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“Fuck,” grinding his palm into his eyes, Logan sat on the floor, refusing to turn his gaze back to Kurt. He hadn’t done that in...in however long their sleeping situation had become what it is now. He had been worried about it then, but he thought maybe Kurt’s unusually calming presence was enough to keep it at bay, at least while they were together.
He was wrong.
“Schatz,” Kurt reached a hand down towards Logan’s shoulder, the other shrugged it off like a wounded animal. Pulling his arm back, Kurt frowned, “I am fine. Truly.”
“It ain’t about-!” Logan grit his teeth, remembering the time of night and lowering his voice, “It ain’t about whether or not I did skewer ya’ like a marshmallow. I almost did, and that’s jus’ as bad. I’ve killed enough people, and I sure as hell don’t wanna count you among the bodies, Elf.”
Swallowing thickly, Kurt braved another attempt to touch Logan, who looked at him through weary eyes, but allowed it. Gripping his shoulder tightly, he leaned down to place a kiss on the top of his partner’s head, “And you would not. Do not underestimate me, Schatz, we have trained together long enough that I am able to dodge you with some degree of efficiency.”
“Can ya’ guarantee that? Promise that?”
“You are well aware that’s an unfair question.”
Logan opened his fists and gazed down at his broad, uncallousable palms. It didn’t take much to imagine them drenched in blood, feeling more like the bloody mitts of a frenzied beast than a man’s hands, “These hands shouldn’t be touchin’ anything half as good as you. Or anyone. Anyone I ain’t killin’, anyhow. Not much good for anything else.”
To be this vulnerable was hard for Logan, Kurt knew intimately well. It pained him to see his teammate, friend, partner, to feel like this. Heart bleeding, he silently snuck the end of his tail around Logan’s wrist, jerking the other’s hand up for him to hold it in his own. He could feel Logan resist, but his grip remained steady, “These hands have been tender. They have caressed me gently. They have fixed what is broken. They have saved countless lives.”
“And took just as many.”
Sighing, he bid Logan to come back up and sit on the bed with him after tossing the partially shredded blanket onto the ground. After hesitating for a moment, he acquiesced, making the mattress creak under his weight. Once he was settled, Kurt rested his head on Logan’s shoulder, “It is...easy, to believe. It is a lot harder to remain a man than surrender to becoming a monster,” he wrung his four fingers together, lids falling halfway down his striking golden eyes, “But it is true strength to remain steadfast in your own humanity.”
“What if I ain’t strong?”
“I do not believe that. You were one of the first to truly see me as human. Many knew, objectively, that I was like them underneath all this fuzz, but they did not truly see me that way like you did. So if you can achieve that, you can do it for yourself as well. ”
“That’s ‘cause you-” Logan sighed, pressing their foreheads together, “Yer more humane than most anyone, darlin’. Don’t matter what you look like. It’s actions that make the man, and my actions’ve made me less of one”
“Will nothing I say move you, Schatz?”
“Doubt it.”
“Then I can do nothing more than promise that no matter what, you will never be a monster in my eyes. I refuse.”
Though his tone was sad, a weak smile grew on Logan’s face, “You’ve always been a bit of a fool, Elf, but I ‘spose that’s what makes ya’ so special.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Kurt said with a laugh so quiet it could have been mistaken for a sigh, “Could you be convinced to return to sleep, Schatz? I am now quite exhausted.”
“I could lie down, at least.”,
Thankfully it was a relatively warm night, so their combined body heat was enough that they didn’t miss the blanket too much, as they fell back onto the bed together. Kurt held Logan’s hand against his mouth, laying his lips gently on his knuckles. He felt Logan tense, then relax, moving his hand down to kiss him firmly, gratitude pouring through its desperate insistence.
“I sure as all get out ain’t perfect,” Logan said after he pulled away (though only so far as their noses were still touching, so he could look deeply into Kurt’s mesmerizing eyes, brighter than ever under the pale moonlight), “But you have a way of makin’ people feel like they can be better, Elf. True or not.”
“I have had support given to me,” From you, was the unspoken continuation,”So it would be selfish to do anything but share it with others.”
“You don’t owe no one anythin’, Kurt. You’ve went through more in the first coupla’ years of yer life than most people ever do.”
“Then why can you not extend that sentiment to yourself, Logan?”
Logan’s response was silence, but silence was preferable to excuses. Smiling tiredly, Kurt buried his face into Logan’s broad chest, body suddenly feeling very heavy, “If you are not sleeping yourself, Schatz, would you mind watching over me while I do so? I would feel very safe.”
Wrapping his arms around Kurt’s lithe, fuzzy frame, he pulled his partner tight against him, “I can do that.”
After a few minutes of Kurt breathing quietly and evenly, Logan muttered, “ Danke, Elf,” thought he didn’t cross the threshold into sleep, he allowed his body to relax enough where he would get some semblance of rest. The not quite yet sleeping Kurt had to resist the urge to laugh at his miserable pronunciation, but mostly felt warmth flow through his body, letting himself slowly fall into slumber, feeling secure and content right where he was.
In the world they lived in, the line between man and monster blurred... but no matter what others, or yourself, saw you as, love did not change.•