels when he finally finds it within him to look back at Namjoon to meet the archangel’s stare. 

He knows why Namjoon is this worried, but he simply isn’t ready – how can he ever be? The most he can do at the moment is to promise he will never get Namjoon into trouble for having been kind. It’s not his fault that Jungkook’s not returning – this can’t possibly be on him. Jungkook will move out if he has to.

“You can’t possibly move out, Jungkook.” Namjoon suddenly says, exhaustion apparent in his voice like he knows he’s been lied to before Jungkook freezes and realizes what the archangel is up to. “It would be far too easy for demons to locate an angel who’s gone rogue if I’m not around.”

“You said you wouldn’t do that to us.” 

“Why not? Because you’re afraid I’ll catch you lying? Well, I did.” Namjoon only looks at him like Jungkook’s used up his last straw. The archangel has never looked quite this done and tired. “I even saw the whole part of you overhearing Jimin admitting to Seokjin that he likes Taehyung. A long day, has it been, Jungkook? Maybe that only tells you that it’s time to leave–” 

Jungkook’s mind goes blank for a second, then everything’s red, red– and red. 

“You had no right to read my mind,” Jungkook hisses, his face starting to burn hotly with anger as he immediately stomps forward, a hand reaching to fist at the collar of the archangel’s shirt. “My life right here is none of your business–”

“It’s my business. You’re only here because I made it possible for you, Jungkook. Don’t you dare push it.”

“You made it possible? You didn’t do shit when I wanted to find Jimin after what heaven’s done to him. You watched me comb the whole damn world for so long when you could’ve just found him in hours.” Heat rushes down his throat and right into his lungs before he shoves the archangel against the wall, his mind suddenly a buzzing blank as only anger circles within and nothing else. “ I found him. I am the one who found him and I am not going back now that I have— I’m not going back to the place that made me lose him in the first place, hyung. I won’t.”

Before Namjoon can even respond, Jungkook repeats again. “I give up on heaven.”

“... You’ve lost your goddamn mind.” 

Namjoon breathes after a long moment as he looks back at Jungkook who isn’t even bothering to shy away from the archangel’s sight anymore. If he wants to read his mind now, then so be it — maybe he will finally understand exactly why heaven’s no longer a place he can ever bring himself to return to. 

“I didn’t help because I didn’t want this to happen. I was holding out on the chance that you wouldn’t find Jimin— and maybe my gut feeling has been right because look at you, Jungkook. Just look at you , what are you even doing to yourself? Why are you insisting on staying? Do I have to erase all of their memories of you so you’ll finally go back to heaven? Do I have to go there, Jungkook? Tell me—” At least of the two of them, Namjoon tries to keep his cool even when he’s on the verge of snapping. “—because you’re not giving me many options here. You’ve gone rogue , Jungkook. I should have never agreed to cover up for you.”

Letting go of Namjoon, Jungkook stumbles backwards, pressing his palms to his eyes briefly as he tries to calm himself down. He may be making sense, might have been all along, but it’s clear as the sky that neither of them is about to understand each other’s perspectives any time soon. 

“Then don’t. Tell everyone what I’ve done. Tell everyone I’ve gone rogue and that you can’t get me to listen to you because — I don’t give a fuck now, hyung. I don’t. They can come and try and catch me then — maybe then I’ll finally head back.” Jungkook sees Namjoon taking a step forward, but he only backs away with his mind made up. “But til then, leave me alone.”

“Jungkook. We’re not done speaking—”

“We are done speaking.”

“Where else can you go?” Namjoon laughs, but dryly with not a single touch of humor to it as he catches up with Jungkook before he can slam the door back shut. “Don’t make me out to be the enemy here, Jungkook. I’m trying to help you, still — just let go. If anything, isn’t it a good time to, right now?”

Jungkook pretends he doesn’t catch what Namjoon’s trying to say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He’s falling in love with someone else, isn’t he? Jimin’s falling for someone else— Taehyung.” Namjoon’s voice finally drops to a softer voice, as if he’s still careful to not hurt the other after how the conversation has already gone down. “And you don’t think Taehyung is a bad person. In fact, you think he’s great.”

Jungkook stays silent before he tries to block out what Namjoon’s saying, but his mind immediately  bursts with the memory of the conversation he overheard between Jimin and Seokjin who were chatting over a couple of cold beers in the kitchen.

He can’t say he hadn’t seen this coming, and yet Jungkook had felt his world come to a stop when Jimin admitted he’s starting to have a crush on Taehyung. While Seokjin had seemed to be both relieved and happy over the secret the other had just shared — Jungkook had simply gone blank again as he rushed all the way back, trying to empty out what he’d just seen, what he had just heard.

He wishes he could wash everything from his mind.

“Jungkook, he’s falling for somebody else. It’s time to let go.”

“I think you should stop, hyung.” Jungkook says, feeling his expression go stiff. It’s hard to even pretend to smile. “Don’t you get it? So what if Jimin likes Taehyung? I’m not doing this just for him to love me, hyung. I don’t need him to. This was never what I had in mind — I just want to be around him, don’t you see?”

“Even if it—”

“Even if it hurts me, even if it’s ridiculous, even if it’s a bad idea.” For someone who has been persisting with the worst plan for himself ever, Jungkook seems awfully sure of his decision. “Yes, hyung. I’m staying with him.” 

He must look like the biggest fool, he knows — but letting go of Jimin has never ever been an option. No matter how hard it had been to find the other, Jungkook hadn’t considered giving up. Even now that Jimin’s starting to lead an entirely different life from Jungkook’s, he doesn’t think of leaving, and he’s won’t, regardless of Jimin’s feelings. 

It has always been that simple for Jungkook — just being around Jimin makes him happy.

“I just don’t want you to have any regrets, Jungkook. This is looking pretty… steep,” Even so, Namjoon still tries, exhaustion apparent in his words. “You’re doing this much for someone who’s not going to realize what you’ve sacrificed and risked, ever. You’re doing this for someone who no longer remembers you, for someone who— might never return your feelings.”

“Regrets?” 

The look in Jungkook’s eyes actually wavers and shifts into something much more tender, vulnerable as he finally backs away from the door and presses his back to the wall. It’s almost like someone has sent Jungkook right back into the past, when he would accidentally break the silliest rules and cry to Namjoon in secret over it — and if only this was like any of those innocent mistakes from before.

“I don’t think I’m going to regret any of this, hyung.” Jungkook says as he rakes his fingers through his raven locks roughly, forcing a smile onto his lips that only looks sad to Namjoon. “There’s nothing I’m going to regret more than — not having been more brave before. You know this.”

Namjoon does. Jungkook has never gone into details, but it doesn’t take a mind-reader to know just how much he wished he’d done some things he had always stopped himself from doing, out of fear. For everything he had wanted to do, Jungkook would find himself another reason not to — and over the years he’s known Jimin, there’ve been secrets, so many that his best-friend hadn’t known of. 

He wonders if it would’ve changed anything if the other knew about the kisses he wanted to share, the seconds he wanted to spend holding him close, and the nights he’d almost bared his heart and spilled his feelings out for his best-friend to see.

It’s too late when Jungkook realizes he probably shouldn’t have thought back to the past, especially after what he’d just overheard from Jimin at Seokjin’s place. 

He feels like he’s lost Jimin again and again — only to lose him at his one last chance, again.

“I wish I had taken the risks from before, hyung.” Jungkook tips his head back, and lets himself rest heavily against the wall as he slowly brings the back of his hand to his lips, biting lightly like the pain will help distract him from the frustration and exhaustion that are slowly filling him to the brim. “I wish I had been braver. I could’ve let Jimin know I liked him. I could’ve tried harder to make him look my way — maybe he would have liked me. Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen for Yoongi. For Taehyung. Maybe I had a chance but I never learned how to take the risk. I never learned how to — be the person he wants, hyung. I’m never going to be that person now, am I?”

Namjoon looks away when Jungkook’s breathing gets rougher than before as wetness slowly slips from the corners of his eyes.

“I’m never going to be the person he loves — but that’s alright, yeah?” Jungkook breathes, and he’s not sure who he’s trying to reassure at this point when he can’t control the way his exhaustion and frustrations are starting to escape through the tears he can no longer suppress. “As long as I’m still here— to love him, that doesn’t… that doesn’t sound too bad.”

Jungkook’s trying to cover his face with a hand and cry the quietest he can.

“That’s the only thing I can do right now, hyung. Don’t— take that away from me.”

. . . 

Jungkook’s never understood what it feels to be in a living nightmare until he’s in one. 

He should’ve been more alert, but how could he have ever known? Everything’s so awfully planned it’s disgusting — he let his guard down, he foolishly assumed his day was going to be just like every other day he’s had before, peaceful and mundane. Nothing too extraordinary, nothing out of the routine he’s fallen into pace with by now. 

He lets a couple of angels take him far away with the excuse of helping them with their duties until he begins to pick up on how unnatural everyone has been behaving and eventually deciphers their nervous expressions as guilt . They were clearly dealing with conflicted thoughts, and it didn’t take Jungkook too long before he manages to push someone into fessing up. 

And then it comes, here it is — his living nightmare.

Jimin’s been found out.

It’s immediate. Jungkook heads right back, the fastest he can with his mind an absolute blank as he literally loses all ability to even think . All he hears is his heart rattling in his ribcage as blood rushes beneath his skin coldly, leaving his fingers to shake by his sides the whole time he’s trying to get to Jimin. 

He’s never quite felt this sick and nauseous as he pushes past everyone who tries to hold him back — trying to tell him to not intervene with heaven’s ruling, trying to tell him everyone gets what’s coming to them and that Jimin wouldn’t be in this position if he hadn’t willingly broken a rule that’s as clear as the sky for everyone else here. It’s downright sickening , the way everyone knows how important Jimin is to Jungkook and yet they’re willing to separate them even at this point — to lie, to be monsters who willingly sent Jungkook somewhere else so he wouldn’t try and help Jimin escape when his best-friend, his only family, is in grave danger. They can all go to hell, that was what Jungkook realized that very day. All of them — everyone.

It’s only when Jungkook nears the Grand Court where grave and important rulings are usually passed that he’s held back again— this time, with a familiar grip that he can’t shove off immediately. It’s Yeri, and she looks like she’s just seen hell with her eyes red when she shakes her head at Jungkook, trying her best to speak while her bottom lip quivers. 

“Too late.” Her fingers feel cold when she pries her hold away to reach for Jungkook’s cheeks, and only then Jungkook realizes he’s been crying, and the other’s wiping all traces away with the most crestfallen look before she nudges him in the opposite direction. Jungkook feels everything within him sink, and yet his mind manages to ignore what Yeri seems to be hinting at, unwilling to acknowledge what he couldn’t make it back in time for. On a certain level,  everything still doesn’t quite feel real to him. “Go to the gates, Jungkook. Go there right now and you — you might still make it. Please go, right now.”

There’s a deafening blank that lingers in his head as Jungkook pushes himself to go faster, even if his entire frame’s trembling upon the sight of seeing Yeri this shaken. 

I’m too late, Jungkook’s mind echoes as he finally catches up with his emotions with every step he takes to the gates. He knows what’s going to happen, how can he not know? Ever since Jimin had admitted to him his feelings for Yoongi, Jungkook has thought about it, imagined the worst nightmare that could ensnare them the second Jimin’s caught, the nightmare that has his nights swarmed by worries, fears . He had then sworn that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep this from happening, and yet he’s too late.

Jungkook’s simply rushing headlong to an ending he can’t change a single thing about. 

He doesn’t realize just how shell-shocked he is, not until he’s finally before the tall, cold gates — and people, his people, still have the heart to try and hold him back. Fingers dig into his arms, and Jungkook thinks he’s reached the very brink of his consciousness when he opens his mouth to speak and hears nothing coming out as his body kicks into instincts take over, and he tries his best to to pry their relentless grip off. There are so many things he wants to scream about — let go , he wants them to let go and yet he only looks at the other angels like he’s lost his damn mind. 

He only finds his voice again when he finally spots Jimin, held by Yongsun and Hyunwoo, one on each arm, in an awfully similar state as Jungkook’s in — except he’s kneeling down, all bloody. Jimin’s clothes are practically drenched with his own blood, and bile immediately rises in Jungkook’s throat when he realizes what heaven has done to Jimin during the time they baited Jungkook to head somewhere else. 

His best-friend’s wings have been viciously torn off, replaced by the deepest wounds that had him practically bleeding out. 

“Jimin?” He regains all of his strength and willpower the second he sees Jimin’s head lift, as if searching for him as well. He’ still alive — and that’s all it takes for Jungkook to muster all the fight that’s still left in him to break loose from the bruising grips. He almost gets right in front of Jimin before he’s practically dragged again, but at least this time — he manages to catch Jimin’s wrist. “Give him another chance— please!”

“The verdict has been passed down, Jungkook.” Yongsun says quietly, as if anything could soften this ever . 

Jimin struggles to even focus his vision, and by the time he looks at Jungkook properly, a small smile starts to show on his lips to reassure Jungkook even though he appears to be suffering excruciating pain — and Jungkook hears himself crying from both anger and hopelessness . 

“I’ll take this with him, please— I can vouch for Jimin that he’s going to be good in the future,” Jungkook swallows and refuses to let go. Hyunwoo exchanges a look with the guard before he whispers for them to take Jungkook away so he doesn’t have to watch, but Jungkook’s hand wraps around Jimin’s wrist tight . “Please, please, please . You can’t take him away, he’s my family—!”

“... Jungkook, we don’t want to do this either but a rule’s a rule. He did something wrong and—”

“What kind of angels are we if we’re going to do this to our own kind?” Jungkook snaps, struggling to even breathe as he quickly adjusts at his grip, squeezing at his best-friend’s hand this time round before he looks back up at the archangels, pleading despite Jimin’s quiet requests for him to give up now — he won’t. “You can’t do this to Jimin, please— please. I’ll do anything, please let me take him home, please—”

The blood on Jimin’s hand makes it difficult for him to hold on, but Jungkook only grips harder and bites back a sob when he feels Jimin squeezing back, at his hand when someone’s reaching down to pull his wrist back — and Jungkook’s heart flatlines when Jimin’s hand slip out of his. 

“No, no, no, please—” Jungkook is practically crying his eyes out as he watches Hyunwoo tip Jimin’s head up, fingers pressed to his temples. He’s never felt dread and hopelessness quite like this. It’s a silent and quiet impact that just hits him inside, and hits him hard, before all the muscles in his body momentarily go slack. “—Take me too, Hyunwoo. I’m— I’m his accomplice, I made mistakes as well, punish me , please— take me with him, I—”

Jungkook’s frantic stutterings only run to a halt when he hears Jimin.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.”

There’s tears smeared across Jimin’s cheeks as Jungkook shares a look with his best-friend, and there’s a short silence of nothing but heaviness before Jungkook parts his lips, feeling them quiver and tremble when he mouths one last message to Jimin.

“I’ll find you, Jimin.”

And with that, Jimin’s eyes are brought to a close before heaven casts him out, right in front of Jungkook. 

. . . 

Namjoon has never observed Jimin from quite this close, but now that he’s doing so, he can’t deny it’s been a really long while since he saw the other. He’s laughing in a cafe, sharing his earpiece with Taehyung, whom he’s been trying to motivate to not fall asleep for the past ten minutes. To anyone else, this would look just like another couple in college, with assignments and sketches messily placed all over their table— but to Namjoon, he’s watching a mortal fall in love with an angel whose wings he’d been commanded to cut off. 

He still sees Jimin’s blood all over his back, and there’s something unsettling about having to be around someone who has no idea what’s been done to him — what Namjoon has done to him. Earlier, when their eyes had met accidentally when Jimin was simply glancing about, procrastinating on his assignment, Namjoon had almost thought he’d been brought back to his past, looking back at one of the angels he would always love to stay around to chat with. 

“Do it,” Namjoon recalls Jimin muttering under his breath as he’d stared straight ahead, looking eerily calm with his head held high like he’d resigned himself to his fate. Instead of Jimin, Namjoon had been the one who felt hesitant before orders were repeated to him for the second time. 

It had been tough, especially when Namjoon knew Jimin was only being this way so Jungkook wouldn’t be put down for his wrongdoings as well — and also out of spite, probably.

They had declared they were going to hunt down and kill Yoongi after all. 

Until now, there’s been no news of what has actually happened to the demon, or maybe they’ve been kept out of the loop intentionally. Ever since Jimin’s sentencing, there has been a dull tension in heaven for everyone who had known Jimin personally — everyone’s been kept at an arm’s length and occasionally even watched like they are all birds of the same feather about to commit the same mistake over and over again. 

Jungkook’s been given space to breathe, but only for now. No one’s certain when Jungkook’s going to be put under surveillance without any of them realizing — and there’s no telling just when Jungkook’s going to get caught and dragged back into heaven for another cruel sentencing. 

Namjoon wants to help , he thinks to himself as he takes another look at Jimin who’s getting up from his seat, leaving Taehyung to sleep with his head on their table alone while he heads for the public restroom.

He could help — but that would be cruel, far too cruel to someone he’s already done this much to. 

Hesitance lingers, and all the options circle in Namjoon’s mind before he slowly rises from his own seat and swallows a heavy sigh when he passes by Taehyung, ignoring the other half of his mind that’s still trying to tell him to wait .

Namjoon has to do whatever he can to help the people that he still can help.

. . . 

“Jimin? No, he’s not with me.” Jungkook sandwiches his phone in between both his ear and shoulder as he bends down to loosen the laces of his boots. He briefly notes how dark the apartment is before he returns his attention to the phone, where worry increasingly fills in his mind as he catches up to Seokjin’s worry. “What do you mean he disappeared? He didn’t say a thing about coming with me, hyung — Taehyung was being lazy with his portfolio so he said he was going to stay back with him to keep an eye on him… what?”

“Taehyung fell asleep, Jungkook. He woke up and Jimin just… left? We thought he might be in the restroom earlier but it’s been too long, so we checked and he’s not around. Where would he even go? All of his assignments and papers are still with Taehyung,” Seokjin sounds like he’s on the road, driving around and his voice is tight with anxiousness. “This is not like him— it’s been a couple hours and he’s not picking up our calls at all.” 

Jungkook pauses before he’s pulling himself back to stand upright, his eyebrows furrowed as he’s already reaching for his keys that he only just dumped on the table. If Jimin’s in trouble, he will be there.

“Where have you guys searched? I can look somewhere else, it’s going to be quicker if we split up.” Jungkook suggests, trying to warn off the bad feeling that’s starting to gather in his gut. It might only have been an hour or two, but Jimin never disappears without a word, especially not to Seokjin. “Did an emergency come up or something? Maybe try calling his friends in college if you know them? Or—”

The angel stops immediately in his words the second he realizes he’s not alone in his apartment. 

There are noises coming from his room, a couple of light thuds that leave him rooted to the floor momentarily in surprise. It couldn’t be Namjoon; the archangel usually isn’t around at this time — the fact that the lights are all off had already told Jungkook that much. 

“Hyung, I’ll call you back later. There’s something I gotta take care of,” Jungkook hurriedly whispers to Seokjin before he ends the call and looks to where he had last heard the thuds. There haven’t been any other noises coming from that direction, and yet uneasiness stirs in his chest as he slowly heads down the hallway. He’s pretty sure someone’s here. 

Is he going to get caught?

A demon wouldn’t be silly enough to break into an archangel’s place. A fellow archangel, however, might if they had a reason to — for example, if they’d finally realized an angel who’s gone rogue has been hiding here all this time while ditching his duties and heaven altogether. 

He wonders if he should flee (there’s still so much more time he wants to spend with Jimin), but before he can even think through all of his options clearly as he stands right there in the hallway with his hands starting to sweat, the door to his room opens.

“Jimin?” Jungkook startles, almost taking a step back in surprise and belatedly notices the look on Jimin’s face before all of his initial relief and curious questions about the other knowing his address sink into worry once again. The other’s eyes are red. “What happened—”

His words die in his throat immediately the second he sees what Jimin’s holding in his hands. It’s letters he’s written for Jimin ever since he’d lost the other in heaven, letters he’d kept writing even after he’d found Jimin again, filled with simple things about the children and gardens Jimin used to love tending to when he was an angel, to ugly, ugly secrets like the feelings he wishes he could’ve told Jimin, feelings he wanted Jimin to finally know but never had the courage to confess. 

“ What have you done, Jungkook? ” Jimin’s voice breaks as he tries to blink back his tears, looking terribly upset before Jungkook finally snaps out of his shock and confusion to snatch his letters back from the other. It makes no sense that Jimin’s in his place, it makes no sense he’s read through the letters and understood the contents without thinking he’s lost his mind, especially with all the mentions of heaven and angels Jungkook had made. “Listen to me— I said, what have you done? What have you done to yourself ?”

Or maybe Jimin does think Jungkook has lost his damn mind, and it’s not hard to figure out who’s behind this sickening ploy. 

“Did Namjoon-hyung give these letters to you?” 

Jimin doesn’t answer, and Jungkook’s throat tightens uncomfortably as he tries his best not to panic — but how could he not? The archangel has obviously done this to thwart the impression Jimin has of him and make him ut to be nothing but an obsessed and obviously crazy stalker who probably should be kept away from him forever. This is nothing but the foulest plan to get Jungkook back to heaven and fuck , it even got Jimin hurting. 

Jungkook curls his fingers in, crumpling all of his letters before he lowers his head and nudges past Jimin to get to his room, where these silliest papers should’ve been. It’s not like Jungkook had ever written these with the intention of letting Jimin read them — he really hadn’t wanted Jimin to, most of the time, for this was the response he’d feared the most and he really, really doesn’t want to have to witness this. 

Jimin looks like he hates the idea of Jungkook being in love with him. 

“I… I can explain,” Jungkook starts, shoving all of the papers back into the drawer roughly, as if he’s blaming them for the look in Jimin’s eyes that’d never made him feel this small, all of his confidence dashed and ridiculed. He should probably not look for Namjoon after this, there’s no guarantee he won’t try and punch the other from how mad he actually is. “They aren’t what you think they are, Jimin.”

“I know exactly what I was looking at, Jungkook.” Jimin answers before he pauses, just for a couple seconds. “I saw everything . Namjoon-hyung, he—”

Jungkook swears he doesn’t want to be this agitated in front of Jimin, but the mention of the archangel honestly just fuels the frustration within him before he decides to vent it on the drawer by slamming it shut. “He knows nothing either, how can he possibly explain to you what are—”

By the time Jungkook turns around to look at Jimin again, he sees the other leaning into the doorway, looking at him with the saddest eyes. It freezes Jungkook in place as he looks back at the other, feeling helpless as distance seemingly begins to pool in between them again . 

“Jimin, just… listen to me.”

“I said— I saw everything,” Jimin begins again with his voice quieter this time. “He— gave me your memories. All of them.” 

The room falls cold and silent, and Jungkook thinks he would’ve stayed blank in utter shock a lot longer if Jimin weren’t just standing there, eyes fixed on him like he has questions Jungkook simply doesn’t have the answers to. If anyone had expected Jungkook to have a deeper meaning to his persistence, a profound reason why he’s willing to risk it all like this, they would be disappointed, because there isn’t one. 

In fact, there’ve been no second thoughts, not even once. Jungkook had just done this because he’d wanted to. 

“... Do you remember me now?” Jungkook asks, even if he knows the answer himself already. Of course Jimin does, and even if it’s not quite the same as Jimin recovering his own memories, he should’ve seen and understood how close they had been. “What do you remember?”

Ever since Jimin’s memories had been erased, Jungkook had been the only one left behind to remember their history, their friendship — he would be lying if he were to say it isn’t lonely. There are inside jokes he can no longer share with him, there are little habits and routines of theirs that are now just an abandoned cycle left to occur only in his head, and there’s closeness he’s tried his best to find back but couldn’t. 

“I do,” Jimin answers, and Jungkook hadn’t seen how hard this would affect him inside as bile begins to rise faintly in his throat. “You are… afraid of flying because of heights. You used to get angry at the sight of insects because even they knew how to use their wings. You were picked on by Wonsoo.”

His best-friend’s memories have been erased, Jungkook tries to tell himself. Jimin isn’t even remembering him from his own point of view, but through Jungkook’s memories like he’s just finished a book with every single little detail of the angel’s life. 

“We accidentally locked ourselves in Hyunwoo-hyung’s chest once and got punished because we went missing for the entire day. We would get berries and books from Namjoon-hyung whenever he’d come back from the mortal world. You would tell me to read them to you.” Jimin tries his best to recite as he slowly takes steps closer. Jungkook doesn’t hide away. “Yeri used to pick flowers for us, red for you, blue for me. You always teased me for always breaking the jars I keep them in. You insisted on stargazing together frequently.”

It’s technically not real, and this isn’t Jimin remembering Jungkook— but relief and comfort rushes beneath his skin regardless because of just how much he needed this. Even if this is just a fragment of what he truly wishes for, this is probably more than enough — at the very least, Jimin knows about their past, and if he were kinder to himself, he could even admit that Jimin remembers him now.

Jimin remembers him. 

“You were my best friend,” Jimin says, wiping away the tears on Jungkook’s face while his own eyes begin to glisten wetly as well. “... I’m so sorry, Jungkook.”

It’s immediate that he shakes his head, almost laughing at how easily he’s actually been brought to tears just by hearing Jimin acknowledge what they used to have. 

“You have nothing to apologize over, Jimin. I’m sorry for what Namjoon-hyung did instead. This isn’t fair to you,” Jungkook quickly reassures the other in return, and he looks at the guilt in Jimin’s eyes with a shaky sigh starting to leave his throat. He should be the one who’s apologizing for ruining Jimin’s peace over here. Anyone can tell how he’s become surrounded by people he can trust and love, leading a life far better than when he used to be an angel, with fewer rules to conform to. “I’m so sorry, he really didn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t have— let me go talk to him? There must be something he can do about this—” 

Jungkook didn’t even manage to move away before Jimin’s pulling at the front of his shirt, looking at him with the most incredulous expression as his grip squeezes tightly on the soft fabric, unwilling to let go. 

“And what if he hadn’t done this? Were you going to keep this up? To put your life at risk like this? You can’t live like this, Jungkook,” Jimin urges right as Jungkook looks away. This is precisely what Namjoon had been betting on, that Jimin would be the only one Jungkook would listen to. “You’re in danger, and for what? If you’re going to say this is all for me, please , I’d rather keep you safe than jeopardize everything of yours like this!”

Even though the other probably already knows it, having Jungkook’s memories locked within his head, the angel doesn’t mention about how being here with Jimin is his everything. 

“I have nothing back there, Jimin. I can’t look at them the same.”

“So you were going to just stay here silently even though I’d already forgotten about you? Even though you’re in danger and heaven might punish you terribly once you’re caught? You could get hurt, Jungkook. How can you be alright with doing this to yourself? You didn’t even— you… were going to let yourself get hurt, in more than one way. You were going to let yourself get hurt just like that and not speak up about how you feel inside. You weren’t. Not even to me.” Jungkook might lack of Namjoon’s ability to read another’s mind, but it doesn’t take an archangel to know that Jimin is speaking of his feelings towards Taehyung. “Jungkook, don’t do this. You’re going to get hurt, please.”

His fingers brush against Jimin’s briefly before he pries away the other’s grip on his shirt. The other’s warmth lingers briefly on his skin, but he doesn’t let his mind dwell on it. 

“... It’s worth it.”

Jimin laughs, but dryly without humor as he looks down with his eyes teary, frustration and disbelief apparent on his face. 

“How can you be this cruel to yourself, Jungkook?”

“This makes me happy , Jimin. Why do the both of you think everything’s going to be alright once I get back there? It’s not, Jimin. You saw it, didn’t you? You saw how cruel they were instead, you saw how they didn’t even try to help you, Jimin! These so-called rules are always going to be held above us, every single one of us. They are going to tell me I’m family, but turn their backs on me once I make a mistake, like what they did to you, like I had it coming. I can’t get that out of my head— every time I’m back there, I hear them telling me again and again that I lost my best-friend because he did this to himself.   I still see the blood that was all over you, for fuck’s sake. So no, Jimin. I’m not going back.”

It’s hard to watch, to witness the way Jimin’s turning away so Jungkook doesn’t catch him crying with feelings he probably doesn’t even know how to deal with — everything must have been so sudden after all. His hand fidgets by his side, and he wonders if it’s finally okay to hold the other through his tears and convince his best-friend of his decision once and for all. 

Don’t push me away, Jungkook pleads silently in his head as he quickly takes the time to wipe at his eyes as well, his sight never leaving the other. Let me stay, let me stay, let me stay —

“You’re going to die , Jungkook.” Jimin tries again eventually, his eyes red as he reaches for Jungkook’s sleeves, tugging with his bottom lip quivering. “Whatever you think, whatever happened, nothing is ever worth losing your life for, Jungkook, listen to me—”

“I think I already did when they threw you out, Jimin. I couldn't… focus on anything else. Like I said I— see your blood every time I think of you, I hear the way they whisper like you’re a sinner, I keep… getting these stupid dreams of you being cast out of heaven over and over again— I didn’t feel alive.” Jungkook doesn’t pull away from Jimin, but something feels horribly distant in between them, still. “I only felt like I found myself when I found you, Jimin. I hadn’t felt like this in a while— I hadn’t been myself, I hadn’t been happy until we met again, don’t you get it?”

Jungkook inhales, and hesitates for a long while before he lets himself speak again, seeing that Jimin’s still struggling to gather his words. Jungkook must look real silly to the other, mustn’t he? A silly lovesick fool that has lost his rationale— does Jimin see at him that way now?

 “It’s worth it because it’s you .” 

Blood rushes beneath his skin as his heart begins to race faster than before beneath his ribs, trying to urge him to stay silent, to not say it — but his best-friend would already know after having Jungkook’s memories. There had been times when Jungkook was foolish and thought maybe there would come a day he could finally confess to Jimin somewhere gorgeous, somewhere quiet and special for the both of them — but nothing has been going his way, has it? Of every way he’s imagined that very day to come, never did he expect Jimin to find out his feelings through Namjoon.

Something feels unfair, like he’s been robbed of yet another dream — but maybe, just maybe, this was the only way for Jungkook to finally, finally be honest.

“I love you, Jimin,” Jungkook whispers, trying to be gentle with his words like he’s afraid his confession is only going to hurt Jimin. That is the last thing Jungkook wants. Never is Jimin supposed to be hurting, to be sad, to be crying right now in front of him, so terribly hard his breathing leaves his lips like rough, muffled sobs. “... Please don’t cry, Jimin. I’m so—”

“Don’t you dare apologise , Jungkook ,” Jimin snaps, fixing the other a firm look before he’s actually moving in to tug the other close for a hug, so tight it almost feels like they are back to the past — except it’s not. His best-friend has returned , and all the tears he’s been fighting back can longer no longer be held back. He missed this, he missed this too much . “You’re so silly, Jungkook— you’re so silly, you’re so silly, you’re so — silly. You deserve more than this, don’t you see? Why aren’t you fighting for yourself?”

“I am, Jimin.”

“No, you aren’t— you’re just giving up on yourself like this,” Jimin accuses with his eyes wet as he breathes in heavily. “You don’t care what happens to you. How can you ever be happy like this?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer  and only holds on tight as he keeps his eyes closed. He hasn’t felt like this for so long he’d almost forgotten how it feels until this very second.

He’d missed being back home.

. . . 

“It’s been a couple weeks, Jungkook. Are you sure you don’t have to visit the hospital?”

Despite how he’s been practically moping about the past few weeks, Seokjin’s worried voice does manage to bring a small smile to his lips as he stays sprawled across the floor of the balcony lazily, his head turned to the side to look out at the neighborhood. The rain has been pouring for hours and hours — it would be a waste to not bask in how soothing the sounds of raindrops can be. 

So here he’d lain, for hours on end, simply spacing out until his phone began ringing. 

“I’m good, Namjoon-hyung has been taking care of me. I just haven’t been prompt with my medications is all… I won’t do that anymore, promise! I’m sorry I worried you.”

Jungkook almost laughs at how ironic his lie is. Truth is, ever since Jimin had left that evening, Jungkook had gone right to the archangel and had the silliest, ugliest fight with him. He thinks his fist still hurts from how hard he had punched the other on his cheek — only to belatedly realize the other wasn’t going to fight back, like he’d known he deserved it. Jungkook had stopped then, of course he did — but that hadn’t meant that they’d both miraculously made up. They hadn’t spoken ever since, not even a single word even though they see each other almost every day.

“Why are you saying sorry? Just take care of yourself better, Jungkook. If you need us over, just let us know, okay? Taehyung was asking about you earlier as well…” Seokjin mumbles, and Jungkook almost misses the hesitation that is apparent in his words and the pause that follows right after. “Jungkook, is everything really alright? Did something happen between you and Jimin? You know you can tell me if something’s wrong— the both of you have been acting weird ever since that day .”

Jungkook’s breathing catches lightly in his throat before he slowly shifts to rest on his side, curling up comfortably as he briefly closes at his eyes to listen to the rain pour outside. 

“... We’re okay, hyung,” Jungkook says before he realizes how tired he sounds. “It’s just been really tiring lately, hasn’t it? The semester’s about to end, everyone has deadlines to hurry for. Even work has been crazy on my side.”

Seokjin doesn’t answer immediately, and Jungkook knows his lies aren’t convincing enough this time. 

“He did say he’s been feeling sick, but he isn’t talking to anyone, Jungkook. He’s not talking to me, he’s not speaking with you — and he’s avoiding Taehyung, even. This is not like him,” Seokjin adds. “This only started after he disappeared that afternoon— and ever since you haven’t been hanging out with us. I’m certain that something happened.”

“Hyung—”

“ But , the both of you don’t have to say anything if you aren’t ready. I was just… trying to fire blanks to see if you’d like to speak about it. If you clearly need more time just like Jimin, I understand. I won’t force you.” His attempt to lie must have been terrible if Seokjin could see through him like this. “But just remember I’m here, okay? I’ll listen anytime you want someone to speak to.”

Jungkook’s grip on his phone tightens briefly before he realizes he’s been smiling, a soft look starting to glisten in his eyes when he nods immediately.

If he ever returns to heaven — he will miss Seokjin.

“... Thank you, hyung. I appreciate this. You’re a good person, do you know that?”

“And so are you, silly. Whatever happened… I hope it gets better for you two, soon. I’m not used to seeing you guys like this, but hopefully this time off helps to benefit you both,” Seokjin murmurs, and the corners of Jungkook’s lips nudged upwards once again for another smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow again to check in on you, yeah? Please get better soon— if you need a ride to the hospital, I’ll come and get you, alright?”

“Got it, hyung. Thank you.”

The call ends with quiet goodbyes being exchanged, and Jungkook is left with warmth buzzing fondly in his heart from the concern the other had expressed and showered him with before he hears the door opening from behind him in the living room. It’s Namjoon, he realizes, and he slowly pushes himself to sit upright as he turns to look at the archangel who’s been caught in the rain, his silver hair wet alongside his heavy coat.

Their eyes meet, but silence lingers.

Jungkook isn’t sure why, but he’s reminded of Seokjin’s kindness— how it had been so easy to accept and see the other’s care and concern. He knows Namjoon’s different from Seokjin, drastically so, but he hadn’t made his decisions with any ill and bad intents in his head. If anything, he only did what he did because he was worried for Jungkook that much. 

He’s still mad, he’s still angry Jimin’s last shot at a peaceful life has been ruined — but he’d never told the archangel how grateful he was for his help all this while. Jungkook might not have liked what Namjoon had done, but that’s not the only thing the archangel has done, is it?

Namjoon had helped him settle into mortal life smoother than any other angels would have, he’d given him an identity to blend in with the others, he’d protected Jungkook from heaven in case they were trying to sniff out any suspicions they’d had of the sinner’s best-friend, and he — had just been trying to be his big brother.

He’s been looking out for him.

If only Jungkook hadn’t allowed this to slip from his mind when he hurled his fist at the other. 

“Hey,” Jungkook says as Namjoon turns away to toe off his sneakers like he’d been ready to pass the other by like they are strangers again (they have been doing so for weeks after all). “Namjoon-hyung?”

Namjoon stops, clearly surprised when he turns back to fix Jungkook with a dubious look. The bruise on the archangel’s cheek is long gone, but shame continues to burn in Jungkook’s heart as his fist still remembers the harsh impact and blow he’s left behind on the other’s skin. 

“What is it?”

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asks, reaching for the spot right next to him as a small hint the other gets immediately. “I have been… thinking .”

Namjoon doesn’t seem convinced, and stays in his spot as he deliberately takes his time right there, peeling his coat off his shoulders to leave it slung across the tabletop before he audibly sighs when the persistent look in Jungkook’s eyes remains. 

“What about, Jungkook?” Namjoon pushes up his sleeves as he speaks, looking aloof and uninterested, but it doesn’t take a mindreader to know the other’s simply pretending. There’s no way Namjoon’s stopped caring for the brat he’s mentored for years. If he had, he would’ve thrown Jungkook out, defenceless against any demons that might be lurking about. “I think I made myself clear enough the other day, didn’t I? If you’re going to do this, do it , but I’m not going to be your accomplice to getting yourself hurt .”

The space and isolation Jungkook’s gotten for himself the past few weeks hadn’t been just a complete blank — like he’d told Namjoon, of course he has been taking the chance to think . In fact, he’s thought hard, really hard and if anything, the least Jungkook can do is to let the archangel be the first to hear this. 

“I’m going back.”

That naturally catches the archangel’s attention immediately as their eyes finally meet again, a surprised look starting to break and show on Namjoon’s face as he parts at his lips wordlessly before he caves in, and finally comes forward to where Jungkook’s still seated.

“... Did you speak with Jimin again?” Namjoon asks as he slowly lowers himself to sit right beside Jungkook, fingers raking through his wet hair briefly. “He managed to convince you?”

Jungkook only laughs, mildly amused at the archangel’s assumption before he shrugs and pushes his legs forward across the floor, stretching his muscles gently as his palms lay against the floor behind him. It would seem that way, considering how well the archangel understands by now that Jimin’s probably the only one who matters that much in his mind. 

“Maybe, but that’s not really what… I want to talk about.” Jungkook casts a quick look at Namjoon before his fingers curl in at the front of his jeans as hesitance hits. Luckily for him, the archangel doesn’t intercept the silence that comes creeping in next. “Namjoon-hyung?”

When the other actually looks back, Jungkook averts his stare in fear the archangel is going to read his mind again. There’s something about disappointing Namjoon again that weighs scarily heavy on his heart. 

“Thank you, hyung.” It’s easier to say this when he’s looking elsewhere, hands picking at his clothes almost nervously. “You have… done a lot for me, so much. You never did owe me anything, and yet you did everything for me just because I asked, just because you wanted to. Thank you for always looking out for me, for risking your life for me, for being a brother to me and… can I even list all of them out? It’s too much, isn’t it? Thank you , hyung, for having been the best mentor any angel can ever get. I’m sorry I’m… such a disappointment.”

A small furrow begins to cease in between Namjoon’s brows, and Jungkook feels the other shifting where he sits to turn and face him instead, but Jungkook makes sure his vision flickers elsewhere.

“Jungkook, look at me.”

“I’m not done, hyung.” Jungkook laughs, and curls his fingers in tightly. “I’m sorry for getting you into this. You could be in grave trouble if they find out you have a part in this, you are right— I’m so sorry, hyung, I was so selfish, but you didn’t even… tell me off, and just… helped me. You lied, you covered for me, you risked getting punished and— you still worry for me even after what I did. You were really just mad at me because I wasn’t even trying to protect myself.”

Jungkook inhales deeply and straightens at his back, sitting upright as he wrings his hands away from his jeans to pat lightly at the other’s shoulder instead when he musters enough strength to bring a small smile to his lips.

“I promise, hyung. I promise.” Unknowingly, he holds his breath when he dares himself to look into the archangel’s eyes. “I promise no one’s going to find out that you helped me with my stay, and just— regardless of what happens in the future, hyung, I want you to remember what I said, alright? That I’m so sorry for everything, that I’m so sorry for disappointing you— and that thank you, hyung. I know you only did what you did to protect me because I wasn’t protecting myself.”

In Namjoon’s eyes, Jungkook sees how confused the archangel feels before the other shoves his hand away with his shoulders drooping in realization (or maybe the other read his mind again), a quiet breath sucked in like he’s… shocked.

“You’re going to come clean to them, aren’t you, Jungkook?” Namjoon asks with an incredulous tone laced with his words like he doesn’t want to believe what he’s seeing. Jungkook only pauses, just for a quick second, before he nods. “... Fuck , what are you thinking, Jungkook? You can’t fucking do that— you can still head back in time, don’t you know that? If you just showed up, I’m sure they won’t hold anything against you, you don’t have to—”

Namjoon suddenly slips into another silence, his eyebrows furrowed in disbelief before he actually breaks into a quiet laugh, except there’s little to no humor in it, only bewilderment. Maybe Jungkook has been obvious after all, or maybe Namjoon just understands him too well at this point to believe that the angel’s simply heading back for his own sake.

It’s not.

“... You’re cruel,” Namjoon says, just like Jimin did weeks ago with that very same crestfallen tone, except he looks angrier like he’s mad at Jungkook for his sake, again. “You can’t be doing this to yourself, this can’t be—”

Jungkook looks back out at the rain as if it’s going to help soothe him inside. “Maybe it’s the only way, hyung?”

With exasperation bleeding into his features, Namjoon gets up from his seat as he pushes his fingers through his silver locks messily, trying his best to comprehend what he’s just starting to piece together and figure out. He must know by now, Jungkook thinks, but even so he glances up to meet the archangel’s piercing and questioning glare before he nods with that wilful and headstrong expression that always used to drive Namjoon crazy.

“As if it is, Jungkook!” Namjoon’s eyes might have softened, but he doesn’t give in. “You want them to punish you— the exact same way they did to Jimin, don’t you? Fuck. Jungkook, you can’t possibly ask for that. You can’t possibly think that’s the only way— fuck, you’ve really lost your mind. Jungkook, that is— insane .”

“Let me do this, hyung.” Jungkook breathes, his words soft and pleading as his hand wraps around the other’s wrist, tight in case the other is planning on leaving. “I need you to do this for me, please—”

“No,” Namjoon insists, and even if  it seems like the other isn’t caving in any time soon, Jungkook takes the fact that the archangel hasn’t just disappeared from his sight as a good sign, at least. He knows the other has a soft heart for him beneath everything — that could possibly just help and grant him one last favor. “I can’t watch you do this, Jungkook. You don’t know what they will do to you. You don’t know how much it’s going to hurt, you don’t know if they are going to kill you instead. What if they throw you into isolation for centuries? What are you going to do then? Jungkook, you really can’t do this.”

“They haven’t been doing so for the longest while, hyung, please. ” Jungkook quickly gets up when Namjoon actually turns away, his breathing heavy as his heart races beneath his chest nervously. “As long as they don’t know I’m just doing this—”

“To be with Jimin? Do you even hear yourself, Jungkook? You’re trying to get yourself cast out of heaven for Jimin! Are you insane ? You’re going to lose everything and even your memories! What good is everything even for, then?” Namjoon tugs his hand away from Jungkook as a heavy sigh slips from his lips, his features dark with distress and anger before he practically storms off to leave Jungkook running behind him. “You won’t even remember him by then, you won’t even remember shit —”

Jungkook’s voice leaves his lips, frantic and desperate before he even realizes it, before Namjoon even reaches the door. “And even that will be better than being in heaven, hyung— maybe I do need to forget, because it’s killing me up there, because I can’t live with myself knowing I have to belong to a place that practically murdered my best-friend— and me.”

Namjoon doesn’t turn back to look at him, but at least he’s not leaving anymore.

“... I wish they took me as well that day, hyung.” Jungkook admits with his hands curled into fists at his sides. “How is being in heaven better when it’s hell every day for me ever since? What’s that supposed to mean for me, hyung? Nothing .”

. . . 

Jungkook hadn’t thought he was going to have to do this again, but here he stands right in front of Jimin with goodbyes stuck and ready in his throat. He would’ve stayed, truly, for as long as Jimin had wanted him around — but that was just another temporary solution that could be extinguished the second he’s caught going rogue for a mortal who had been cast out of heaven for sinning.

That would mean he’d never see Jimin again.

“And so… this is the only way,” Jungkook explains again, this time to Jimin who’s clutching onto the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white. His best-friend has stayed silent ever since Jungkook has decided to come clean about returning like he’d known there would be a catch to this, like he’d just known the angel wasn’t going to listen to them without having anything up his sleeves. “They are starting to suspect things. If I go back, there’s no telling how long I would have to hide and stay under the radar before I could sneak back here to see you again— and I want to, Jimin. I really want to . I don’t want to be up there playing a role I no longer believe in.”

Jimin’s silence drags on, the road eerily quiet as he practically drives Seokjin’s car in circles around their neighborhood with the radio switched off. Jungkook thinks he understands — this outcome is probably the least of what he’s seeking for. He’d probably expected Namjoon to have talked some sense into him, or that Jungkook would have finally realized there’s something more to the feelings he’s foolishly held onto for this long. 

Just anything but this.

“You don’t know if they are going to let you get out of this alive, Jungkook.” When Jimin finally speaks, the road is less busy than before as he finally takes another route out of the neighborhood, but the aimless drive continues. “What if everything goes badly? What if they hurt you, Jungkook? Do you— do you really just not care about what’s going to happen to you, Jungkook?”

Jungkook hears Jimin’s tears before he turns to spot them on his best-friend’s cheeks as he pushes on with driving like the look on his face doesn’t betray how broken and puzzled he actually feels inside.

“Jimin.”

“You’re trying to tell them you’re making the same mistake I did, Jungkook. What if they kill you to make a stronger warning to the other angels?” Jimin’s voice remains clear, though it gets shaky occasionally whenever he has to throw his head back briefly to blink back at the tears that just won’t stop. “You’ve already been let off the hook for keeping my mistake a secret— you can’t possibly get out of this unscathed. What if you get tortured or worse, killed? This is dangerous , you’re going to get yourself killed, do you know that?

Jungkook fights back the urge to wipe the other’s tears away, for he knows Jimin’s only crying because he’s hurting for Jungkook’s foolishness, most likely. “Maybe I won’t.”

“Maybe is not enough because you obviously don't care what happens to you, Jungkook. You don’t care if you get hurt, you don’t care if you’re going to get killed, you don’t care for anything that happens to you because you don’t care for yourself! ” Jimin slams the brakes all of a sudden as he swerves the car out of the lane and recklessly close to a tree when he rolls the entire vehicle into an empty field, ignoring all the alarmed honks that go off right after. Jungkook’s surprised, but before he even speaks, he notices the heaviness that sits in Jimin’s eyes. “... Because you want to be a mortal so you can— be with me, Jungkook. Because they aren’t going to let you come see me again, is that it? Tell me.”

Jungkook’s first instinct is of course to lie to put the other at ease, but his hesitation only betrays him before Jimin sinks back into his seat with hurt apparent in his own eyes. 

“Jungkook,” he breathes before he places his hands over his face briefly. “Please don’t do this. If they don’t know, don’t let them know, you’re going to get yourself killed —”

“It’s not going to happen. If I… if I play my cards right, they won’t know.” Jungkook doesn’t have to look to know Jimin doesn’t believe in his lies. There’s of course a chance that things could turn ugly fast , but if anything, risks have been something Jungkook has regretted skipping out on. “I need this, Jimin. This is the only thing that looks good for me— if I’m going to get caught eventually, I want to do this. I’m ready.”

“You don’t know what you’re ready for, Jungkook.”

Sadness and worry are practically dripping from Jimin’s words as he rubs at his eyes roughly, trying to force himself to stop crying. Without realizing, Jungkook has reached for Jimin’s wrist, tugging lightly so it sits warmly in his grip as he looks back at the other’s red and wet eyes with his own looking the same.

“It’s going to be alright, Jimin,” Jungkook whispers, and somehow that only draws a heavy breath from Jimin’s lips as he seems to cry harder now, with his head lowered and his hand trembling. “Jimin— don’t cry, it’s going to be alright. I’ll be back.”

“You’re so silly, Jungkook. So, so silly.”

A small sad smile curls up at the corners of his lips upon hearing Jimin’s words. If anything, the only thing that’s stopping him is having to forget about all these things he adores and loves about Jimin. There’s something within him that simply doesn’t want to let go — and something seems to feel sour within, terribly so whenever he realizes there might come a day he’s not going to remember Jimin and everything he loves about the other.

“You’re not going to take the chance and pretend you don’t know me if you ever see me here, are you?” Jungkook asks, trying his best to be playful just to lighten up the heavy atmosphere that lingers in between, dull and disheartening. “You know, Namjoon-hyung promised me that he will come look for me after everything. He’s going to take me back here once he does, Jimin. That doesn’t sound so bad now, does it? He doesn’t want to help me remember you again, but...”

He takes a long, silent look at Jimin, as if his memories are going to get erased the next second. This is the person you could look at and spend time with all day long, Jungkook . 

“If I’m lucky, I’ll get another shot at falling for you.”

Jimin forces a quiet laugh out, but it sounds awfully like a sob before he’s shaking his head even as Jungkook takes the chance to dip in close to pull his best-friend in for one last hug he wishes his body will remember even if his mind no longer does. There’s something embarrassing about how he wishes he could just leave the other’s warmth behind on his skin, so he never forgets how Jimin gives the best hugs that used to get him through the roughest times. 

“I can’t watch you do this, Jungkook—”

“Just promise me something, Jimin.” Jungkook holds Jimin as tight as he can while he struggles to speak clearly from how terribly he’s been crying too. He’s not sad, he swears he isn’t — and yet his heart has been sinking ever since he’d seen Jimin earlier, because he will probably never be ready to forget the other. “I know this sounds awfully selfish, but I just need you to promise me this— I swear, I’m not… asking for anything. I swear I’m not.”

Truth is, Jungkook still wishes for Jimin to pursue that happiness he’d wanted with Taehyung. For every decision he has decided on, he hadn’t made them just so Jimin would love him in return — love simply doesn’t work for him that way. He just wants the other to be happy, he just wants to be able to be there for him and even if it’s just as a friend — he’ll take it. He always will.

“What is it?”

“... If we meet again, promise me you won’t let me pass you by.” Jungkook inhales a shaky breath before he forces yet another smile to his lips. “Promise me, Jimin, please. I need you to.”

Jimin doesn’t answer immediately, and simply squeezes his arms around Jungkook’s frame harder as he tries to stop himself from crying like a fool, his eyes now red and swollen like Jungkook’s are already long gone. The silence fills the car and drags on for a few seconds longer as Jungkook only takes the time to memorize everything about Jimin while he’s still able to, until he hears a soft whisper that seemingly freezes time before Jungkook cries — and really cries.

“I’ll find you, Jungkook.”

. . . 

Sometimes, Jimin thinks Jungkook is never coming back. His pen glides across the calendar gently, circling yet another day that Jungkook hasn’t returned from heaven. It has been almost a year now, and it isn’t bad enough having to deal with these pessimistic and worrisome thoughts, he has no one to speak to regarding Jungkook.

Like a chapter that’s been torn out of a book, Taehyung and Seokjin no longer remember Jungkook.

Namjoon made sure of that by not only tampering with their memories, but also every single photograph they had ever taken together. It’s almost like Jungkook had never run into Jimin on the streets before with that awkward and nervous look on his face, and that Jimin has simply lost his mind, spending his days remembering a person who is no longer there and erased from all histories except for his own.

“Jimin, you’re… spacing out again. Are you sure you’re really okay?” 

Taehyung has packed up their belongings by the time Jimin snaps back to attention, his papers and notes already tucked back into his file accordingly in between his dividers. The other had actually remembered the way he usually does it. 

“Huh? Yes,” Suppressing the embarrassment that Taehyung even had to pack up after him, he quickly retrieves his file from him before he stuffs it back into his backpack roughly as he swallows a frustrated grunt. It’s been close to a year since Jungkook has disappeared after all, and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been distracted by thoughts of the other meeting his demise after returning to heaven. “I’m sorry, I was just tired. You really didn’t even have to pack up for me, ugh… I’m so sorry.”

Finishing his cup of iced coffee before he’s ready to leave with Taehyung, he belatedly realizes the silence that has suddenly slipped in as he pulls the straps of his bag over his shoulders. When he looks over to check if Taehyung’s busy on his phone, he only sees the other looking back with questions clearly in his eyes.

“Don’t be a stranger, Jimin.” Instead of brushing the questions away like he always does, Taehyung speaks up this time with a small confused voice, having never understood what went wrong between them. “Now let’s go, yeah? Hyung’s waiting for us.”

None of this had happened intentionally, but Jimin has been placing distance in between them ever since Namjoon came barging in that day with memories for him to look into. He swears Taehyung’s important, still so important, but everything has been too sudden for him to even think about anything else at the moment, and least of all a relationship.

He still catches Taehyung stealing looks at him whenever he thinks he won’t notice, he still catches sad smiles from the other — but maybe only time knows where they are headed for. Admittedly, Jimin’s still confused about everything. His identity, his background, and everyone’s feelings he suddenly is required to answer for and he simply can’t .

At least not now, and thankfully Seokjin understands him enough not to press him about what he’s been hiding the past few months. 

“Are we still getting chinese food?” Jimin asks, jogging forth to catch up with Taehyung who’s left the cafe with his art supplies hugged to his chest as he stands right by the road, waiting for the green man to light. “Seokjin-hyung did say he’s been craving it lately…”

Jimin startles in midst of his words the second he looks across the road and sees Jungkook standing right there, fiddling with a phone like he’s seeing it for the first time as Namjoon stands right beside him.

“I guess chinese’s fine… Jimin? You must be really tired, aren’t you? Let’s get going.” Taehyung’s clearly confused by now, almost laughing at how dazed out Jimin suddenly looks before he’s nudging him forward as his phone begins to ring. Seokjin must have called, thankfully , because he isn’t noticing the way Jimin’s still rooted to the ground even as he heads forward to cross the road, passing by Jungkook who’s coming his way. 

Jimin shares one look with Jungkook, but the other simply looks back at Namjoon, conversing like everything around him is foreign— and for a second Jimin wonders if Jungkook’s actually finally free, if approaching the other would be the right thing to do.

The other seems… happy , like the weight on his shoulders is finally lifted. 

But it doesn’t feel right, Jimin thinks as Jungkook simply passes him by, with Namjoon casting Jimin a quick, questioning look before they are actually heading away just like that . Jungkook truly doesn’t remember Jimin anymore, but this time, Jimin does. With his own and Jungkook’s memories, he does. 

So Jimin turns back, running to catch up with Jungkook and Namjoon before he hastily grabs onto Jungkook’s arm from behind, accidentally startling the other as he turns his best-friend to look back at him.

Jungkook looks alarmed, really alarmed, but Jimin only laughs like a fool and exchanges another look with Namjoon before he lets his eyes meet with Jungkook’s this time. Unlike Jungkook who took minutes before he mustered enough courage to speak to him like before, it’s much simpler for Jimin.

“It’s me.”

He says, even if he knows Jungkook won’t remember — because it’s alright, because Jungkook showed him how they can always make more memories in this future of theirs.  Jimin can’t be certain about where this decision of his will lead them all to, but this is what Jungkook had wanted before, a chance to start all over again, a second best scenario for his best-friend who’s never known how to ask for anything he wants, and this time, he gets to be happy without having to place anyone before him. This time, Jungkook can finally be happy.

This time, Jimin will make sure of that.

Lovelorn: Repeat

  fin