Chapter Text
I was dead once. We came from hell.
Wei WuXian losing his footing and stumbling while walking next to him had WangJi on full alert. He quickly grabbed his husband’s arm in order to steady him. Those expressive eyes kept closing due to fatigue; Wei WuXian was about to collapse. It wasn’t the first time this happened. It was obvious that Wei WuXian was worn down, but too stubborn to give into fatigue.
A lot had happened recently and he’d been waiting for Wei WuXian's exhaustion to get the better of him, knowing the other man always pushed himself relentlessly. So he was prepared to care for the man he loved when his husband crumbled. He caught him and carefully placed him on Lil’ Apple’s back. The donkey, which normally protested rather loudly, now remained quiet and meekly allowed the rider onto its back. The animal seemed to sense its master’s fatigue and therefore tread more carefully.
Suddenly finding himself on Lil’ Apple’s back, Wei WuXian wondered how he had gotten there. “Lan Zhan, what are you doing? I can walk,” he protested, but the truth was that he had utterly exhausted himself and no matter how hard he tried, his eyes kept closing out of their own accord. Stubborn as he was, he’d continued on when he should have rested instead, always forgetting how frail this body was. So much had happened at the Guanyin temple earlier that day and his head still reeled. After so many years he’d finally found out the truth and the real villain had been revealed.
Sixteen years ago, he’d been framed and now that the truth was out, he didn’t know how he felt about that. However, he DID know how he felt about the one person who’d always believed in him and who was still at his side after all that time. Lan Zhan had saved him in so many ways. Looking at the other man walking next to him, silently but steadily, he smiled. It had finally hit him that he did love Lan Zhan, but he wasn’t going to ruin their friendship by admitting it, as he was certain the other man didn’t return his feelings. He would rather have unrequited love than no affection at all. And he had A-Yuan’s love these days too.
An hour ago, Wen Ning and Sizhui had unexpectedly appeared. He’d never dared to hope that A-Yuan, that little boy he’d cared for and loved back then, had survived. Finding out that Lan Zhan had rescued the child had filled his heart with even more love and respect for his companion. All those years ago Lan Zhan had rescued the boy and had raised him as his own ever since. Feeling a tad melancholy, he wondered how he could ever repay Lan Zhan for that kindness. That had to wait though; for now he needed to talk some sense into his companion. “Lan Zhan, put me back on my feet. I can walk!”
But Wangji didn’t intend for him to walk another step while exhausted. “Stay where you are.” In order to make sure Wei WuXian couldn’t tumble down he placed a firm and steadying hand against his lower back. He was in charge and his husband had better obey.
“Lan Zhan, I can walk,” he tried again. He loved these moments when the often stoic Lan Zhan so openly cared for his wellbeing, but at the same time he hated how fragile his body was. Giving his golden core to Jiang Cheng would always put a strain on his health and earlier on he’d drained himself. He hadn’t played Chenqing in a long time and then he’d also manipulated the resentful energy ruling BaXia. Not to mention using the Stygian Tiger Seal after not touching it for sixteen years. It was no surprise he was paying the price for those things now.
The emotional reunion with his son which had then followed had exposed a wound that had never fully healed. He’d never truly recovered from losing A-Yuan and learning that the boy was alive had thrown him. What had hurt most though was the realization that A-Yuan had been at his side all along without him knowing about it. Ever since meeting at Mo Manor, Sizhui had been kind to him, even though the boy hadn’t known his real identity. It showed how good a heart his little one had. Lan Zhan’s voice eventually pulled him from his musings.
“We’ll make camp and spend the night here,” Wangji announced, after carefully studying him. Normally he wouldn’t opt for making camp in the open, but the other man needed to rest and traveling would only cause his health to further deteriorate. He guided the donkey over to some trees that provided them with shelter and slid Wei WuXian off Lil’ Apple’s back and right into his arms.
WangJi gently placed Wei WuXian who was dozing off on the grass. He slowly lowered the dark head onto the ground and then he took off his white, outer robe. After covering his precious charge with the material he set about gathering wood so he could start a small fire, which would keep them warm and any feral animals at a safe distance.
Lil’ Apple started grazing and WangJi settled down next to his love, carefully gathering the other man in his arms and making sure Wei Ying was as comfortable as possible. BiChen rested next to him, always within easy reach in case evil found them. He would protect and defend this man until the day he died. WangJi seldom voiced such sentiments, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t follow through. He would die for Wei Ying.
“You’re soft… and warm… You make a great pillow,” Wei WuXian whispered, happily snuggling closer. He lived for moments like these, savoring them, and keeping them in his heart forever. Why couldn’t time stand still, forever locking them in the moment?
“You should rest,” WangJi softly chided him. “You are tired.” But Wei WuXian’s words were always welcome and he clung to the voice, safe in the knowledge that they’d both survived.
While his husband rested, WangJi's thoughts returned to everything he’d learned back at the temple. He’d never suspected Meng Yao had started his scheming so long ago and felt relieved that everything was now in the open. The truth had finally been revealed and everyone now knew that the Yiling Patriarch had been set up, framed time and time again.
In spite of everything Wei WuXian had stayed true to their vow. A vow, which WangJi felt they had taken in another lifetime. And for Wei WuXian that was truly the case. The other man had died – at least once - which reminded him that he still had certain questions that demanded answers and his husband had better tell him!
He would ask those questions when the time was right, but not now. What Wei WuXian needed was reassurance and rest, not him prying into personal affairs. “Close your eyes and sleep,” he said, softly humming their song, hoping it would soothe the exhausted man.
“Very pleasing,” Wei WuXian mumbled, sighing contently at hearing a familiar tune. “Very pleasing indeed.” He shifted even closer, curling up against Lan Zhan, never realizing he’d been wrapped up in a familiar white robe in order to keep him warm.
“Stop talking,” WangJi commanded, annoyed that his companion was set on staying awake, but at the same time drinking in each word as that voice had been silent for sixteen long years.
They were finally alone. It was just the two of them and WangJi wanted to say so much more, words he’d kept inside for so long, but the time wasn’t right. He had to be patient a bit longer. Wei WuXian raised his head slightly, just enough for them to make eye contact. WangJi smiled and minutely shook his head. He’d briefly forgotten whom he was talking to. Wei WuXian and being quiet?
“I like this,” Wei WuXian admitted, blushing slightly. “Being in your arms, having you this close.” It wasn’t the first time he found himself in Lan Zhan’s arms, but for some reason, he was much more aware of what it might mean. Maybe Lan Zhan did have some feelings for him? They’d never discussed whatever this was. Whatever feelings they had for each other and he hated himself for being a coward as he always lacked the courage to bring it up – like right now. Maybe it was best to keep it, whatever this was, to himself. “I like it just being us – the two of us.”
WangJi nodded. He understood. He always knew what his soulmate was trying to say. “Will you rest now?” His heart missed a beat at catching the expression in those mischievous eyes. Wei WuXian had better not plan on putting up a fight before giving in to sleep. If necessary he would nip that in the bud.
“You’ll probably make me if I don’t,” Wei WuXian complained. Slowly closing his eyes, he breathed in the other’s familiar scent. “Make sure you’re still here when I wake up.” He hated waking up on his own.
“I’ll always be at your side, Wei Ying.” WangJi heard his own unspoken fear in those words. It was a fear he was painfully familiar with. He would never forget how he’d felt, waking up in the morning for all those long years, knowing the man he loved was gone. The mere thought of waking up without Wei WuXian nearby caused him heartache. Ever since he had returned he’d been loath to even let him out of his sight for a single moment. That was another promise he intended to keep; to always be at his husband's side.
Wei WuXian was about to finally give in to his fatigue when Lan Zhan suddenly tensed against him, alerting him that something was wrong. Tiredly he opened his eyes, but everything was blurry and he felt dizzy. He’d started to give in and now he was too drained to fight his way back to alertness. He should though, vaguely indentifying the approaching noise. Horses, at least two of them, were heading their way and the riders seemed to be in a hurry. Had trouble found them again? He hoped not.
“Lan Zhan?” He struggled to push himself upright, but failed and collapsed into his companion’s arms again. Not good. BiChen’s blade reflected flames when the other man unsheathed it. Chuckling escaped him and he grinned, savoring the fact that Lan Zhan would always protect him.
“HanGuang-Jun? Is that you? Is Wei WuXian with you?”
Wei WuXian rolled back his eyes; chiding himself as he should have expected something like this. What was his shidi doing here? He had left without saying goodbye for a reason, unwilling to face another angry confrontation. After seeing the expression in Jiang Cheng’s eyes he had deemed it best to leave without announcing their departure. Of course his pigheaded shidi had to follow him. He had hoped Jiang Cheng had finally found closure after their confrontation at the temple, but the younger man apparently had different ideas. “Please not now,” he whispered as he was in no condition to deal with a tantrum.
The camp fire betrayed their location. Jiang Wanyin would head for it and find Wei WuXian at his weakest. WangJi detested that idea and held his love close when his companion tried to sit up, before collapsing again. The other man had truly worn himself out and he wasn’t going to allow Jiang WanYin to attack – be it physically or emotionally – an already drained Wei WuXian.
“Jiujiu, they must be here. Look at the fire!”
Damn, that foolish boy had tagged along! Or maybe Jiang Cheng had dragged his nephew along? Wei WuXian lacked the strength to worry about it; he needed what little energy reserves he had left to survive the upcoming confrontation. He shook his head weakly. Maybe he should have left Lil’ Apple in JingYi’s care and have opted for horses too. That way Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling wouldn’t have caught up with them. But then again A-Yuan wouldn’t have either, he reminded himself. “Why now?” he complained, once more trying to sit up. Why seek him out when he was at his weakest?
“Over here!” Jin Ling suddenly announced and the horses came to an abrupt stop.
Great, they’d located him much too quickly! “Lan Zhan, help me up.” He didn’t want to appear weak in front of Jiang Cheng, vividly remembering their ugly row at their ancestral shrine. Back then his shidi had continued to pressure him, even though he had suffered a nosebleed while he had been swaying on his feet.
“Wei Ying, stay where you are.” WangJi refsued to help him to his feet when he was so clearly exhausted. “I’ll deal with them. Rest.” If Jiang WanYin had come here to cause trouble, the sect leader would find his path blocked.
Wei WuXian mumbled inaudibly beneath his breath. Lan Zhan was growing much too protective. He could deal with his shidi if necessary – he just didn’t feel up to it. He was about to protest that order when Jin Ling suddenly appeared, falling onto his knees and reaching for him. At the same time Lan Zhan reacted and grabbed Jin Ling’s wrist, stopping the youngster. “Lan Zhan, let go, he isn’t going to stab me again.” At least, he hoped so.
“Of course I’m not going to stab him!” Jin Ling vehemently denied, still inching closer though. He bit on his bottom lip until it bled, suddenly overcome with emotion. Ever since he’d learned the truth, his emotions had wrecked havoc. In just one day, Wei WuXian, the Yiling Patriarch whom he’d held responsible for his parents’ death, had gone from the perpetrator to just another victim of Jin GuangYao’s elaborate scheming.
The small camp fire barely allowed him to study the older man’s features, but it was enough for a general impression, which clearly showed exhaustion. “I don’t know what to call you,” escaped Jin Ling. Wei WuXian didn’t sound right, Wei Ying was too familiar, too intimate, and he hadn't earned the right to call him that – the man who was his adopted uncle, but whom he‘d always considered evil incarnate.
But looking at him now, all Jin Ling saw was a drained man who still looked haunted, even while resting against HanGuang-Jun. Doubt filled him. What was he doing? Why had he come here? Troubling an obviously exhausted man? But the truth was, this couldn’t wait.
Wei WuXian smiled warmly. As long as he didn’t have to move he could do this. He could talk to this troubled youngster, if only he knew why Jin Ling was here. “You can call me whatever you want, Jin Ling.” It didn’t escape him that Lan Zhan’s right hand once more rested on the hilt of his sword, which remained partly unsheathed, while his love's left arm curled even tighter around him, holding him close, protecting him.
Wei WuXian recalled finding Jin Ling and the other youngsters tied up in his cave at the Burial Mounds. After Wen Ning had freed them, Jin Ling had found his path blocked while approaching him. They hadn’t budged until he’d told them to stand down. He really was blessed to have such loyal friends. “Jin Ling, why are you here?” And why wasn’t Jiang Cheng getting involved? Although his shidi had dismounted he remained at a distance, watching attentively, but not interfering.
“Did you really think I would let you leave like that? You ran away without telling me you were leaving!” Jin Ling chided him. ”You didn’t talk to me! I didn’t get a chance to…” Jin Ling’s voice failed him. He wasn’t used to expressing his emotions and had little experience dealing with them. But he did know he had to do this and to get it right. “I need to talk to you.”
Wei WuXian’s smile never faltered, even though he still had no clue what this was all about. “If that’s what you need, we’ll talk, but maybe we can do that later? In the morning?” He hated asking for leniency, but he had no choice. His fatigue would cause him to lose track of their conversation and he didn’t want to say things that might cause future complications. Seeing the boy was about to protest, he softly added, “Jin Ling, I’m tired.” He really was, and in so many ways. He needed to rest – his body couldn’t take much more.
Jin Ling didn’t want to postpone their conversation. He needed to get it all out, but even despite his tender age he read the exhaustion in those eyes. He nodded once. “Then rest, but we’re still doing this when you wake up!” Wei WuXian wouldn’t get off that easily. And in the meantime he would stay awake and watch him closely. Wei WuXian wouldn’t sneak off again!
“Thank you, Jin Ling,” he whispered, grateful the hotheaded youngster had given in. “Get some rest too and have your wound looked after. You don’t want it to get infected.” He momentarily raised his right hand and reached for Jin Ling’s neck, but he lacked the strength and his arm dropped back onto the grass.
Jin Ling tried to glare at him, but failed to pull it off. “Only if you do the same thing,” he demanded. Both of them carried the marks of Jin GuangYao’s deadly wires after cutting their skin and making them bleed. When he’d been captured and brought into the yard, he’d had a hard time believing that Jin GuangYao was threatening to strangle Wei WuXian.
Jin Ling had never expected to find Wei WuXian at his uncle’s mercy, HanGuang-Jun sheathing BiChen and then locking his spiritual power inside himself. Those things had painfully driven home how much Lan WangJi cared for Wei WuXian. He knew that someone as pure as HanGuang-Jun would never sacrifice his spiritual power for someone unworthy. It had made him question if Wei WuXian was the man he’d always thought him to be. Doubt had set in. However, the truth was that he’d started to doubt Wei WuXian’s presumed guilt much earlier.
After all, the other man had saved him when he had dragged him from that awful tomb. Jin Ling wasn’t stupid. He’d long realized why Wei WuXian had knocked him out cold that night. When he’d woken up, the trace of evil curse had been gone. Back in the temple with BaXia coming for him, it had been Wei WuXian who had stopped Wen Ning at the last moment. He was sure that once he started to sort out his memories he would find more moments like that and they would discuss them all; he would make sure of that.
“Here, take this.” Jiang Cheng offered Jin Ling the water, food and blanket which he’d quickly packed before rushing off. When he’d realized Jin Ling intended to chase after Wei Wuxian, he tried to stop him. Only later did he find out that Jin Ling hadn’t listened. His men had told him that his nephew had mounted a horse and had then sped off – in the wrong direction.
So he’d had little choice but to chase after the hotheaded boy. When he had finally caught up with Jin Ling, he had grabbed the reins and had intended to take him back to the temple. But Jin Ling had started crying his heart out and Jiang Cheng still cursed himself for giving in and eventually tracking down his wayward shixiong. All that time he’d tried explaining to Jin Ling to let them go, but his nephew desperately needed closure, he could see that now. And maybe he needed that too – or was it a new beginning he wanted? As far as he was concerned that was up to Wei WuXian, which was why he stayed in the back, choosing not to get involved just yet.
Jin Ling accepted the blanket and after a moment’s thought offered it to Wei WuXian, whose shivering he’d noticed earlier. But the older man had finally succumbed to fatigue and was soundly asleep, comfortably resting against HanGuang-Jun. Jin Ling stared at them, feeling momentarily lost. While catching up with them he’d thought about how to approach Wei WuXian and now the other man had gone to sleep instead! Disappointed, he realized he had to wait until he woke up again for them to talk.
“Cover him with the blanket,” WangJi ordered softly now that Jin Ling wasn’t sure what to do. “He feels the cold more than we do.” Finding out about the missing golden core was still new, but he had quickly adapted to his companion’s needs.
Jin Ling nodded and covered the sleeping man with the blanket. Nibbling on his bottom lip, he realized he felt awkward. Maybe he shouldn’t have chased after Wei WuXian after all? His uncle had told him to let go, but he’d stubbornly refused to listen and had gone after him on his own.
WangJi carefully studied the boy’s expression and decided to guide the troubled youngster. If there was a chance for his husband and Jin Ling to be friends, he would encourage it. “Wei Ying loves you,” he offered after carefully weighing each word he spoke. “He cares deeply about you.” In his heart Jin Ling had to know this, but WangJi had learned the hard way that most people also needed to hear it. His words had an immediate effect; Jin Ling started to cry, tears flowing down his cheeks and dripping onto the grass.
At first Jin Ling didn’t realize he was crying, but once he did he hated himself for giving in to his emotions. He angrily wiped away his tears. He wasn’t a child anymore; he had to control himself! Why was he crying in the first place? Was he really crying over Wei WuXian, his parents’ murderer? But that was a lie, wasn’t it? Jin Ling had grown up believing a lie. He had to accept the truth instead, no matter how hard it was.
The truth was that Wei WuXian was another victim in this tragedy. Back in the temple he hadn’t known how to react to the truth, overcome with guilt as he’d remembered stabbing the older man with his father’s sword. Back then guilt and rage had consumed him, especially when Jin GuangYao had reminded him that he’d befriended his parents’ murderer. Those words had stung and he’d only been able to think about revenge. His uncle Jin had told him that on purpose, hoping he would go after Wei WuXian, he realized that now. His uncle had played him. And so he had taken out his rage on an innocent man instead of the evil mastermind who had orchestrated everything and had pretended to be his loving uncle. He owed Wei WuXian an apology – probably several come to think of it.
“We brought water and food as well. No liquor though,” Jiang Cheng said, finding the growing silence unsettling. He had a fairly good idea of what Jin Ling was going through as he felt the same way. His tendency to lash out before first thinking things through had done a lot of damage. From that moment on he promised himself to try harder where his shixiong was concerned.
Memories, which he’d forcefully shoved aside resurfaced and reminded him how relieved he’d been when the older man had returned to them, how he’d stared at Wei WuXian playing that ominous flute for the very first time. Seeing him take out Wen Zhuliu had sent shivers down his spine. Back then, he’d dismissed any worries. Wei WuXian had been alive, and although he had seemed different, Jiang Cheng had refused to question what had happened, maybe afraid to find out the truth.
So he had simply handed him Suibian and hugged him close. But he had also blatantly ignored the change that had come over his shixiong. Even now, remembering the cold expression when taking out Wen Chao by merely playing ChenQing, he still shivered. A different, much colder Wei WuXian had returned to them and he hadn’t questioned what had brought on that change. He should have…
“Thank you for the food,” WangJi said, “Wei Ying will be hungry when he wakes up.” He gave them a calculating look; both of them seemed lost and in need of direction. Jiang WanYin and Jin Ling had surprised him, as he hadn’t expected them to seek them out. “You’re welcome to share our fire.” They would recognize the invitation for what it was.
“Thank you, we accept.” Jiang Cheng knew inviting them wasn’t easy on the other man since Lan WangJi barely tolerated him in the first place. He was man enough to admit that he’d made mistakes where Wei WuXian was concerned. He’d tried, but everything had fallen apart after YanLi had died. She’d kept them in line, had settled their disputes and had always reminded them they were family. Without her, they had both been lost.
Now that he was being given another chance, Jiang Cheng vowed to try harder. He secured the horses and even looked after that annoying donkey before bringing over another blanket, which he handed to a shivering Jin Ling. Eventually he settled down near the fire, but at a respectful distance from the couple.
Couple, Jiang Cheng huffed privately. If only those two fools admitted their feelings to each other. His shixiong appeared utterly clueless, and even if Wei WuXian had realized the attraction, the older man would never take that first step. Well, he wasn’t going to lose sleep over their unresolved love affair. They would still be pining in the morning! “Jin Ling, come over here and get some sleep.”
Jin Ling fumbled with the blanket his uncle had given him. Yes, the night was chilly, but Wei WuXian needed another blanket more than he did, as the older man continued to shiver. Moving closer, he added another layer of protective fabric, hoping it would keep the sleeping man warm. HanGuang-Jun kept a close eye on him, but the man's right hand no longer rested on BiChen, telling him Lan WangJi no longer considered him a threat for which Jin Ling felt grateful. “I’m fine over here,” he told his uncle as he settled down in the lotus position and continued to study a sleeping Wei WuXian. He wasn’t letting the older man out of his sight.
“He won’t disappear, you know.” Jiang Cheng shook his head at his nephew’s antics. “Now come over here and let me look after your wound. Then get some sleep.”
“Later,” Jin Ling replied, determined to stay where he was, even if his uncle threatened to break his legs again. Jiang WanYin would never carry out that threat, but Wei WuXian on the other hand might disappear on him and Jin Ling wasn’t going to allow that.
Studying Jin Ling, WangJi noticed the change in the youngster. Only Wei Ying would have recognized the faint smile that settled on his features. Tonight his love had three guardians instead of just one and that thought pleased him.
TBC