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Dinah tugged on Ollie's wrist, leading the man like a stray dog through the stalls. She was flying high, immersed in all the excitement of the carnival. This was something new to her, different. The only times she had ever been to an amusement park or carnival or anything of the sort was when some undercover job or fleeing criminal idiot led her there.
Tonight was her first night for actual fun and she was here just for her. And Ollie. But mostly her.
It was date night and her choice and though Ollie seemed reluctant to go to some kiddie carnival full of screaming kids, lovesick teenagers, and frustrated adults, he seemed happy enough to watch Dinah stare at everything in wonder.
“Oh, look, a Ferris wheel. Come on Ollie!” She dragged him onto the Ferris wheel, never stopping for a moment, his laughter followed her. The carriage was a wide one, a bench seat lining one side. They stood together, gripping the edges as the wheel started to turn, the carriage rising.
It reminded Dinah of leaping off tall buildings, but in reverse. Instead of the fast thrill she felt watching the windows of a skyscraper pass her by, there was a slow build of adrenaline as she watched the sky stretch above shrinking trees and buildings.
The carriage paused every few feet and Dinah found herself leaning over the edge, waving to some of the passersby beneath her. They looked like ants from up here.
The carriage stilled at the very top and Dinah felt like she was flying. The wind was a steady breeze up here, whipping her hair back and cooling the flush of her skin. She wondered how she should test the distance, spit or drop a coin maybe?
“Ollie, look at this, it's beautiful.” Dinah frowned when Ollie didn't answer, glancing to her left, where he had been standing she felt a pinpoint of disappointment in her stomach. She moved her eyes along the carriage wall, turning to see Ollie backed up into the far corner. He was shaking, slightly, eyes wide as his chest heaved. He was completely silent, hands gripping the edges of the carriage in a white-knuckled grasp. “Oliver, what's the matter?”
He didn't answer so Dinah stepped closer, his eyes didn't even acknowledge her. He kept staring into the distance, his jaw clenched together so tight Dinah was worried he'd break it. “Ollie, are you okay? What's the matter?” She let a hand touch his cheek, felt the cold chill of his skin shock her. “Oh.”
Her psychiatrist mind kicked in, cataloging symptoms and matching them to diagnosis. He's scared. No. Terrified. “Okay, Oliver, I'm just going to stand here and talk to you. Just listen to my voice okay? You'll be fine.”
Dinah had to pry his hand off the edges just to wrap them in hers, the difference in temperature felt like it could create steam. They rode the rest of the way down with her staring into Ollie's eyes and him staring well, nowhere. There was no focus to his eyes, no reflection or windows into the soul or anything. They were empty, like a corpse's.
Ollie's hands had slipped out of hers the moment they touched ground and he turned, leaving her behind. Dinah frowned, touching her fingers to her hand, still feeling the heavy presence of Ollie's hands. He had never said anything about being afraid of heights, she had never even considered it. He ran across rooftops for God's sake. He had private planes and skied down the most dangerous mountains. It didn't make any sense. Maybe it was just the Ferris wheel, but then, Ollie had claimed the bathroom excuse when they went to ride the roller coaster earlier, and why didn't he say something before they got on the wheel. Why hadn't he said anything at all?
Dinah drifted towards the shadows, finding Ollie behind a line of stalls, swathed in shadows and leaning his head against wall. “Ollie?” She questioned quietly, raising her hand to touch his shoulder before thinking twice about it.
Oliver turned that thousand watt smile on her, haughty attitude back as he smacked his lips. “Hey, Pretty Bird. Where'd you want to go next? Balloon Darts? Shoot some hoops? That thing with the little gun?”
“Actually, I thought we'd just go home. I'm kind of tired.”
Ollie's eyes glinted and he nodded, wrapping his arm around her waist as they headed back to the car. Dinah couldn't get that smile out of her head. It was a good imitation, especially coming from the guy who patented the Queen smile. Dinah had no doubt he probably fooled plenty of boards and friends with that smile, but he couldn't fool her. It was too many watts short a full bulb, too lop-sided, too broken.
xxx
Oliver remained distant from her the rest of the night, retreating to his den with some excuse of paperwork and board calls. Even in bed, lying in his arms, he felt cold. She found herself awake and gravitating towards the edge of the bed, miles stretching between them as he made noises in the back of his throat, twisting and turning, restless in his sleep.
Dinah started to wonder if it was really the Ferris wheel or if something else was bothering Ollie.
The Ferris wheel clung to the back of her mind, literally on the back burner as it ate away at something deep within her. She managed to shove it away after awhile, when Ollie's hands stopped feeling so cold and the football field between them in bed withered to it's usual closeness. She somehow managed to pretend she forgot.
Right until she saw the dead look in Ollie's eyes again. This time they were in the Watchtower.
Cyborg had made some modifications to the rec room. Bringing in a smaller version of the simulator down the hall. He wanted to check the altitude settings for the wind-tunnel of his virtual theme park.
Because the Watchtower, for whatever reason,totally needed a amusement park.
Oliver had been around and when Cyborg asked, he agreed to test it.
This time she had watched from afar. Watched how Ollie struggled to stop his shaking once the tunnel was turned off. It was easy to hide up there in the whipping wind, eyes hidden behind black goggles. But when his feet touched the ground that little less than a thousand watt smile came up and he wasted no time in throwing a wayward comment toward Cyborg before shuffling into the hall.
She hid behind a wall as he hyperventilated on the other side.
xxx
“I think we're going to have to turn in for the night Pretty Bird.” Dinah made a non-committal noise. Oliver seemed so comfortable up here, high away from the streets and out in the free-moving breeze. They had traveled across skyscrapers, moving L-Trains, and even ran across the rafters of a construction site. And that was just tonight.
Her man was a walking contradictory.
“Pretty Bird?”
Dinah blinked, startled out of her thoughts as Ollie stepped up next to her.
He looked concerned. For her. It was backwards.
“Are you afraid of heights?”
“I...” Ollie's lips moved though nothing came out, he seemed as shocked as she was that it was just blurted out. “Where did that come from?”
“Don't deflect Ollie, really. I'm a trained psychologist, did you think I wouldn't notice?”
“No one else did.” He whispered, shameful as his eyes fell to the ground. He looked smaller somehow, head hung and shoulders slumped.
“No one else knows you like I do Ollie. I don't need a degree to see something's wrong. The Ferris wheel, the wind tunnel, I can only imagine how many other situations you've forcefully put yourself into. How many did I not notice?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“It does. This is serious. You're being stupid. What happens when you can't cover up the fear? When you're too high up you can't even think about trying to fight it, to hide it. You can't just throw yourself into situations.”
“Leave it alone Dinah. It's fine. I'm handling it. And as you can see, we're 300 feet up and I'm fine.”
“I don't think that word means what you think it means.”
“Leave it.” Oliver growled and his voice pitched itself an octave lower. It made Dinah bristle but she left it.
Instead she had an epiphany of sorts. Coping mechanisms. She thought that's what Ollie was doing, when he willingly forced himself into a situation that would be terrifying for him. It was his way of coping, not with the fear but with the helplessness the fear made him feel. She thought he did it just so he could tell himself he could.
But that wasn't it.
It was the Green Arrow, the costume, the persona, the weight of the bow in his hand. He coped by becoming his alter ego, someone who wasn't afraid of heights. Someone who would come closer to leaping tall buildings in a single bound than Oliver Queen ever would.
It was just like now, how he pitched his voice, instinctively, into the register he used for Green Arrow. He was coping with her confronting him. God, Bruce wore his coping mechanism as a damn cowl so why couldn't Ollie?
Dinah walked forward, closing the distance between them and pressing close. He blinked at her, suspicion and anger flaring in his eyes. She cupped his face, running her thumb along those cheekbones some had to get through plastic surgery. Then she hooked her thumbs on the underside the mask, right beneath his eyes, lifting it off his face.
“Dinah, what are you doing?” Ollie hissed under his breath, the fear already creeping into his eyes and across his skin. He was so cold.
She smoothed the mask between her fingers before letting it drift to the rooftop. She pried the bow from Ollie's fingers next, one by one and then the quiver. He grew colder the more he lost, his eyes losing their anger and growing panicked.
Dinah moved back, stepping further out of his reach even though he tried to follow her. “Just relax Ollie. It's okay.”
“No, it's not. It's not. Give me my stuff back. What are you doing?”
“Helping you. You can do it as Green Arrow, can't you? The heights. You feel powerful, you're a different person. But you're forgetting that you're Green Arrow, Oliver Queen is Green Arrow. If he can stand atop a skyscraper and shoot an apple off the head of someone in the street. Why can't you?”
“Dinah, stop.”
Dinah dropped the components of the costume and walked towards him, taking Ollie's hands in hers. “Ollie. This is a problem for you. Not because you're afraid but because it could end up getting you hurt. Let me help. We'll go slow. And I'll be there.” She let her fingers smooth the skin under his eyes again. “I'll be here.”