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Brian and Jae were currently in the position they always seemed to be in: on the couch, watching some American show they didn't really have a clue of what it was about, with the two sitting next to each other, thighs touching.
Now, they usually ended up cuddling. Jae liked this, loved it, even, but what he didn't love is that he was always the big spoon.
Not that it was a problem! Of course not. He just … he longed to be in the little spoon position for once.
Sure, don’t get him wrong, he loves to hold his lover in his arms, wrap his limbs around Brian's torso as he cuddled into Jae’s chest, but fuck, sometimes Jae wanted to be the one curling into Brian’s chest!
Most people assumed that because he was so tall, he enjoyed being the big spoon all the time, including his boyfriend, but that wasn't the case.
Sometimes, Jae wishes he was the smaller one, so that he could be the one always the little spoon. But, he wasn't made that way, so he had to make due.
He stayed laying with Brian to his chest, fingers running through the latter’s hair, pouting and wishing he could be the little spoon.
–
The next night, the two men were in the same position: on the couch, side by side, watching Netflix.
They hadn't yet turned into spooning, and Jae took this as an opportunity to, maybe, just maybe be the little spoon for once.
Before Younghyun could get into his lap, Jae decided to slot himself onto Brian’s instead.
He didn't say a word as he did so, eyes glued to the television screen. He knew Brian was confused, but he was so self absorbed that he didn't really care right now, just wanting to be in his lover’s lap.
Jae soon found out this was kind of awkward, so he tried to curl up and himself smaller. He often found himself trying to make himself smaller.
Sure, he loved himself and his body, despite spending years in self loathing and just recently finding self love, but goddamnit, sometimes he just wanted to be small!
Which, often resulted in Jae curling up into himself.
This action made Brian laugh. “Jae, aren't you too big to be doing this? C’mon, get up, joke’s over. I know you’re just trying to tell me I’m too clingy, it’s okay.”
What?
Jae’s brows furrowed. What the actual fuck was Brian talking about? He must have been in his head too long, because Brian began to speak again.
“C’mon, dude, seriously. Get off. You’re too big and heavy.”
Jae felt a pang in his chest.
He wasn't really sure why. He knew he was too big to be doing this, so it was a childish idea to even think that he could be the little spoon!
He complied to Brian’s words, getting off his lap, and walked to his room, shutting the door louder than he should have, leaving a shocked and slightly hurt Brian on the couch.
Jae spent the night curled up into a ball as Brian slept on the other side of him, back turned.
Both men hated the feeling in their chests when they didn't have each other in their arms as they slept.
–
The next morning, Jae acted like nothing had happened. This pissed off Brian, which caused them to be on ‘no talking terms’ at the moment.
Inside, Jae was screaming. Brian, no! This isn't what I want! I’m sorry! I just wanted to be the little spoon, and sometimes I’m too stubborn to admit things I want! I’m sorry, really! Please talk to me and hold me in your lap.
But instead, Jae glared at Brian anytime he was in his sight, ignoring the hurt look on the other’s face and the hole of sadness that was growing in his chest.
–
Over the next few hours, Wonpil noticed the couple’s angst. Of course he did. Jae sometimes despised that he could always sense when there was a problem with any of them.
“Jae.” Wonpil sat Jae down at their studio. “Spill. What’s going on between you and Brian hyung?
Jae decided to play dumb.
“Nothing, Wonpil-ah. What do you mean?” Jae forced a smile, and Wonpil saw right through it, glaring at the older.
Jae frowned and gulped. He really did not want to talk about this with Wonpil, as he’d never live it down and the younger would be asking for cuddles twice as much as he does now.
“You’re such a bad liar, Jaehyung.” Wonpil rolled his eyes. “Seriously, what’s wrong? I’m tired of seeing you two mope around sad and angsty trying to avoid each other. It makes me sad.”
Curse Wonpil and his empathy, Jae thought to himself.
Jae sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “It’s stupid.” He deadpanned, hoping Wonpil would drop the topic.
He didn't, of course.
“Most of your problems are stupid. Jaehyungie-hyung.” Wonpil giggled, making Jae flick him in the head.
“Yah! Shut up, Kim Wonpil. My problems aren't stupid.” Jae pouted. “Well, except this one.” He mumbled, mostly to himself.
“Okay, well. Talk to me, because if you don't, I’ll force you and Brian here and won’t let you leave until you talk to Brian.” Wonpil threatened, and despite his cute face, his voice sounded dead serious, which made Jae shiver.
He told Wonpil what his whole dilemma was, and he was rewarded with laughter.
Wonpil laughed at him.
“Oh my god,” Wonpil laughed, one of his hands covering his mouth, tears threatening to spill out of his doe like eyes. “Jaehyung! Seriously, you’re–”
He couldn't even continue his sentence because he burst into another fit of laughter.
Jae blushed, feeling mortified. He low key (high key) hoped the Earth would just swallow him whole.
When Wonpil finally stopped laughing and wiped his tears, he grew serious again.
“Jae, just talk to him. He’ll understand, he’s Brian. He understands you more than any of us ever could.” Wonpil said sincerely, rubbing his hands on Jae’s knee.
Jae smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I know that, but I feel like it’s so stupid. Bri even said I was too big to be the little spoon. It hurt my feelings.”
Wonpil gave him a look of what someone would call pity, but Jae knew Wonpil just really felt for Jae.
“Jae, I know you feel like it’s stupid, but it’s stupider that you’re avoiding him, instead of talking this out. He hurt your feelings, talk to him about it. He probably doesn't know he did this, and you’re probably hurting him in the process of all of this.”
With Wonpil’s words, Jae felt guilty. He knew he was hurting Brian in the process of his own angst, but fuck, he hated hurting his lover. He beats himself up for hurting the other until the two make up and go back to their normal routine.
He couldn't sit here and avoid Brian anymore, he needed to talk to him. He missed him.
Jae shot up and hugged Wonpil. “Thank you for talking sense into me.” He smiled at the younger, and the latter smiled back.
“Of course, you big idiot. Now, go talk to your boyfriend and get plenty of cuddles. If he doesn't, I’ll fight him and give you cuddles in his place.” Wonpil playfully threatened.
Though Jae and Wonpil have a love-hate friendship, the hate mostly on Jae’s side, he loves Wonpil more than he hates the younger.
–
“Bribri,” Jae tried, grabbing Brian’s hoodie sleeve before he could slip into his room.
“What?” Brian snapped, a coldness to his voice. Jae felt a pang in his chest, and wanted to back out, but he took a deep breathe instead.
“I wanna talk.” He told Younghyun, his eyes begging for Brian to talk to him. Brian sighed, as if irritated, but Jae knew he wanted to talk as well. Brian finally nodded, and Jae dragged him into his own room.
The two sat on the bed in awkward silence for a few moments, sparing glances at each other, before Jae spoke up.
“I’m sorry.” Jae said, looking at Brian. Brian softly smiled, but quickly hid it with a frown. Jae caught it, though.
“What for?” The younger asked the elder of the two. Brian knew Jae wanted to talk, but he genuinely didn't know what Jae was apologizing for.
“For being an idiot.” Jae told him. Before Brian could protest and say something, Jae continued. “I was stupid, and instead of letting you know you hurt my feelings a little with something you said, I avoided you and caused us both angst, and I’m sorry.”
A look of hurt flashed on Brian’s face at the mention that something he had said upset Jae in some way. “I appreciate your apology, Jae. What did I say that hurt your feelings, though?”
And here’s the part Jae was dreading.
“Well…” Jae began, pausing, tying to find the right words to explain how he felt. “I know this is kinda dumb, but I want to be the little spoon more. Instead of using my words, I just climbed up onto your lap. You said–”
“I said that you were too big to do that.” Brian interrupted him. Jae nodded. “Jae,” He went closer to Jae, touching his hand with his own.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that hurt you. I didn't know that being the little spoon meant so much to you, I just assumed that you were playing around and poking fun at me, and I shouldn't have. I’m sorry.” Younghyun apologized, looking like a kicked puppy, and fuck, oh my god, Jae wanted to kiss that look away.
Instead, Jae smiled softly. “It’s alright, I myself should have communicated better.”
Younghyun smiled back. “So, are we good? No more stupid, unnecessary angst?” He asked, and Jae shook his head ‘yes’.
The two smiled at each other. “C’mere.” Younghyun patted the bed between his lap. Jae blushed, crawling into Younghyun’s lap.
This is what Jae has wanted this whole time, and now that he had it, it felt so right.
“You big baby.” Younghyun joked fondly, playing with Jae’s hair. Jae hummed in delight, his eyes fluttering shut, curling into himself more, as if to make himself teenier and he already was.
“We should've done this a long time ago, fuck, you’re cute.” Younghyun swears, causing Jae to laugh.
“See! Now you know how I see you when we cuddle.” He chuckled, causing his boyfriend to chuckle along with him.
“We should stay like this forever.” Younghyun said as he watched Jae peacefully lay there and let him play with his hair.
“Mhm.” Jae agreed.
The two fell asleep, like this, with Jae in Brian’s lap. Wonpil came in, smiled at the pair for making up, before sneaking a picture as he giggled away.
The couple would be lying if they said they wanted it any other way.