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The bedsheets wrinkle and depress underneath Katalina’s fingers and the split second of pain that graced her face would be adorable to Vira if it wasn’t for the fact that she was more than concerned for what transpired. She might even be a little frustrated; a feeling all too foreign when it came to Katalina and one she is trying hard to allow herself to come to terms with. Nobody was perfect after all, even loved ones placed on a pedestal.
She lightens the pressure applied to the wound and gently spreads the ointment on the reddened flesh. The burn isn’t too deep from what she can tell. While not exactly a qualified doctor, she was fairly decent in first-aid, and there weren’t many clerics available on the ship to begin with as they were treating more serious injuries. Katalina was lucky that her armor took the brunt of the attack, and fortunately, the knight will be out-of-service for the meantime.
“Please take better care of yourself,” Vira tells Katalina softly, and the older woman shifts her eyes away. She did not mean it to come out as a scold, for she knew Katalina had heard it hundreds of times in the past, and any seasoned knight like her know how dangerous recklessness can be.
But it bears repeating.
“I’m sorry for making you worry,” Katalina replies, her brows furrowed and a hint of guilt lacing her words. It was another phrase Vira had heard hundreds of times, from not only Katalina but crewmembers and even herself.
There was an urge for Vira to drop everything and embrace Katalina in a tight but gentle hug, but she restrains.
“Many people are worried about you.”
“But sometimes, there is no choice,” Katalina sighs, “in order to protect those in trouble…”
Vira has heard from the other members of the expedition party that Katalina had sustained those wounds from protecting another member from Xeno Ifrit’s incoming onslaught. Of course, Katalina was the de facto shield of the team; that was always her main role. So, it was inevitable that Katalina would come back to the ship each week, covered in dried blood scattered on her arms and waist, covered in open gashes from whatever managed to penetrate that sturdy armor of hers, covered in purple bruises tender to the touch.
There was a time where seeing Katalina hurt like this would’ve driven her into a frenzy, demanding the captain to let her join Katalina’s expeditions to keep her safe, especially when the enemies they were up against now were tougher than she remembers fighting when she had joined the crew.
And a time where losing Katalina was her deepest fear; even currently she feels a little anxious seeing the wounds on Katalina’s body. But she trusts that Katalina knows to never throw her life away, even at her most reckless. And it’s this trust that was hard for Vira to firmly establish within herself that she couldn’t always be there to protect her loved ones, and all she could do is trust them to come back safe.
Vira says nothing in response, opting to continue tending to the woman’s wounds in silence.
Katalina’s skin was soft. Not as soft as hers or the other members she has treated and felt, but soft enough to lie comfortably against after a long tiring day, like a pillow. Soft that there is a clear distinction between the skin that lay outside of her hard, well-toned abs and muscles, and even so Vira would gladly cuddle against, for she loved everything about Katalina…
… To be this close to Katalina and to be able to see her half-bare has gotten Vira’s heart pounding a little faster than usual, so she sets her thoughts aside and mentally disciplines herself put more focus into her task.
When the last of the bandages have been delicately applied, Katalina bows her head and utters a Thank you with a smile so kind that could melt the troubles of anyone seeing it.
“You should rest for the day.”
“Mhm, I don’t think I can go out there today in this state.”
“Well, I won’t be going anywhere. I can be your personal nurse for the day…” Vira trails her finger from Katalina’s shoulder downwards, earning a slight blush in response.
“You’ve already done so much, I wouldn’t want to waste any more of your time— “
“And what time would I be wasting?” Vira leans in close, perhaps uncomfortably close, that Katalina could have almost fallen back from the sudden change in position. It always amused her to take Katalina by surprise.
“It’s fine. I don’t have anywhere else I have to be. You won’t be a bother,” Vira returns to her original distance, though they are still close in proximity to each other.
Vira takes the moment to admire her craftwork — Katalina’s body too. But among the bandages, there were still numerous faded and still-healing scars that decorated her body; from her stomach to her shoulders to even her back. Some long, some visible only if you were looking closely.
She had always noticed the number of wounds on Katalina’s body whenever she treated her. There were some scars she knew that were recent, but some stood out as belonging to a time she was not apart of. She never asked about it, as much as she wanted to, for she didn’t want to bother Katalina with needless questions.
But she recalls what Katalina once told the captain,
Some people wear their wounds as badges of honor, but I can’t bear to see you shed blood like this.
Cautiously and as gentle as can be, Vira traces over the white patch of skin that stretches from the side of her body down to her navel. She watches Katalina’s reaction carefully for any signs of pain, but Katalina does not react, instead choosing to watch the movement of Vira’s fingers with curiosity.
“This is a rather big scar,” Vira mumbles.
“Ah. That one was back from when we were facing Leviathan. His scales were very sharp.”
There was something unusual in her tone that Vira can’t place. Was it one of amusement? No, it sounded almost… prideful?
“Tell me more.”
“It’s not really that interesting.”
“I want to hear it,” Vira says more forcibly. She stares at Katalina with a determined shine to her eyes, as if to communicate to Katalina that whether or not she wanted to tell her story was not a choice.
The days before she joined the crew… what did Katalina experience?
She has always been curious.
“W-well,” Katalina stumbles a bit, slightly flustered by Vira’s sudden request. “It’s like I said. Leviathan was in pain and Lyria wanted to relieve it. Back then it was only a few of us, so trying to calm down this normally peaceful giant was tough. I got hit by its tail, but it wasn’t too bad.”
“Wasn’t too bad as to leave a lasting scar, huh?” It was a simple tease, but the look on Katalina’s face was equivalent to a child who had just been caught lying, and it made Vira regret saying it. But she could tell Katalina must have been proud at being able to handle the primal beast with such little manpower (to handle any primal beast was a feat in itself), and Katalina wasn’t even at her peak. Even the humblest of warriors would be proud. Which makes Vira wonder about her own accomplishments. She can’t say she had particularly cared or remembered the battles won and any glory to be had. Often times she was just performing her duty. That was all. Of course, she had pride as any knight would, but again they were things others – and herself – expected to be done effortlessly and flawlessly from her. But ever since getting closer to her fellow crewmembers…
Maybe she could understand Katalina’s feelings a little bit.
As a silent sorry, Vira decides to change the topic, letting her fingers aimlessly drag around in search of another scar. Katalina stiffens as she does so but did not stop Vira otherwise. Vira wished her fingers were a little warmer.
Vira eventually stops at a faded scar, just a small one right above the crease in her right arm. She circles the old wound, as if encouraging Katalina to speak about it.
And she does. “This one… This was back from when I with the Erste Empire.”
… Ouch. Vira did not intend to dredge up unwanted memories. But what Katalina said next put her mind to ease, “Ah yes… This was from when I was helping Lyria escape.”
“Escape?”
Katalina’s eyes soften with a tender smile.
“That day… I made a decision. I couldn’t watch Lyria be mistreated any longer. So, we escaped in the night.”
Vira nods.
“They were transporting her to a testing ground – bigger than the one at the capital.”
Vira purses her lips together. She had vaguely heard about this as she was the lord of Albion. It was a tightly governed secret by the administration of the Erste Empire that they’ve been mass-producing all kinds of weapons and other devices she did not care much to think about back then and needed large testing grounds, one that included the untouched plains of Albion. It was not in good faith that she allowed the military to conduct their experiments, for the only reason she gave them permission was for a chance to see Katalina.
Katalina never showed up.
How awful that this talk has somehow led to dredging up unwanted memories for Vira instead. It brought her a new emotion she never wanted to admit to feeling. Why didn't Katalina visit? filled her thoughts and left her equally guilty that what should be water under the bridge was now flooding her mind and it wouldn’t be fair to Katalina either to bring it up—
Katalina must have noticed Vira drifting off as she feels a squeeze on her knee. It brought her out of her daze, and guilt as Katalina was looking back at her with concern.
“Are you okay, Vira?”
Vira took deep breaths to calm herself down. Now was not the time to ask or think such things.
“Oh,” for once Vira is embarrassed at her behaviour, “I’m sorry. I guess I’m a bit out of it today…”
“Maybe you sh—”
“It’s fine!” Vira makes sure Katalina doesn’t finish that sentence. “Please… continue. Please.”
Katalina shoots her a well-if-you-say-so look and when she continues is when Vira realizes Katalina has been talking the whole time she had been busy reminiscing.
“Well, like I was saying,” she’s thankful Katalina doesn’t ask her what she had missed from their conversation, “since I was assigned her bodyguard for that flight, I decided we would escape in the night in an emergency airship. We, uh, didn’t exactly make it, but… Anyway, the ship was small, and the corridors were narrow. I sustained a few injuries while fighting off the guards… This scar was one of them.”
“I see. I’m glad,” and Vira truly means it, “for you and Lyria.”
“It’s nothing, really. I was able to do something, so I did.”
“Just like a typical knight in shining armor,” Vira muses.
Katalina widens her eyes. “You remembered…”
“It was hard not to when a certain someone keeps mentioning it all the time,” Vira teases. She could never forget the days when they were just kids in uniform with a flimsy sword in one hand, just beginning their whole life without any care for what lay beyond the future other than chasing dreams. Memories of Katalina sharing with her fairy tales, fantasy books, and memoirs of renowned knights that shaped Katalina’s values flashed through her head. How she longed for those days where they spent their time side by side leisurely studying in the library.
No matter how much Albion has hurt her, Vira could never forget.
“It’s a bit embarrassing to hear now… After all, a perfect knight doesn’t exist. I was foolish to believe in that…” Vira waits for an explanation, but Katalina doesn’t expand beyond that. Vira does not press on for more information.
“I remember,” Vira begins, “the day you saved me.”
“Oh?”
“Right here,” Vira rubs the area just above Katalina’s right wrist. There was no scar in that area. “You protected me from the wolf and got bitten here,” Vira says with glowing pride.
“I’m surprised you still remember that.”
“I could never forget.”
Katalina grins. “You were a pretty daring junior to walk alone.”
“And if we could turn back time, I would do it again.”
Vira once again finds herself exploring Katalina’s body. By the third time Katalina is used to her touch, instead closing her eyes as she allows herself to get lost in Vira’s rhythmic strokes.
Her eyes land on a circular wound just below her left shoulder, and Vira grimace at the sight of it. It was so long ago, yet it didn’t heal completely. A lasting reminder of the time she had attacked Katalina and the crew on her foolish pursuit to return to the old days where it had just been the two of them.
And funny how that turned out. Here they were, just the two of them, basking in the intimacy of each other, just as she desired, except she’s sure they were both much happier than they would be if she had succeeded.
“… Vira?” Katalina’s concerned voice breaks through her thoughts, questioning the absence of her touch.
As an apology, Vira resumed her tracing along the scars, like aligning the stars in the sky, earning a hum from Katalina. She wonders how many more stories these scars could tell. And like her, she’s sure Katalina had secrets to keep.
Strangely enough, it did not bother her in the least. It excited her, in a way, to know she can still learn so much about Katalina. She wanted to hear more and more stories. Even the mundane ones.
“Vira.”
“Hm?”
“Do you think it’s unsightly?” Katalina looks away.
“What?”
“It’s a bit ugly, isn’t it? These scars…”
“That’s not true,” Vira blurts out. Katalina flinched at the sudden increase in volume.
“Sorry,” Vira mumbled.
“It’s all right. I suppose I’m not really bothered, but when I see other women on the crew, I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed. It’s a bit silly,” Katalina plays it off, but Vira can detect a slight uneasiness in her tone, as if asking, maybe begging, for validation.
You will always be beautiful to me, is what she really wants to say, but Vira knows that she is not the only opinion who matters to Katalina. It actually takes Vira by surprise to hear this from Katalina, who she had always assumed to never cared much for appearances. Katalina was just never… vulnerable.
“Anyone worth your time wouldn’t care,” Vira says finally. She gently squeezes Katalina’s hand, hoping it is enough to comfort her.
“Mmhm… you’re right.”
“Nothing in the world could tarnish your beauty, Katalina.”
“Now you’re exaggerating.”
“Scars do not make one ugly. And they never will. They are a testament to every hardship you’ve overcome. And as I can see, you’ve been through a lot. Even I have scars hidden beneath these clothes, everyone does. So please do not stress too much over it.”
Vira finds the shade of red, like the colour of her dress, spreading across Katalina’s face quite lovely.
“Thank you,” Katalina replies meekly. Vira smiles.
“Will you tell me about them?” Katalina asks.
“Hm?”
“Your own scars. I would like to hear about them.”
“Ah. They aren’t that int—”
“But I want to hear,” Katalina replies with a cheeky smile. She squeezes Vira’s hand in return with a curious glint bouncing off her eyes, which in turn makes her heart beat faster than before.
She loves her.
“Of course,” Vira answers.