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Ritsuka looks up at Mafuyu. Mafuyu sits on the top of the stairs, his guitar out. He’s practising his song. Ritsuka still doesn’t know what to think of the lyrics Mafuyu came up with. It was enchanting to hear him sing on stage. And Ritsuka had been so proud that he had kissed Mafuyu without thinking about it. But a knob forms in Ritsuka’s stomach every time he hears Mafuyu talk or sing about the boy that came before him.
Mafuyu has been talking more and more about his dead boyfriend. He even mentioned him when they were discussing a new name for the band. And in a way, this mysterious boy is now part of their name. It’s another thing that makes Ritsuka want to punch something.
Mafuyu smiles at Ritsuka. “How did your exam go?” he asks.
Ritsuka shakes his head. “Poorly.” He walks up the stairs and sits down next to Mafuyu. Their legs touch and it makes Ritsuka’s heart speed up.
“I think I did okay on mine,” Mafuyu says. He turns back to his guitar and strums the cords of the song about his dead boyfriend.
“What was his name?”
Mafuyu’s hand hovers in front of the strings. Ritsuka looks at it, afraid to look up. They never really talked about this and Ritsuka has no idea if Mafuyu even wants to.
“Yuki,” Mafuyu whispers.
Ritsuka nods and looks at Mafuyu’s face. A tear slides over his cheek and his eyes are closed.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to tell me,” Ritsuka says. It might be better if he doesn’t learn too much about the boy he has to live up to.
Mafuyu rests his head on Ritsuka’s shoulder and Ritsuka places his arm around Mafuyu. They sit in silence and just stare at the door at the bottom of the stairs.
“He left me,” Mafuyu starts. “Made me feel more alone than I thought was possible. I thought I lost my chance on love, thought I could never be happy again. And it still hurts when I think of him.”
Ritsuka swallows, he doesn’t want to hear this. He wants to be the only one Mafuyu thinks of, wants to be the only one that holds his heart. He pulls Mafuyu closer against him, hoping it will tell him that he’s loved now, by someone who’s still here.
“You saved me from my isolation. Just by fixing my guitar. You helped me to live again, to love again. And I’m happy. But sometimes I still miss him.”
Mafuyu lets his hand slide over his strings. The sound echoes around them. Ritsuka closes his eyes. He should say something. Tell Mafuyu that it’s okay or something. But Ritsuka can’t say that. It would be a lie. The truth is
“I’m jealous of him,” he says.
“I know, that’s okay. I think I would be too if I were you,” Mafuyu answers. He starts playing the song and Ritsuka swallows the lump in his throat.
“I want our next song to be about us. To show how happy I am,” Mafuyu says. He lifts his head from Ritsuka’s shoulder. The music stops and Mafuyu looks into Ritsuka’s eyes. “Because I love you,” he says before his lips tough Ritsuka’s.
A million alarm bells start ringing inside Ritsuka’s head. Mafuyu loves him, and is kissing him. He should do something. Say it back, kiss him back. Anything but freeze.
Mafuyu pulls away a little. It’s enough to snap Ritsuka back into the world. He lifts his free hand and slides it into Mafuyu’s hair. He pushes their heads back together so they can kiss again. And this time he’s present. He opens his lips a little and lets his tongue slide over Mafuyu’s. And before he knows it his tongue is inside Mafuyu’s mouth. Rtisuka has never kissed anyone like this. His heart is in overdrive and he’s sure his cheeks are red. But he doesn’t care. Not as long as he can kiss Mafuyu. The little peck they shared after the concert was nothing compared to this.
And then the bell rings. They part and Mafuyu packs away his guitar. His cheeks are red and his eyes are shining with joy.
“Want to come over to mine after school,” Ritsuka blurs out when Mafuyu starts to descend down the stairs.
Mafuyu turns around and looks at Ritsuka. He nods his head and utters his standard okay. And then he’s gone.
Ritsuka walks down the stairs, through the hall and into his own classroom.
“What’s wrong with you, Uenoyama? Itaya asks. “You’re grinning like a fool.”
Ritsuka shakes his head and sits down in his usual spot.
“Let him be, Itaya. It’s just love.” Ueki sits down on the seat in front of Ritsuka and turns his head around. “I’m happy for you and Sato.”
Ritsuka bows his head and thanks Ueki. He’s happy too. Happy and in love.