Work Text:
“Jean-Luc, how come you’ve never played your flute for me?” It was an innocent, but loaded question. Beverly peered at Jean-Luc with inquisitive eyes and he shifted under her gaze. He lifted his glass of wine and took a sip before answering.
“I...” he trailed off. He wasn’t entirely sure, only that he always felt that because the flute had come from that other life he lived, he hadn’t wanted it to affect his real life. He cleared his throat to give himself another minute. Of course, Beverly would ask him why he had played with Nella if he hadn’t wanted it to affect his life and he had no answer for her, other than Nella had been a bold force to reckon with and he supposed it was because she had come to see him while he had been playing. On the other hand, Beverly had stopped by plenty of times when he had been playing and he had stopped and put his flute to one side to spend time with her instead, so he wasn’t entirely sure what to say. Perhaps he always knew that anything he had with Nella would always have been just a fling.
He looked over at Beverly and he smiled. “Honestly, I just never thought about it.” He lied. She knew he was lying and he could see it in the way she looked at him. Beverly pursed her lips.
“It’s not like I don’t enjoy music, Jean-Luc.” He sighed and put his glass down to reach for her hand. He gently squeezed it.
“I know. Would you believe me if I said I hadn’t wanted my life on Kataan to affect my life with you?” Beverly eyed him and sat back in her seat, withdrawing her hand. Her arms came to cross across her chest. He knew what was coming.
“You played it for Nella.” Beverly knew she sounded like a child, but she was so frustrated that Jean-Luc still hadn’t shared his music with her and she wanted to understand what had been so special about Nella. Jean-Luc tried his best not to sigh as he answered her.
“That was....different.”
“Oh?” Beverly’s lips were pursed in a thin line once more. He knew that look. Any minute now, she would explode at him.
“Well, I mean to say that Nella...it’s not like she was going to matter, was she?” Beverly huffed.
“Really? Because I seem to recall consoling you after she transferred off. And you asked her to resign her commission to stay with you.” Beverly’s eyes were blazing with anger now. Beverly actually looked quite beautiful when she was fired up about something, but Jean-Luc desperately wished he wasn’t the source of the anger He tried to reach out for her again, but she pulled away. Uh-oh.
“It was just words. I knew she wouldn’t actually consider it,” he stopped speaking when he realised how lame his reasons sounded. He picked up his glass and took a sip. It was going to be a long night.
“And...if she said she would have resigned? If she said she was in love with you? Jean-Luc!” Beverly rose from her seat and paced back and forth to work off her energy. Her hair came out of the clip and she raked her hands through the soft curls. All Jean-Luc wanted to do was kiss her, but he knew they had to solve this issue first. Jean-Luc looked at his glass.
“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t in love with her. You know I wasn’t.”
“But you told her about Kataan, and about Eline and the children you had with her? Things that took me months to get out of you? You just mentioned it casually? Like ‘oh yeah, I was randomly possessed by an alien’s beam and experienced a stranger’s life and thought it was my own?’ No big deal. It’s not like it left you depressed and seeking me out in the middle of the night to comfort you. But ‘hey, Nella, check out this cool flute!’” Beverly’s hair whipped around her head like a ring of fire as she paced and ranted. God, she’s beautiful.
“Beverly,” Jean-Luc rose and placed his hands on her waist. “Stop. Please.” He sighed. “The truth is...I enjoy playing the flute, but it makes me think of Eline and Batai, Maribore, and little Kammie. And I don’t want to put you through that. You don’t deserve to have to be in another woman’s shadow.” He moved his hands to grasp her hands in his.
“But...”
“Nella never mattered to me. She was....a distraction, if you will.”
“From?” Jean-Luc eyed her and tugged her closer. He moved his hands back to her waist and leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers.
“You.”
“Me?” He nodded and slowly kissed her. She responded to his kiss and when they broke off their kiss she whispered, “Please play for me?”
“You won’t be upset that it makes me think of them?” Beverly shook her head.
“I promise. Please? Share this with me? You’ve held me enough times when I cried over Jack. Let me do this for you. Please?” Jean-Luc nodded and escorted her back over to the sofa. She picked up her wine and settled back in the seat while Jean-Luc retrieved his flute from its box on the shelf. He took a seat opposite her and raised his flute to his lips and played the haunting tune he had taught himself on Kataan. Tears sprung to Beverly’s eyes. “It’s...beautiful.” Jean-Luc grinned around the flute and finished his tune, slightly warbled from the tears streaming from his eyes as he played. Beverly simply leaned forward and opened her arms.
Jean-Luc was in her arms. He was pushing her against the back of the sofa and he was sobbing onto her shoulder like he had the night he had ‘returned’ from Kataan. Beverly rubbed his back and kissed his cheek and made soothing noises that only made him grip her harder. He finally pulled away and he tried to laugh.
“I think I left a little snot on your shoulder.”
“Eh, wouldn’t be the first time.” Beverly reached around to the side table and grabbed at a tissue. She dabbed at his eyes with it and he smiled at her.
“I couldn’t cry in front of Nella. I tried to put the reasons for my flute out of my mind when I played with her. Fortunately, she doesn’t question her superiors when they just say it’s an old instrument.” Beverly caught him grinning and shoved against him.
“I wouldn’t have asked if you told me the truth right away.” He contemplated his words, then nodded.
“No more secrets. I promise.”