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She unlocked the box and gazed at the crystal, wrapped up in a cord to go around her neck. She could have kept in one of her inside pockets, like she did with all her others, but for some reason, she felt better when it was closer.
She took it out, swallowing as its purple-red glow faintly pulsed. She wondered if he would would be angry for leaving him for so long. Then again, she wondered if he even had a concept of time in the first place.
“You missed a lot,” she muttered to it, “Death and danger and bloodletting. I almost died a few dozen times. But perhaps it is better you were not there… I do not think you would have particularly liked the Light.”
She allowed herself a small laugh.
“But I did fall in love. Or rather, the love I already had… came to fruition. It’s Urianger. You probably knew that, being such a deep part of me… but I think he’ll like you. Of course… nobody else knows about you… not even Thancred… so I don’t know how Urianger would even react…”
She shrugged, tossing the crystal on the bed next to her.
“Mmph, a problem for later, I suppose,” she muttered, yawning.
As she closed her eyes, she felt a peculiar thudding in her chest, like a second heart beat, slowly syncing with her own. And a voice. That voice.
Listen to your heart.
Listen… to our heart.
Sleep took hold of her fast, however, and the voice quickly faded away.
“Rise and shine… bloodletter,” that voice spoke again.
Her eyes opened slowly as she awoke, then snapped wide as she looked upon the figure sitting next to her.
“Fray?!” she gasped.
The man before her could only have been Fray, but he did not look the way she had come to recognize. Instead of a pale man with blue and white hair, parted in the middle over a face similar to her late lover’s, Haurchefant, she saw someone rather different: another Elezen, yes, but with dark rosewood hair, tinged with streaks of dark silvery blonde, falling over a very familiar face, with deep, bright yellow eyes.
“Oh gods,” she said, rising, “You look… your face…”
“Indeed. What a curious turn of events,” he said, “Who have you lost this time, I wonder? Or perhaps is it someone you are… missing?”
Beetle scoffed.
“Nonsense. You simply look like Urianger, only… a little different,” she said, trailing off.
“I’d say quite different, Beetle dearest,” he said, rising to walk over to her vanity, “Oh my, what a curious shade of hair. Two shades, once again. Only not the hue of sky blue or white. This… blood color, almost. Wine. With these streaks of this rather dull yellow, no, grey? Silver? Hmph. My perception of color has always been a bit off. These eyes, though… I must say, I think I pull them off well. And no longer am I so terribly pale… tis a nice change. Not nearly as dark as I’d like, of course… but I suppose this works.”
He laughed.
“Nose is still quite as aquiline as ever, though. Possibly moreso. Tell me, do you have a thing for that? Some kind of unspoken fetish?”
Beetle growled at him.
“Ohh, Fray, shut it. It’s simple. You look like Urianger because I love him,” she said, “Because we love him. As for the other… things… well, I’m not sure.”
“No, I think you do,” he teased, his hand palming her heart, “Someone you lost. Someone you miss.”
Beetle narrowed her eyes.
“I’m gonna throw your crystal into the ocean,” she whispered. Ugh, he was annoying when he was right. One of the reason she’d shut him in the box in the first place.
“Don’t deny it,” he said, “Remember, I am you. I am your darkness, your demons. You can shut me in a box all you like, but you know you need me.”
Beetle relaxed.
“I know,” she admitted, falling into his embrace. He held her like one might a child, safe and secure.
“You know I only insist because I care about you,” he said, “You grow weaker when you shut me out.”
He closed his eyes.
“Listen to your heart,” he began, softly, like a spell, “Our heart.”
Beetle closed hers, and listened.
Deep into the cold, rolling darkness, she fell, landing softly onto nothingness.
Ahh, I see it now… ye gods, for you to face this without me… why did you not come back for me? I could have helped you… helped us…
“I didn’t want to bring you into it,” she muttered, eyes still shut, but gently, like a comforting sleep, “…I already had so many people… willing to die for me. I didn’t want to add you to the list.”
Your concern is touching, but you know I need you anyways. Had you died, I would have gone into misuse and languished away.
“Maybe so, but I would have to watch you die,” she said, “Selfish as it is, I’d have rather you died away from me, than before my eyes.”
I know, I know… it is your way. Our way. Worry not. I forgive you.
“I know,” she said, truthfully.
My goodness, this warmth… this breathless joy… ah, I see. Urianger. I always thought there was something there… but I cannot recall when it began…
“Neither can I, truth be told,” she said, “But it is true. I love him.”
We love him.
“Yes,” she replied, “…we do.”
My, he’s not a bad kisser, is he?
“Fray,” she chastised.
Oh, my… you still remember your first night with him in the most vivid of detail… how exquisite… I shall certainly look forward to doing that again…
“Fray!” she chastised again, laughing.
Sorry. You’re the one who can’t stop thinking about it.
“Fair enough,” she said, “But let me concentrate. There’s more I would have you hear.”
She continued to impart to him her memories, until he hit a particular snag.
Emet-Selch… I see. He is what has you so very confused… tell me, do you think you love him?
“…No,” she said, “It isn’t that. It is… something else entirely.”
It is many things, as I see it. Hatred… anger… despair… and, what is this…? Nostalgia? Odd, you did not know him before… or did you?
Beetle shook her head.
“I don’t know,” she said, “I really don’t know. Everything has been so confusing since… since…”
Since you killed him. Since we killed him.
She swallowed.
“Yes.”
Oh, fret not. You had to.
“Did I?” she asserted, rather shakily, “Was that my only option?”
…I cannot say. I know no more than you do, Beetle dearest.
She shook, and began to cry, and instantly she was back on her bed, Fray drying her tears with a shadowy finger, cool to the touch.
“Do you need me here? Or here?” he said, tapping her heart.
Beetle shook her head.
“You can stay out here,” she said, “Just hold me, please.”
He smirked.
“What would Urianger say?”
She gave a sputtering laugh.
“Oh dear. I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do about that,” she admitted.
He put a finger to his lips.
“Later, then,” he said, taking her into his arms, “Later.”